I’m Sorry I Didn’t Write To You Yesterday. I’ve Been Busy With Recording. I Get A New Microphone
i’m sorry i didn’t write to you yesterday. i’ve been busy with recording. i get a new microphone tomorrow.
i want to record more of my older songs but i’m scared to because so many of them are so emotional and clouded. i write music to release that negativity inside of me and i can be vulnerable with myself for a bit. my views have changed now but i still feel like those songs are a part of me.
i’m eating dinner now. i had a rough day at work. it was really busy. i’m watching old among us videos.
i don’t have much to say. not much in my life is changing right now. i’m glad.
i miss you. i don’t ever want to talk to you again but i wish i had the chance to say goodbye.
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early start today. i’ve been working on music again.
a lot of it is from about a year ago so the emotions are still fresh in the lyrics. i hope you don’t mind. i learned how to make beats and i’ve been working on fitting my lyrics into it. so far i have three done.
i started around 3pm and didn’t stop until about 1am. woke up at 5am and got back on it. it’s 7am now. in my head, i still do the math to figure out what time it is for you.
i’m glad i found a passion in music again. i gave up for so long and it felt like a part of me was missing. writing is my therapy. it’s the safest way to express what i feel without hurting anyone.
i wish i could hear your opinion on what i spent my day doing. you always did have a good taste in music. i wish i had told you that.
i think i might be slightly manic right now. i’m not tired. i’ve been spending a Bit too much money on things i don’t need. maybe it’s just the meds taking their course. my roommates are looking out for me and making sure i’m safe. i love them.
eating is so hard i have lost all interest in everything. if i am not busy i am empty.
one time i threw up on someone’s penis and i think about it a lot
all i do is yap i’m a professional
it’s easter. i don’t remember what that was like with you. i think i’ve forgotten a lot of it now.
i’m cooking dinner for my brother and his fiancé. you wouldn’t have liked what i made. i don’t think i will like it very much either. my tastes have changed over the years. everything is bland and nothing will fill the hole inside of me.
we used to talk about doing this domestic shit together. id clean the house or make dinner that you’d pretend to like for me. i wish you hadn’t done that. i wonder if their tastes are more similar to yours? knowing what i know, that’s probably true. i doubt you have arguments over something as simple as food. i wish i didn’t pick arguments over such insignificant things.
i think i like someone again. he is nothing like you. he’s 23, good relationship with his mom, cowboy, six foot something. i know it’s a dumb word, but having crushes now is different. everytime i find myself attracted to someone i compare every little thing they do to you. with him, i don’t find much. he has your kindness and playful personality, but that’s about it. i think that’s why i like him so much.
work was hard today. i’m trying to quit smoking. i’ve given up all substances other than what i’m rightfully prescribed. i wonder if you’d be proud of that? i wonder if you’d feel anything at all.
wait no i just dissociated for like a day i can’t stop crying now 🤪
i want to feel something but i am feeling nothing at all. my head feels too quiet and my brain feels too empty. i wonder if i am as broken as the glass that litters the streets.
i’ve never needed someone more than i need u rn. i miss you. i don’t miss us, but i miss you. i want to apologize. i want you to not hate me. i know that’s wrong of me, but i can’t help it. you were my favorite person. i still write you letters on the unsent project. i wonder if you ever think of me in a positive light. i have been thinking of you constantly. all i want is to make things right but i know i can’t. the damage is done. and i’m so sorry there’s nothing i can do to fix it. i wonder if you’ll ever stumble across my account on here. i have so many things for u to read. i don’t know if that would hurt you more. i’m so sorry. i’m sorry i’ve hurt you and everyone you love. i dragged them all in. i want to believe i’ve changed. maybe if you saw me now you would tell me. you’re the only one that knows the real me. i’ve done so much to fix it. all because of you. thank you. i didn’t deserve to have that chance. but i know you didn’t do it for me. i’m medicated. i’m not going to stop. i spend all of my time at work or working on music. i wish you could see me now. everyone around me feels dull. you were the light of my life and i didn’t appreciate that. i’m so sorry. i wish i could fix it.
