First Day Back Restricting After A 3 Day Binge Bender, And I Plan To Liquid Fast For As Long As Possible.

Yall update on the hot cross bun situation, it was so disappointing I should’ve gotten a different one because this one tasted like ass it literally just tasted like a regular brioche bun and I regret OMAD’ing it 😔💔

After a particularity gruelling binge last night, I am as of now officially back up to my highest weight of 57kg. A month and a half of restricting, almost 7 whole kg lost, all gained back in the span of 6 days. This feels like a nightmare that I just want to wake up from, I want it all to stop but it won’t. Im in so much pain, I just to purge it all out but I can’t because barely anything comes out when I try to make myself vomit and I have to wait until tonight to take any laxatives because I don’t want to risk shitting myself at work. I feel so alone, I just want this all to end. I dont want to lose my friends but I can’t control myself around them, not like I used to be able too. I can’t take another week of this constant binging because I’m hanging out with them every single fucking day. I just can’t do this, I don’t know what to do.

I love my therapist she’s chill as but my god does she not know how to deal with eating disorders, like I’ve opened up to her about it in the past but I don’t think she understands the severity of it. Like she dismisses it really easily and whenever I decline food in our sessions she says “are you dieting again?” in a very laugh out loud way if that makes sense. Like I know she’s not intentionally trying to dismiss me I don’t think but it makes me feel like I’m not disordered enough and that she must think I’m too fat for it to be a problem. It’s whatever though, just gives me more motivation to get worse. I’ll show her “dieting”.

“BMI 16 jail” “get me out of BMI 15 jail” BITCH FYM GET ME INNNNNN

omfg I forgot to take my Fitbit off before going on tbe swings and now it thinks I’ve done 12,000 steps when in reality I’ve probably only done like 5k at most RAJHHHH

Does anyone have any tips on how to cope with exercise guilt? I’m liquid fasting and too exhausted to get even 10k steps today when I usually get 20k a day and it’s killing me, I’ve tried my hardest to at least burn off the calories from my energy drink but at this point I don’t even have the energy to stand up for more than a couple minutes at a time.

I thought I’d grown immune to laxatives but nahhh they just waited to hit at the same time

Sadly still painfully bloated y’all, my mums gonna get me some medication to try flush it out but if it doesn’t work I gotta go to the doctor #prayforme

Does anyone have any tips on how to fix severe exhaustion? I’m not sick but I’ve felt like death for some reason the past 2 days and it’s preventing me from getting my steps in because moving feels borderline impossible.

oh my god and I just remembered that im going to the doctors tomorrow and they might weigh me, what if I gain from eating so much today, I wanted to be underweight by the time I got weighed by a doctor again, how the fuck am I going to lose a kilo and a half overnight.