There's An End To The Loneliness, Right? It Ends, Eventually? And I'll Be Finally Whole Inside?

fleabag and Claire... fuck them god

badumtuss

when bts said "i dont have a dream, dreaming is sometimes scary, to live like this, to survive like this, is a small dream to me" in paradise

something about hearing it from someone else that I actually do not have anyone who cares for me and loves me. hearing that from your own parents, is eye opening. why did you give birth to me. why did you fucking give birth to me.

i am only now realising how i am actually NOT a neurotypical, and it's so fucking hard being here. this is the worst place to be at if you are not a perfect human being lol. there's not an ounce of empathy, no understanding. it's so hard being a human here. i want to go home. never thought i could miss that place, but here im literally in tears while i write this. even when i get invalidated it wasnt THIS bad lol

im gonna fucking kill myself. im so fucking serious

i can't take this. i can't take this. why birth me if im not what you desired. you should have known better than to give birth to me, you are a fool.

im sorry I'm sorry ik im the monster but you can't blame. you made me, you are the reason I'm like this, you will always be the reason I'm like this

the thing with fleabag is how she has no one. like I get she might have her sister or something like that but when she wants to, like at times weirdly she reaches out, she tries and even then. just. she's let down. there's no one who would choose her, even the guy she loved, truly. didn't choose her. he loved her, yes but he didn't choose her. her loneliness hit me so much. these days I feel so lonely. awfully lonely. i am so so alone. i think i speak with a bunch of people on a normal basis, everyday, here n there but none of them, idk how to say this but none of them are ANYONE. im not anyone to them either. i feel bad I do have friends, but i don't either. i actually don't. i have people but I don't. i am in so much trouble rn, everytime I think about it I want to take a knife and stab myself, right there in my throat. at least back then i think when I had shit going on, after months of crying alone I finally had someone to speak with but these days i dont. who will I even go to. literally who? people around me and yet absolutely no one. i have never felt this alone in my entire life than I do at this moment. i am so scared of a lot of things, I don't have hope I don't have people. the loneliness is suffocating me. if i don't stab myself in my throat, the loneliness will grab me by the neck and choke me until I'm grasping for breath and stop breathing. it's so devastating that even in death im gonna die alone and by myself. idk if Tumblr will report this n take it down

okay okay okay

everything will be alright

everything will be alright

everything will be alright

want like at least 15 mins to hide and cry, i dont it like today