hi, can you do headcanons where batfamily and maybe some other heroes are scared by Dick's intelligence?
like "my god, I totally forgot that he was a genius"
wally and dick go on a mission in france and while wally is whipping out google translate dick is already like 'bonjour, je cherche un homme qui s'appelle-'
he runs them out to slovenia on a lead and while wally is back to google translate dick is already helping the perp's grandma file her taxes
"how many languages do you speak?" "mentally? two on a good day." "and technically?" "like thirteen? maybe fourteen if i squint?"
wally's like 'not that i expected anything less from you but what the fuck man'
damian assumes dick is ridiculously stupid at first because he's seen dick's file and it's like 'didn't finish college, hasn't had a stable job ever, still doesn't use his trustfund money' so clearly dick is beneath him
but when damian gets completely stumped over a chemical compound he can't identify, dick manages to identify it after 10 seconds of looking and damian's just like "i'm going to idolise the absolute shit out of you from here on out"
steph gives dick her med school homework to prove to bruce that college is really difficult and he just fills it all in in 15 minutes and hands it over while she's still ranting about the work load.
"how can you know this much about neurobiology?" "i dabble"
12 year old dick grayson accidentally solved superman's case because he thought it was clark's crime novel and he's like "clearly this franklin guy killed his brother, his entire alibi is shit, it's too obvious. honestly uncle clark, i know you can write a better story than this."
jason tried to cheat dick out of a win at a pubquiz by switching all the questions with really specific ones and dick still won.
"which country got was group 4's winner in the european football cup of 1996?" "croatia" "how the fuck"
tim knows that technically, dick is a genius, but he's also seen him flying into walls at 60 miles per hour so he's a little skeptical until dick's like "wanna see me hack the pentagon?" and genuinely hacks the pentagon
no but like in this scene is Bart is literally three feet away from the person destined to betray the human race, the person he's spent his entire life fearing and hating. He has to keep up the pretense of simply being a cheerful, energetic tourist from the future, while in actuality he’s here to find out all he can about his buddy Blue to prevent the Reach apocalypse. That’s why he was in Jaime’s locker in the first place. Not to steal a bag of chips, but because he needed to find out anything and everything he could about him.
And here, where he’s listening to Jaime talk about his insecurities of being Blue Beetle, his expression actually betrays his emotions for a few seconds. It’s in this moment that he realizes Blue Beetle isn’t as bad as he thought, that there’s something in him possibly worth saving.
You can't prove anything
Try me bitch.
Duke *about Tim*: Haven't seen him move yet but I left some coffee out and I keep checking, hopefully he'll get up and leave sometime.
Dick Grayson.
How to play Mario 64 on Dick’s old N64. Bruce was particularly excited about this development because he would play the same game with his oldest during his Robin days.
How to lead team-bonding with the Titans. He’s still working on how to be an effective leader, but with help from Dick, he’ll get there someday.
Jason Todd.
How to pick locks. Sure, Damian already knew how to get out of simple handcuffs and open some doors. But with Jay’s help, no where is off limits to him. Jason only slightly regrets this when Damian scares the shit out of him when the kid is sitting on his couch in the middle of the night after getting past Jay’s defenses.
How to make Jason’s “special” sandwich. It’s a combination that he came up with in his pre-dead days and only Dami and him seem to enjoy whatever it really is made up of.
Cassandra Cain.
When to act and when to be silent. He’s learned mostly from observing Cass and mimicking her behaviors.
How to braid hair. He’s always been curious about different hair styles, and the only other person in the manor with long enough hair to braid is Tim, and that was an awkward conversation he was unwilling to have. Instead, he hung around Cass every time she did Babs’s or Steph’s hair. She noticed immediately and started slowing down for him to watch and learn.
Tim Drake.
How to make paper cranes. It’s a compulsive nervous habit Tim has to grab any paper near him and try to fashion it into an origami piece. Dami would collect them when Tim fell asleep and try to reconstruct them with the folds he had made. After multiple failures, he woke Tim up and demanded he teach him. They spent an entire night making an army of paper cranes.
How to make real friends. Damian has always been jealous of how strong Tim’s friendships were, until he realized the root of that jealousy was his longing to have relationships on the same level. Damian’s friendship with Jon is built off of mannerisms he observed between Tim and Kon.
Duke Thomas.
How to enjoy reading. Before meeting Duke, Damian’s bookshelf was full of books about practical information like biology and self defense. Duke is a big reader of all sorts of genres, which piqued Damian’s interest. While his brother was out patrolling, he stole an old sci-fi book from his room and read the whole series in a matter of hours. Duke noticed later that his bookshelf had been slightly rearranged and put the pieces together. Sometimes he buys new books he thinks Damian will like and puts them where he can easily find them.
How to mend clothing. Damian has always been used to receiving new clothing when his current pieces have been torn or ruined in anyway. One day, Duke sat at the kitchen counter sewing a part of the zipper back his favorite hoodie and Damian sat down next to him, determined to fix a jacket of his own.
House sitting for someone who practically lives in the woods and I have never been more entertained than now just swinging on their rope swing.
- All the kids have (and will) hide under Bruce’s cape. (Bonus if its everyone at the same time and Bruce is trying hard not to trip over an unseen arm or leg)
- Bruce is like a statue when standing. All the young Robins have taken to climbing him for various reasons (boredom, to get his attention, fear of a spider, ect)
- Jason is a culinary artist. Dick will burn cereal (god help him)
- Damian is four foot nothing and his two older brothers abuse the fact that they can pick him up or toss him onto a couch way too easily
- No one (NO ONE) can sneak up on Alfred. Its impossible. All the Bats have tried, and all have failed.
