I Can’t Explain Why I Still Feel The Way I Do, I Have Every Reason Not To Care Or Feel Anything Towards

The shitty decline when someone you care about intensely decides to humiliate you publicly, treat you like garbage, and pretty much rip your soul into pieces because you care and Yet they choose to use that against you and break you down over and over....... that feeling right there, is something I will never be able cope with or “unfeel”. It is a heartache unlike any other, especially when you know that person is in agony due to other factors in their life. It’s self inflicted soul pain that you’re doing out of love and it eats you from the inside out.

Always 😁

Everything that held me together is now laying shattered and broken. I gave you the power to build me up or destroy me and in your pain you couldn’t acknowledge my sacrifice and love. You decided to bring me to my knees and rip my heart out. My passion is gone and all that remains is a ghost in this hollow shell. Goodbye Princess I hope you find the fulfillment I was never able to give you 😔

Glad to see you’re doing well, would have loved to talk to you but not the time or place. I’ll respect your wishes, and wait for you to ready to talk if you ever are. I really do still miss you, and hope things with your family and health are going better. I’m still confused and kinda struggling to find my way after everything, but I really do wish nothing but good things for you. I really hope you haven’t lost sight of the beautiful soul you tried so hard to hide, and realize that you do deserve to be loved and cared about. I still think you’re absolutely gorgeous, and I will always be here if you want or need to reach out.

Things continue to head in the right direction, court went well, and things weren’t nearly a bad as I thought. Two misdemeanors, not the felony I thought they were trying to charge me with. Almost have the new place ready to move in, got a puppy, and work is starting to go smoother so I won’t have to work so many hours. Plus have a whole week off for thanksgiving. Finally got most of the kinks worked out of the xterra and it’s running really well. Thinking about finally cutting my hair but I’m not sure if I should🤷🏻‍♂️? Maintaining my sobriety from alcohol, it’s actually starting to get way easier, I don’t really have the urge to drink anymore. Staying busy and being productive have really helped a lot lately, finally feeling like I can pick my head up again. If I’ve made it through all of the things I have this past year, I can survive just about anything. It’s been a rough one but, I’m so glad I worked though it with a little bit of help from a few great people.😁

I still miss you. I still think about you. I still would love to hear from you, even just to know you’re ok.

And without them you feel doomed to aimlessly wander in search of something that feels like home, all the while knowing that with them is the only place you’ll find it