24th April, 2022. 18:22.

“He’s toxic. His smile will poison you. His boyish charm dangerous. The glint in his eyes as he challenges you to do something devious is lethal.”

— (via hellothisistruth)

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[ ☎ ] my muse calls yours in tears.

[ ✪ ] our muses are stuck in an elevator together.

[ ◐ ] my muse is having a sleepover with your muse.

[ ✿ ] my muse attempts to cook dinner for your muse.

[ ◈ ] my muse makes a drunk confession to your muse.

[ ღ ] my muse makes an attempt to cheer your muse up.

[ ✦ ] my muse pushes yours out of frustration/anger.

[ ❢ ] my muse discovers yours all bloodied and bruised.

[ ➤ ] my muse accidentally punches your muse in the face.

[ ⌚ ] my muse recalls their favorite memory with your muse.

[ ✜ ] my muse collapses in front of yours, all bloodied and bruised.

[ ☯ ] my muse tells yours that they never want to see them again.

[ ✈ ] my muse asks yours to accompany them on a trip/mission/etc.

[ ● ] my muse catches yours snooping through their belongings.

[ ☻ ] my muse wakes up in your muse’s closet the night after a party.

[ ✌ ] my muse reaches out to yours after months of no communication.

[ ☢ ] the car broke down in an unfamiliar part of town, and our muses are lost.

[ ✠ ] it’s three in the morning and my muse unexpectedly arrives at your muse’s home.

[ ☁ ] the entire city is without power due to a storm, and our muses run into each other during a supply run.

6th october, thursday.

the same hotel ever since returning from usa, it doesn't feel like home.

on second thought, that makes sense. she doesn't have a home anymore. family stern about the issues having to be sorted out before jennie earns another shot at deserving the title as their daughter. and even then it would merely offer a chance of them considering letting her move back in. but is it home? welcoming? no, not anymore. the other home no longer exists either, he is long gone and that is something she feels almost daily. you don't belong anywhere, jennie.

the days have been long and busy, rehearsals for the upcoming tour and she is glad, no one asks there, all concerns drowned out inbetween loud music, focus, and patterns through steps and motion. practice for selling a dream, that they are strong and perfect. worthy of being idols. her manager asks if she wants to come over for dinner late one evening, it's sincere, easily noted in his cautiousness when asking. jennie faces him with tired eyes, the smile polite but with no life in it.

'no, i'm on a diet, remember?'

that earns a dishonest chuckle from him before he merely nods once, repeating the diet part for himself. knows it's bullshit. yet her excuse looks too valid for him to argue with it, she looks drained. much like the times when dieting too hard (or when her heart has been broken, or rumors have been too much, or times when guilt spreads her happiness thin) but what is he to say? she is an adult.

the remainder of the ride passes in silence. by her favourite hotel ( the one with the charming indoor pool that you can see the moon from ! ) jennie lingers with a hand on the door of the car, for an instance he wonders if the barely-heard words only exist in his imagination, but her eyes are a bit sad. no, actually sad. so he knows he heard it --

'.. but thank you.'

the door is shut before any questions can be asked. sometimes he worries that jennie is going to do more than just kill the old parts of herself. they say women with nothing to lose aren't scared of ruin. he has a feeling it will become a fulltime job if she takes the approach her LA friends do, a hedonistic party girl will have a hard time in the eyes of the korean industry.

[ ✿ ] - my muse attempts to cook dinner for your muse. eunwoo & jennie.

it looks like something straight out of a horror movie. hair slick to her cheeks, water still dripping from the strands and it's officially autumn now, if eunwoo hadn't noticed before he surely will now as a drenched jennie shows up by his door at 1:58 am. when it rains it pours, not only in the sense that one tragedy is followed by many others, clearly it also applies to the weather. a late-night walk along the river ended up here, after a keycard was lost and a phone screen shattered. she simply tried to drown out the blues, not literally end up looking like someone who had been too close to drowning.

"i lost my room key." silence, "… and wrecked my phone.."

scared it sounds like an excuse she quickly coaxes up a formerly-functional phone from her pocket, showing it for the man in front of her as if it had been the aforementioned roomkey to earn access ; but to his apartment, rather than the hotel room she rents while her family doesn't want to see her. ( refuses to, if painfully honest )

by now eunwoo has progressed why someone is at the door in the middle of a rainy night. jennie ponders about if he also had been up, listening to the rainfall against the windows, let the blues in, or perhaps slept, when he sighs: 'get in, you're crazy.'

fifteen or so minutes later she sits on one of his kitchen-counters in a borrowed tee and sweats, towel over her shoulders to dry up her hair because it is far too late for either of them to start mopping his floors. a yawn stifled behind one hand, eunwoo struggling not to mirror her while unenthustiastically poking a burnt piece of toast in a most questionable mixture that jennie swears is the correct way of making brioche french toast.

