After A Particularity Gruelling Binge Last Night, I Am As Of Now Officially Back Up To My Highest Weight

RAHHH I’ve only gotten 10k steps today but I’m so tireddd I need some motivation

I have been so productive today omg I wrote an entire essay and already got 10k+ steps and have stayed under 400 calories so far 💪💪

“BMI 16 jail” “get me out of BMI 15 jail” BITCH FYM GET ME INNNNNN

HUZZAH the laxatives kicked in and it looks like I’m back down to around the 52kg mark give or take. I mean I still look fat as hell and hate myself so much for letting myself gain but the binge episode has passed and I feel more in control, more like myself.

Nevermind guys I still feel shit as hell about my weight but I just absolutely demolished those 10k steps and am determined to get to 20k I’m locked back in 💪😛

Managed to shoot all the way from 50.7kg to 51.5 overnight, I feel so discouraged. I’m never binging again.

Y’all I can’t believe it I’m only 1.2kg away from my gw, ITS SO CLOSE I COULD VERY WELL BE AT MY GW BY EARLY NEXT WEEK WHAT

The guilt is eating me alive, knowing that it was my decision to binge, to keep eating despite knowing I shouldn’t, I didn’t have too, no one would have even truly batted an eye if I hadn’t of.

Now it feels like I can’t stop eating, I’m not even hungry my brain just won’t stop thinking about it.

I hate myself so much.

I just spent 30 minutes crying in the grocery store pacing between 2 aisles because I got overwhelmed by tbe calories of everything. I feel so humiliated, I didn’t even get what I wanted I just grabbed the closest safe food (which literally has almost the exact same amount of calories in it as what I had planned on getting) and got the fuck out of there.

From here on out I’m only getting food online I’m never stepping into a grocery store again.

My family just told me that we are moving back down to my hometown in June. I’m so upset Ive worked so hard to establish my life and support system up here and now I’m going to lose it all, and there is barely any mental health services back there. I am now even more determined to lose enough weight to be hospitalised within the next 3 months so I can stay here longer. They can’t take me back, I won’t let them.