Latest Posts by brock08 - Page 4

And it’s back to the Kitchen I go, things are finally looking up. Truck will be finished early next week, went from 1/2 a job to 1 1/2 jobs, might have found a house to buy, and finally made an appointment to talk to a Dr. about my anxiety. It’s been a productive week so far. Just goes to show that even when things seem to be at their darkest, the light at the end of the tunnel could only be a day or two away.

Well it seems after a long period of struggling, there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. Finally got called back into the kitchen and from the sounds of it I’ll be in a supervisory role. Couldn’t have come at a better time, shit was getting pretty dark for the past couple weeks.

You just end up getting used up until there’s nothing left. None of the light that shone so brightly before. Just a husk, a shade of the beauty that once was, and it’s absolutely heartbreaking to know, that the person that was will never be again.

This could not be more true. Once you’re left with only doubt and questions, at some point even the worst thoughts seem plausible as you fall victim to the echoing nightmares of your own insecurities and the memory of everything they bragged about doing to their ex’s or threatened you with “just to play around”. You still care and try to resist, but in the silence, everything you are afraid of finds a hold and starts slowly clawing its way past the things you’ve told yourself to quiet those nightmares.

It doesn’t go away, it doesn’t get easier, you just seem to lose a little more of yourself each time until there is nothing left of the person you once were. Sadly this world seems to have created far more takers than givers.

Doesn’t matter if we talk or not

I still care, but I want you to be ready, so when you are, I’ll be here.

I miss you more than words can express, my heart still belongs to you, and I miss you every time it beats.

I hope you heal and find your peace. I will always love you, I will always be rooting for you, and a piece of my heart and soul will always be yours. Please be good to yourself and find others whose soul is as beautiful as yours. I wish I could be there, but I can’t watch the soul I love devour itself because the pain of the world is too much. Doing that almost led me down the same path, and we both deserve better than that, we are both far more valuable than that. Thank you for all of the brightness that you brought to my life, and for showing me that everything I surrounded myself with was just a distraction from what I truly wanted.

Until the atoms that make up my soul no longer exist and across countless lifetimes.

I can’t explain why I still feel the way I do, I have every reason not to care or feel anything towards you, but I still care so much. I can’t move on because I don’t want to do that to someone else, and so I’m just stuck in this emptiness. I wish I could just feel nothing at all.

Today would have been three years, and I can’t tell you how much it’s saddens me to say it’s not. I hope you are doing well and that you’ve found the peace you needed. I still care, and I wish you wouldn’t have pushed me so far away. I’ll still always be there if you need a friend. All you have to do is reach out. You’re still never far from my mind. Until the atoms that make up my soul cease to exist.

Imagine where you’d be if I had never come into your life. Remember all the things you’ve forgotten or pushed aside, ask yourself, was all of that worth this little? I never gave up, I just couldn’t watch you hurt yourself to hurt me.

But I will let go of the sadness, and make myself whole again. Anger has a way of corrupting the way we view not only the world but ourselves as well, learn from the past but don’t let it make you bitter and stain your soul.

You could have just been honest, like I said, it’s ok to make mistakes, even though you might have made this one before. I know things have been difficult, and I know I wasn’t always able to be there in all the ways you needed. We both deserved better from each other. I still care, and I’m still here if you want to talk.

I still miss you. I still think about you. I still would love to hear from you, even just to know you’re ok.

Still trying to figure out who I am without you in my life.

Finding peace in knowing that it was all real for me. I may not be by your side, or even in your thoughts, but you will always be in my memories, and a part of my heart and soul. I’ll always miss my best friend as long as you aren’t a part of my life, but you have to figure things out and so do I. I refuse to hate you for that, instead, I choose to love you from a distance, I choose to remove myself so that you don’t hurt yourself to prove anything to me. I don’t know what the future will hold, but I’m going to make it better than my past.

I believed you when you said this was temporary 😔

Time to reevaluate some priorities, NYC for school in the fall is starting to really look like it might come together. Just waiting on my acceptance letter 😁😁. It’s amazing how fast things change when you move past toxic actions and people.