Esme Cullen - Blog Posts

Just watched the twilight extended version plus bonus features and I am…. loving life

We'll start with forever...

We'll start with forever...

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I read and watched Twilight for the first time recently and I have some thoughts:

- Why are the Cullens in high school ?? They're like over 100 years old and they're going to school with minors ?? Just so they can stay in town for a few extra years ??

- Did the ppl making the movie notice that the owl statue made Edward look like he has fairy wings ? Was it on purpose ?

- The book would be so much better if Bella wasn't there and it was just about the Cullens hanging out and playing baseball

- Alice x Jasper ? Yeah I don't see it ( she should be with me 😌 )

- So Jessica, Mike and Co. just like invited Bella into their friendship group and they were really nice to her and she just blew them off for a MAN ?! ( Girl what ??) I would have loved to make friends that fast but she doesn't even care

- Edward sparkling in the sun and being all like "this is the skin of a killer, Bella" 💀

- The Cullens were so proud of the dinner they cooked for Bella and she didn't even want it 😭 Invite me over ! I'll eat it !

- Edward just like 🧍‍♂️ watching Bella sleep

- Do the Cullens have to keep updating their drivers licenses, birth certificates etc over and over again ?

- Why do the Cullens keep living the same lives just to fit in ? Why can't y'all just live in a castle or something like normal vampires?

- Why are people arguing over Edward and Jacob when Carlisle is right there?

Overall, the book and film weren't my kind of thing but they were fairly entertaining. Yes there are some parts of twilight I didn't like but I will be reading and watching the sequels at some point :)

Town Witch AU where a bright and youthful sorceress fresh out of her training and Ascension moves to Forks, Washington to take over for the medicine woman who recently passed under mysterious circumstances…

Living outside of town on the property left behind by the former mistress of the wood, the reader takes up shop in a lovely, modern chic home designed by a local architect who would be the very first to invite her to dinner after a tour of the property…

During the course of her first year, she would ease her way into the lives of the local townsfolk. Selling herbal remedies for joint pain, charms for young girls in love, candles to ward off vile spirits. Quickly earning herself a reputation as a sort of miracle worker. And of course, she would see to the needs of the local Wolf Pack, as well as the coven of Vampires who called themselves the Cullens if only to keep the peace between them as her predecessor had before her arrival…

And who would come to her for help when her world turned upside down? Why a young girl with no frame of reference for actual boundaries. Breaking into her home only to tell her all about the vampire breaking into her own to watch her sleep…you know, because that isn’t a very obvious red flag…

There in, taking pity on the naive girl, the reader resolves to take her under her wing. Giving her a part time job as well as her protection from outside entities by not only allowing her to help out with her practice, but also teaching her a thing or two about practical uses for everyday spells…

Naturally however, the girl wouldn’t keep her distance from her sparkly stalker and chaos would ensue from wars with nomadic wanderers, to Newborn Vampires and eventually even the greatest thorn in the reader’s side, the Volturi…

Oh, yeah! And a few years into her stay? The very moment things begin to calm down after said naive girl gets turned following the birth of a blood-hungry baby with the worst name ever…?

This guy ^^^ would decide to imprint on her the day he comes back from college…

Esme and Carlisle just standing there like “What the fuck did he just call her”

Emmett Cullen would never fully understand how truly strong he was. He didn’t when he was a human and he sure as shit didn’t now that he was a vampire. He did, however, understand very well just how fragile certain things were. He knew to be careful with certain things.

He knew to not break the glass samples Esme had of expensive tiling when handing them to her. He knew not to squeeze the screws cupped in his hand as he watched Rosalie work on a new vehicle. Even after many incidents ending in violence, Emmett was very careful with anything that belonged to Alice.

Most importantly, at least lately, he knew to be careful with Bella.

His little sister. Sweet, accepting, hilarious at times. Pregnant, but his brother, with a child that was quite literally feeding off her life force.

Before all of this, he’d been careful with the small brunette, of course. For Edward’s sake. Then eventually, he grew quite fond of the clumsy girl. Bella had a unique sense of humor and a perspective that his family lost long ago. She was a breath of fresh air. And it helped tremendously that her tendency to accidentally hurt herself was endlessly entertaining. He didn’t mind being more careful if it meant having Bella around more.

