No Shade To Daddy Stoker But I Find It Sad That Now Every Story About Vampires Set In Slavoland Is Doomed

Honestly be pretentious as fuck about the stuff you create. Do a press release for your fanfic updates. Do a Q&A about your webcomic. Make fake merch designs for your OCs. Commission "official" book covers. Very few of us will ever get to a stage where something we've created Makes It Big but even if you have an audience of 5 people plus a shoelace fucking indulge yourself and pretend!! It's the only way to live!!

Idk about the stained glass from the treasure gacha, but this thing from the guild museum – isn't this Shadow Milk's portrait?

I don't know about the shapes and all, but he seems to have that braid from the portrait in the silhouette of his past self. Also it says that it's the first headmaster of the Blueberry Yogurt Academy, and since it has so many much of his imagery (the eyes and all), this also might mean that Shadow Milk was the founder of the Academy.

Doomed Love.

CW: Minor blood and eye injury.

The faerie monarch sobbed softly, holding his lover close as he was tethering between life and death, as the corruption slowly overtook his cooling person once more.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry...! I'll- I'll fix this somehow! I'll save you! I'll save your friends I-"

He was cut off by a pained chuckle from the jester.

"Silly.. Monarch... You... You know...this would happen..."

Ahahahahah yes that's right The Beasts are a thing in this AU too. (Just in case yall missed out those crumbs of details in my refs post of DE and Matcha)

Keep in mind that there will be NOTHING like canon. But rest assured, I won't remove the fun stuff. Like Shadow Milk's theater show that looked like a divorce between him and Faerie, and Mystic Flour psychologically torturing Cacao.

Trust me :}

Also this drawing is like,,, months old

Vampire the Masquerade: Twilight

I'm going to do one sinful thing and do a VTM/Twilight crossover, but after Cookie Run and Winx Club, I don't find it that surprising anymore. Sorry for my bad English in advance.

In fact, I'm surprised that only few people have noticed the similarities between the two at all – and as someone who has obsessed over Twilight since childhood and developed an obsession with VTM a year ago, I can say that there are literally entire tropes in Twilight that leave the impression that Stephenie Meyer directly copied them from Revised rulebook.

Or, perhaps, she just didn’t like looking for the sarcophagus, which is... valid (Twilight came out in October 5, 2005 and VTMB in November 16, 2004).

But all jokes aside, I think adapting Twilight into a TTRPG would be really interesting because I would die to read a fanfic with that crossover (or maybe I'll just have to write it myself 🥲). But before I start assigning characters to clans, I need to address a few things:

⏳ The setting of Twilight is those same weird times of Thin Blood that the Camarilla Elders were so afraid of (and, as it turns out, for a good reason 💀), where Kindred aren't afraid of the sun or at least aren't as affected by it, and the power over the world of vampires was seized by the Italian mafia. It would be funny to simply assign the Volturi to the Giovanni clan, but all the characters from there would fit perfectly into other clans, so let’s take it that in this universe the concepts of «clan» and «sect» have merged together.

👑 Speaking of which: the Volturi are clearly the local equivalent of the Camarilla. I joked above that Meyer’s inspirational guide to her world of vampires was the Revised rulebook, but I am quite seriously convinced that at least she must have heard the word «Masquerade» somewhere – otherwise, I don’t see where else this similarity came from. An elitist, corrupt ruling community of old vampire farts who are (literally) petrified with time, where not everyone can get, and who make a living by imposing immutable laws (Traditions) and enforcing strict punishments for non-compliance. Or maybe I'm just delusional...

🏴 All the other «clans» (in Twilight that's a group of vampires who, for whatever reasons, decide to stick together and have a more or less publicly open life, but a more appropriate term would be coterie), such as the Cullens or Denali, are, firstly, doomed to nomadism, since they cannot afford permanent protection as in Volterra, and, secondly, they are local Anarchs. But not the kind of Anarch Kindred of Downtown LA (Nines would be disappointed in them), but rather as an Oligarchy of Anarch Barons, like in Hollywood. They don't have the balls to openly tell the Volturilla and their laws to hell, but they preserve the Masquerade strictly, even to the point of organized combat campaigns, as it was in the end of Eclipse.

