I Know I Wrote Three Hours Ago But My Life Moves Fast I Guess. I Got Into An Argument (?) With My Best
i know i wrote three hours ago but my life moves fast i guess. i got into an argument (?) with my best friend over you. i wouldn’t really call it an argument. it was just the same shit again. her telling me you are not a good person and me defending you. she even coined the phrase CRT just for u.
she knows everything that’s happened. i think she even read the document you made. i am so frustrated with people telling me you hurt me. you did, but not on the level i destroyed you.
i am tired of people seeing me as a charity case. i am not broken or wounded. i do not need to be fixed. if i did, i’d leave it in the hands of the professionals.
she reminds me so much of you. she has this “i need to save them” attitude about the world and it hurts me. she tells me all the time that i’m the strongest person she’s ever met but when it comes to you she feels the need to fix how my brain works. it’s upsetting.
i still write about you. i wonder if you’d enjoy the music i write now? it’s very different from where it started. i’ll be honest, some of it is very accusatory and some of it is pathetic. writing is my therapy. it’s a safe way to vent my emotions and filter out what’s real and what’s a delusion. maybe someday i’ll release it. maybe someday you’ll hear it.
i can feel myself falling back into where i was when we first broke up. it’s scary. everytime my phone buzzes i hope it’s you. everytime i know it’s not.
i really wish you cared. maybe you do care. i just wish you didn’t hate me. it’s obvious why you do. that’s why i’m so confused when the people closest to me put you down.
did you eat breakfast today? are you getting enough sun?
it seems only the moon won’t tire of hearing my words about you. maybe you should talk to her.
More Posts from Tristanrhayes and Others
i haven’t been this suicidal in a hot minute. i don’t even know how to talk about it. i don’t know how to help myself. im so tired. even if i do talk no one really understands it. maybe if someone could just look into my head and see everything so i dont fuck it up and say the wrong thing. i don’t know what to do or look forward to anymore. i don’t know why it’s so bad. im so used to fighting that i can’t help but do it even when there’s nothing to fight. but im tired of fighting even when i have to. i feel sick and hollow and broken and i dont think anything will change that. not now and not later. part of me wants to just lie in bed and stay there until i rot away. i want it all to be over. i can’t stop thinking and overthinking and making myself sicker. i don’t really know how much longer i have no matter what i do. at least if i choose that ill have some control left. i just want to rest
i don’t know how tumblr works help
me writing is just me fucking around for several hours making the characters be gay n shit and then deleting it all and writing decent shit for a couple minutes
it’s easter. i don’t remember what that was like with you. i think i’ve forgotten a lot of it now.
i’m cooking dinner for my brother and his fiancé. you wouldn’t have liked what i made. i don’t think i will like it very much either. my tastes have changed over the years. everything is bland and nothing will fill the hole inside of me.
we used to talk about doing this domestic shit together. id clean the house or make dinner that you’d pretend to like for me. i wish you hadn’t done that. i wonder if their tastes are more similar to yours? knowing what i know, that’s probably true. i doubt you have arguments over something as simple as food. i wish i didn’t pick arguments over such insignificant things.
i think i like someone again. he is nothing like you. he’s 23, good relationship with his mom, cowboy, six foot something. i know it’s a dumb word, but having crushes now is different. everytime i find myself attracted to someone i compare every little thing they do to you. with him, i don’t find much. he has your kindness and playful personality, but that’s about it. i think that’s why i like him so much.
work was hard today. i’m trying to quit smoking. i’ve given up all substances other than what i’m rightfully prescribed. i wonder if you’d be proud of that? i wonder if you’d feel anything at all.
have decided this account is gonna be for not only shit posts but also Private Romance Things™️ i cannot post in front of actual people
i’m sorry i didn’t write to you yesterday. i’ve been busy with recording. i get a new microphone tomorrow.
i want to record more of my older songs but i’m scared to because so many of them are so emotional and clouded. i write music to release that negativity inside of me and i can be vulnerable with myself for a bit. my views have changed now but i still feel like those songs are a part of me.
i’m eating dinner now. i had a rough day at work. it was really busy. i’m watching old among us videos.
i don’t have much to say. not much in my life is changing right now. i’m glad.
i miss you. i don’t ever want to talk to you again but i wish i had the chance to say goodbye.
words from we hug now by sydney rose
one time i threw up on someone’s penis and i think about it a lot
oh to be one you love again. i miss you always. it takes everything in me to not scream how deep my love runs everytime i see you. you’re so beautiful.
bro i love you so fucking much i can’t even put it into words how much it is i have to create a whole new language just for that shit wtf