Jasper on the other hand, was really over-aware of his strength and of Bella delicacy. A touch too cautious, the blond vampire worried that a strong enough breath would blow the young woman over. Not that he wasn’t happy for his adopted brother, but Bella was a polite and courteous stream of never-ending anxiety for Jasper.

His fears proved valid as Bella’s stomach bulged and her face hallowed and her eyes lost their sparkle by the day. She truly looked as though a breath might take her out. In Jasper’s mind, Bella was an ancient and tragic painting who’s beauty was lost to the ages: He saw her mortality differently as her time dwindled down to the due date of the unborn child within her.

As such, the brothers had a hard time being around their sister-in-law. The looming threat of the shapeshifters gave them a good excuse to stay away, but she was never far from their thoughts. The whole situation was depressing, which Emmett had never really experienced and Jasper was all to eager to not have to deal with.

“I’m so thirsty,” Emmett mumbled from his perch. He sat in a tree in the south-east corner of the house, diligently watching the tree-line.

“So is everyone else, shut up and wait your turn,” Edward hissed, slapping another book closed, its information on hybrid children was useless.

“Edward,” Esme chided gently. “You and Alice will be going when Rosalie and your father come home. It’ll be good for her to get away for a moment.”

Alice hummed her appreciation around the headache her gift was causing her.

They all winced as Bella groaned at the baby shifting inside her. Jasper tried his hardest not to pay attention to the wet sucking sound of blood coming up the straw as Bella attempted to calm the child. He felt so useless. It was his job to protect this family and all of its members and yet everyone was starving, and his new sister was slowly but steadily wasting away before his very eyes. Jasper had never grieved a human like this before and she wasn’t even dead. Yet.

“Jazz, you alright man?” He hardly even clocked Emmett’s hulking frame as he joined him from his stance atop the roof.

“She barely joined our family, and all this…” Jasper didn’t finish his sentence but he knew Edward heard the words none of them dared speak aloud.

“All of you need to stop. The baby, and Bella, will be fine. She’s far from the first mother who’s had a complicated pregnancy,” Rosalie warned as she and Carlisle stealthily rejoined the family.

Jasper held his tongue and let himself be washed away in Bella’s relief and happiness to see Rosalie. He loved how positive she was despite everything she was going through. It made him marginally more hopeful.

“And it might help a bit to be a little less glum around her. You don’t think she picks up on it, but she does,” Rosalie added too quickly and quietly for Bella’s human ears to pick up on.

Emmett heaved a big sigh and began dragging Jasper towards where Bella was surrounded by a mountain of blankets and the fast talking space heater named Jacob.

“Hey Bella-bear, what’s shakin’?” Emmett greeted as merrily as he could manage. Bella smiled with blood-stained teeth and the skin sagged a bit spring her mouth, but she seemed happy enough to see them.

“He is, on my bladder,” Bella jokes, gesturing to her distended tummy. They all let out a small chuckle for her efforts and tried not to look at her mottled flesh.

“He? Are you that sure it’s a boy? Maybe it’ll be a little miss?” Jasper adds from the corner he’s standing in.

Bella flushes a pretty, almost healthy pink and cradles her belly lovingly. “Before I knew, I had dreams of a beautiful baby boy, I can’t see him any other way.”

Emmett grinned and clapped his hands together loudly. “I agree, maybe I’ll finally have a version of Edward that’s fun to play with.”

Jacob snickered from his spot at Bella’s side and gently avoided the elbow she threw into his ribs.

“So what? You think Rose will let you toss around Edward Junior? Yeah, right!” Jasper jested, coming forward to sit on the floor near Bella’s feet.

“Certainly not!” Rosalie confirmed, cradling Bella’s small frame away from Emmett.

“Wait. Is that seriously going to be his name? Edward Junior?” Jacob snorted.

Bella blushed with embarrassment and Jasper could practically see smoke coming out of Rosalie’s ears as she glared at Jacob.

“Actually,” Bella began softly, “I was thinking of you too. EJ. Edward Jacob.” She smiled at her stomach and they all knew she was quite attached to the name already.