🩸 Now, packs like James's clan are obvious remnants of the Sabbat. Unlike the local Anarchs, they wander constantly without settling anywhere, even for a short time, and don't even care about the Masquerade, taking people away from them only in cases of extreme necessity. They are absolutely not concerned about the secrecy of their crimes, their level of humanity is much below average, which they, however, don't worry about, since they completely devote themselves to the Beast.

Also! There's a thing about the soul. In Twilight, the general consensus among vampires is that they don't have one. All those who somehow spoke out on this matter (Aro, Edward, Carlisle) claimed that they were soulless monsters, doomed to Hell, driven only by bloodthirsty instincts. I've heard something similar before... only in VTM it is called the Beast.

So, let's begin.

I. We'll start with the most obvious example, that not only fits perfectly with the description of one entire clan in VTM, but also helps define other characters within the Cullen family. Edward is an obvious Toreador.

And when I say obvious, I mean not only his personality (the archetype of the self-righteous tragic hero-lover with a penchant for art and beautiful suffering, is, in general, the whole essence of the Toreador clan), but also the Disciplines that he showed in books and films, as well as his motives for behaving and acting as he did.

For starters, the fact that Edward is just about the fastest vampire we know of in Twilight is the most direct demonstration of Celerity. His token ability – mind reading – is nothing more than an Auspex (I can't guess the dots with certainty, but he clearly has about 4-5), and in the first film, in the scene where Bella was being harassed by a group of thugs (but to be fair, in the book he just beat them), he actually used what is very clearly depicted as Presence: spreading his aura of menace over a group of people, making them afraid.

He just fits perfectly with the Toreador in terms of abilities, and his personality only confirms this. As I said, Edward is a typical representative of the clan (and I’m not very happy about it since I myself play for the Toreadors and this is my fave clan... 😬), simply because... well, I assume everybody remembers how he behaved? This craving for suffering, idiotic sacrifices in the name of love, manipulation of the feelings of people who depend on him (and resisting the charm of a vampire, especially a Toreador, is a task where any human NPC almost automatically has a losing roll), and, consciously or not, creating conditions for even more drama and complication of everything around. This man is a nightmare to live with, honestly – especially when you realize that he usually manages to get everything his way because of his supernatural charisma, while we, the readers, are well aware that he actually thinks like every other teenage incel you may encounter at your school. He concentrates very heavily on the feelings and specifically love, while at the same time remaining incredibly vain: at first Bella attracted him only because he wanted to rip her throat with his teeth couldn't get through her thoughts, so this allowed him to imagine that she was all so mysterious and «not like other girls» (as he was sincerely repelled by the horny thoughts of his classmates; little did he know that Bella was no different from them). Let's not forget the concerns for his own virtue and mourning for his lost soul and humanity – very strong words for someone who had no problem putting Bella and the people around her in danger many times and then pretending he didn't see it coming (to be fair for the sake of it, if his actions fully correlate with a 17-year-old boy, then his mental development must be as well; he's selfish as one, too). And last but not least – his pretentiousness, which sometimes made me feel cringe: his every compliment to Bella, the language that he uses (no, he's not that old of a vampire and he's very much aware of young people slang) and notorious teary pauses in sentences. If Robert Pattinson was given the task of playing a textbook Toreador, then he did it 100%

II. In VTM the clan is passed down from Sire to Childe: if a Sire belongs to a clan, then his Childer will automatically inherit it. The opposite is also true – if the Childe's clan is reliably known, then so is the Sire's. What I mean is that Carlisle is also a Toreador, and one that fits those same stereotypes too.

We don't know anything about the level of his Disciplines – I'll just assume that he wasn't as focused on developing them as Edward – and he doesn't have a special gift. He has what was described in the books as «supernatural compassion» that allowed him to more easily tolerate a diet of animal blood, but this doesn't really indicate anything other than that he just has a large Willpower pool. We do, however, know why Carlisle sticks to his principles, teaches them to other vampires, and his personality as such.

