3d Diary - Blog Posts

ON TODAYS FØØD EPISODE🍁

Breakfast~ 1 ice Americano Lunch~ 1 soft baguette + 1 ice Americano Snack~ Fruits (melon, water melon, pineapple, mango, and some other) Dinner~ 1 ice green tea + steamed vegetables with roasted chicken and creamy mushroom sauce + løwc@l lychee candy

Total:~ 1600

Couldn’t 3@t more anyway As always it’s an estimation + always add few more c@l to the total “just in case” (lmao 400 ≠ a few more but okay girl) so don’t count like I do, it’s not accurate <33 Just something to track wieiad

DAY 9

No cause I feel in control and helping nųmb!ñg my feelings

Still feel miserable tho, I’m well aware that’s a bad things and that I’m not good

ON TODAYS FØØD EPISODE 💅

Breakfast~ 1 ice Americano Lunch~ focaccia in cheese + chicken and egg’s salade +1 ice Americano Diner~ Ayam Goreng Rempah + Tofu and Tempe + ice Jeruk

Total:~ 1800 aaaaand… I feel sick lovely

The worst part is probably that I wanted to 3@t more today, for my m3@t@b day and I couldn’t.. At least I tried

ANYWAY

Okay soooo, didn’t do it. I tried, really… I even ordered some føød but I don’t know if I’ll be able to eat it. I really wanted to achieve that but I feel so sick right now

Wanna know the funniest part? Even with this potential diner I wouldn’t have reached the 1800...

Okay so it’s been 3 weeks since I started and I think it’s time to add a “m3t@b day” to the routine First as a challenge, to prove myself that I’m in control and that I won’t f*€k everything up this time Second, because I don’t want to damage to much my m3t@bøl!sm and g@!n everything back just because of a wrong day And last but not least, as an experiment to see how it will affects my bød¥ (did I g@!n3d, løst or st@gn@t3d) But honestly I’m supposed to 3@t more than 2000 A DAY ?? and I really don’t know how I’ll try tho, it cannot be that hard

Okay so it’s been 3 weeks since I started and I think it’s time to add a “m3t@b day” to the routine First as a challenge, to prove myself that I’m in control and that I won’t f*€k everything up this time Second, because I don’t want to damage to much my m3t@bøl!sm and g@!n everything back just because of a wrong day And last but not least, as an experiment to see how it will affects my bød¥ (did I g@!n3d, løst or st@gn@t3d) But honestly I’m supposed to 3@t more than 2000 A DAY ?? and I really don’t know how I’ll try tho, it cannot be that hard

The fact that I don’t feel so d!zz¥ is a blessing and a curse. Make me wonder if I 3@t to much

I’ll w3!ght myself tomorrow and I’m scared (even if I løst 1 cm around my W.. anyway)

Self discipline feels so powerful

DAY 7

At the time, it was for the attention of other, I was craving validation. I wanted to stop people jokes about the way I looked and getting some kind of revenge I guess (I wasn’t fat nor skinny they were just mean + bød¥ d¥smørph!@ didn’t help) Now it’s more like an obsession helping to stop overthinking and numbing my feelings. I don’t do that for people, actually I don’t want them to notice nor asking questions, the “looking” part is just additional motivation because it’s just not the main purpose this time And actually it’s working, I’m feeling less miserable than 2~3 weeks ago so happy 🧚✨

why do i ruin all of my progress.

i’m so proud of myself for the first time in forever omg

i’m eating >1000 cals per day naturally with no restriction?? who even am i 😻

i sometimes just put off eating for a while then end up forgetting omg

i prayed for times like these 🙏

idk what’s going on but IM DATING MY CRUSH?? and idk how but that’s progressively making me eat less bc when i’m with him at lunch and in class i don’t wanna eat around him 😻

i love this sm i’m getting skinner for him so he loves me more

i just tried on THE cutest outfit and i want to wear it so bad but i’m too fat!!

(the top is from brandy and it’s getting tight around my arms kms)

so new motiv bc it’s literally giving lana del rey summer in the best way and SOMEBODYS too fat to wear it.

sigh i think i’m gonna try omad this week

hey guys sorry i was gone for a bit

update time! + venting so tw?

so basically i starved and now i’m back binging and i hate myself! there’s also outside factors i’m not rlly gonna mention affecting me rn but life is jst taking a toll on me

my only comfort is either not eating at all or eating my whole house. ITS FUCKING APRIL AND IM NOT SKINNY..

i don’t think i can bring myself to step on the scale but yeah..

lil update ig thanks for hearing me rant - i hope you’ve had a great day 🩷

WHY IS MY COPING MECHANISIM BINGING SOMEONE TELL ME TO NOT EAT PLEASE.

lowkey i forgot how normal people eat

We almost when to the beach yesterday and the feeling of dread that i got when i was trying to think of what to wear was so horrible i never want to feel that again

I will reach my goals !!!!!!!!!!!

Having relationship problems and literally had a whole pint of ice cream for breakfast lol wtf

=840

Fasting for the rest of the day 🤦‍♀️

(Hopefully it will at least make me sh1t lmao)

Do u ever feel like when u drop or spill food it's god or something smacking it out of ur hands

Ever since i was a little kid i remember looking at my legs and being so horrified at how big they were .......... what the f is that all about 🤨

I hope no one in my life ever finds out about this

I dont want them to ever think im a f4tphobe or feel that i think about them in the same way i do about myself i would be so heart broken :-(

I would feel much better about my horribly disfigured face if my body was sm4ll and i didnt take up so much space

Cant control face structure but I can control 1 thing :p

Seeing the change is so addicting

Im so excited to be at my gw again but i just remembered the comments and concerns and my family pressing me about eating and food whenever we are together -.- i love them and i love spending time with them but i just want to not eat in peace !!!

Im not hungry bro !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What makes you decide on ur gw, is there a specific reason u chose that number? Im just curious

Like for me i think it was when i was a teenager i found out that one of my biggest spo was 118 and it just stuck with me that i needed to get there, and i did too 💔 how tragic

Breakfast - Chicken, 2 slices of cheese, 1 slice of turkey, coffee

Snack - strawberries

Dinner - asparagus, broccoli, chicken, 1 corn tortilla, 3pc of pineapple

Net 835😛

Calculated on one of those websites and it said if i stay at <850 ill lose 20 in 2 months o.O i want to see if it will actually work

I ate some dark chocolate and i feel very guilty about it :P

=340

Done for the day

Net- 730

I feel so disgusting 😷

I wasnt going to eat today but i had broccoli asparagus and eggs because i didnt want to feel sick at work but now i just feel worse

I love the rush of euphoria that i get when im running on fumes but i hate way my mind goes numb

My memory is so bad and i lose my train of thought so quickly, sometimes i feel like i dont have the mental energy to socialize :P </3 does anyone else experience this?