I Miss You More Than Words Can Express, My Heart Still Belongs To You, And I Miss You Every Time It Beats.

I believed you when you said this was temporary 😔

Congratulations, you lost me 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Yup, bed all day sounds amazing. Back to teaching myself coding to distract my self from all these hellacious intrusive thoughts. Like, “thanks brain, I get it you hate me too, can we be a little more chill about it though? “

Imagine where you’d be if I had never come into your life. Remember all the things you’ve forgotten or pushed aside, ask yourself, was all of that worth this little? I never gave up, I just couldn’t watch you hurt yourself to hurt me.

Today would have been three years, and I can’t tell you how much it’s saddens me to say it’s not. I hope you are doing well and that you’ve found the peace you needed. I still care, and I wish you wouldn’t have pushed me so far away. I’ll still always be there if you need a friend. All you have to do is reach out. You’re still never far from my mind. Until the atoms that make up my soul cease to exist.

I’ve now been single for 10 months, sober from alcohol (besides one night) for over a month, and back in the kitchen for over 2 months. There have been lots of ups and downs, a few really bad downs, and a few pretty good things happen. There’s still a few hurdles to get over but I’ve survived everything thus far, so I’m sure I’ll be just fine. I’m glad I’ve made it through and used it to rebuild myself and come out a stronger, more focused person who is more true to myself than ever. There’s always more work to be done, but like I said, I’ve survived everything else.

I hope you heal and find your peace. I will always love you, I will always be rooting for you, and a piece of my heart and soul will always be yours. Please be good to yourself and find others whose soul is as beautiful as yours. I wish I could be there, but I can’t watch the soul I love devour itself because the pain of the world is too much. Doing that almost led me down the same path, and we both deserve better than that, we are both far more valuable than that. Thank you for all of the brightness that you brought to my life, and for showing me that everything I surrounded myself with was just a distraction from what I truly wanted.

Until the atoms that make up my soul no longer exist and across countless lifetimes.

I swear I’m done after this, inbox is always open though.

I will always happily be there for anyone who is struggling, or just feels like they’re at their breaking point. Don’t ever feel like you have to suffer silently or have to go through that pain on your own. I can’t promise to have all or any of the answers, but I will always try to understand. That goes for absolutely anyone.