Just In Case You Don't See Me Posting Any Art For Awhile...or Anything For That Matter...

Oh hi 8'D

I haven't been on lately due to severe depression and life issues.

I am just on now to say that I forgot what my password to Tumblr is and the email I used for here..

I am only logged in on my phone and MUST reset it so I won't be logged in anymore.

If I can't get back on here for whatever reason, you can find me by the name Krystami on facebook or @krystame on twitter. (I have other sites I am on, just not as active.)

I am not planning on leaving and hope I can get back in T.T cause I used all my main names I like on here and would rather not have to start from a bare account again.

this is me being organized, others tell me messy but everything is placed for convenience, think of an art programs setup, mines all customized for ease of use. Ugh, apparently me doing art is useless I'm told since it's not bringing in money (well sorry that I'm trying to establish the means nessesary to be productive first, to gather the knowledge and skills needed to work in a timely matter, get the materials to make things more efficient, and the time to do the stuff needed just to do this. Already had everything else I care about taken away so why not the last thing I have right?) Anyways, finally unpacked my art stuff, finally moved without breaking my stuff: D HAD to remix all my paints AGAIN after lack of use (was using tinfoil, now using 1$ store stacked pill containers for paint.) I need to get back into drawing, might start off by trying to draw out designs/proportions for future sculptures, or idk, drawing I love but it's hard to stay motivated on it. (I need to actually use my computer again, haven't in quite a long while.) Sorry don't get how me posting a picture turned into a weird vent thing.

Hey , hi, if anyone is here, I plan to try to be "active" again.

(-sorry for the accidental venting type thing, just vaguely updating about my life since I haven't really been on in a year besides like...lurking?-) I haven't been active on here in ages, I'm sorry. I don't even know if anyone really follows me on here anymore since I haven't posted anything, I'm not consistent even though I try my hardest to be, which is bad for an artist who has been trying to make a living off of their art, it isn't a hobby. My life has been horrible, I am very restricted on when I am allowed to draw, make art in general, be online, be awake. (If I could find a wifi signal it would be more often though..) I also recently had confirmed that I have a tumor in my breast, they say it is benign but..idk another one appeared after the mammogram on the opposite breast as well as I have had a swollen lymph node above my collarbone for about a month since the same time. (told me it is just inflammation from the thing.) In all honestly, I'm miserable, I have no friends, not a single one it scares me, I'm so lonely. I have no one I can talk to about my problems, my day, anything I like or not. My whole life is being controlled because I "don't have a job" every aspect of it, worse than when I lived with my parents. I can't work, I get panic attacks, tightening of the chest and heart palpitations just from the thought of stepping outside, I can't even talk to doctors without constant stuttering with tears in my eyes. I hope to start posting whatever I can... It just sucks that it takes me months to draw or sculpt one thing (that is even without time constraints usually) I hope no one gets mad at me posting this. I have no way to get online by my laptop, only someone elses phone usually, that or rarely my phone. (I don't have a phone service either)

Design sketch thing of virus!cry ._.  this is a reference thingy for another thing being worked on~

Bulking out to get proportions down, this is a lot bigger than it probably looks.

soo-da replied to your post: Why must I be so slow when it comes to...

I know how you feel ._____. And then there’s days when I draw shit

Exactly~ I mean sometimes it's both, I could be taking super long on something and thinking in my head "This HAS to turn out good right??" even if I think it looks a little off...then I realize, nope, I did bad. 8D

I haven't much to post because of tedious painting 8) I got a laptop recently but havent felt like investing time in drawing on it yet.

Gift for my person, though he told me to make it without boobs after I already done them, so I have another version with them covered (cause he wants to hang it on his locker at work.) This took on and off for maybe a year, due to problems actually getting me to be happy with anything about it. Well, now I can work on anything I want now =v= now if I could actually get an idea....urgh. other version is here -> http://krystami.deviantart.com/art/fem-kuja-513897429 (not sure if nsfw but still gonna put it as so...idk, unless someone tells me otherwise.)

soo-da replied to your post: soo-da replied to your post: I feel so...

haha given that we know what russ, jund and cheyenne look like.. my drawings still look nothing like them lol. but i hope you can submit something in time!! c: doesn’t have to be a finished product.. just something quick

I tried ;v; 

This may be very long, I'm sorry, It's something I hope gets read.

