i don't see a happy life ahead of me. I wish for a peaceful one but I don't see that either. it probably should be concerning how suicidal I'm being everyday. why should I try when ik my path is only going to be full of despair? why can't I end it earlier, I wanna put a stop to this. too late to apologise, too late to ask for help, don't think too late to be saved but no one will. maybe that's my tragedy that everyone could use to feel bad after I'm long gone
I'm scared i won't be me after this. I'm scared I'll lose myself. my sanity is hanging by a thread for real
im gonna fucking kill myself. im so fucking serious
im gonna kms fr
there’s a special kind of grief you feel towards yourself when you’ve been mentally ill for as long as you remember. you see ppl saying they long to return to their old self but you don’t have an old self, or if there was, you can’t remember it. ur “old self” was a child. this self is all you’ve ever known. then there’s the fear that comes with trying to find out who you are without your mental illnesses, it’s all new to you and you don’t know if you’ll like who you’ll be
not sure if there's anything as getting better in my book
I hate that man, he could do so many things to make it all right but I'll always hate that man. I wanna free you from him, but I don't know how to. I wanna free myself from you both I don't know how to. I don't wanna hurt you, but I don't know how to. I know you don't wanna hurt me, and I know you can't help it either. Amma we might have been doomed since we were born in this body, in this flesh, among these men. We are always gonna want to save each other and maybe, maybe we never will. I'm sorry I'm the reason you are crying right now, I'm sorry I'm another bad thing to you. I'm sorry I'm not your saviour and I'm sorry you are just as bad as others.
that's the first ever time I felt bad for thinking how much I want to die. I still want to die, I don't wanna live. I don't think anyone would miss me or be that wounded nor do I care. but this woman...
i can't take this. i can't take this. why birth me if im not what you desired. you should have known better than to give birth to me, you are a fool.
im sorry I'm sorry ik im the monster but you can't blame. you made me, you are the reason I'm like this, you will always be the reason I'm like this
there's an end to the loneliness, right? it ends, eventually? and i'll be finally whole inside?