Self H@te - Blog Posts

Lowkey would wanna get better. But I am literally nothing without my addictions and obsessions, so we’ll stay here.

ALL SFX NOT REAL!!

BLOCK DON’T REPORT!!

MAKEUP PRACTICE!

Ignore my fat thighs but I thought my cuts looked pretty today.

i gained ten pounds and broke up with my boyfriend

Now i’m like the soul sucking extremely depressed and hopeless mentally ill instead of the manic 🌈💕🌸 mentally ill where i felt good but knew it was bad

which one is best

god i want to die

my boyfriend is gonna break up with me and i gained five pounds bc of halloween

my boyfriend keeps on talking about how much he wants another girl

why can't I be the type of girl that forgets to eat when stressed instead of eating too much

also which picture is better

I want to die

do I look like cute and nerdy with glasses or do I look autistic

feedback appreciated

tw bodycheck at the bottom (I look kinda fat bruh 🙁)

the urge to slit my wrists is insane ngl but I kinda wanna make one of these my pfp which one should I do??? I hate vertical pics so much they make my face look so long 😭

I guess what I hate the most about myself is the fact that I will probably never be as competent or desirable or pretty or quite literally anything compared to everyone around me.

As a young black girl I honestly don’t think I’ll ever feel attractive until I start sexualizing myself. But even if I do that I’ll be objectively ugly regardless and this also applies to how much weight I loose, how much makeup I’ll learn to cake my face with, and the billions of hairstyles and wigs I’ll probably try, all of it will have the same outcome. A girl so ugly she can’t be fixed.

It stresses me out that I don’t know who I am, who I want to be, what I want to do with my life, or who I want to surround myself with and when I do try to think about any of those things I have a crisis of some sort or just resort to the thought that nothing matters and life isn’t worth the suffering to stick around long enough to find out.

Daily existential crisis really are just so draining and with depression it’s like I want to get better but if I have no purpose, If their is no point in living, then why should I?

I know I’m not supposed to want to ruin my life but it just comes naturally to me now it’s what feels right and is becoming less of a want and more of a need it feels like the only way to live is by blowing my whole life up because there’s no other point to living..

But what if I can never save myself…?

something I’ve realized recently is that I don’t actually want to hate myself it’s just something that has become involuntary, I hope that one day my mind won’t find it necessary to betray my body

This is my first post and a bit of a vent

I hate having crushes because I know that as a black girl I will always be viewed as too masculine unless I start preforming hyperfeminine and I’m generally unattractive and ugly regardless of what I do paired with more androgynous leaning features so I was never really viewed as a woman to begin with

Fuck recovery. I wanna cut.

WAR IS OVER

People with anor!!x!@ can you tell me how did it start? And how much weight do I need to lose?

(Height: 160. Weight: 43 kg)

I wanna comm!t su!c!de on my birthday. I'll be free. I'll get rid of the pain. And when I do it, everyone will be happy.

I'm sorry mom for being a bad daughter. I'm sorry for the bad grades, but now... You don't need to worry about them<3

19.03.2024.

Never expected to stay clean(?) for 14 days... Well, how to say clean.... If I can't cut, I'll beat, bite, and burn myself, just because it gives me more pleasure. And I bit myself so hard that there are bruises left after that

How many degrees do I need to make a first degree burn? Just trying new methods of sh!

I'm f#cked up.

I'm tired, I'm tired of everything. All my hobbies became a daily routine, and I don't feel anything towards them. My friends started to avoid me after my vents, and I completely understand this. I'm tired of school, and I haven't got any straight to just get up or change clothes after school. All I think about is s3lf-h@rm and how much I want to commit su!c!de. I feel like my life is trying to force me to do it. I feel like it'll happen. And I know that I will commit su!c!de.

I have no idea what's happening with me. I don't know why but I started to want to lose some weight, and be skinner, even though my weight is 46 kg with a height of 160 cm. And I'll try to do it, I wanna weigh 43 kg or 40... I also will try to do exercises and eat not too much... I hate my body.

It's funny to hear these "you matter" and other shit of this type from people, when you're literally a useless piece of muscles and organs, and can't go and commit su!c!de because it's too painful.

Okay, I got used to relapse after few days of school, but.... WHY THE F#CK I RELAPSED ON HOLIDAYS? I can't describe how much I wanna cut my arms in a bl!!dy mess, I can't describe how much I wanna make deep cuts, but... I'm still afraid of my self-h!!rm being discovered... Especially if it'll see my teachers, neurologist, parents, etc... I just don't get this feeling when I cut my legs:(. Also I'm self-h!!rm!ng about 7 months, lol

Hey guys, I've a question. What do you think about cutting cuz of grades? Does 3 cuts compensate 3 (if we're talking about USA It'll be C)? And does 5 cuts compensate 2 (F if we're talking about USA system)?

Or I shouldn't cut at all? Anyway, I'm gonna do it now...

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I can't keep fighting with it anymore, I can't describe how much I wanna take out my kn!fe and cut my arms. I wanna make too many cut, to make them bl!!dy mess. I can't fight it. I already cut my legs, but it doesn't help. Please. PLEASE. PLEASE!! Someone, please help me. I can't fight this urge, one more hour and I'll turn my arms in a mess. Looks like I have an addiction...