For starters: his aura of holiness is nothing more than dust in the eyes from Stephenie Meyer; for example, he had no moral concerns about his constant presence in Forks attracting vampires to the area, causing the local Tribe to suffer a rapidly growing numbers of shape-shifters. He has done many things – from financial fraud to intervention in the lives of entire communities, human and otherwise – that are questionable at best, but what does he feel the most remorse for? Ah yes – for the fact that once three hundred years ago he used to feed on human blood. Why? Because it makes him feel bad about himself and ruins his holier-than-thou image. Remember all these talks about «going to hell» and «being damned»? It was Carlisle who put this idea into Edward's mind. Nevertheless, the entire family considers their patriarch to be the epitome of humility and a role model... for just being self-aware. Do you really think he doesn't know about it? Even Bella told him this directly in New Moon.

I'm not trying to say here that Carlisle is a terrible person. I'm trying to say that he clearly can tell right from wrong, while also really believing that he and his family – in which no one really cares as much about morality or values human life as he thinks he does – are really good guys, by turning a blind eye on everything inconvenient. Very Toreador to me.

Also he's fascinated by the classic art even more than Edward, but this may be just the influence of Volturi, idk.

III. Esme is another Carlisle's Childe, and therefore is also automatically a Toreador.

Like Carlisle, she doesn't actually have any special powers – but she does have what was described in the books as «extreme passion» and «ability to warmly and passionately love the people around her» (you get this). The interesting thing is that she and Carlisle were the original Bella and Edward: Carlisle turned the dying Esme into a vampire for the sake of eternal love. I swear, with the way Sires were banned from having relationships with their Childer in V5, the Toreador clan will just leave the Camarilla in a minute.

IV. Let's take a short break from the Toreadors and identify everyone's favorite manic pixie dream girl – Alice.

She is an obvious Malkavian with her gift of seeing the future and general eccentricity, there is no question about it. Interestingly enough, her Sire was an unknown vampire psychiatrist from the mental hospital where Alice was placed by her parents, and who turned her after she had a vision of encountering James (Mr Grout?..)

V. Now back to hell – Rosalie, another's Carlisle's Childe, is also a Toreador (I mean, come on, even her name is a hint to «the Clan of the Rose»).

There is an interesting detail in her story (which is perhaps one of the most tragic in the family) that none of the Cullens can boast of. She had never tasted human blood, never. Even Bella tried it, although when she was still human; Rosalie never drank it, even when she killed her rapists. She does this with back-breaking work, and perhaps her level of humanity is one of the highest in the family, but what is interesting here is how her Toreadorism manifests itself in her particular case.

She doesn't drink human blood not because she values human life, but because it's her way of showing her superior humanity in the family – over Carlisle and over Edward, the ones who claim to care the most. Rosalie, on the contrary, doesn’t care about people at all – she multiple times stated it, and even directly told Bella about this in Eclipse. Well, at least she's honest about it.

Rosalie, like all the other Cullens, only pretends that human lives are important to her, and even then, she does it reluctantly – which is why Edward doesn't think highly of her. Maybe it only seemed to me, but I noticed that Edward has some kind of envy towards her on the basis of «humanity points», because she has an advantage over him and she knows about it; however, I can’t even say with certainty whether Edward likes anyone in his family at all, except Carlisle.

Rosalie, following the good tradition of the Toreador clan, puts love at the forefront, and her main unfulfilled dream is a real family, including children, grandchildren and aging. Vampire life, however, dictates other conditions: it's easier to survive in clans, especially in those where there are gifted vampires (even if they're not her closest friends). It was for this reason that she agreed to take care of Bella when she became pregnant – not because Rosalie suddenly warmed up to her, but because it would give her the opportunity to nurse the baby she herself had longed for.

Again, the things Rosalie does to stay morally pure – refusing to drink human blood and relying on her moral superiority over this – don't make her truly merciful and compassionate, as Carlisle might want her to be: even if Rosalie didn't Embrace Emmett herself, she was selfish enough to carry him miles to Carlisle and beg to turn him so she could have forever love with him. Putting her wishes first, even knowing the hellish pain that transformation brings, and so deciding to pass the responsibility onto someone else... yes, that is a true Kindred.

