Latest Posts by tiredbirdnerd - Page 8

DM: So, you’re falling?

Rogue tabaxi: Well... athletically falling.

Me as the dm deciding which beloved npc to kill off for drama

New skill we made last session: Vibe Check.

D20+wisdom - a person, place, or thing either passes or fails. That’s all.

As a dungeon master some of my favoured ways to mess with my players includes :

-Rolling dice at random for no reason at all.

-Comppletly isles magic items.

-Having them make completely unrelated skill checks for the task they wish to complete.

-having the most arbitrary ruler to how the physics of the universe works.

yes, I’m a DM, yes, I love writing, no, I don’t know how distance works. Is that building 100 feet away or 40 feet away? Should you be able to see something ten minutes down the road? Is 1,000 feet long? Is 30?? Is 6??? Could you walk across the continent in 2 weeks or 2 years? I hate this. I hate travel. I hate measurement. Fuck you.

I'M LOSING MY SHIT AT THESE REPLIES HOLY FUCK

My players: Thank you so much for DMing! This campaign seems super cool so far :)

Me, hiding the fact that I started this adventure solely to make the final boss an evil fae chef named Guy Fairy who runs a cooking empire called Flavortowne: ya no problem

a youtube series where I knowledgeably and professionally discuss my current hyperfixation throughout an extended montage scene of me speedcleaning my bedroom  

your yearly reminder that Baby It’s Cold Outside is a song about a woman having CONSENSUAL sex, at a time when premarital sex was frowned upon. The female singer is offering up the token demurrals society expects her to, because it’s expected, not bc she doesn’t fully intend to stay and have awesome sex with a dude she’s into. The male singer knows this, and is in turn offering her an excuse to give to the neighbors in the morning (“it was too cold for me to go home, the only responsible thing to do was spend the night at his place. because of the weather, get your minds out of the gutter”). A 1950s audience would have understood all this, but the nuance gets lost in a modern age where women are actually allowed to say yes when they mean it.  

Also the “hey what’s in this drink” thing was a common joke at the time, where the punchline was that there was in fact nothing in the drink. the woman’s making a joke that she wouldn’t do this if she was sober, oh goodness no! it’s only a joke bc both she and the man are in on the punchline: she is sober, and is only staying bc she wants to

Piratecore basics

Boots

Shanties

Cutlasses

Wild hair

Respect for the wind and sea

Loose shirts

Swearing/not caring what people think of what you say

Gold pieces

Worn, calloused hands

Spyglass

Superstition

Grey morality

Parrots

hozier would b a rubbish pirate but all the sirens would b asking him for singing lessons

Fantasy Guide to Ships, Boats and Nautical Lingo

Of all the ways to travel in fantasy and historical novels, there are two favoured ones: horses and ships. But I covered the horses already so here we have some ship terminology and kinds of ships.

Common Boat Terms

Aft/Stern - The back of a ship.

Bow - The bow is the front part of the ship, the pointy part or the place where Kate Winslet stood on in Titanic.

Port - The left side of the ship

Starboard - The right side of the ship

Windward - The wind the direction is blowing.

Hull- outside of the ship

Leeward - Or sometimes called the lee. This is the opposite direction of the wind is blowing

Boom - A horizontal pole extending from the base of the main mast. It adjusted toward the wind direction in order to harness the wind for the sails.

Rudder - The rudder is a flat piece of wood below the ship, used to steer the ship. It is connected to the wheel of the ship.

Tacking - A common sailing maneuver that involves turning the bow through the wind, to change the wind direction from one side of the ship to the other, making the boom move.

Underway- This is when the ship is moving

Astern- The ship is moving backwards

Amidships- Middle of the boat

Topside- when you move from the lower decks to the upper deck

Compartments of the ship

Most ships would have compartments inside the hull and underneath the deck.

Cabins- most war ships and merchant ships would only have one or two main cabin occupied by the captain and higher crew.

Galley- The kitchen on board the ship. The galley would be fitted with tables and cabinets. Galleys were built in such a way that they were more resistant to the heaving of the ship. Most galleys were built with special stoves to stop people from colliding with them and things from spilling out of pots and pans.

Wardroom- some ships are built with a common room for the crew. The wardroom acted as a common room as well as a dining room. It would usually be conjoined with the galley.

Sick Bay- is the compartment of the ship that is given over to the injured and sick. The sick bay would hold the medicines and medical devices and would often be under lock and key.

Hold- This will be the largest compartment in the ship were the cargo or the ship's weapons.

Crew and Positions aboard the Ship

Captain

When we think of captains we imagine them as blackhearted slave drivers (something akin to managers in the customer service industry) but on further research you will find that is not true. There are two kinds of Captains you find in history. Pirate captains and Legitimate Captains. Pirate captains were elected by their merit in battle and dedication to the crew. They were considered equal to the crew, only taking full charge during raids and battles. In the Navy or any legal-bound ship, captains were selected by rank and wealth. There was no equality between captain and crew as in pirate ships. Legal ships were Capitalists and the Pirates were Democratic.

First Mate

First Mate is the captain's deputy. They act as captain when the captain cannot. This was mainly seen in Navies and merchant ships as Pirates usually placed their quartermaster as their deputies.

