Let’s See How I Do When I Get Three Wisdom Teeth Removed Tomorrow. Aaaaaahhhhhhhh Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. I’m

Our horror movie night goes with the second movie being cat in the hat and someone yelling “YOU WILL NOT SIMP FOR LIVE ACTION CAT IN THE HAT!” And someone asking if they can drink my gain laundry detergent. My response was becoming the mom friend and shouting “NNOOOOOO!!!”

dick grayson: but I mean, an arranged marriage? that’s just too out there for me to be okay with.

tim drake: oh, I don’t know, dick, an arranged marriage might be fun. you know stephanie and I have something like that. sometimes I’ll dress up as an opossum and scream at stephie until she gets up to smack my ass with a broom and then she chases me around our bedroom, and we-

jason todd: tim! tim! ‘arranged marriage’, alright, not 'deranged marriage’!

You changed your url and theme and everything!!! You're a whole new fish! It looks great!

Thank you!! But my threats for you to do homework still stand.

"Fuckin wild." 😂😂😂

Anyone got good advice for a cat who goes after the carpet by your door at 5am and wakes you up to be fed? I’ve tried oil and spray but those proved ineffective for repellent and ignoring cat only makes damage to carpet worse. I just want to sleep in without waking up to a cats needs of being fed at 5am instead of maybe 8 or 9am. She can’t sleep in my room due to mom having allergic reaction to cats and so I keep more cat hair off keeping her out.

Life is “great” when you’re having a productive day then your power steering goes out on your new car. I’ve only had her for 2 weeks 🥺

I’m not gonna die just yet. I have plans.

A guide to working the night shift

Check it there is going to be a full moon. If there is not, go in as normal. You will be okay.

If there will be a full moon, it is essential to follow this guide.

Get lots of sleep the day before.

Bring a fully charged phone, snacks, and water. Do not bring any flavored drink. The spirits will turn it to water, anyway.

About an hour before work, drive to your nearest Church. Do not walk or take the bus. If you must, ignore anyone who tries to talk to you on the way. They will be spirits trying to learn more about you.

Enter the Church and put some holy water on your hand. This will not do particularly anything, but it is nice to have some reassurance.

If there is an old man in the pews, ask him for his greatest piece of advice. If he ignores you, and he will, ask him again. He will tell you to be careful at work tonight. Make sure to thank him for his time, he will appreciate your manners.

Drive to work. Be a bit early, the spirits will not expect you to be early.

If you know your co-worker(s) well, ask them for gum. If they give you mint, back away slowly and continue working as normal. They are a spirit in disguise. Any other flavor, tell them to leave early. Do not take no for an answer.

If you do not know your co-worker(s) well, do not get too attached. They will be dead before 11pm. Do not feel guilty, there is nothing you can do.

Keep an eye on the clock. Do not walk or talk loudly, it can hear you. Do not wonder about what “it” is, you wouldn’t be able to fathom it anyway.

Once the clock hits 11 pm, the lights will go off. Do not worry, they will go back on soon.

When they come back on, your co-workers will be gone. Do not cry. The spirits will not pity you. There will be 3 customers left. 2 are spirits, one is real. You should help the real customer escape, he will give you something you need. However, you cannot leave with them. It will not allow you to.

Approach the first customer. Ask him if he needs any help. Slowly tap your foot while talking with them. If they cover their ears, apologize. They are a spirit. Spirits hate foot tapping. They will not hurt you, at least for now. Repeat until you find the real customer.

Tell the real customer that Bob sent you. He will know what you mean. He will begin to exit the store with his items in hand, unpaid for. Remind him that he must pay. He will glance at you, then begin walking out again. Do not worry, he will have paid you. You will find out what he gave you soon.

Now, you will be alone with the two spirit customers. Relax for a little bit, the worst is yet to come. Drink your water, but not too much. You don’t know what the spirits could have put in there.

Once the clock hits midnight, the lights will shut off again. Except this time they will not come back on. Leave the register, go to the back of the store. You will see a bottle of water that is upside down. Take it and drink it, for that is not water. You will be able to see better now.