VI. We're done with simple examples, and now let's move on to those where I hesitated about a clear answer. Emmett Cullen, being the Childe of Carlisle, should also naturally be a Toreador, but he obviously doesn't feel like one, unlike everyone else (with the exception of Alice).

I understand that, at least externally, the Brujah clan would suit him better than anyone else, but the fact that Toreadors cannot be strong warriors is nothing more than a stereotype. No, of course, the most often played out Toreador archetype is a dude who's hobbies consist of hanging late Baroque paintings in the house with records of Italian operetta in the background, but this is not all that art is limited to. Someone once said that a Toreador martial artist is more to be feared than a Gangrel or even a Banu Haqim. Emmett, as he was shown in books and films, always votes for a fight; this could have passed for Brujah clan compulsion if not for his competitive streak. I understand, it’s very far-fetched, but I think it fits. Also the closest example of the power that a Toreador admiring the art of fighting can possess would be Sheriff Qadir al-Asmai from CoNY and SoNY.

VII. An even more confusing example is Jasper Hale. Initially, I thought of adding him to the Toreadors, like all the rest, since the Internet agreed with me: he was Embraced because of his appearance and he possess special talent that clearly resembles Presence, but my personal guess would be Brujah. Yeah, him – not Emmett.

As a soldier, he was chosen by his Sire, Maria, specifically as a fighting unit that would train newborns like himself, and then kill them when they were no longer needed. His whole life was consisting of fightings – and not to say for a just cause (during his lifetime he was a Confederate💀)

But okay, a vampire’s backstory can be anything and it doesn’t depend or correlate with the clan, so what made me think that he is a Brujah? Firstly, they also have Presence. Secondly: his strength and skill in battle can, debatable, but be justified by Potence. And thirdly: the way he behaves. The way I see it, Jasper can't help but constantly fail his Franzy checks, because... this is just a Brujah clan curse.

Over time, of course, he gains more and more Willpower and adapts to an animal diet, but he finally calms down, it seems, only when Bella herself becomes a vampire: that is, the source of provocation (her exceptionally fragrant blood + debilitating vegetarian diet) stops looming before his nose.

VIII. So, the last member of the clan. Bella's case touches on a lot of themes, such as generation and the level of humanity of the Cullens, and when vacillating between a regular Toreador like Edward and a Thinblood, I chose Thinblood because Ratatouille's birth helped me with that.

First of all: Rodimus for sure is a Dhampir (but Stephenie Meyer avoided the word for some reason, preferring «hybrid» instead 🤨). The existence of these half-bloods in VTM is an existing fact as well as in the Twilight canon. They appear when one of the parents is specifically a Thinblood and the other is human, and have some unique traits that Kindred have (a blood pool or the ability to learn some Disciplines), but aren't immortal and can't Embrace or create ghouls.

With all that said, if Edward could impregnate Bella, why didn't I assign him to Thinbloods, but to a regular Toreador? Because, let's be clear once again: the world of Twilight as a whole is the Time of Thin Blood, because it's the only possibility for Kindred to adapt to being under the sun and at the same time retain vampiric traits, such as immortality and some superpowers. This can explain why not everyone here masters the Disciplines, but only specific lucky individuals who retain the ability to develop them – it may be, or may be not, due to the phenomenon of Blood thickening, that lowers one's generation (and doesn't happen to everyone).

Would it be interesting if I simply wrote down absolutely all the vampires from Twilight as Thinbloods? No – for exactly this reason, I'm going to make a second part about the Volturi, where I'll sort them into clans, instead of just slapping the Giovanni label on them all.