Quartermaster

The Quartermaster was in charge of ensuring that the ship ran smoothly, rather like the ship's HR manager. The Quartermaster was in charge of supplies and had certain powers such as being able to punish the crew for minor infractions.

Sailing Master

These were officers in charge of piloting the ship. They would have to be educated enough to read a map and was a much desired position because it was a fair paying job. Pirates usually kidnapped sailing masters from ships they attacked to use aboard their own ships.

Gunner

Gunners were the overseers of any many qualified to load and fire guns. They were in charge of aiming cannons and making sure the crew were safely using guns. Most the guns were loaded by young boys called powder monkeys.

Boatswain

Boatswains or junior officers would act as supervisors, watching over the crew as they did their duties. If things were not going well they reported to the captain or quartermaster to punish the crew.

Surgeons

Surgeons handled any diseases and wounds. Since being at sea limited the amount of medicine available. Most ship's surgeons were forced to cut off limbs to avoid infection pike gangrene. Surgeons may not always be found on ships. Cooks or carpenters were often pressed to do amputations: meat was meat and cutting was cutting.

Cooks

All ships needed somebody to cook. Navies and merchant ships would often have trained cooks while on pirate ships it was just a crewmember who was handy in the kitchen.

Kinds of Ship

(Not a complete list, may post more later.)

Brig- A brig is the ship that one most thinks of when you think of a ship. The brig is a large vessel, set with a pair of square-rigged masts. Brigs were fast ships and highly maneuverable. They were used as merchant ships and warships.

Galley- The galley is propelled via oars. The hull is long and slender and most of them featured larger sails. Galleys often were rowed by slaves and used in war.

Galleon- Galleons were large ships, built with multiple decks, carrying three or more masts with square raised stern. The Galleon was usually rigged with square sails on the fore-mast and main-masts.

Caravel- The caravel was a small ship with triangular sails, famed for its manoeuvrability and speed.

Longship- The longships were the ships of the Vikings. They were slender ships, narrow. They were able to keep afloat in shallow waters as well as the deep sea. Longships were able to reverse quickly, a very important skill. The longship was a warship, a raider's ship propelled by oars.

Carrack- the carrack was a large ship, often built with mass cargo holds making the most popular ship to go on long voyages on. The carrack had three or four masts.

Cog- This ship was a large vessel, the hull wide and large. The ship is propelled by a great single sail flown from a tall mast.

Junk- The junk or Chinese junk was a kind of coastal or river ship used as merchant ships, pleasure ships and sometimes houseboats. They are small ships and made with battened sails rather resembling wings.

Trireme- the trireme was a slender ship set with three banks of oars pulled by one man each. The trireme had a concave hull and usually had an underwater ram at the prow of the ship.

For @viola-cola

still can’t believe i grew up thinking i was straight and cisgender. fucking wild. total bonkers

Every day I learn new information and I want it to Stop

every time i blink my eyes it makes the tiny water-filled ring toss game in my head go whoosh

Sometimes I pick up my cat like “I am going to wear you like a mink stole” and drape her over my neck like an outrageously expensive

Keep reading

i reblogged so many supernatural memes the last few weeks and it still took a conversation with my MOM of all things to remind me i once got misha collins to answer the Cremation Question apparently

As a teenager I was pretty unimpressed with adults giving each other tours of their homes and kitchens, but as an adult I now understand this is the equivalent of inviting your friends over to see all your toys and that’s chill actually

watching movies with me is just everyone else in the room waiting for me to announce which 8 characters are autistic

the wikipedia article main image for Davy Jones’s Locker is simultaneously a mood and yet utterly classifiable

check out this nonsense 

I’m probably alone in this but my favorite Doctor Who joke to this day is when 9 and Rose go to the end of the world and a jukebox is uncovered to which Cassandra says “and now a traditional ballad of my people” Toxic by Britney Spears starts playing.

idk if people still do this, but if you’re cishet can you not joke about gaydar/being able to identify queer people who aren’t out yet? tacky

plant pals

Yo, people with acne

These are hydrocolloid bandages. They work wonders at pulling fluid through skin and absorbing all that gunk. 

You can cut them down to size, wear them on your face at night, and in the morning you’ll see a noticeable difference plus the bandage visibly absorbs the goo and it’s gross but weirdly satisfying.

They’re cheaper than most acne products, they work, and 1 pack lasts for ages. They’re sold in the band-aid section of most pharmacies; try them if you can.

Hi this is absolutely killing me, could someone please point me in the direction of that video of the guy in like a train station who’s pretending to be a street preacher but he’s reading the Very Hungry Caterpillar like it’s the book of Genesis

Pirates are just punks of the sea. Give a pirate a flannel and they'd absolutely wear it

you know when you step outside on a wet and windy day, your jackets are layered and your skirts billowing in the breeze, and you just feel the adventure around you?

its the perfect day to board the ship or enter the woods, and to leave everything behind

Whale

i adore how much of the internet is just people sharing pictures of their food & their spaces & their belongings & stuff they like. i get it now

I NEED A HIMBO

IM HOLDING OUT FOR A HIMBO TILL THE END OF THE NIGHT

hes gotta be strong

and hes gotta be fast

and hes gotta be dumb and polite