Random thoughts~ I hate seeing so much negativity everywhere. I'm not going to be specific about anything but I hope I can explain the best I can. First I'd like to say it is impossible for ME to shorten this. My thought process can't fathom how to compress thoughts. It seems people everywhere have a huge lack of empathy, unable to think of how someone elses life may be, as well as how certain things effect them in their life, their reactions. The thing that REALLY bothers me is I see all these people heavily badmouthing, insulting, making jokes at people they used to claim to admire. In reality I've NEVER seen anyone leave a friendship or something similar for a few bad events, I've seen everyone do things much, much worse. (Without even knowing half the story who are immediate friends at times.) The thing as well though is things are circumstantial, theres no way to know whats going on by just observing, its gossip, its horrible. I know certain people from totally different point of views than others, and just from that it honestly disgusts me to see what people say. I might slightly be going in circles here but I see it as the worst type of hypocrisy when this situation kinda arises: -people do a possibly negative thing in response to others being rude, possibly annoying, etc.- Or -people react badly to something or in an unacceptable way- And in response I see people reacting in the same way but sometimes worse than the people they are reacting to. That in itself isn't a big deal but what IS, is when i see people months after something STILL talking badly and insulting anything related in a joking fashion. Thats just spreading negativity and just stirring up things people shouldn't be involved with in the first place. People aren't your personal tv show even when it involves people doing that for a living. It also bothers me seeing people trying to invalidate mental illness and certain disorders. Why? Because I have to live with the same thing through out my life. I CAN'T control how I react to people, I DON'T realize when I'm mean, the feeling passes over me but its like the "one ear out the other" thing, or when you have a gut feeling but ignore it. And its scary when the exact fears kinda come to the surface. Let me just say, this is the only way I can describe anything right now. "You can't explain to a person who has been blind all their life what SEEING actually looks like, just as you can't imagine a new color." What that means is just because you experience life one way doesnt mean someone else feels the same things as you, some have to deal with things that are unimaginable even though some may see it as petty and dumb. No ones in "the right" or "the wrong" things like this happen and it sucks. The thing is, things like these are things that need to be WORKED THROUGH, at that no one should be condemned by things like this either, at that by ones not even involved, even if its just a friend of a friend. I say this because I deal with things like this all my life, as I'm sure plently of others have as well. I have severe anxiety, tourette's, depression, and bpd. (Tourettes in itself is a bundle of disorders and junk.) _________ (I may be getting too personal within my own life here but I feel its the only way I can get my message through.) These right here are the exact reasons why I dont talk to people online or in real life. As certain individuals do, i react harshly, I dont realize it, combined with that the anxiety is a catalyst to being unable to control tics from my tourettes. The problem within that is my second set of tics that come out involve actual outwardly physical things such as: hitting others, Things, Squeezing things, breaking things in half without realizing it, etc. I've been arrested for things I can't physically control, Ive been called evil, a bitch, crazy, a demon, monster, It really hurts. (The charges were able to be dropped luckily, didn't stop all the trauma it caused.) I can guarantee you no one can even imagine what it feels like. Just because two people have the same/similar illness, life, experiences,etc. Doesn't mean they are supposed to be an exact copy on how they react. __________ I try to only post art on here, I am honestly afraid to directly communicate with anyone, I have a hard time even replying to others. I am posting this here because I feel maybe it would be okay to say something for once. (I haven't posted in forever though due to computer problems, and skill honing with art in general. Not satisfied). _______ I'd also like to say it extremelly pisses me off that just because people only see things from their view and word of mouth that they automatically label someone as a monster, spineless, a flat out bad person, etc. Yet just because you see that you try to push the fact theyre a bad person who should be disliked. But what you dont know is those same people/person could have seriously saved a person/peoples lives behind the scenes, that the/those same individual(s) you claim to be monsters could have been the best thing to occur in someone elses life, many even. Why does a few things make someone a bad person? And why do people mock others when they respond with "no ones perfect." Because its true. I've noticed from other sites and things not involving certain topics here that there is a mob mentality to things. I have been trying to become more social by taking part in discussions. The thing ive noticed is on the "normal" parts of, let us say Facebook for instance, most people rule on the opinion part no matter how messed up the opinion is, while people who try to come in with actual discussion or kinder opinions get attacked, everyone says how wrong and dumb they are if you make one slip up. On the other hand... Being on Facebook with a psychology group, those same posts, same topics are seen at rationally without heavy opinions, problem solving without creating conflict. That is what needs to be done here and in life in general. Of coarse I could still say this is all just my opinion, just one I feel needs to be said. I'm pretty sure I cant cover every single little detail here, there will always be a "loophole" people will abuse in someones words or actions. Thank you if anyone read this, though vague I hope it makes sense.