So how did it happen then that Edward is not a Thinblood, but Bella is? Well, perhaps his blood is still in the process of thickening, which will lower his generation eventually: Carlisle, as I understand it, is a 13th generation Kindred, which makes all of his Childer 14th. In previous editions of VTM, the 14th generation was considered Thin-Blooded, who still had the ability to Embrace, but 15th didn't. Interesting that in the Dark Ages the 13th generation was also considered Thin-Blooded, and they also couldn't reproduce and create blood bonds, however, over time, their blood thickened and now they're considered absolutely normal Kindred that can do all those things. The same thing happened around 2010-s in the VTM timeline: now the 14th generation are full-fledged Kindred. The problem with the 15th generation is that there's more of them appearing than the blood has time to thicken.

For this reason, I see Edward as a vampire who, during Twilight, was in a period of life where his generation was gradually lowering, which allowed him to have a child with Bella in the moment, but is unlikely to allow him with any other human woman in another 100 years or so.

There is no definite answer as to why the blood thickens or weakens in the first place, other than the ghostly vague narrative tool that is Gehenna. I can only assume that, just as the increasing number of bloodsuckers in the werewolf territory triggers a gene in some of them, forcing more and more of them to shape-shift, some other processes help the Twilight vampires become stronger every day (Bella's gift, which I sincerely can't tie to any Discipline, except for some transcendental level of Presence, could develop so quickly precisely because her blood thickens very quickly and her generation from 15th is already shifting to 14th).

She was Embraced, however, as a Thinblood – just like Edward, with the only difference that he was Embraced at a time when the 14th generation was still considered Thinbloods.

(I use the word «blood» here because it's still a crossover with VTM, and also because the «venom is the only substance in a vampire’s stone body» thing still annoys me)

The only exceptions to this are Jasper and Alice, since they were not embraced by Carlisle: we don't know their generations.

Just like we don't know the level of humanity of each of the Cullens: I would argue that Bella currently has the highest if measured from an objective point of view (just because she's the youngest), but in V5 we no longer have a concept of «humanity» as something definitive. Now it's rather the Kindred’s assessment of their actions with their internal moral code – which is why Edward, with all his feigned self-flagellation about his murders in the past, actually remains a vampire with a fairly high humanity and passes perfectly as a regular normal human, albeit pale.

Same thing with the rest of the Cullens.

***

With all that being said, I believe that the crossover with VTM is a kind of filter – an opportunity to expose all of Twilight's flaws and use them as something interesting, an addition to the universe, make them something that can be used as part of a story about monsters, rather than something to shy away from and choose to turn a blind eye to.

Be you a monster who has renounced everything human and decided to give yourself to the Beast wholeheartedly, like James's clan, or a Kindred who has hopped on the path of enlightenment, deciding to reject all worldliness and find a greater meaning in your existence, beyond the simple blood-sucking curse and everything around you, like Volturi, or decide to delude yourself so much that at some point you really believe that you're still pretty much like humans and even try to adhere to all the virtues that are only available to you in conditions of constant moral compromises, like Cullens – none of you really are good guys. There's no such thing in VTM, and that's why I love it so much.

But of course, Stephenie Meyer just couldn't acknowledge the fact that her precious sparkly creations aren't actually good people – otherwise that would made Twilight something more than a teenage romance, god forbid.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

But babe you love being gaslit

I'm sorry for being late I brought you some eldershadow memes again

It's so gorgeous I can't- 😭😭😭

Maybe I will clean it who knows

A theory about Sideswipe's personality (WFC/RiD2015)

Honestly, I understand the fandom's skepticism about RiD2015 (even though I don't share it at all lmao), but I still find it interesting to think about the Aligned Universe as something unified, even if Hasbro made a lot of plot and lore holes. For example, Sideswipe was originally supposed to be another character named Fastlane, but he was given the name Sideswipe for marketing purpose. Does this mean it's the same Sideswipe that was in WFC and the novels? People are quick to say no, but realistically there could be a ton of reasons why they are so different from each other. After all, it wasn't canonically debunked like with Grimlock, who isn't the same Grimlock from WFC and has a real name Steelwall.

I personally like to think that it's the same Sideswipe just because it could make him cooler haha

As for the reasons: my personal headcanon is that Sideswipe may have been one of the many Autobots who used mnemosurgery after the war. Removing traumatic memories must've been in demand on Cybertron both during and after the war (in the IDW universe it was also practiced before the war). Maybe the procedure just didn't go well and he «regressed» in a way, but I prefer to think that this was Sideswipe's original personality before the war, that he was like that until it changed him.

