Jem, To The Fire Alarm: How Could You Be Beeping? I Just Disconnected You. I Took Out Your Battery! How

Jem, to the fire alarm: How could you be beeping? I just disconnected you. I took out your battery! How could you-

Fire Alarm: Beep

Jem: Don’t interrupt me

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lasthourstid

3 years ago

Matthew: So, I was watching my dog chase its tail for 30 minutes and thought “Wow, animals are easily entertained.”

Matthew: But then I realized I was watching my dog chase its tail for 30 minutes.

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lasthourstid

4 years ago

Police Officer: Turn around

Matthew: 🎵 Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never comin’ round 🎵

Police Officer: TURN AROUND

Matthew: 🎵 Every now an-

Matthew: *gets tased*

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lasthourstid

4 years ago

*Jem giving Kit a present*

Jem: Happy birthday, Kit! I hope you love it. I’m sorry I couldn’t find any wrapping paper, so I wrapped it in hundred-dollar bills.

Kit: I love it already

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84 notes View Post

lasthourstid

3 years ago

Jem: I personally don’t think it’s possible to come up with a crazier plan

Will: We attack Mortmain with hummus

Jem: I stand corrected

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151 notes View Post

lasthourstid

4 years ago

Airport security: No liquids allowed

Matthew: oh, ok

Matthew: *starts gulping it down*

James: Uhh, Matthew, you don’t have to drink-

Matthew: *dedicated to finishing bottle*

Airport security: You know, usually people just leave the shampoo behind but what do I know…

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lasthourstid

3 years ago

Thomas: Where do you want to be in five years, Alastair?

Alastair: *under his breath* Hopefully in your bed

Thomas: What was that?

Alastair: I sAid HoPEFULLY DEAD!

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286 notes View Post

lasthourstid

4 years ago

James: But I can't go outside. I'm allergic to pollen and social situations.

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49 notes View Post

lasthourstid

4 years ago

Cordelia: I made a marshmallow Alastair, see? His arms are crossed because he’s mad at all the other marshmallows for annoying him. Do you like it?

Alastair, clearly emotional: It’s okay

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lasthourstid

4 years ago

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lasthourstid

4 years ago

Jem: Please, don’t make fun of me if I misuse outdated cultural references, okay? Are we cowabunga on this?

Kit, about to cry: Yeah, we’re cowabunga on this

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226 notes View Post

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