My Roommates Are Fighting.
my roommates are fighting.
they’re engaged. i love them both very much but they’re both very different when they’re upset. it’s never as triggering as i expect it to be. maybe something in me is still too broken to fix.
i’ve kind of become their couples therapist. i’m usually unneeded but i’m good at looking at situations from the outside.
i do catch myself wondering if this would’ve been us. i hope not. it gets pretty heated. it’s not a bad relationship, they just clash when it comes to the communication of different agreements. i know they love each other.
i loved you even when we fought.
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i haven’t been this suicidal in a hot minute. i don’t even know how to talk about it. i don’t know how to help myself. im so tired. even if i do talk no one really understands it. maybe if someone could just look into my head and see everything so i dont fuck it up and say the wrong thing. i don’t know what to do or look forward to anymore. i don’t know why it’s so bad. im so used to fighting that i can’t help but do it even when there’s nothing to fight. but im tired of fighting even when i have to. i feel sick and hollow and broken and i dont think anything will change that. not now and not later. part of me wants to just lie in bed and stay there until i rot away. i want it all to be over. i can’t stop thinking and overthinking and making myself sicker. i don’t really know how much longer i have no matter what i do. at least if i choose that ill have some control left. i just want to rest
me writing is just me fucking around for several hours making the characters be gay n shit and then deleting it all and writing decent shit for a couple minutes
words from we hug now by sydney rose
pov ur dating ur best friend and they mean the fucking world to u and u don’t know how to tell them so u just repeatedly say “i love u” and hope they get the message
there should be a sexy way to pour soup on someones head
have decided this account is gonna be for not only shit posts but also Private Romance Things™️ i cannot post in front of actual people
i guess you were right. this is a bit of a diary for me.
so, you found me. i’m working on music. it’s the only way i can ease my nerves.
if someone had told me a week ago i’d hear from you i would’ve laughed in their face. one of my old friends messaged me as well. we ended on not great terms, but we’ve made up. i wonder if this is good?
i’m living back in orlando now. i’m starting a camming company with brian. you don’t know him. basically the idea is a safe space for sex workers without the exploitation. i’m excited about it. it’s a little weird, but i enjoy sex work as long as it’s safe.
this day is dragging by. everytime i remember the call my stomach twists up. i’m very anxious. i’m grateful to anna for offering to be there with me and i’m more grateful you agreed to let her. she’s in just as much of a frenzy as i am right now.
i can’t think of much anything else to say right now. i think i’ll keep posting on here just with general life updates. you obviously aren’t required to read them, but it’s nice to have a place to talk about my life and sort my head out.
it’s strange. i’ve never looked forward to say goodbye to someone. i used to want to hold onto them until my nails broke their skin. now i understand my life is mine to live, it doesn’t matter who’s in it as long as it’s genuine and honest.
i hope you’re taking care of yourself. i hope you’re doing well. i hope you’re happy.
i miss you.
and i miss you.
and i miss you.
and i miss you.
and i miss you.
and i miss you.
and i miss you.
and i miss you.
and i miss you.
and then i lay back down and drown the world out.
