Jenrubyjane

25th may, 2022. 22:11.

it’s cloudy. the summer-air outside hot and stuffy, but inside the ventilated apartment she covers up in a cropped cardigan for extra warmth. air always clean, easy to breathe, dogs playing with each other and it’s like she is 14 again.

if ignoring how it has been a month since her last dinner at home, and how it hadn’t precisely gone well. that time over a hair color and the rumors carried home after coachella. now? she’s called into the living room by her father, somehow a similarity with how she got called into the office at the company building. but worse.

….exactly like being 14 again.

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24th april, 2022. 18:22.

’he’s angry because this could compromise things for him at work…’

the half-whispered reassurance sounds more like it’s uttered to justify her father, who just slammed a door shut on the way to the in-home office, rather than something meant to comfort jennie.

the kitchen table doesn’t feel like *home* today. or maybe too much like home.

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a long week.

jennie rarely lies, unless it causes less concern for those in her surroundings.

hence she lies to her managers when they drive her to the hospital, it’s an accident — tripped on the treadmill again. melodic warmth in her voice but no smile to match it, because the slightest movement of facial muscles causes skin to tug over the open wound and .. it hurts, even if she audibly won’t admit it. 

you’ve been through worse, she coaxes herself into thinking. perhaps the issue is that she got nowhere to reach for comfort, when surroundings are filled with guesses and misconceptions, and she has no patience for explaining the long story of why, or how. likewise, jennie prefers accepting her mistakes as her own, and dislikes not being able to show her best side to those important in her life. acting, at its finest.

it’s tuesday, which also becomes the last time she sees him. until this moment it had merely been subtle bruises on an arm, from conversations that had gotten too direct for his personal tastes. (how come your friend taka says that you’re.. married..? why don’t you find me pretty anymore?) jennie asking too many questions, wanting the clarity, reassurance — anything. things once a given between them, reasons his initial lays permanently inked on her skin - a vast difference from the promises not kept and the reality he showed her.

it backfires, as always. he says he is scared, damaged, lust isn’t important, it’s only her for him, and she believes it. 

until this time.

because jennie no longer loves this man.

———— under the uncomfortably florescent hospital lights alison peers over towards jennie, unamused with the sight, perhaps wondering if the idol did this to herself. it wouldn’t be entirely faulty of a guess, there are certain things one shouldn’t entertain, not even in the name of love. but jennie does.

contrary to popular belief it isn’t an act of harming herself, that can be done without painting it under the illusion of something as inspiring as love.

‘i called your mom.’ 

silence. jennie hasn’t managed to appease her family yet as the aftermath of her scandalous mishaps still hang over her head. now living in her own apartment instead of with them she has simply been unable to find reasons to see them, excuses of tours and being busy helping with just that. so her mother, hearing of this?

pitiful, and hard to swallow. not only because of pride. it reminds of that time in 2017 when jennie dated a very famous man, cunning and manipulative, and the reason she knows her family would stand by a reputable man rather than their daughter. it stings — but maybe not as much as her cheek and eye-area.

‘that was unnecessary..?’ she musters after a moment, gazes no longer meeting because jennie fidgets with her own fingertips as if it would be the most fascinating thing in the world. 

‘she’s going with us to malaysia.’ 

head raised now, an unspoken why? ‘it’s not like i’m going to kill myself.’ slips with a sigh of defeat, possibly annoyance. neither of her parents came to their seoul concerts for what could be the girl-group’s final tour, she would’ve been happy with them being there - not with this.

————

about a day to go until another concert, she should have thought of an excuse for when people sees her in public again but the night is spent awake out of concern for jiho. she can’t put a finger on it, yet somehow jennie feels at fault and saddened by that scenario ; still there is nothing in her might that can fix it, unless he lets her. ironically that helplessness drowns out the own struggles.

on the way to the airport it hits her that she cannot hide this from her surroundings anymore. but she is going to try.

it wouldn’t be the first time she fell on a treadmill.

but preferably the last.

jenrubyjane 03.03 / 16:13kst blinks 🤍 i’m writing this post just in case you guys might get surprised. while taking this small break i’ve been looking after my health, eaten well and slept but while i was exercising, i took a wrong step and fell down and got a small injury on my face 🥺 i hoped it’d heal quickly so that you wouldn’t worry, but it’s still in the process of recovering so i think i’m going to have a band-aid on my face for a while. even if i look dumb, please understand ☺️ i want to put on a good show for everyone and i’m sorry. promise i’ll get better soon so don’t worry, see you soon.

