I Have To Decide If I Hate Myself Enough To Stay Up All Night Rewatching Movies 1-3 Of Star Wars. I Only

hi, can you do headcanons where batfamily and maybe some other heroes are scared by Dick's intelligence?

like "my god, I totally forgot that he was a genius"

wally and dick go on a mission in france and while wally is whipping out google translate dick is already like 'bonjour, je cherche un homme qui s'appelle-'

he runs them out to slovenia on a lead and while wally is back to google translate dick is already helping the perp's grandma file her taxes

"how many languages do you speak?" "mentally? two on a good day." "and technically?" "like thirteen? maybe fourteen if i squint?"

wally's like 'not that i expected anything less from you but what the fuck man'

damian assumes dick is ridiculously stupid at first because he's seen dick's file and it's like 'didn't finish college, hasn't had a stable job ever, still doesn't use his trustfund money' so clearly dick is beneath him

but when damian gets completely stumped over a chemical compound he can't identify, dick manages to identify it after 10 seconds of looking and damian's just like "i'm going to idolise the absolute shit out of you from here on out"

steph gives dick her med school homework to prove to bruce that college is really difficult and he just fills it all in in 15 minutes and hands it over while she's still ranting about the work load.

"how can you know this much about neurobiology?" "i dabble"

12 year old dick grayson accidentally solved superman's case because he thought it was clark's crime novel and he's like "clearly this franklin guy killed his brother, his entire alibi is shit, it's too obvious. honestly uncle clark, i know you can write a better story than this."

jason tried to cheat dick out of a win at a pubquiz by switching all the questions with really specific ones and dick still won.

"which country got was group 4's winner in the european football cup of 1996?" "croatia" "how the fuck"

tim knows that technically, dick is a genius, but he's also seen him flying into walls at 60 miles per hour so he's a little skeptical until dick's like "wanna see me hack the pentagon?" and genuinely hacks the pentagon

Ok so I have an idea for a character and this one has been in my head for a bit.

My OC is Renee Grayson, younger sister of dick grayson. 19 years old and also is a vigilantie that goes by nightingale.

Dick Grayson is a happy ball of sunshine

While Renee is the opposite. Shy, quiet, reserved. Once you get to know her and she’s comfortable around you she will act like a normal human being and be open with you.

Ummm yeah. I’ll try to get more ideas in as I go.

Young Justice Things: The team and swearing/Crude humor

Okay this is not a new thing, they’re teenagers I don’t know many teenagers who don’t swear. These kids are no exception. They swear and use the dirtiest humor possible. -Imagine the mind link -Something goes wrong and it’s just like all of them: “fuckfuckfuckFUCKFUCK” -Conner and M’gann sometimes forget their teammates can hear them and say something dirty over the mind link -M’gann: I might need a massage later babe ;) ;) ;) -Wally: WE LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS IN THIS MIND LINK -Artemis has the worst mouth/dirty mind out of any of them -Imagine the fights with Wally, they would get so out of hand so quick. -Artemis: FUCKING FUCK THIS SHIT -Wally: you kiss your mother with that mouth? -Artemis: yeah and if you talk shit again I literally will go fuck yours right in front of you, then have her make me a sandwich. -Wally: LEAVE MY MOM OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKING HARPY -Wally does the title of your sex tape jokes like from Brooklyn 99 -Artemis: Wow I finished so fast -Wally: TITLE OF YOUR SEX TAPE -Tbh I feel like Wally uses the “fuck me gently with a chainsaw” quote from heathers. -Conner kind of a child but being around the team taught him swearing and crude humor, he’s neck and neck with Artemis for foul mouths. -Conner: Wally! Artemis! I swear you two just need to fuck and get it over with. -Artemis: GROSS NO I’D RATHER DIE -Conner: Do I have to remind you that he can vibrate? -Wally: DUDE HOW ABOUT WE FUCKING NOT? -M’gann, sweet sweet M’gann swears like a sailor. The first time she swore in front of any of them two league members were present. -M’gann: Listen I don’t know who the fuck you think- -Black Canary: M’gann! -M’gann: What?  -Black Canary: You shouldn’t say that! -M’gann: What? Fuck? -Batman is all “who taught her that?” All of them are like “honestly who didn’t teach her??” -Kaldur has a habit of saying whatever three swears come to his mind, especially when something goes wrong in a mission. -Kaldur: *over the mind link* FUCK SHIT COCK -Robin combines swear words because he’s fucking Robin -Robin: *after he’s been hurt on a mission*: That hurt like a motherbitch and I hope that guy suffers in prison! -He’s also the king of that’s what she said jokes and the team is done with him -Artemis: this is too big it’s not gonna fit -Robin: That’s what she said -Artemis: NOT TO YOU BIRD BOY SHUT THE FUCK UP -Zatanna swears so casually that she always slips up in front of league members. -Zatanna: *Walking in to a room* WHAT’S UP FUCKERS? -Batman: …Zatanna language -Zatanna: I didn’t know you were here shit I mean damn! I MEAN- -Black Canary gets a swear jar for the cave -Their reactions were to put twenties in the jar then start blasting swear words -The jar was taken away a week later