- Even though only the youngest kids live at the manor, every member of the Batfam has their own room with various belongings in case they need to crash. (Jason took the locks off the windows of his room so he sleeps at the manor way more than anyone realizes. Alfred knows, but says nothing)
- The Bats all have each other’s backs at ALL times. You can’t blindside one Bat because another one is already punching you.
- They take bullets for each other and then argue about it.
- You do not try and wake a Batkid. Don’t. Just don’t. I don’t care how peaceful they look. If you put a hand on them, you will be punched. (Bruce has suffered many bruises because of this). Daddybats is the only one who doesn’t because he can’t risk hitting one of his kids who comes into his room after a nightmare.
- Diana Prince is named Godmother to all the Batchildren in Bruce’s will. Alfred (of course) and Clark are both named Godfather.
- Stephanie runs an anonymous Snapchat for the vigilantes of Gotham. It involves lots of candid videos of Nightwing dancing and other Batkids falling asleep. The Snapchat is followed by almost every citizen of Gotham.
- Jason has been caught several times in public with his siblings by the paparazzi. So they decided he was a “bodyguard” for the Waynes. Of course, his appearance set off several conspiracy theories about Jason Todd’s untimely death, but he looks so much older now no one can be sure.
- Half of Damian’s closet is Dick’s clothes. T-shirts, sweaters, even most of Dick’s old clothes from when he was Damian’s age. One time, Damian took one of Jason’s sweatshirts by mistake. Everyone was too surprised to say anything and Damian was too stubborn to admit his fault. So Jason let him keep it.
- The other Bat guilty of stealing clothes is Cass. She regularly wears her brothers’ clothes, resulting in outfits with Dick’s shirt, Jason’s jacket, Tim’s sneakers and Damian’s scarf. (They think she does it to establish dominance, but she genuinely likes the way all the clothes combine to smell like home)
- Damian snacks constantly, even more than Dick. He’s a growing boy who burns off almost every calorie every night, so he’s eating a hole through Alfred’s pantry. Junk food used to make him sick, but he’s since gotten used to chips and cheese puffs and HOARDS them.
- Jason and Dick are HUGE. Both of them. Dick is 6'0" and though he is more on the slender side, he’s still hella built. Jason is taller by three inches, and much thicker (very much a tank). They unintentionally combine to make a very intimidating presence.
- All the batgirls have muscles that no one would BELIEVE. I’m talking full abs and bicep action. You can’t be skinny trying to throw someone twice your weight.
- Jason (like Bruce) is a softie when it comes to kids. His niece asks to paint his nails neon pink? Knock yourself out kiddo. On the other hand, Tim has no clue how to handle children. He was once left to babysit a kidnapped child while the police showed up and tried making conversation with the two year old about physics (it didn’t work out)
- Bruce has an open door policy for every young hero. No explanation needed. Just ask to stay the night and Alfred will have a bed ready for you in 20 mins.
- Damian and Duke binge watch Disney movies together and Dami will sing along if he’s sleepy.
- Barbara will roll her wheelchair over another sibling’s foot if they piss her off (she makes sure they’re not wearing shoes to ensure maximum damage)
(Sorry for the long post :3 feel free to add your own!)
- Cas
There’s been a kitten on my chest for over an hour and I seriously can’t move without waking her. If this is how I go then do be it.
Superman: where's Batman? The meeting was supposed to start 20 minutes ago.
Wonderwoman: could he be in danger?
Green Arrow: someone maybe should call him BEFORE we go into defcon 1
Superman: [calls the bat-line]
Oracle: [answers] this is O. How can I help?
Superman: Hi Oracle. Batman was supposed to be at the tower 20 minutes ago. Do you know where he is?
Oracle: let me check... yeah, he's at the cave, I can connect you to the security cameras?
Superman: Please.
Oracle: ok.
-The batcave shows up on screen, Bruce and some of the kids present-
Batman: [Mid sentence] -OUTRAGEOUS STUNT!!
Damian: [scowling, arms crossed] -tt-
Batman: Do NOT scoff at me, young man!
Jason: [snorts]
Batman: Are you Laughing?! This is reckless even by YOUR standards Jason!
Jason: yeah... but you said-
Batman: [menacing] What?!
Jason: [looks at Dick and mimes "young man"]
Batman: Don't look at-
Dick: [loudly and jovially] THERE'S NO NEED TO FEEL DOWN
Batman: Wh-
Steph: I said YOUNG MAN [spins to point at Tim]
Tim: [Fingerguns at Steph] Pick yourself off the ground!
Batman: [floundering] En-
Dick: I said YOUNG MAN
Jason: 'Cause you're in a new town!
Duke: [from the locker rooms] There's no need to be unhappy!
Batman: [to Duke] You're not even in trouble!
Steph and Tim: YOUNG MAN there's a place you can go!
Dick: [throws an arm around Jason's shoulders] I said YOUNG MAN! When you're short on your dough!
Jason: You can STAY THERE!
Batman: That's EN-
Dick and Jason: [turn to Damian, grinning expectantly] and I'm sure you will find-!!
Damian: [glaring and without enthusiasm] ...many ways to have a good time.
Batman: Don't-
All the batkids: [chorusing] It's fun to stay at the B-A-T CAVE
Batman: [finally loses it] WHY???!!
-
Superman: ...
Green Arrow: ...well someone has to say it.
The Flash: That he should get an award for parenting that lot?
Green Arrow: that clearly inherited behaviour has nothing to do with genetics. I grew up with Bruce Wayne; he deserves every second of this
Jason: It’s 2019 why can’t I delete people in real life?
Later
Jason: Ok. So it turns out what I was thinking of is called murder.