[lawyer voice] the prosecution makes a compelling argument, but have you considered this *puts middle finger up*

“I don’t want to be a piece of art. Nobody touches artwork. They just look from afar and move on.”

— Azra.T  (via 5000letters)

“Come over. I don’t really mind whether we talk for hours, get blind drunk, or sit in silence and look up to the stars. Sometimes, the world down here just gets a bit much, and I need to lose myself in someone’s company for a little while.”

— Beau Taplin

SEND A SYMBOL FOR A CORRESPONDING PROMPT/STARTER.

[ ☎ ] my muse calls yours in tears.

[ ✪ ] our muses are stuck in an elevator together.

[ ◐ ] my muse is having a sleepover with your muse.

[ ✿ ] my muse attempts to cook dinner for your muse.

[ ◈ ] my muse makes a drunk confession to your muse.

[ ღ ] my muse makes an attempt to cheer your muse up.

[ ✦ ] my muse pushes yours out of frustration/anger.

[ ❢ ] my muse discovers yours all bloodied and bruised.

[ ➤ ] my muse accidentally punches your muse in the face.

[ ⌚ ] my muse recalls their favorite memory with your muse.

[ ✜ ] my muse collapses in front of yours, all bloodied and bruised.

[ ☯ ] my muse tells yours that they never want to see them again.

[ ✈ ] my muse asks yours to accompany them on a trip/mission/etc.

[ ● ] my muse catches yours snooping through their belongings.

[ ☻ ] my muse wakes up in your muse’s closet the night after a party.

[ ✌ ] my muse reaches out to yours after months of no communication.

[ ☢ ] the car broke down in an unfamiliar part of town, and our muses are lost.

[ ✠ ] it’s three in the morning and my muse unexpectedly arrives at your muse’s home.

[ ☁ ] the entire city is without power due to a storm, and our muses run into each other during a supply run.

BORN PINK in Seoul (Day 2)

Tender is the night For a broken heart Who will dry your eyes When it falls apart?

24th january, tuesday.

paris fashion week. no, wait.. that was not why they were there this time. but it is the reason jennie faces discomfort, and what has most of her attention.

an invite delivered with a bouquet of flowers, both sent to her hotel room early in the morning the day before, outfit chosen and tailored .. smiles and childish excitement, excuses to be made pretty and expensive clothes still thrill her even after these almost seven years .. seven years ago, that man already loved paris, french erotic movies, french horror, and there had been plans to go there together throughout their 7-month relationship .. irony, but those are thoughts that won't cross jennie's mind for a few more hours. until then she exists in excitement, blissfully unaware.

as an idol she is anything but a stranger to sneaking away or missing out on experiences for love, but on the day of the fashion show she is met by the news that her ex boyfriend is in attendance of the same show. suddenly: the impulsive choice of ditching an important event because this is the love who snuck into her nightmares even years after it ended.

perhaps things would have looked different if it had been her second or third -- bashful glances and corners of lips curving upwards, while knowing it wouldn't go further. no harm besides planned futures which no longer are shared. quite an ordinary thing in life.

but on paris streets roam her first love, a man who taught her that peaceful love and honesty isn't granted only because there is a relationship between two people. him, the creator of now faint outlines of scars on her thighs. and the memories of being disposable, not good enough for his eyes (and hands) to linger only on her. paired with the insults, comparisons, lies. but he is a superstar. and she cannot risk standing there with him, face to face. because he never lost an argument. a proof in itself after he refused to dismiss their years-late rumors of dating, jennie considers it a petty act of revenge, because nothing in this world would tie her to that man by choice anymore. 2017 jennie simply hadn't been as clever and sometimes the consequences come much later. but who ever think they will be followed by the past to this extent?

wine. the chosen poison of the day. not the correct one, but she will call a friend for further assistance, that chanel show is going to be forgotten by blowing a month's rent on shopping.

no one needs to know why jennie bailed on her fashionshow schedule all of a sudden, not even her friend.