Tw Depressing Stuff - Blog Posts

I feel like all my friends are tired from me, and praying for me committing suicide

Maybe, my weight is a dream for someone, but I think that I'm fat. I weigh only 46, but I still think that I'm fat. I want to lose 6 kg, and I don't really care that these workouts are exhausting. I wanna be skinny, and I'll do it, and I don't care if it's unhealthy. I want to eat only 500 calories a day, or at least 800, because 1000 is too much. I wanna do 5 workouts today and I already did two. I want to be skinny – I will be skinny.

I have no idea what's happening with me. I don't know why but I started to want to lose some weight, and be skinner, even though my weight is 46 kg with a height of 160 cm. And I'll try to do it, I wanna weigh 43 kg or 40... I also will try to do exercises and eat not too much... I hate my body.

It's funny to hear these "you matter" and other shit of this type from people, when you're literally a useless piece of muscles and organs, and can't go and commit su!c!de because it's too painful.

I hate being in the manic phase, because depression always will come when it ends. It's like waiting for a disaster, you know that it'll happen, but you can do nothing about it.

Okay, I got used to relapse after few days of school, but.... WHY THE F#CK I RELAPSED ON HOLIDAYS? I can't describe how much I wanna cut my arms in a bl!!dy mess, I can't describe how much I wanna make deep cuts, but... I'm still afraid of my self-h!!rm being discovered... Especially if it'll see my teachers, neurologist, parents, etc... I just don't get this feeling when I cut my legs:(. Also I'm self-h!!rm!ng about 7 months, lol

I'm alive. But a part of me, doesn't want to be

I don't wanna get help anymore.

I have no idea why, but everyone became so supportive out of blue... Literally, my parents started talking about that I need a psychologist, and that they'll bring me to them. My classmates let me vent out, and gave me support, but the problem is... I don't want help anymore. I already made my decision. But the worst thing is.... I relapsed. But, sometimes I think, what's happening with me? Why I feel like this and etc. But I just started to think that's just a phase, hormones or something... Even though I have it for 3 years, Lol

I talked with my parents about that I wanna die, but they started to judge me. Today I understood that nobody needs me, and I'm not need to stay here in this world. I want to commit suicide, and I will commit suicide, maybe on my funerals they will understand that I wasn't okay?:)

Hey guys, I've a question. What do you think about cutting cuz of grades? Does 3 cuts compensate 3 (if we're talking about USA It'll be C)? And does 5 cuts compensate 2 (F if we're talking about USA system)?

Or I shouldn't cut at all? Anyway, I'm gonna do it now...

I'm afraid that I won't pass my exams... In 9 grade, I'll have exams, which will help me to go in 10 grade, but... I have serious issues with maths... I'm afraid that if I won't pass it, I'll go and commit suicide. Somewhere, deep, in my soul, I don't want die cuz of it. But I feel like I will and like I should.

But... Even if I'll commit suicide, people will just forget me, and I'll be just a random kid, that made grave for themselves. I... I have no idea what to do...

Doing homework sounds like a complete hell... Why I always wanna kill myself when it comes to school? I have no ideas... At least I have social nets where I can vent out freely, cuz if I vented only to my friends, they'd leave me, I guess... At least doing homework when you aren't hyperactive better than doing it when you wanna chat and etc.

I guess, that I should leave there links on my other social media... Anyway, I should go now....

World would be better if I'd be dead or aborted

uh, oh! I wanna shoot myself again!

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I can't keep fighting with it anymore, I can't describe how much I wanna take out my kn!fe and cut my arms. I wanna make too many cut, to make them bl!!dy mess. I can't fight it. I already cut my legs, but it doesn't help. Please. PLEASE. PLEASE!! Someone, please help me. I can't fight this urge, one more hour and I'll turn my arms in a mess. Looks like I have an addiction...

I wish, I could just die and don't suffer anymore, fuck my life

I'm feeling useless, maybe I'm just fooling myself, huh?

RAAAAH SAME ME RAAAAAH

Bro i have a therapy tomorow,my mom discovered i sh days ago and im so scared she will tell the psychologist..i know its okay to tell her and she will understand but i always freeze and feel embarrased when my mom is talking about it...she thinks im doing it to be fuckin cool...like..

Its getting bad

idk anymore i feel so shitty and empty..like a ghost...i just want to sleep and never wake up

im so fuckin useless

Its not even funny anymore,i have no future, everybody fuckin hates me...why am i even here? im so fuckin ugly and disgusting i only make problems...all i do is rot in my bed and think about ki11ing myself...

I am losing myself

i feel like im not myself anymore..who tf am i? im so damn detached from reality...

i dont know who i am

i dont feel like i have my own personality and identity..i feel empy,Always acting the way others want me to..who tf i am?

oh

my online friend just ki11ed himself?...He texted me...i Hope hes okay oh my god...Is it because of me? did i do something Wrong? i fucking can't

🤡🤡

i need to start taking my medications again eh i stopped,thinking i dont need it but i feel like shit,but when i take them i feel so damn empy and emotionless..

SOOOOOO

Today the POLICE called my mom... because of school and my absence..We have to go to the police station and explain everything or what?i want to kill my self um....BLABLABLABLEBLEBLEBLUBLUBLU

why the fuck do i still miss that person?

He made me hate myself..I cried every night because of him, I started hurting myself because of him, I wanted to di3 so much but I didn't even have the energy to get out of bed...he manipulated the shit out of me,totally ruined me

why do i still miss him...

im like „im getting better!"

but other day im crying after relapsing...

IM FUCKIN SHAKING

i relapsed like So fucking much its deep as fuck im crying idk what to do

i have no future

no like actually i dont,My family always says that...Even my psychiatrist said Im just causing problems for my family🤷🏻‍♂️its like everyone wants me to ki11 myself

im seeing my psychiatrist tomorow..I decided to tell her everything like EVERYTHING,im scared asf but idc anymore