Nerf Gun Fight (Batboys)

Request: Can you do headcanons for what it’d be like to have a nerf gun war with the boys in the mansion? Who breaks things unnecessarily, who uses someone as a human shield, does dick pretend to die dramatically when he gets shot?

A/N: Not really motivated to write much recently but this was fun!! I am HELLA tired now and this turned into a NERF WAR rather than a single fight but hey, ya can’t complain, right? :D

Tagged: @jason-todd-rh @boosyboo9206 @pooiooi @icequeen206 @sassyshoulderangel319 @crescent-bluemoon @nanna-the-batmum @xoleaox @sleep-depiravation @jaybirdxarsenal @youthbitch @illeatyoursoulwithmustard

[You wanna be tagged in my next piece? Just shoot me a message or ask!]

Dick Grayson

The one who sees this merely as fun

Bonding Time!!

Expect to be shot from a grown ass man that hangs upside down from a chandelier in a dramatic-ass James bond pose because he WILL

Broke the chandelier bc Dick, you’re not 8 ANYMORE

Made a backstory for his ‘character’ because that’s what this whole thing is missing – extra drama

Faked an accent during the whole thing and is so inconsistent with it that it drove the others NUTS

If his s/o (you) is playing along then he will protect you like you’re some kind of royalty and he’s your devoted knight

Shot you once in the butt when you didn’t look and ran away after that like the cowards he is bc he knew your wrath was now upon him

It became some kind of butt-target-practice between the two of you

Hides in high and impossible places BECAUSE HE CAN

Died dramatically when you finally shot him point blank range

Shrieked, fell to his knees, laying on the ground coughing and gave a dramatic speech with coughs and all the pizzazz

Honestly, the whole thing lasted so long you shot him again bc „Please get it over with, Dick“ „Only if you kiss me.“

Rinse and repeat for EVERY SINGLE TIME HE GOT SHOT

Tim stopped shooting him just so he wouldn’t have to hear him shriek in horror ever again

Jason Todd

The one who goes out to the MAX

Shoots everyone in the face bc he’s obnoxious like that

„JASON! We said no headshots!“ you yell and he shoots you in the face

Got a second gun from SOMEWHERE because he needed to keep his aesthetic ™

Threw his gun at Damian at one point (when he ran out of ammo) and gave him a bloody nose

Somehow ended up with a black eye (see above)

Listen, s/o or not, he will shoot you. Don’t cross him

If you even attempt to shoot him back he will throw his jacket over your head and take you hostage

„If you want to see her alive-„ „Jason… She’s your girlfriend… and she is on your team“ „Don’t fucking interrupt me, Dickhead!“

Ís a hypocrite bc HE can shoot you but if anyone dares to shoot you or just aims at you, they get punched

Whenever he gets shot he refuses to die properly. He just sits down and mumbles something under his breath like “this shit again”

„You have to lay down, that’s the rule.“ „DON’T TELL ME HOW TO DIE BECAUSE I KNOW!“

Once accidentally hit you in the eye and everybody stopped in their tracks and pointed their guns at him (once they made sure you were fine)

He died in a hail of nerf-bullets (or darts) while you gave him the finger

Tim Drake

The only one who has a freaking plan

Put traps around the whole mansion like he had this war planned for months

He was prepared™

Doesn’t run out of ammo bc he plans his shots and doesn’t just randomly shootaround (see Dick)

Mainly hides and keeps out of this big feud between Jason and Dick and concentrates more on surviving Damian

Recorded video evidence of Everyone breaking things for future blackmailing (bc you can never have enough material)

Also, the only one who actually teamed up with his s/o bc he’s not stupid? Like, make allies not enemies??

Gives you his nerf-gun occasionally so you can go nuts with two guns and have fun while he prepares his next trap

Only attacks his brothers to make them think it was someone else (for example: threw a shuriken at Jason, making him think it was Damian) and watches the chaos turn into mayhem from the shadows with you

Gives out the most unenthusiastic deaths of them all.

Like he just sighs and lays down face first for the duration of his ‚Death‘ bc this is stupid.

