Anxious - Blog Posts
The best thing that works for me when feeling anxious and airy is first grounding myself.
This could be taking a walk barefoot on the Earth, jumping up and down(if I have the energy).
Sometimes it's just sitting outside being present with whatever is outside. That looks like listening to the birds, sitting on the grass, cloud gazing, bird watching or people watching.
Doing something that simple just makes me feel at home within myself.
After I have done that and I feel grounded that's when I start questioning my thoughts as to whether they are true or not and whether it is within my control or not. And lastly I choose to let go and melt into the present moment. Because in that moment I am choosing to trust God in that moment and in turn it's easier to then trust myself. It's easier said than done but it helps ✅
Anyone else find this time of year difficult? Is it wrong to say I feel a little bit of anxiety thinking about the next year? I want to be excited and hopeful, but I feel a little bit scarred by the past few years. Things have been okay, really. It just feels like impending doom sometimes. The news doesn't help.
Having some anxiety and a small panic attack related to my fear of heart attacks so I decided to make a funny meme to help cope lol. My brain thought of this immediately so I had to make it.
I realized that the only way someone would ever actually love me and want to be with me is if they didn’t even exist and were a figment of my imagination. The realization sort of hit me really hard and I don't think I’ve ever felt so painfully hurt, unwanted, and so utterly alone. Because not even my own mother seems to love and want me. It kind of changes everything now. I might as well be dead. I’ll end up living a life in my head anyway. What kind of existence even is that? Not one I want..
I relapsed a few days back. I've been crying for weeks I can't take it anymore. It's so damn hard. It's like I'm in peices and a shredder is shredding them.
Brain be like:
Oh, someone didn’t answer you after 5 minutes so obviously they hate me
Like no they don’t🙄
Gaslight, gatekeep, girl boss?
No!
Feeing anxious, fetal position, fuckkkkkk
Born to be an extrovert, forced to be anxious and overstimulated around people
Help
I'm tired
Of fighting with you
Of you ignoring my problems
Of you not hearing my cries at night
You think I've changed
The fact is I haven't
I'm still a child asking for help
This time my method has changed
My problems have changed
I haven't
Please help me.
Help me before it's too late.
I needed this.
In case your head is making you feel very anxious: No, there is nothing wrong with your appearance, you look normal. You are absolutely fine. Nobody notices that pimple, the way you walk or the anxiety you carry. Breathe, darling. You are fine. Nobody thinks you are awkward. Nobody thinks you are ugly. Nobody is staring at you. You are fine. Everything is going to be okay. Hold on to me, my love. You'll get through this.
Drowning
Do you feel like you are drowning
And you are yelling calling for help
But no one can hear you.
Your legs are tied and weighed down
And it's pulling you down
You can see the surface, the sunlight on it
You try to reach it
You keep trying to swim upwards
But the weight keeps you from reaching it
Your lungs are seizing up
And your heart is slowing down
Your vision is turning dark
And finally you relent to your helplessness
You give up
You lose
You die.
Anxious Anxiety
I want anxiety to be anxious of me
I will hold my ground without being an earthquake myself
I will stand still and strong; there will be no such thing as a shaking knee
When the time comes I will weigh so much you will not move me with anything
Beating the ill out of illnesses; it will be the one in need of an amputee
I want depression to be happy for me
Everything should watch out for me because here I come
I might look cute but that’s just my disguise
“I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream” I hum
There’s strong and then there’s Taylor strong
I am the cherry bomb
No longer will I fall into your guilt trap
Not everyone is there for you and sometimes you are alone
But I don’t need anyone when I have myself; if you think otherwise you’re thinking crap!
I’m writing this cheese for my future self to not cut
You like tigers so don’t be a donkey without a tail
Don’t forget that you’re hungry for success
Don’t forget that it is good to fail
I think you learn more and go farther in life,
When you are done fixing the hole in dear Henry’s pail
I am a train chugging on broken tracks and I love it
With my emo black boots it feels like I can go anywhere in the world
It keeps me interested in where I am going to go and where I’ll find that I fit
I can’t stay curled
I cannot stay still and sit
Blue Jay
She comes up to me just because I was alone
Little did she know I had been texting my friend on my phone
She proceeded to ask me a simple question
While on the inside I died and didn’t let out a groan
I was so anxious I almost pissed
What she said I almost missed
She caught me off guard
As I almost failed to answer in my panic she tsked
Why do I get singled out?