Items from the shelves will begin to fall over. Pick them back up. You are, after all, working the night shift. If items from the fridges begin to fall, the spirits are extra angry. You must have wronged them. I told you to follow the guide exactly. I am sorry. Death is not what you should fear. What will happen to you is much worse than death.

If the fridges stay intact, you are safe for now. Do not talk or yell. Do not bother calling the police. Call your mom. Mother knows best. She will pick up. Although, it will not be your mom. Nevertheless, listen to her. She will tell you how to contact the spirits. I cannot share that information with you.

Use her instructions and contact the spirits. Ask them to spare you. They will say no. That is expected.

Spirits do not spare people willingly. They take trades, however. It is not easy to trade with a spirit. They only accept souls. People are only born with one soul, their own.

Put your hand in your right pocket. You will feel something indescribable. Do not pull it out. It is what the real customer paid you with, a soul. Do not feel bad, he has many.

Contact the spirits using the method from before. If you do not remember how there is nothing you can do. I am sorry. Your fate is sealed.

Tell the spirits you have a trade. Take the soul out of your pocket, and hold it up above your head. You will feel your legs begin to weaken. You will fall to your knees, and eventually you will pass out. You will wake up with the soul gone and the lights back on. Continue working as normal, the spirits have spared you.

Do not speak of this event to anyone, the spirits will not take kindly to that. They will appreciate your silence. Make sure to call your mom and thank her. She will not have any idea what you are talking about, but she will appreciate the gesture.

More guides

A Guide to Keeping your Heart Soft

How to enter your subconscious

If you are a researcher or adventurer and want to share a guide, join our subreddit!

Brotherly love ft. Tim and Jason 

I’m talking ASL and now that I’ve learned the word throw and how to sign it I will refer to it as yeet from now on.

things damian has learned from his siblings

Dick Grayson.

How to play Mario 64 on Dick’s old N64. Bruce was particularly excited about this development because he would play the same game with his oldest during his Robin days.

How to lead team-bonding with the Titans. He’s still working on how to be an effective leader, but with help from Dick, he’ll get there someday.

Jason Todd.

How to pick locks. Sure, Damian already knew how to get out of simple handcuffs and open some doors. But with Jay’s help, no where is off limits to him. Jason only slightly regrets this when Damian scares the shit out of him when the kid is sitting on his couch in the middle of the night after getting past Jay’s defenses.

How to make Jason’s “special” sandwich. It’s a combination that he came up with in his pre-dead days and only Dami and him seem to enjoy whatever it really is made up of. 

Cassandra Cain.

When to act and when to be silent. He’s learned mostly from observing Cass and mimicking her behaviors.

How to braid hair. He’s always been curious about different hair styles, and the only other person in the manor with long enough hair to braid is Tim, and that was an awkward conversation he was unwilling to have. Instead, he hung around Cass every time she did Babs’s or Steph’s hair. She noticed immediately and started slowing down for him to watch and learn.

Tim Drake.

How to make paper cranes. It’s a compulsive nervous habit Tim has to grab any paper near him and try to fashion it into an origami piece. Dami would collect them when Tim fell asleep and try to reconstruct them with the folds he had made. After multiple failures, he woke Tim up and demanded he teach him. They spent an entire night making an army of paper cranes.

How to make real friends. Damian has always been jealous of how strong Tim’s friendships were, until he realized the root of that jealousy was his longing to have relationships on the same level. Damian’s friendship with Jon is built off of mannerisms he observed between Tim and Kon.

Duke Thomas.

How to enjoy reading. Before meeting Duke, Damian’s bookshelf was full of books about practical information like biology and self defense. Duke is a big reader of all sorts of genres, which piqued Damian’s interest. While his brother was out patrolling, he stole an old sci-fi book from his room and read the whole series in a matter of hours. Duke noticed later that his bookshelf had been slightly rearranged and put the pieces together. Sometimes he buys new books he thinks Damian will like and puts them where he can easily find them.

How to mend clothing. Damian has always been used to receiving new clothing when his current pieces have been torn or ruined in anyway. One day, Duke sat at the kitchen counter sewing a part of the zipper back his favorite hoodie and Damian sat down next to him, determined to fix a jacket of his own.