Fauxrubies - Ruby Jane

a long week.

jennie rarely lies, unless it causes less concern for those in her surroundings.

hence she lies to her managers when they drive her to the hospital, it’s an accident — tripped on the treadmill again. melodic warmth in her voice but no smile to match it, because the slightest movement of facial muscles causes skin to tug over the open wound and .. it hurts, even if she audibly won’t admit it. 

you’ve been through worse, she coaxes herself into thinking. perhaps the issue is that she got nowhere to reach for comfort, when surroundings are filled with guesses and misconceptions, and she has no patience for explaining the long story of why, or how. likewise, jennie prefers accepting her mistakes as her own, and dislikes not being able to show her best side to those important in her life. acting, at its finest.

it’s tuesday, which also becomes the last time she sees him. until this moment it had merely been subtle bruises on an arm, from conversations that had gotten too direct for his personal tastes. (how come your friend taka says that you’re.. married..? why don’t you find me pretty anymore?) jennie asking too many questions, wanting the clarity, reassurance — anything. things once a given between them, reasons his initial lays permanently inked on her skin - a vast difference from the promises not kept and the reality he showed her.

it backfires, as always. he says he is scared, damaged, lust isn’t important, it’s only her for him, and she believes it. 

until this time.

because jennie no longer loves this man.

———— under the uncomfortably florescent hospital lights alison peers over towards jennie, unamused with the sight, perhaps wondering if the idol did this to herself. it wouldn’t be entirely faulty of a guess, there are certain things one shouldn’t entertain, not even in the name of love. but jennie does.

contrary to popular belief it isn’t an act of harming herself, that can be done without painting it under the illusion of something as inspiring as love.

‘i called your mom.’ 

silence. jennie hasn’t managed to appease her family yet as the aftermath of her scandalous mishaps still hang over her head. now living in her own apartment instead of with them she has simply been unable to find reasons to see them, excuses of tours and being busy helping with just that. so her mother, hearing of this?

pitiful, and hard to swallow. not only because of pride. it reminds of that time in 2017 when jennie dated a very famous man, cunning and manipulative, and the reason she knows her family would stand by a reputable man rather than their daughter. it stings — but maybe not as much as her cheek and eye-area.

‘that was unnecessary..?’ she musters after a moment, gazes no longer meeting because jennie fidgets with her own fingertips as if it would be the most fascinating thing in the world. 

‘she’s going with us to malaysia.’ 

head raised now, an unspoken why? ‘it’s not like i’m going to kill myself.’ slips with a sigh of defeat, possibly annoyance. neither of her parents came to their seoul concerts for what could be the girl-group’s final tour, she would’ve been happy with them being there - not with this.

————

about a day to go until another concert, she should have thought of an excuse for when people sees her in public again but the night is spent awake out of concern for jiho. she can’t put a finger on it, yet somehow jennie feels at fault and saddened by that scenario ; still there is nothing in her might that can fix it, unless he lets her. ironically that helplessness drowns out the own struggles.

on the way to the airport it hits her that she cannot hide this from her surroundings anymore. but she is going to try.

it wouldn’t be the first time she fell on a treadmill.

but preferably the last.

jenrubyjane 03.03 / 16:13kst blinks 🤍 i’m writing this post just in case you guys might get surprised. while taking this small break i’ve been looking after my health, eaten well and slept but while i was exercising, i took a wrong step and fell down and got a small injury on my face 🥺 i hoped it’d heal quickly so that you wouldn’t worry, but it’s still in the process of recovering so i think i’m going to have a band-aid on my face for a while. even if i look dumb, please understand ☺️ i want to put on a good show for everyone and i’m sorry. promise i’ll get better soon so don’t worry, see you soon.

“Come over. I don’t really mind whether we talk for hours, get blind drunk, or sit in silence and look up to the stars. Sometimes, the world down here just gets a bit much, and I need to lose myself in someone’s company for a little while.”

— Beau Taplin

♡%    .  .  .    ❀ ❜  an au  celebrity character  inspired  by  the idol & the  many  rumors  and  things  heard  of   jennie  kim.

         a  collection  of  industry  chaos  and  rich  girl  problems.   by  m.

twitter / carrd ( read for plots, disclaimer, stats & about )

“He’s toxic. His smile will poison you. His boyish charm dangerous. The glint in his eyes as he challenges you to do something devious is lethal.”

— (via hellothisistruth)

“I just want one person to fight for me. To make me feel like I’m worth never letting go. I need someone to fight for me so selflessly and passionately; so much so, I can feel it through the universe. I want someone to hold on tight to me, because they know I’m worth it, the way I know I’m worth it.”

— Treka L. House

6th october, thursday.

the same hotel ever since returning from usa, it doesn't feel like home.

on second thought, that makes sense. she doesn't have a home anymore. family stern about the issues having to be sorted out before jennie earns another shot at deserving the title as their daughter. and even then it would merely offer a chance of them considering letting her move back in. but is it home? welcoming? no, not anymore. the other home no longer exists either, he is long gone and that is something she feels almost daily. you don't belong anywhere, jennie.

the days have been long and busy, rehearsals for the upcoming tour and she is glad, no one asks there, all concerns drowned out inbetween loud music, focus, and patterns through steps and motion. practice for selling a dream, that they are strong and perfect. worthy of being idols. her manager asks if she wants to come over for dinner late one evening, it's sincere, easily noted in his cautiousness when asking. jennie faces him with tired eyes, the smile polite but with no life in it.

'no, i'm on a diet, remember?'

that earns a dishonest chuckle from him before he merely nods once, repeating the diet part for himself. knows it's bullshit. yet her excuse looks too valid for him to argue with it, she looks drained. much like the times when dieting too hard (or when her heart has been broken, or rumors have been too much, or times when guilt spreads her happiness thin) but what is he to say? she is an adult.

the remainder of the ride passes in silence. by her favourite hotel ( the one with the charming indoor pool that you can see the moon from ! ) jennie lingers with a hand on the door of the car, for an instance he wonders if the barely-heard words only exist in his imagination, but her eyes are a bit sad. no, actually sad. so he knows he heard it --

'.. but thank you.'

the door is shut before any questions can be asked. sometimes he worries that jennie is going to do more than just kill the old parts of herself. they say women with nothing to lose aren't scared of ruin. he has a feeling it will become a fulltime job if she takes the approach her LA friends do, a hedonistic party girl will have a hard time in the eyes of the korean industry.

Everyone around me: Stop doing stupid shit Me: no im sad