I’m Actually In Disbelief Of How Much Weight I’ve Managed To Put On In The Past Couple Of Days, I

Guys fhis is a new low, not only did I spend yesterday and today binging because I was with my friend but when I tried to purge it up just now I missed the toilet bowl and projectile vomited all over my bathroom (didn’t even get much up anyways so it was a waste of time).

I’m so done, I don’t even know what to do at this point I’m just so ashamed. I want this all to stop I want someone to help me but I can’t bring myself to ask for help because I’m too fat and not sick enough to warrant even needing any help. My only hope is death, but I don’t want to die fat, but I can’t keep living like this.

I think I’m gonna switch my morning monster to a different drink, maybe a coffee or chocolate milk because I’m beginning to despise carbonation.

My body disgusts me I feel so disgusting I feel the fat suffocating me and I keep feeding it I hate myself so much I can’t take this anymore

Binged really bad yesterday, was only able to purge like under a quarter of it up before my throat began to burn too much so I took a little more than 15 laxatives I think. I feel and look so disgusting, the binge wasn’t even enjoyable. I want to water fast for the next 3 days to clear my system, but theres this voice inside my head that keeps trying to get me to binge again “it’s only 1 more day” “you still have food left in the freezer you can binge on, you don’t want to waste it after spending so much money on it do you” “you can just purge it out” “if you don’t binge now you not be able to ever again” and bullshit like that. I’m not even hungry, I’m still sickly full despite purging and digesting most of it, but I just want to eat.

Binging will be the death of me, if not by physically causing me to have a heart attack then most definitely by making me kill myself.

Sadly still painfully bloated y’all, my mums gonna get me some medication to try flush it out but if it doesn’t work I gotta go to the doctor #prayforme

Oh fuck oh no oh no oh no purging isn’t working nothings coming up fuck fuck fuck

omfg just wasted 100 cals on an unfulfilling bland as wrap I’m gonna lose it this is why I stick to my OMAD routine

God I miss charcuterie boards

omfg I forgot to take my Fitbit off before going on tbe swings and now it thinks I’ve done 12,000 steps when in reality I’ve probably only done like 5k at most RAJHHHH

Fasted, got nearly 25k steps and completed a workout for the first time in a year and I feel fantastic.

May is going to be my month !! 🫶🫶