I don't think that referring to Sideswipe as a «teenager» or «kid» necessarily hints at his exact age – I mean, Bumblebee was called and treated like that himself 5 years ago in TFP. Maybe he just found someone to take it out on, haha (granted, it's Strongarm who could be an actual teenager, since we don't know anything about her past, she's a new character).

Most bots, from elders like Ratchet, or young ones like Bumblebee, chose to keep their memories to themselves, but Sideswipe may have had his own reasons for deciding to forget about it, and I probably even know which one.

At the end of season 3, Autobots loyal to Optimus appeared on the Council's blacklist and were declared outlaws, but among them was the already dead Tailgate.

Perhaps the compilers of the list simply didn't know about it and included him by mistake. Sideswipe's brother, Sunstreaker, also appeared among them, and... who said he 100% survived the war? I mean, maybe he did, but also – maybe his death was the reason Sideswipe couldn't bear the memories about it and everything related to it.

It's not even necessary that Sideswipe went through the war completely: we don't know where he was between RoTDS and the events of Prime. He could effectively be anywhere: on the other side of the galaxy or lying in stasis on a desolate Cybertron. But when Cybertron was restored and the Autobots returned to a peaceful life, maybe then he realized that he couldn't live like this and used mnemosurgery. That's why he never mentioned Sunny.

Now, I said that the operation might not have been entirely successful (this is a very difficult technique both for the patient and for the mnemosurgeon himself, after all) and instead of completely removing the memories, they could simply be suppressed. That's why he still exhibits the abandonment issues throughout the series and gets clingy after couple of traumatic events in episode 62 – something that could trigger the memories from Sunny's death.

But this also plays out on the other side: when he met Jazz, he began to fanboy over him not only because he was looking for his approval and role model and a crush, but also because it could be «Wow! Wait a minute, I recognize him!🤩», since it's the same guy with whom he beheaded Bruticus Maximus and brought the Autobots their first victory in the war.

Why he specifically disliked Optimus - I don’t know, but since I myself am not a fan of TFP Optimus, I don’t need a reason at all :D

His body design differs significantly from the design in the games (unlike the design of other characters, whose differences are purely stylistic): he, like Starscream, could buy himself a new body in order to «move» into it with a «cleared» mind. Well, we see how did that work out for him.

...that, or he's really just a new character with the same name. But, eh, we already have Grimlock in this team with the «really popular name among dinobots», I honestly find this explanation really boring, as well as the impersonation take. But that's just me, I dunno 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't know if somebody already talked about it, but I also don't remember finding this type of theory surrounding the inspiration origins of Crème Republic (because ofc the wiki had to make everything about the States again-)

We more or less know the inspiration for all the Ancient's kingdoms – some with distinctive cultures, some (like Faerie Kingdom) are mostly folklore. But the consensus of Crème Republic is that it's mostly something Greek or Roman that's being occupied by French for some reason.

Well, I think there is a reason for them being specifically French in a Greek-based place, because that's exactly what it is. Let me introduce you to the Latin Empire.

So, long story short: that'd explain their mostly French names and the understandable dissatisfaction of the native Cookies' of the Sea of them taking up the majority of the Council seats. Their cartoonish goodness and glory doesn't exactly match with the history (especially with the fact that in crk Vanillians are war refugees instead of, y'know, crusaders. and thank god) – but eh well, Constantinople (now Istanbul) was an ancient city with a rich history and culture even back then, and even more so now. Devsis kinda had to get rid of the monarchy in favour of more Roman-style government, but that's for the better ig?

It's still my favourite Kingdom in crk because I just love the whole warm vibes of it and it has all my favourite cookies in there, but it's interesting how people may have overlooked this obvious reference to the concept of Francocracy lol

Yet think, a day will come, when fate's decree And angry gods shall wreak this wrong on thee; Phoebus and Paris shall avenge my fate, And stretch thee here before the Scaean gate.