Chuuya Bsd - Blog Posts

ngl Stormbringer was a pain to read,but this scene is so beautiful.

we are talking about Dazai, Dazai, the youngest leader of the Mafia since he was 15, feared by friends but even more so by enemies, who lets himself be tied up upside down and rolled over until he vomits by Chuuya?? we all know what you are Dazai.

Chuuya: If we were together every day, all day, if we slept together, if we woke up together and if we ate together what would we be?

Dazai: A master and his dog?

Chuuya:

Chuuya: NO.

Chuuya: Okay, listen... We just gotta stop hanging out with geniuses because you're gonna figure out that I'm really stupid.

Dazai: What? Don't worry about that.

Chuuya: *smiling* Hmm?

Dazai: I figured out a long time ago how stupid you are.

Chuuya: *contemplating murder*

Dazai: We're finally getting along. It's been 24 hours since the last time we fought. Isn't that great?

Chuuya: No, it isn't. We complete the missions faster when we're fighting.

Dazai: Quick then, say something annoying!

Chuuya: Osamu, I'm in love with you.

Dazai: I'm sorry, what? Since when?

Chuuya: Idk, it just happened.

Dazai: How? You think I'm annoying.

Chuuya: You are.

Dazai:

Chuuya: It's one of your most endearing qualities.

Dazai: Please don't tell anyone but I think I'm a little bit in love with Chuuya.

Atsushi, who genuinely believed the two of them had been married for the past 7 years: ???

Atsushi: Oh.

Dazai, about Chuuya: Just when you think you've hit rock bottom, you want to get fucked by a short ginger.

Ango: 🤦‍♂️

Odasaku: Please stop talking.

Dazai, trying to impress Chuuya: I'm great in sex. I've lost count how many times I've done it.

Chuuya:

Chuuya: Masturbation does not count as having sex.

A random drunk girl trying to pick Dazai up at a bar: I've never even kissed a guy.

Dazai, staring intently at Chuuya across the room, chin propped up on his hand: Me neither~

Chuuya: When I have a crush I don't kick my feet or twirl my hair. Chuuya: Instead I am in my kitchen at 3am pacing in circles with my hands clasped behind my back like a middle-aged divorced detective haunted by a cold case he just can't crack.

Dazai, whispering to Chuuya's ear during a pm meeting: I'm sure that no one here has as big of a dick as you.

Chuuya: WTF?

Dazai: Sorry, I misspoke. I meant no one here is as big of a dick as you.

Chuuya:

Chuuya: Sure...

Dazai: I love you 🥰.

Chuuya: Why should I believe you? All the guys I've dated were dogs.

Dazai:

Chuuya: Well, aren't you gonna say anything?

Dazai:

Dazai: Meow...

Dazai: I dare you to marry me.

Chuuya: No. I'm not falling for that idiot.

Dazai: Then I win.

Chuuya: What? No you don’t. I’ll marry the hell out of you. You’re officially my wife now. You can’t beat me like that.

Dazai: *on the phone* Hey, Chuuya~

Dazai: Do you know my blood type?

Chuuya: Of course, its AB.

Dazai: Oh, I guessed wrong. Excuse me, nurse-

Chuuya: Shut up!

Dazai: Or what?

Chuuya, thinking what to say that could make Dazai shut up forever:

Chuuya: Or else I'll marry you!

Dazai: *malfunctions*

Dazai: We both look very handsome tonight!

Chuuya: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said "so do you."

Dazai: No you wouldn't.

Chuuya:

Chuuya: Yeah, you're right.

Dazai: What the hell are you doing?

Chuuya, reading Dazai's diary: Sus, be quiet. It's an enemies to lovers very good book.

Dazai: It's not what you think.

Chuuya: Damn, so you're in love with somebody else named Chuuya? What were the odds?!

Chuuya: On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your pain?

Dazai: Pi.

Chuuya: Pi?

Dazai: Low level, but never ending.

Dazai: I’m in love with you.

Chuuya, scoffing: Yeah, how many others have you said that to?

Dazai: Everyone.

Chuuya: …What?

Dazai: I told everyone I’m in love with you.

*singer!Chuuya au*

Interviewer: Do you ever hear from your exs after you release a song about them?

Chuuya: Well some of them like to write really long emails.

Interviewer: Oh really?

Chuuya: Hm. The guys when I break up with them are like, "You better not write a song about this!"

Chuuya: and I'm like, "No, I wont."

Interviewer:

Chuuya: and then I do.

Interviewer:

Interviewer: Have your ever written a song it was so mean you couldn't release it?

Chuuya: No, I just put those on my albums.

Dazai: Some of these ppl out here rlly got me struggling to be ace.

Ranpo: You're talking about Chuuya.

Dazai: I'm most def talking about Chuuya.

Chuuya: *gets down on one knee*

Dazai, also getting down on his knees: What are we looking for?

Chuuya, who had been reaching for the ring in his pocket: Dude...

Dazai: I’m an excellent driver.

Chuuya: You almost ran over a woman by accident.

Dazai, remembering how that woman smiled at Chuuya flirtatious: Ah yes… by accident… yes.

*in a port mafia meeting*

Chuuya, looking down at 69 new guns Dazai bought: How did you pay for all of these again?

Dazai: I used your credit card, I memorized the number.

Dazai: It's 9481 6400 2--

Chuuya: *punches Dazai in the face so he stops talking*

Dazai: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.

Chuuya: Wow. They sound stupid.

Dazai: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.

Chuuya: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… "Hey! I love you!"

Dazai: I guess you’re right. Hey Chuuya, I love you.

Chuuya: See! Just say that!

Dazia: Holy fucking shit.

Chuuya: If that flies over their head then, sorry mackerel, but they're too dumb for you.

Dazai:

*married skk au where Chuuya is an ada member and he and Dazai brought their child to work*

Dazai: Chibi, we know where the serial killer is. Me and Kunikida will go arrest him. I need you to take the baby.

Chuuya: No, you need to take the baby. I have to go right now.

Dazai: So what do we do???

Chuuya: I guess we can call that creepy babysitter we interviewed this morning.

Dazai: Turned out that babysitter is the serial killer we are looking for.

Chuuya, yelling: Even better! Two birds, one stone. We bring him to you!

Dazai, yelling: We're not giving our baby to a serial killer!

Chuuya: When I was 16 and incapable of expressing any feelings, I got a crush on someone and because I didn't know what else to do, I wrote them a letter on Christmas that said; "I hate your guts. Wish you are miserable for the rest of your life."

Dazai:

Dazai: ... wait whAT? IT WAS YOU?!

Chuuya: What do you want for christmas?

Dazai: You in a maid outfit.

Chuuya: 🖕

*skk flower shop au*

Chuuya, STORMING into the flower shop Dazai runs: *slams 20 bucks on the counter, startling him*

Chuuya: How do I passive-aggressively say “fuck you” in flower?

Dazai: *barely bats an eye after the initial shock* That depends on what you want. You could do geraniums for stupidity, foxglove for insincerity, yellow carnations for disappointment, or orange Lilly’s for hatred, anything else?

Chuuya:

Chuuya: … I think I’m in love with you.

Dazai: What?

Chuuya: What?

Ango: They say partners can never be just friends. It's always sexual.

Dazai: *scoffs* That's dumb. Look at me and Chuuya. There's nothing sexual between us.

Oda:

Ango: