Dazai: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Chuuya: Wow. They sound stupid.
Dazai: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.
Chuuya: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… "Hey! I love you!"
Dazai: I guess you’re right. Hey Chuuya, I love you.
Chuuya: See! Just say that!
Dazia: Holy fucking shit.
Chuuya: If that flies over their head then, sorry mackerel, but they're too dumb for you.
Dazai:
Chuuya: What do you want for christmas?
Dazai: You in a maid outfit.
Chuuya: 🖕
Dazai: What the hell are you doing?
Chuuya, reading Dazai's diary: Sus, be quiet. It's an enemies to lovers very good book.
Dazai: It's not what you think.
Chuuya: Damn, so you're in love with somebody else named Chuuya? What were the odds?!
Dazai: Would you slap your crush's face for 2 million dollars?
Chuuya: I would roundhouse kick you in the face for free.
Dazai: Savag-
Dazai: Wait...
Dazai: WAIT-
Chuuya, panicking: fgqhcwgnaklud-
Dazai: Chuuya is mad at me and I don’t even know why.
Odasaku: Were you talking before he got mad?
Dazai: Yeah.
Odasaku: That’s probably why.
Chuuya, during a mission: How are we gonna get out of this?
Dazai: Don't worry, I have a plan!
Chuuya: *sighs* Ah, the four words society fears most.
Dazai, walking up to look at a dead body: Okay, first of all, big mood.
Akutagawa: Atsushi hasn't text me back and it's been 15 minutes :(
*meanwhile*
Atsushi: Dazai, does "beautiful" have 3 or 4 O's?
Dazai, fully aware of how to spell beautiful: It has 4.
Atsushi: Dazai, have you ever thought of getting married ?
Dazai: *gay panic* I'm pregnant!
ada: What?
Dazai: It's Chuuya's.
ada: WHAT?
*meanwhile in the pm*
Chuuya, feeling a disturbance in the force: He said something that will get me into trouble, I can feel it!
Dazai, pulling out an engagement ring: Got it a week after we first met.
Chuuya:
Chuuya, also pulling out a ring: Got it yesterday.
*in a port mafia meeting*
Chuuya, looking down at 69 new guns Dazai bought: How did you pay for all of these again?
Dazai: I used your credit card, I memorized the number.
Dazai: It's 9481 6400 2--
Chuuya: *punches Dazai in the face so he stops talking*