TIMMY PLEASE

Once was lying so long Dick got worried and came out of hiding to see if he was okay

Tim got up, shot him and walked away

Dick was so shocked

Jason laughed so loud at this he blew his cover and Damian found him

Damian Wayne

The one that takes the thing too seriously.

Of course, ALL of them are hella competitive but this boy won’t go down without drawing blood

Turn this fight into a freaking WAR

Kicked Tim out of his hiding spot and into open fire as a distraction to sneak up on Dick

Got shoved (or rather kicked) down the stairs by Tim after that

REVENGE

Used real ass smoke-bombs like What the fuck Damian?!

First one that introduced real weapons into the war

Somehow lodged a BOOK into the wall and nobody knows how, when and why??

The most pissed out of ALL of them when he ‚dies‘

Swears bitter REVENGE and explains to the offending party in detail how he will kill them in return and then actually pulls through with it bc an eye for an eye

It still doesn’t stop Jason from shooting Damian in the face whenever his guard is down tho

Escalated SO MUCH he had to be put in time-out

Meaning: Jason stuffed him into a cupboard and locked it

Damian dislocated Jason’s shoulder for that one

Also, there is now a shredded cupboard door that needs to be explained to Alfred and Bruce (but mainly Alfred)

Breaks the most stuff bc ITS FOR A GREATER CAUSE

Needs to chill

You have to remind him that this is a game at least twice every minute bc he is not very familiar with that concept

“Damian…. Don’t you think this is going too far?” you say when he pulled out something that looked like a grenade

“Tt, don’t be stupid. There is no such thing as going too far.”

Is the reason nerf-guns are banned in the manor

Bruce walked in on a demolished manor and nerf darts all around in the weirdest and most obvious places and when he asked what happened Damian of course tattled

Still thinks he won the war

No. You need to do your calc work for class.

Our horror movie night goes with the second movie being cat in the hat and someone yelling “YOU WILL NOT SIMP FOR LIVE ACTION CAT IN THE HAT!” And someone asking if they can drink my gain laundry detergent. My response was becoming the mom friend and shouting “NNOOOOOO!!!”

Totally not DC related but I found this guy yesterday. A friend took him home and they’re doing good. Not even 2 weeks old yet we have claimed ownership and responsibility over them.

Raymond the grill mouse

Hope he'll be okay!

Let’s see how I do when I get three wisdom teeth removed tomorrow. aaaaaahhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha. I’m excited and nervous.

There are Monsters in the Dark

[Bruce waking up to Jason looming over him]

Bruce, bleary eyed: Jason? Why- why are you watching me sleep?

Jason: I need your help.

Bruce, groaning: What did you do?

Jason: Excuse you, I did nothing but be my perfect angel self.

Bruce, deadpan: Ah yes, angel and Jason. Two words that are basically synonymous. Well then, my angel child, I'm sure this can wait till tomorrow after I have had at least 3 hours of sleep.

Jason: It actually can't, because there is currently a monster residing under my bed.

Bruce:

Bruce, blinking slowly: Jason, you are 22. There isn't a monster under your bed.

Jason: Oh, silly me, let me just inform the MONSTER under MY BED that there is apparently an age limit on that sort of behavior.

Bruce: You can't be serious, Jay.

Jason: Deadly. Much like the monster under my bed. And as my dad it is your job to get rid of it.

Bruce: *Getting up and angrily putting his robe on* Alfred help you, Jason, if you woke me up at 4 am to kill a spider.

Jason: Firstly, it's not a spider, Bruce. And secondly, there is no need to invoke the name of our lord and savior, Alfred Pennyworth.

Bruce: *rolling his eyes*

[Bruce getting on his knees to check under the bed]

Bruce: See, there's no- F*CK! *Bruce slamming his head against the bed-frame upon seeing Tim dressed as the Joker under the bed*

Jason, laughing hysterically: Oh my god, I should have filmed that.

Bruce, wide-eyed looking at Jason: What is wrong with you?

Jason: So, so many things. But this right here, was genius.

Bruce: Tim! Get out from under the bed, now!

Tim: *Crawling out from under the bed* Sorry, Bruce. But that was pretty funny.

Bruce: No! It wasn't! That is the most horrifying sh*t you two have ever pulled!

Tim: What about that time in-

Bruce: And yes. I am including the incident in Shanghai.

*Tim and Jason grinning and high-fiving*

Bruce: No! No high-fiving! This is not a high-fiving moment! I could have seriously injured, Tim.

Tim, snorting: When? After or before you screamed and hit your head against the bed?

Bruce: *Unimpressed bat-glare*

Bruce: I'm returning you both.

Jason: Sorry, there's a no return policy on broken orphans.

