I Don’t Want To Go To Work I Just Wanna Sleeep ☹️☹️

I’m actually in disbelief of how much weight I’ve managed to put on in the past couple of days, I don’t think I’ve ever looked fatter in my life like even at my highest weight so I must have managed to gain at least 5-7kg since Monday night. I’m especially concerned because I’ve already purged and taken 20+ laxatives in the past couple hours and the bloating hasn’t gone down at all so it must be legitimate weight.

I’m hoping that my laxatives kick in soon and that I’m able to digest a large amount of the binge remnants in my sleep because if I look the same tomorrow I’m genuinely gonna cancel the dinner party plans and just rot in my room and fast.

I binged again, it feels like I blacked out and now I just woke up. I feel sick, my stomach hurts, I can feel the fat rolls that I swear weren’t there before. I can feel that my stomach has adjusted and expanded to accomodate the binges, the guilt is eating me alive. I don’t recognise myself in the mirror. I don’t know if I can do this anymore, I can’t go another day in this fat uncontrollable body. Everything hurts. I’m ready to die.

I’ve done almost everything to debloat today if I don’t wake up at least a kilo lighter i genuinely may go jump in front of a bus

GUYS YOUR NEVER GONNA BELIEBE WHAT I GOT MY HANDS ON, A WHOLE 6 PACK OF CADBURY CHOC CHIP HOT CROSS BUNS HALLELUJAH (now I just gotta make sure not to binge on them, I think I’m gonna try give a couple away and then OMAD the rest for the next couple days)

All I wanted was to OMAD a hot cross bun but ofc they are all sold out smh😔

Broke my fast even though I wasn’t hungry, gave up 2 seconds into my workout and found out that due to binging and being a lazy fuck like I am tonight losertown estimates I’ll be at my ugw on the 10th of July, a whole month later than I had planned to reach it.

I want to die, I am constantly miserable and everyday I get closer and closer to genuinely just killing myself because I can’t take this. I hate my body and I hate my mind, I hate myself.

I’m never going to recover, it’s too late now. I’m just gonna be stuck in a binge restrict cycle for the rest of my life, I know it.

Ladies and gentlemen I am absoloutely thrilled to let y’all know I’ve made it back to my pre binge weight CAN I HEAR A ROUND OF APPLAUSE

Nevermind guys I still feel shit as hell about my weight but I just absolutely demolished those 10k steps and am determined to get to 20k I’m locked back in 💪😛

And I’m all the way back up to 52.5kg. 4 kg in 4 days. I was literally less than a kg away from my GW, all my hard work down the drain like it never happened.

I’m so disappointed in myself, so so disappointed.

I’ve bee stuck in 53kg jail for the past 3 days now despite consistently getting 20k steps, eating under 600 calories and abusing the hell out of laxatives. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can get out of this plateau? I’m thinking of just fasting until the number drops.