Happy Caturday

I think that it's really important for people to realize that being disabled is traumatic. genuinely. your body and brain feel like they are breaking down and wrong. you are in constant heavy stress from stuff like chronic pain. most disabled people i know have a somewhat regular emotional break down from the trauma of it all. and we are expected to just smile through it by society, to not be in the way, to not be an issue.

The anxiety is insane, my hands shake from it. It's been a month now. My anxiety and PTSD are really getting on my autistic nerves!

I guess the pain will end when I end.... just let it end. I'm horrible and worthless, a waste of natural resources. Maybe surgery Monday will not go well.

Breath in, fly high! The worst of it is over.😶‍🌫️

Shrink added more meds, let's see if it helps. I'm doing great dieting so far, dreading Thursday though.

My melancholy has turned into Dispair. And my lovely PTSD is keeping me on high alert. As for my anxiety, worse. Especially when they run test after test and still observe me, no clue what's wrong with me. Good news is my anxiety is barely in control. Seems wherever I go people are yelling and items being thrown about, um, guys, this is supposed be my sanctuary, peace, safety. Well not now, it's yelling and stomping, fighting and of course, alcohol. My overnight at dad's, my getaway, decompress. Nope, they were fighting. I desperately need my space.

Twice this week my neurologist has canceled appointments. Almost had a meltdown right there in the waiting room..they could at least tell me before I got there! I take the bus, so I lost 4$ in bus fare. Needless to say it upsets me and my schedule. I didn't meltdown, way to go me!

I wish certain people would stop judging my parenting. I'm already on the edge of the cliff without my so called "friend"telling me I'm a horrible mother (not in those words but). I will let him do the parenting. She can do whatever, let him see what a brat.

Lost 18 lbs in a month! Restrictions more.

I will be size 2 again I!

My earbuds died before I even got on the bus today, can you say "High Anxiety"! It's overwhelming without music. I made it home without a meltdown or panic attack, woohoo! I am so glad I carry a card stating what is going on with me and how I react to show people if I crack. Off to buy more earbuds!