Tim: *snorting and high-fiving Jason again*

Bruce: Stop high-fiving! This is serious!

Jason: Yeah, yeah, Old Man. Save the lecture. We're on a time crunch, we still have to dress Timbers up as Ra's and hide him in the Demon Brats closet.

Bruce:

Bruce: Why are you two like this?

Jason, shrugging: Blame it on the childhood trauma.

[Tim and Jason walking out of the room]

Bruce: Alcohol. I need Alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

Jason: you call is “really bad at darts.” I call it “freestyle acupuncture.”

Bartender: I’m going to have to ask you to leave.

I’m not gonna die just yet. I have plans.

A guide to working the night shift

Check it there is going to be a full moon. If there is not, go in as normal. You will be okay.

If there will be a full moon, it is essential to follow this guide.

Get lots of sleep the day before.

Bring a fully charged phone, snacks, and water. Do not bring any flavored drink. The spirits will turn it to water, anyway.

About an hour before work, drive to your nearest Church. Do not walk or take the bus. If you must, ignore anyone who tries to talk to you on the way. They will be spirits trying to learn more about you.

Enter the Church and put some holy water on your hand. This will not do particularly anything, but it is nice to have some reassurance.

If there is an old man in the pews, ask him for his greatest piece of advice. If he ignores you, and he will, ask him again. He will tell you to be careful at work tonight. Make sure to thank him for his time, he will appreciate your manners.

Drive to work. Be a bit early, the spirits will not expect you to be early.

If you know your co-worker(s) well, ask them for gum. If they give you mint, back away slowly and continue working as normal. They are a spirit in disguise. Any other flavor, tell them to leave early. Do not take no for an answer.

If you do not know your co-worker(s) well, do not get too attached. They will be dead before 11pm. Do not feel guilty, there is nothing you can do.

Keep an eye on the clock. Do not walk or talk loudly, it can hear you. Do not wonder about what “it” is, you wouldn’t be able to fathom it anyway.

Once the clock hits 11 pm, the lights will go off. Do not worry, they will go back on soon.

When they come back on, your co-workers will be gone. Do not cry. The spirits will not pity you. There will be 3 customers left. 2 are spirits, one is real. You should help the real customer escape, he will give you something you need. However, you cannot leave with them. It will not allow you to.

Approach the first customer. Ask him if he needs any help. Slowly tap your foot while talking with them. If they cover their ears, apologize. They are a spirit. Spirits hate foot tapping. They will not hurt you, at least for now. Repeat until you find the real customer.

Tell the real customer that Bob sent you. He will know what you mean. He will begin to exit the store with his items in hand, unpaid for. Remind him that he must pay. He will glance at you, then begin walking out again. Do not worry, he will have paid you. You will find out what he gave you soon.

Now, you will be alone with the two spirit customers. Relax for a little bit, the worst is yet to come. Drink your water, but not too much. You don’t know what the spirits could have put in there.

Once the clock hits midnight, the lights will shut off again. Except this time they will not come back on. Leave the register, go to the back of the store. You will see a bottle of water that is upside down. Take it and drink it, for that is not water. You will be able to see better now.

Items from the shelves will begin to fall over. Pick them back up. You are, after all, working the night shift. If items from the fridges begin to fall, the spirits are extra angry. You must have wronged them. I told you to follow the guide exactly. I am sorry. Death is not what you should fear. What will happen to you is much worse than death.

If the fridges stay intact, you are safe for now. Do not talk or yell. Do not bother calling the police. Call your mom. Mother knows best. She will pick up. Although, it will not be your mom. Nevertheless, listen to her. She will tell you how to contact the spirits. I cannot share that information with you.

Use her instructions and contact the spirits. Ask them to spare you. They will say no. That is expected.

Spirits do not spare people willingly. They take trades, however. It is not easy to trade with a spirit. They only accept souls. People are only born with one soul, their own.

Put your hand in your right pocket. You will feel something indescribable. Do not pull it out. It is what the real customer paid you with, a soul. Do not feel bad, he has many.

Contact the spirits using the method from before. If you do not remember how there is nothing you can do. I am sorry. Your fate is sealed.

Tell the spirits you have a trade. Take the soul out of your pocket, and hold it up above your head. You will feel your legs begin to weaken. You will fall to your knees, and eventually you will pass out. You will wake up with the soul gone and the lights back on. Continue working as normal, the spirits have spared you.

Do not speak of this event to anyone, the spirits will not take kindly to that. They will appreciate your silence. Make sure to call your mom and thank her. She will not have any idea what you are talking about, but she will appreciate the gesture.

More guides

A Guide to Keeping your Heart Soft

How to enter your subconscious

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