Dazai: We're Finally Getting Along. It's Been 24 Hours Since The Last Time We Fought. Isn't That Great?

Dazai: And then Chuuya walked by ignoring me like I wasn't there.

Odasaku: Does he even know you like him?

Dazai: Idk, I've been ignoring him, been mean to him. What else can I do?

Odasaku:

Ango:

Odasaku: Sounds you've tried everything.

Chuuya: What do you want for christmas?

Dazai: You in a maid outfit.

Chuuya: 🖕

*married soukoku au*

Chuuya: I dont understand. I thought we were on the same page about kids. We talked about this.

Dazai: We did?

*flashback*

Chuuya: Aw, look at these pictures of Q and Elise.

Chuuya: *shows photos of the kids in a water park*

Dazai: Mm.

Chuuya: We should do this someday. What do you think?

Dazai: Are you kidding me? Of course!

*end of flashback*

Dazai: I was talking about going to the water park! You were talking about having kids???

Chuuya: Yeah! I said, "Do you think we can afford it?" and you said, "We'll start saving right away."

Dazai: So you mean, all that water park money I've been saving, you want to spend it on kids now?

Chuuya: Am I the literal only gay man who likes cars?

Dazai, a dumbass: Idk why more gay people wouldn’t. Mater and Lightning’s relationship is pretty homoerotic???

Chuuya, stupefied:

Dazai:

Chuuya:

Dazai: Wait, fuck, did you mean like actual real cars?

Dazai: *has music loud while dancing in the middle of the office*

Kunikida, turning down the volume: Get back to work, now Dazai!

Dazai: How dare you, Iago, Backstabber?

Kunikida: I'm surprised you've read Othello.

Dazai: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

Dazai: Babe!

Chuuya: Don’t call me that!

Dazai: Chibi, honey, dear, love, sunshine, slug-

Chuuya: Dazai-

Dazai: Darling, hat rack, sweetheart, my God of fire-

Chuuya: Dazai no-

Dazai: Mi amore, the light of my life, my chihuahua, my doggie, my baby, angel, baby boy, baby girl-

Dazai: My petit mafia, shortie, sweetie-

Chuuya: Are you done?

Dazai: My beloved, the best executive, the anchor of my universe, the loml, my other half, my soulmate..

Chuuya:

Dazai: Ok, now I’m done.

Chuuya: Ok what did you want?

Dazai:

Dazai: Oh I forgot.

Dazai, stumbling in through the window of Chuuya's room with a broken red rose in his mouth:

Chuuya, startled: What the fuck are you doing?

Dazai, falling on the floor: I’m trying to be romantic, shut up.

*playing twister*

Dazai: okay, Akutagawa, right hand red.

Akutagawa: *ends up on top of Atsushi*

Atsushi: wait— Dazai, you're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

Dazai: I stopped spinning about 10 turns ago, I'm surprised you didn't notice sooner.

Atsushi, trying to convince Chuuya to join the group: You know... I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really... strong!

Dazai: And loud!

Dazai: And grumpy!

Dazai: And short!

Dazai: And oblivious to reality!

Chuuya:

Chuuya: Hey, if I ask you a boy question, will you promise not to be weird about it?

Kouyou: Come on, when have I ever been? Go on, tell me!

Chuuya: Well, Dazai--

Kouyou: You can do better!

Chuuya: