Tw Depressing Stuff - Blog Posts
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i hate that kind of sadness where your chest physically hurts
I’m just so tired. I feel like no one would notice if I just stopped talking. Maybe it would be for the best if I did.
Having to live a future you didn’t think you’d be alive for is so fucking hard
I don’t care anymore. Just let me go.
This is all meaningless and pointless. I’m fighting a losing battle, I’m trying to survive something I never had a chance to begin with.
This place only brings me sadness and paint, just let me leave.
If I ever kill myself just know I tried my fucking best and please forgive me
No because teenagers, especially those who are poc, poor, or are in abusive situations, literally do not have the access to proper help. For years before I was diagnosed with autism I can remember thinking about it and knowing I had it, but nobody thought it needed to be diagnosed. It wasn’t affecting me apparently. I was doing fine at school.
My autism is not the primary reason I had to later drop out of school, but I sure as hell know I would have had an easier time if I got help. Now I can barely leave the house because of autism and other disabilities. I was forced to mask my support needs for so long I have no clue just how much help I need. People treat me like I’m getting my life back together but I’m not. I will never have the life I wanted and the life I thought I’d have when I was younger.
it's so funny to me when i see pearl-clutching articles about how "teenagers are diagnosing themselves with mental disorders via tiktok" because like. this is not happening in a vacuum. teenagers are severely and i mean severely medically neglected. i cannot stress this enough. teenagers do not have free access to medical care. those same news outlets would be clowning on women with housewife psychosis in the 1950's.
i sometimes go pale when listening to some of what my friends have gone through in their childhoods and teenagehoods. they talk about it so nonchalantly, things that would be considered straight up torture if done to an adult, can't fathom the effect this has on children. they are on multiple anti-psychotics and several antidepressants and anxiety meds now that they are adults. medical neglect has legally and effectively disabled them. a timely diagnosis and intervention could have saved them. of course teenagers are self-diagnosing using tiktok. if your knee-jerk reaction is to scoff at the idea and dismiss it as dumb teenager shit instead of being radicalized because the best shot young people have at attaining the mental health support they need is a fucking dancing videos app, you're categorically a political enemy of the youth.
Text only, see how this goes
This is a product of my depression, sure.
But I feel like this could v much fit into a lot of things.
i'm going to war with my own mind--
my heart is shrapnel in my chest and i am wildly unarmored
because i let someone see me once and now
there is an arrow in my shoulder, i let the fletching stick out
of my red-raw skin,
just to remind myself what happens to those who reveal.
i’m so tired of being me everything about it rucking sucks from hesd to toe i would be better if i was someone else literally anyone else why am i so fuckinf horrible i cant look at this anhomlre
stuck between trying my hardest to get better knowing i only fail it or letting myself get worse bc god the urge to end it and disappear is high as hell lately
atp i don’t care if the attempt fails and i just end up throwing up the meds i just need a break
the need to die is very high rn
finally getting over my ana but getting worse with $/h
😭 what is going on
literally me 😭 everytime it gets bad i feel alone then i isolate which makes me feel even more alone
me with 🪒
I destroy myself to make me feel better but in the end I always feel worse.
The guilt after getting ill is consuming me away. I wish, I was able to change or heal.
And still, I'm curious how an appointment which I used to go to every week a few months ago, turned into something I'm afraid of. Making me have flashbacks over and over when I just hear the word "neurologist. Made me have a whole panic attack just because I need to go to a doctor. No, please, I don't want to be treated anymore... Can't you just avoid me? Don't remember about my disease? Make me live a normal life?
The doctors had been neglecting me for more than a year, and the day after yesterday I casually had tremors, though I needed to stand up. It wasn't too hard, though I walked like a soldier, cuz my legs were too stiff. And yesterday and today, I noticed a glue-like feeling in my joints, as if some liquid was there, plus it's SO FUCKING PAINFUL to bend it... It starts to hurt, burn and the glue feeling gets worse.... I don't know what to do... Looks like I ended up damaged due to the malpractice of doctors!
I'm so tired of feeling nothing. I'm not sad nor happy. It's just... Emptiness?
I wish I was hated in all my social media, so I could cut myself, not thinking about that someone is caring for me.
I wish I could vent to someone... Or at least be hugged. I can't I'm turning into a whimpering mess, all covered in snot, tears, saliva and feeling nauseous. I hate myself
I want to commit suicide.