“Lame.”

All their heads whipped to Emmett who was smirking with humor. No one else looked amused, with Rosalie looking almost murderously at her husband.

“Why give him the names of two wimps when you could use the names of his totally cool uncles. Emmett and Jazz-man? See? It fits so much better,” Emmett reasoned as if talking to a child.

“I’m not naming my son ‘Jazz-man’,” Bella refused. Jasper nodded in agreement form the floor.

“Yes, I concur. Jasper is a fine name for a man without you butchering it.”

Emmett gasped in shock and held a hand to his chest mockingly. “I put so much effort into creating a namesake and this is the thanks I get? For shame, family, for shame.”

Bella giggled lightly at his antics and they all collectively smiled at her good mood. Jasper felt the baby’s happiness at hearing Bella’s laugh and felt his whole being shift into a lighter atmosphere.

He reached out to Bella and silently offered to read the baby. Her eyes gleamed in delight and she nodded eagerly, watching her stomach as if she could somehow see her son.

Her belly was almost as cool as his skin and significantly harder than a normal human’s, but Jasper still felt the hum of life within. He leaned in close so that the boy could hear him, too.

“How does it sound, Edward Jacob? You like it?” Jasper shared a feeling of brief amusement followed by rejection to everyone in the room and they all laughed along with the baby.

“See? He likes Emmett Jasper wayyyy better, Bells!” Emmett exclaimed heartily. The baby was feeling something that felt like laughter and Jasper could almost clearly imagine the cherub cheeked smile that matched Bella’s giggling along.

Bella shook her head while chuckling, the precious sound echoing in the large house.

“It is more modern,” Rosalie conceded to everyone’s surprise. “And the baby seems to like it.”

“He likes hearing Bella laugh,” Jasper corrected, picking up on the baby’s delight.

“And she laughs at you two doing stupid shit. Emmett Jasper is the perfect name for him,” Rosalie argued.

“How about we all just call him EJ and make a schedule? He can be Emmett Jasper every other week?” Esme suggested jokingly.

Emmett shook his head. “Absolutely not. Emmett Jasper or bust!”

He dramatically kneeled at Bella’s feet, clasping her small hand his humongous one. “Please, Bella, if you love your big brothers, you’ll do us the honor of giving your son a much cooler name.”

Emmett threw an arm around Jasper’s shoulder and pouted stupidly at the mahogany-haired girl. Jasper very pointedly does not pout, but he had to admit it himself that it would be nice to have his nephew named after him. He smiled encouragingly at Bella.

Said girl was watching the ceiling with humor, unable to believe the turn her evening took.

Smiling widely enough to dazzle, she agreed, “Fine. Baby Cullen will henceforth be known as EJ, Emmett Jasper.”

can we all agree that if emmett and jasper weren’t so depressed about bella drinking all the blood in the house, they would have convinced her that ej was a great name for a boy but it should stand for emmett jasper not edward jacob.

Eternal Harmony: {~Forever Bound~}

Summary: Y/N's ordinary life takes a supernatural twist when they encounter the mysterious Cullen family in Forks. Immersed in a world of eternal love and trials, Y/N becomes a vital part of the Cullens' immortal story. Guided by Alice's visions and Jasper's wisdom, they face cosmic threats and navigate the complexities of supernatural existence. The story unfolds through eclipses of emotions and trials, culminating in a dawn where enduring bonds and love echo through the ages—a forever-bound journey in the supernatural realm.

Characters: The Cullen family

Pairing: Jasper x Reader x Alice

Warnings: No Warnings

Word Count: 536

Epilogue

The meadow, once a silent witness to the trials and tribulations of the Cullen family, now stood in the soft glow of the dawn. The night had unfolded like a celestial tapestry, weaving together moments of challenge, triumph, and unwavering unity. Y/N, having navigated the unpredictable currents of the supernatural realm, found themselves standing on the threshold of a new era.

Alice, her eyes holding the wisdom of ages, turned to Y/N with a serene smile. "The trials have sculpted our destinies, and the bonds forged in the crucible of challenges are unbreakable. This is a moment of renewal, a dawn that heralds a new chapter."

