I Can't Take This. I Can't Take This. Why Birth Me If Im Not What You Desired. You Should Have Known

being here i tend to forget home is just another place filled with infuriating people

im not okay

i hate it here, like always thought no place hell like home but LMAOOO they are proving me wrong here.

i miss something so much but i don't know what it is, it's been eating at me. what is it that i miss so much idk idk

NO other show in existence understands sister dynamics better than fleabag. especially from the perspective of older sisters i believe. having the same character yell "...you're fine! you'll always be fine. you'll always be interesting, with your quirky cafe and your dead best friend. you just make me feel like i've failed," AND "the only person i'd run through an airport for is you" !!!!!!!!! it's insane and it's exactly how i feel

not sure if there's anything as getting better in my book

the thing with fleabag is how she has no one. like I get she might have her sister or something like that but when she wants to, like at times weirdly she reaches out, she tries and even then. just. she's let down. there's no one who would choose her, even the guy she loved, truly. didn't choose her. he loved her, yes but he didn't choose her. her loneliness hit me so much. these days I feel so lonely. awfully lonely. i am so so alone. i think i speak with a bunch of people on a normal basis, everyday, here n there but none of them, idk how to say this but none of them are ANYONE. im not anyone to them either. i feel bad I do have friends, but i don't either. i actually don't. i have people but I don't. i am in so much trouble rn, everytime I think about it I want to take a knife and stab myself, right there in my throat. at least back then i think when I had shit going on, after months of crying alone I finally had someone to speak with but these days i dont. who will I even go to. literally who? people around me and yet absolutely no one. i have never felt this alone in my entire life than I do at this moment. i am so scared of a lot of things, I don't have hope I don't have people. the loneliness is suffocating me. if i don't stab myself in my throat, the loneliness will grab me by the neck and choke me until I'm grasping for breath and stop breathing. it's so devastating that even in death im gonna die alone and by myself. idk if Tumblr will report this n take it down

kind of wanna disappear again, off the planet. forever. kind of wanna go back to old habits. wanna make everyone know that i still am indeed fucked in the head

I hate that man, he could do so many things to make it all right but I'll always hate that man. I wanna free you from him, but I don't know how to. I wanna free myself from you both I don't know how to. I don't wanna hurt you, but I don't know how to. I know you don't wanna hurt me, and I know you can't help it either. Amma we might have been doomed since we were born in this body, in this flesh, among these men. We are always gonna want to save each other and maybe, maybe we never will. I'm sorry I'm the reason you are crying right now, I'm sorry I'm another bad thing to you. I'm sorry I'm not your saviour and I'm sorry you are just as bad as others.

you are not here to prove. you are here to take, then run away. don't care. never mind. never fucking mind. just take and go. just go forward. stop thinking for fucks sake. stop arguing. there's no point. this not the place to fight for, you have other places that you have to, but not here. be a fake ass you dumb fuck