I'm not the kind who will pout
I felt like running to guidance
Is it that clear that I don’t belong here?; I have to stop the self doubt
Please stop asking me if this is where I belong because I’ll fucking leave school if you want
My existence alone seems to cause you so much trouble, when all I'm doing is reading my font
I'm minding my business so you should mind yours
Then again you don’t seem to mind just like my uncle and aunt
I wanted to run
With her I'm am so done
She’s an intrusive judge of society
She reminds me of the days my face would feel as hot as the sun
I wanted to fly
But I was stuck under her painful stare and I sure did die
Her voice seemed to flow in a different language
If only I had the life of a newspaper and a house fly
I dreamed of running, running, flying like a blue jay
A little bird is trying to keep me happy without any delay
I feel horrible about being more of a bee
He deserves more of a girlfriend who is in class A
I'm all anxious and my life sucks
I'm trying to stop giving any fucks
I do love how he said something I have always been thinking about this place
You really don’t fall in love the same way twice; so I don’t know, shucks
It’s entirely my fault
That my life has been at a halt
You're going to have so much fun with my stubbornness and my awkwardness
I love how I can’t tell who’s the ocean and who’s the salt
Anxiety
Waiting for the call
Waiting for the call
How will I stall?
How will I stall?
Anxiety
Anxiety
Bolting through my veins
Hydrogen, Helium, Sodium, Boron
I must be made out of morons
I own scratched up pencils
They don't fit extra ordinary stencils
Books and essays
Overwhelmed I say
I own knocking knees
I know who I am, I just can't be
Do and don't
Know that I probably won't
I own a pounding heart
One of my arts
What is history?
It's part of my mystery
Anxiety
Anxiety
How will I stall?
How will I stall?
Waiting for the call
Waiting for the call
When I started drawing this, I was at my worst. By the time I finished, I was almost feeling better. This is for everyone who’s going through a rough time right now.
How I have been feeling lately
Remember my Sunday post where I said I'm looking forward to the week because I am feeling good about it ?
Lmao Guess what happened, Monday morning I flipped and started getting anxiety attacks and could not really move much the entire day.Tuesday also it continued.Today its much better though and I'm taking it very very slowly.
If you are going through anything similar know that it won't last forever.
You are so much stronger than your anxiety.
23/05/2021
Hello 👋
I hope all was well for you guys 🤗
So today I did the following stuff
Group Theory problems
Cooked dinner for my parents
Duolingo
Continued reading 'Wuthering Heights'
Exercised
I'm looking forward to the coming week.There is nothing special but I don't know I am just feeling good about it 🤭
My favourite quote this week
It's delightful when your imaginations come true,isn't it?
-L M Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables)
At the doctors for a consultation about hrt.. my anxiety is really giving me the frighten :s
Just in case you don't see me posting any art for awhile...or anything for that matter...
Everything in my life has been going to utter shit, I used to think things were bad before... Anyways, I was barely out of a mental hospital and almost right away sent to jail, I have a restraining order against me right now, so I am freaked the heck out, I got bonded out and I might end up in jail for 3-6 months if I mess up by accident. I'm scared and stressed and my dad isn't helping any at all with his remarks, the police, and everything. Apparently as long as me and my husband are 100 feet apart and don't communicate in ANY way, it should be fine, but I'm still worried since I was the one the police pressed charges against, we live in the same home but he said he would leave apparently...SO I HOPE I am safe, jail where I am is horrible. the cell was disgusting, the toilet had poop on the seat, nothing was sanitary, I was sick in multiple ways, body in pain, wearing a suit that would injure me, not allowed underwear even though it was "that time of the month" I'm allergic to gluten and ALL they would feed me was bread, and gluten filled things and nasty bologna, I wasn't even allowed a pencil, skin conditions acting up, very cold, I felt like shit. All because of an involuntary impulse of these stupid tics I can't control. As well as my husband never meant for any of this to happen....at that shitty timing. I feel horrible, I can finally sleep but, I can't, I can't draw, I can't watch videos, I can't do anything because I feel everything I am doing is wrong. Things keep getting worse, I want it all to stop, then my dad keeps provoking me, threatening me, I can't stop crying...I hate my life and I have every right to, and every right to complain.
me: *finally opens up to someone"
me: *feels better afterwards*
a few hours later
me: i am so sorry to even have bothered you. please erase my existence from your memory.
I dreamt about blue skies
But I have fallen from them
I dreamt about deep oceans
But I have drowned in them
I dreamt about true freedom
But I have been stuck inside my sick mind
I dreamt about to be warm, to free me from the cold inside
But now I'm burning in flames