Jasper, the empathetic one, added, "We faced the trials together, and in doing so, we discovered the strength that lies within our unity. The supernatural world may be complex, but our love and resilience defy its intricacies."

As the first rays of sunlight bathed the meadow, the Cullens gathered—Edward and Bella, Emmett and Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme, Alice and Jasper—each member carrying the weight of centuries with grace and resilience. The howls of distant wolves echoed through the forest, a reminder of the intertwined destinies that transcended both time and mortality.

Y/N, embraced by the immortal family, felt a sense of belonging that surpassed the constraints of human understanding. Alice, ever attuned to the cosmic currents, turned to Y/N. "You've become an integral part of our story, Y/N. Your presence has added a unique hue to the canvas of our immortal existence."

Edward, the guardian of secrets, spoke with a warmth that hinted at the eons of experience. "In the embrace of eternity, we find not just love but a shared journey that defies the limitations of mortal narratives."

Emmett, with his infectious enthusiasm, threw an arm around Y/N. "Welcome to the forever club! It's a wild ride, but with this family, you'll never be alone."

Rosalie, her demeanor softened by the dawn's light, offered a rare smile. "Trials may have tested us, but they've also shaped us. We endure, and in that endurance, we find the true essence of our immortal existence."

As the Cullens stood united in the meadow, the sun rose higher, casting a golden glow on the landscape. The howls of wolves blended with the rustle of leaves, creating a symphony that echoed through the ages.

In the quietude of the Pacific Northwest, Y/N and the Cullens stood hand in hand, their silhouettes painted against the canvas of the dawn. The meadow, witness to the trials and triumphs of the immortal family, seemed to breathe with the eternal rhythm of their existence.

Alice, her eyes reflecting the promise of forever, whispered, "This is not just an ending, Y/N. It's a beginning—a forever bound journey where love, resilience, and the mysteries of the supernatural realm intertwine in a symphony that echoes through eternity."

As the meadow embraced the warmth of the morning sun, the Cullens faced the horizon, ready to embark on a new chapter of their immortal saga. Little did they know that the tapestry of their existence, woven with threads of love and enduring bonds, would continue to unfold in the cosmic dance of forever-bound destinies.

Eternal Harmony: {~Trials and Tribulations~}

Summary: Y/N's ordinary life takes a supernatural twist when they encounter the mysterious Cullen family in Forks. Immersed in a world of eternal love and trials, Y/N becomes a vital part of the Cullens' immortal story. Guided by Alice's visions and Jasper's wisdom, they face cosmic threats and navigate the complexities of supernatural existence. The story unfolds through eclipses of emotions and trials, culminating in a dawn where enduring bonds and love echo through the ages—a forever-bound journey in the supernatural realm.

Characters: The Cullen family

Pairing: Jasper x Reader x Alice

Warnings: No Warnings

Word Count: 518

Chapter 5 --- Epilogue

The meadow, once illuminated by the ethereal glow of the eclipse, now bathed in the soft radiance of the stars. The night held a palpable tension, an anticipation of challenges that loomed on the horizon. Y/N, standing amidst the Cullens, felt the weight of the immortal world pressing against the fragile boundaries of their existence.

Alice, her every movement a dance with the unseen, turned to Y/N. "Trials are the threads that weave the tapestry of our journey. Each challenge is an opportunity for growth and understanding."

Jasper, the empathetic anchor of the family, added, "We face the trials together, drawing strength from our bonds. The supernatural world is unforgiving, but our unity is our greatest defense."

As the Cullens gathered, the night seemed to hold its breath. Edward and Bella, the immortal lovers, shared a silent communication that transcended words. Emmett, his robust laughter momentarily subdued, exchanged a knowing glance with Rosalie—a shared acknowledgment of the trials they had weathered over the centuries.

Y/N, seeking guidance in the starlit night, asked, "What challenges do we face? And how do we navigate this supernatural terrain?"

Alice's gaze shifted to the horizon, where shadows danced in the moonlight. "There are forces that seek to unravel the delicate balance we've forged. A cosmic entity, ancient and formidable, threatens the fabric of our reality. The trials ahead will test not just our strength but the very essence of our existence."

