3d Diary - Blog Posts

DAY 29

AHAHAHAH no

But I do a skin care everyday so it make me feel like I am

ON TODAY FØØD EPISODE ♟️

Breakfast~ 1 ice Americano Lunch~✖️ Snack~ 1 ice Americano + 1 peanuts salad with balsamic yogurt sauce + mini tempeh goreng Dinner~ Protein Kick salad with kimchi + chicken broth with shirataki noodles and tofu + 1 orange juice

Total:~ 1100

GUYYYYYS I’M SO HAPPY!!

I found a place (salad on the second picture) where they give the amount of c@l for each of their dish, it’s not expensive and doesn’t go above 500 !!? (This salad was 350) + It looks AND TASTES so GOOD <33 50 on the sc@l3 here I come !

Take my money lmao 😂

I wake up

No bloating

No sadness

And the light defining the h!ps bønes that’s start showing

What a great great day 🧚

Don’t get me wrong, I DESPISE having my p3r!od BUT the post m3nstruat!on effect on my bødy and mindset is just the best feeling ever

DAY 28

Right now I’m just restr!ct!ng and sometimes f@sting when I feel like it I didn’t change my sport routine since it was already settled and I like it as it is

But I used to do a little bit of everything.. I was stuck in the cycle of ⭐️ing, over exercising, b!ng!ng, purg!ng again and again and again until last year Or maybe it was 2 years ago?? I don’t remember, my notion of time is kinda messed up lol A little mix of b3d and m!@.. lovely

ON TODAY FØØD EPISODE 🏹

Breakfast~ 1 ice Americano Lunch~ 1 spicy cheesy sausage + 1 apple + 1 corn ice cream + 1 ice Americano Snack~ 1 ice Americano Dinner~ 1 meat bread with kimchi + tofu and 1 egg with spicy sauce + grapes

Total:~800

My dream right now is to hit 50 by next week

WDYM I have more strength now ?? I mean I’m happy with it but the rationale part of my brain don’t understand right now

Still stuck at 53… at least my strength remains the same as when I started I guess FREE ME FROM THIS JAIIIIIL😫

DAY 27

I hope that I am but low self 3steem often makes you think the opposite

I know it’s normal to get bløated and a little bit bigger during your period which leads to a temporary w3!ght gain… BUT WDYM I FEEL LIKE A HIPPO HEYDWHEJDNKAN??🦛

And I have to step on a sc4le in 2 FCKING DAYS !!! Imagine.. just imagine.. if the cøll@rbønes I’m seeing RIGHT NOW are just an illusion due to my důmb, deficient, m3nt4lly ill emotional sponge that serves me as a brain??

I think I going crazy, this is irrational thinking but I can help freaking out aaaaaaah

ON TODAY FØØD EPISODE 🐰

Breakfast~ 1 ice Americano + 1 fruity protein bowl Lunch~ 1 spicy sausage + 2 ice Americano + 1 unflavoured kombucha Snack~ 1 ice Americano + 1 apple Dinner~ 1 soto ayam and tofu + Greek yogurt with kimchi and 1 egg + Greek yogurt with tofu and grape

Total:~ 1100-1200

Lots of protein there lmao

My biggest flex right now is that I have a meat bread in my bag and I’m strong enough not to 3@t it

Make me feel in control weirdly

My final goal is to still remain the sociable, always smiling friend 🌼 Faking 3@ting like I don’t fear it and laughing with the people I love None of them will notice and I’m so fine with that I don’t want to stop caring for them, they deserve the entire world I will not become the mean b!ch or the ghost of the friend group I didn’t r3l@pse because of them so they don’t have to suffer from the sh!t I put myself into I accepted the love they gave me and started trusting them without questioning their sincerity Having them entering my life is the best thing that ever happened to me They are the reason I didn’t r3l@pse sooner, always showering me with endless affection I really thought I was healed for good but I just can’t handle myself alone more than 1 MONTH APPARENTLY The funniest part is that they don’t even know that they were my biggest support I only need their presence and voice to feel better 💐 I’ll achieve this and step out being the best version of myself For me and for them🧚

Faking the spark that is fading ⭐️

My period make me say my deepest feelings lmao

Please stay safe everyone, at least try to not lose yourself to the point of losing and hurting the people you love.. they don’t deserve it <3

