Chuuya: When I was 16 and incapable of expressing any feelings, I got a crush on someone and because I didn't know what else to do, I wrote them a letter on Christmas that said; "I hate your guts. Wish you are miserable for the rest of your life."
Dazai:
Dazai: ... wait whAT? IT WAS YOU?!
Dazai: When you see him, please don’t freak out ok?
Kunikida: I’m not going to freak out. Who ever you’re dating I’ll always be accepting of them. Even if they were working in the port mafia...
Dazai: Alright, you can come in!
*Chuuya walks in*
Kunikida: Mr. Nakahara, please get out of the way. I’m trying to see who is Dazai dating!
Chuuya: I find that I adore a person pleasantly more if they can speak a second language, especially French.
Dazai: Ma ciao!
Chuuya:
Ranpo, first time meeting Dazai about Chuuya: My special abillity says there's a man in your life you're having problems with.
Dazai, angrily: That's an easy guess.
Dazai: I'm clearly an annoying person and have problems with both genders.
Ranpo: Yes, you clearly are.
Dazai: If you tell anyone that we kissed I promise I will make your 2024 a living nightmare.
Chuuya: How is that any different from now?
Dazai: I’m an excellent driver.
Chuuya: You almost ran over a woman by accident.
Dazai, remembering how that woman smiled at Chuuya flirtatious: Ah yes… by accident… yes.
Chuuya: If we were together every day, all day, if we slept together, if we woke up together and if we ate together what would we be?
Dazai: A master and his dog?
Chuuya:
Chuuya: NO.
Akutagawa: Atsushi hasn't text me back and it's been 15 minutes :(
*meanwhile*
Atsushi: Dazai, does "beautiful" have 3 or 4 O's?
Dazai, fully aware of how to spell beautiful: It has 4.
Kunikida: Ranpo have you seen Dazai?
Ranpo, clearly lying: Um, no. That idiot's probably off working his dumb plan.
Ranpo, who also helps Dazai with his plan: He's so stupid.
Kunikida:
Ranpo: You know, the only reason the president hasn't fired him is that we're worried that he'll kill himself.
Ranpo: *leaves*
Kunikida, internally: Yep. They're up to something together.
Dazai: Would you slap your crush's face for 2 million dollars?
Chuuya: I would roundhouse kick you in the face for free.
Dazai: Savag-
Dazai: Wait...
Dazai: WAIT-
Chuuya, panicking: fgqhcwgnaklud-
Akutagawa: Mr. Dazai, truth or dare?
Dazai: Dare.
Chuuya: Why do you always choose dare?
Atsushi: Because he’s too scared to face the truth.
Chuuya: And what’s the truth?
Atsushi: That he’s waiting for someone to dare him to make out with you.