Jasper, ever attuned to the emotions in the air, added, "Our unity is our strength. As we face these trials, remember that our bonds are unbreakable. Together, we navigate the uncharted territories of the supernatural realm."

The night, with its silent promises and unspoken challenges, enveloped the meadow in a cocoon of cosmic energy. In that moment, Y/N felt the weight of destiny pressing upon them, a destiny intricately entwined with the immortal family that stood united under the celestial canopy.

As the Cullens prepared to face the trials that awaited, a distant howl echoed through the forest, and the moon cast its silvery glow on the path ahead. The journey into the unknown had begun.

Emmett, breaking the contemplative silence, grinned. "Bring it on! We've faced centuries of trials, and we're still standing. This is just another chapter in our never-ending story."

Rosalie, her expression resolute, added, "Our family endures. Trials may shape us, but they do not define us. We emerge stronger, together."

The night unfolded with a promise of challenges and triumphs, each member of the Cullen family prepared to face the trials that destiny had woven into the fabric of their immortal lives. In the cosmic ballet of existence, Y/N sensed a profound truth—that amidst the trials and tribulations, love and unity would remain their guiding stars. The meadow, witness to the unfolding saga, stood as a testament to the enduring spirit of those who dared to defy the supernatural forces that sought to unravel their immortal tale. Little did they know that the trials ahead would forge bonds even stronger, leaving an indelible mark on the very essence of their existence.

Eternal Harmony: {~Eclipse of Emotions~}

Summary: Y/N's ordinary life takes a supernatural twist when they encounter the mysterious Cullen family in Forks. Immersed in a world of eternal love and trials, Y/N becomes a vital part of the Cullens' immortal story. Guided by Alice's visions and Jasper's wisdom, they face cosmic threats and navigate the complexities of supernatural existence. The story unfolds through eclipses of emotions and trials, culminating in a dawn where enduring bonds and love echo through the ages—a forever-bound journey in the supernatural realm.

Characters: The Cullen family

Pairing: Jasper x Reader x Alice

Warnings: No Warnings

Word Count: 509

Chapter 4 --- Chapter 5

The meadow, now bathed in the silvery light of the moon, became a canvas for the emotions swirling within the Cullen family. Y/N, standing amidst the ethereal glow, felt the weight of the immortal secrets that hung in the air. It was a pivotal moment, where the bonds of love and the complexities of their supernatural existence converged.

Alice, her eyes gleaming like stars in the night sky, turned to Y/N. "This is the hour of revelations, a time when emotions and destinies align under the celestial gaze."

Jasper, the quiet maestro of emotions, sensed the shifting energies. "Eclipses are moments of profound change, where the balance tilts between light and shadow," he explained, his voice carrying the weight of centuries.

As the Cullen family gathered in the moonlit meadow, Edward and Bella stood side by side, their love a beacon that defied the limitations of mortality. Emmett and Rosalie, the epitome of strength and beauty, exchanged a knowing glance, their unspoken connection resonating in the night.

Y/N, feeling the ebb and flow of emotions, turned to Alice. "What does the eclipse reveal for us?" they asked, their eyes searching the star-studded sky.

Alice's gaze shifted to the moon, her expression contemplative. "Eclipses are times of transformation, of choices that echo through the ages. The path ahead holds challenges, but also moments of profound connection and understanding."

Jasper, attuned to the emotional currents, continued, "Love in the supernatural realm is both a gift and a trial. It tests our resilience, challenges our perceptions, and, in the face of eternity, becomes a constant source of renewal."

The moon, shrouded in a momentary veil, cast an otherworldly glow on the meadow. In that luminal space between light and shadow, Y/N felt the weight of the choices that lay ahead. The complexities of navigating immortal love became tangible, and the silent communication among the Cullens spoke volumes.

Emmett, breaking the reflective silence, boomed with joviality. "Well, I say we face whatever comes our way with laughter and a bit of mischief. Keeps things interesting, don't you think?"

Rosalie, elegant and composed, added, "Our family has weathered centuries together. We endure, not just survive, and face the challenges with unwavering strength."