DAY 26

I have body dysmorphia so I don’t really trust the mirror but

My collarbøn3s are finally showing

I got a little gap between my th!ghs

My w3!ght 

When I bend over I can see my spine

And maybe other things but it’s hard for me to notice them

The anaesthetic part doesn’t work anymore.. I feel a bit to much for my own good and it is insufferable Maybe if I ⭐️ a little bit more I can numb my emotions and be completely detached again

MY COLLARBØN3S ARE SHOWING MORE AND MORE!!! AAAAAAAAH What a great day

ON TODAY FØØD EPISODE 🐊

Breakfast~ 1 ice Americano + 1 egg Lunch~ spicy cheesy sausage + 1 apple Snack~ 1 ice Americano Dinner~ homemade protein sandwiches (it looked prettier in my head lmao) + Greek yogurt and fruit (1/2 apple and some red grapes)

Total:~ 1200

I feel better than yesterday, I was able to r3str!ct myself a little bit more but finding the right balance with protein 🌼

DAY 26

Art.. that include painting, installation, performance and writing

Biology and science, especially micro and macro world🧑‍🔬

Sport, I’m currently in the gym but that’s only because I can’t afford swimming class and horse riding hahahahaaaa (give me money lmao)

Politics

Doing to much sudoku for my own good

Making fake scenarios in my head and talking to myself

ON TODAYS FØØD EPISODE 🌱

Breakfast~ 2 ice Americano + Greek yogurt with corn and 1 egg + soya milk Snack~ spicy cheesy sausage + Egg salad wraps Lunch~ scrambled eggs with mushrooms sauce on focaccia and 1 chicken sausage + 1 ice Americano Dinner~ 1 gado-gado with kerupuk

Total:~ 1500-1600

I can feel my h!ps bønes while standing..

I CAN FEEL MY H!PS BØNES WHILE STANDING 🧚🐞✨

My life is full of challenges Imputed by myself

The next one is to not have my p3r!ød next month HAHAHAAAAA

Wish me luck ✌️

TW: fck3d up 3d thoughs

Every single month, when the cramps hit, I dream about the early menopause I can create with 4n4 and I whisper “maybe next month I’ll be s!ck enough”

This is not very “mentally stable” of me

DAY 25

maybe my collarbones? I don’t really know I suffer from bødy dysmørph!@ hahaha

ON TODAYS FØØD EPISODE 🐣

Breakfast~ 3 coffee + chicken and veggies + 1 omelette + fruit platter + 3 little cakes + 3 little tempeh mendoan and 2 croquettes Snack~ nuts mix + 1 ice Americano + 1 coffee Dinner~ 1 nasi goreng

Total:~ 1900-2000

First day of my period and a 5h hike, yeah better not r3str!ct today If I count everything my body burned at least 800 more than usual which means more than 1/3 of my maintenance + I really don’t care as long as it can prevent me from getting sick lmao I feel really weak right now

To my dear digestive system, Could you do your work properly for once? 4 days.. it’s starting to get a bit long hahahaaaaaaa 😊

I usually don’t count the c@l that I burn but today is a special day because if I don’t do it the culpability will be even worse

I had a HUGE breakfast this morning because we went on hiking during the night (2am to 7am) for 5 entire hours and I felt really weak after

I burned more than 700 c@l during this hike and I’m currently using this number to calm myself down when I think about breakfast (I ate a lot of veggies, fruits and protein but still in an enormous quantity)

I’m not sure but I’m thinking about sk!pping at least one m3@l.. maybe both we’ll see

DAY 24

If a m3t@bday count as a ch3@t day then yes

I do it because I don’t want to go back to the mentality state that I was 5 years ago but it’s actually really hard for me to 3@t so much in 1 day

ON TODAYS FØØD EPISODE 👒

Breakfast~ 3 coffee + chicken and tempeh with lots of veggies + 1 omelette + fruit platter + 1/2 small lamingtons cake + little sweet steamed bread Lunch~ 1 ice Americano Snack~ 2 banana mas + 1 ice Americano + 1 coffee Dinner~ rice and chicken curry with sambal and veggies + corn ice cream

Total:~ 1500

Lots of coffee today lmao

They said fermented foods are good for you… Alcohol is fermented hahaha