'are you really sure this is how—' he chimes in, a concerned glance in direction up from .. whatever that is .. and towards the still half-drenched woman sitting there. her "yes, i googled it!" is quicker than what sounds trustworthy, especially if having heard jennie admit not having cooked much over the past two years, which recently was mentioned on radio, and she hopes he is unaware of that. yet before they have a chance to argue about jennie's former cooking skills it's——

stuck.

until the spatula forcefully gets underneath burnt bread, flinging it off the pan and straight onto the floor … surprise on both their faces, yet eunwoo stares at the pan in absolute disbelief. this couldn't possibly have happened. and mere seconds later the tiredness is like forgotten when soft laughter fills the room.

"let's just order delivery or make ramen instead..?" probably the first good idea jennie has had over the past 24 hours.

Tender is the night For a broken heart Who will dry your eyes When it falls apart?

19th september, monday.

she doesn't know it yet -- but this is not going to be her week. monday. an iffy day in general according to popular opinion. perhaps not now, when far from the blues and closer to warmth that feels like summer ; LA. that reasoning lasts for a while ... only a while.

right before recording a performance for a tv segment she is nudged aside by the manager. eyes flickering up to catch sight of his face - then and there, without a word, jennie recognizes this is bad.

what's wrong..? her words go by ignored, a refusal for any sort of explanation or even response until they reach the group's makeup room which has been abandoned by the others.

i haven't done anything, i promise--

interrupted.

they have all your photos.

...all?

disbelief. perhaps she is playing dumb, or simply unable to imagine how fucking bad it is.

the way in which his hand leaves her shoulder is anything but reassuring, yet she stares up at him -- as if she cannot risk blinking in fear of what might come next. ( but no way she could hear wrong on this one ) he is only 4 years older than her, a close friend after the many travels and issues dealt with together. thus, the carefulness in the moment is somehow scaring her more than occasionally being lectured, and he is so visibly uncomfortable, more than jennie ; understandable as her gaze remains locked on him and ........

jennie. they're leaking your nudes..

while he still avoids meeting her eyes there is something so sad in how his voice is filled with nothing but defeat once uttering those words out loud. her name itself spoken almost like an apology. in that second jennie fails to comprehend this is about her, and it feels easier to focus on the concern for her own manager rather than grasp the reality.

reality hits hard when alone a few hours later.

somewhere between then and getting the news, jennie had slept, cried, deleted her private social media accounts, changed passwords. had ignored her mother's phone calls, all five of them. alongside the spam of concerned texts. ( the vision of her father never talking to her again after this got her too ashamed to. )

jennie is mourning the death of the image had -- knowing it will never be the same now, the internet never forgets. those pictures meant only for the love of her life, and no one else. but she cannot reach out to him now, and that is where the stress sets in. how do you rely on anyone now that your mistakes are for the whole world to see? she misses him. wouldn't he have told her that they could run away, find a spot where no one recognizes them? bring her wine, or food? walk through empty streets with his arm pressed against hers on nights when sleep was scared off by anxiety?

it was an easier time when relying on him, but that was then. nothing lasts forever - life so harshly teaches her time and time again.

in the unholy hours of the night jennie leaves the rented LA villa. hints of smeared mascara that has been covered up by makeup, phone on do not disturb. she plans to get in trouble, just to feel something else.

jenrubyjane

03.03 / 16:13kst

blinks 🤍 i’m writing this post just in case you guys might get surprised. while taking this small break i’ve been looking after my health, eaten well and slept but while i was exercising, i took a wrong step and fell down and got a small injury on my face 🥺 i hoped it’d heal quickly so that you wouldn’t worry, but it’s still in the process of recovering so i think i’m going to have a band-aid on my face for a while. even if i look dumb, please understand ☺️ i want to put on a good show for everyone and i’m sorry. promise i’ll get better soon so don’t worry, see you soon.

03.03 / 16:19kst

you reallyreally don’t need to worry ☺️

03.03 / 16:24kst

that’s why… i can’t really take much pictures these days and i’m getting treatment everyday 🤦‍♀️ i’m sorry blinks 🤕🤕🤕

03.03 / 16:25kst

but now that i’ve told you i’ll try to take pictures even with the band-aid on 🙊🙊🙊