so uh, haha... like always... MORE system questions...
holy shit i have terrible memory. also hello, im the 'alter' in this 'system' who thinks I'm faking this.
Atp might as well just call the people in my head imaginary friends. I hate them for being there and would like them to leave. This whole thing causes me so much distress it's actually insane.
So here are some questions I have as a 'questioning system'
Why am I the only one that can still remember how other alters felt during a memory (IF i can recall it)? But it feels like when someone is telling you something and you share their emotion on it (empathy/sympathy i think)
I have terrible memory, I can hardly remember the day unless I think hard on it. Could this be from staying up too late? Usually I go to sleep around 1 am and wake up around 8-9 am, recently ive been waking up at 7 (for an unknown reason)
Is it normal for headmates not to talk to you/or whoever is fronting unless you interact with them first?
Is it normal for switches to be so often? (usually we have 1-2 switches daily now) but it feels like personality+gender/sexuality change only... like the switch is so unnoticeable we don't even realize there was a switch.
Also, does anyone have any resources we can use to research this further? I really hate having to ask people abt this esp since it takes forever to actually get an answer.
i genuinely feel like im faking so bad. i feel like im noticing "symptoms" because im researching it, i feel like this whole thing is rlly just a waste.
i feel like i brainwashed myself into believing i was having symptoms, i feel so fake. i feel like the thoughts i thought were others, were mine. i really hate myself. like i was feeling happy, but why??? like this is least thing to be happy abt (having osdd), but it felt so like "wow! that makes sense!" but like, did it actually? or was I just fucking around and happened to convince myself it did?
i cant even get a therapist or anything abt this so i have no one to talk to. if it is actually happening i dont even have like amnesia, or anything super crazy that others would be like "yeah you act very different at times" BECAUSE I LIKE... IDEK BRO IM SO PISSED RN
plus i feel like im just making up alters too. im NOT habit, im NOT jason, but like what if i am? there's hardly much to differentiate between us (other than gender?) but this could all just be jason trying to figure out his genders n shit?? i really really hate this.
-Cass? I think?
REAL... but i feel so scared to use tupperbox/pluralkit cause i dont wanna be fakeclaimed
Is it a headmate? Is it a fragment? Is it a facet? Is it a persona? Am I subconsciously masking? Am I subconsciously/involuntarily otherlinking/copinglinking? Is it a kinshift? Is it a ’flicker? Is it age regression? Is it a mood? Is it impulsivity? Is it an intrusive thought that I’m reacting to? Is it genderfluidity? Is it pronoun/namefluidity?
Who knows! Who cares! I don’t need to stress about this, it doesn’t matter! It’s a mode that the “I” is in, the way I feel in that moment! And I will make a pluralkit/tupperbox for it so I can express myself and decide the rest later! Or never! These labels are a construct! Personhood itself is a construct! I don’t need to box myselves! I can just live!