As the eclipse reached its zenith, the Cullens stood united, their collective presence a testament to the endurance of immortal bonds. The meadow, bathed in the surreal glow of the celestial event, became a stage for the emotions that intertwined their fates.

In that luminous moment, Y/N couldn't help but feel a profound sense of unity. The eclipse, with its symbolic dance of shadows and light, mirrored the intricate dynamics of the Cullen family. As the moon emerged from the shadow's embrace, the night embraced a new chapter—one where love, trials, and the eternal dance of existence unfolded under the watchful eyes of the cosmos. Little did Y/N know that the eclipses of emotions were but a prelude to the epic tale of love and immortality that awaited them in the pages of their intertwined destinies.

Eternal Harmony: {~Whispers of the Future~}

Summary: Y/N's ordinary life takes a supernatural twist when they encounter the mysterious Cullen family in Forks. Immersed in a world of eternal love and trials, Y/N becomes a vital part of the Cullens' immortal story. Guided by Alice's visions and Jasper's wisdom, they face cosmic threats and navigate the complexities of supernatural existence. The story unfolds through eclipses of emotions and trials, culminating in a dawn where enduring bonds and love echo through the ages—a forever-bound journey in the supernatural realm.

Characters: The Cullen family

Pairing: Jasper x Reader x Alice

Warnings: No Warnings

Word Count: 522

Chapter 3 --- Chapter 4

The meadow, bathed in the soft glow of the waning sunlight, felt like a sanctuary frozen in time. The rustling leaves overhead created a gentle symphony, and the distant murmur of the hidden stream added a soothing undertone to the atmosphere. As the Cullen family gathered, the air buzzed with an anticipation that transcended the boundaries of mortal understanding.

Alice, with her radiant smile, gestured towards Y/N. "Let me share some glimpses of the future with you." Her eyes unfocused for a moment, and the air seemed to shimmer with unseen visions. "I see moments, threads of destiny woven into the tapestry of time," she mused, her words carrying an ethereal quality.

Images flashed before Y/N's eyes—scenes of shared laughter, moments of profound connection, and challenges yet to unfold. It was as if the very fabric of destiny unfolded before them, revealing a path intricately intertwined with the fates of the Cullen family.

Edward, his golden eyes reflecting the wisdom of centuries, leaned in. "Alice's visions guide us, warn us. They are the whispers of the future."

Jasper, attuned to the emotions in the air, added, "We navigate the complexities of immortality with the knowledge that Alice provides. It's both a gift and a responsibility."

Y/N, caught between the allure of the supernatural and the weight of newfound knowledge, couldn't help but feel a sense of awe. "What do these visions reveal about me?" they inquired, their gaze shifting between the members of the Cullen family.

Alice's eyes met Y/N's with an intensity that seemed to pierce through the veil of reality. "Your presence is a catalyst for change, a divergence in the timeline that brings both challenge and growth. Embrace the uncertainty, for it is the very essence of our existence."

The meadow fell into a contemplative silence, each member of the Cullen family lost in their thoughts. The whispers of the future lingered in the air, leaving an indelible mark on the unfolding narrative.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows across the meadow, Carlisle, the patriarch, spoke with a measured tone. "Y/N, you're now a part of a family that spans generations. Our lives are intertwined in ways that go beyond the ordinary bonds of kinship. Embrace the journey, for it is both unique and eternal."

Esme, with a gentle smile, added, "You've entered a world where love knows no bounds. Each member of this family contributes to the melody that defines our existence."

The Cullens, standing in a tableau against the fading light, seemed to embody the duality of their existence—immortal beings navigating the intricacies of life, love, and destiny.

As the meadow embraced the tranquil stillness of the night, Y/N couldn't help but feel a profound sense of gratitude. The whispers of the future had unveiled a path shrouded in mystery, and with each passing moment, the threads of their destiny wove tighter, creating a tapestry that spanned both time and eternity. Little did Y/N know that the choices made in the coming days would echo through the ages, shaping the very fabric of their immortal existence.

Eternal Harmony: {~Melody of Souls~}

Summary: Y/N's ordinary life takes a supernatural twist when they encounter the mysterious Cullen family in Forks. Immersed in a world of eternal love and trials, Y/N becomes a vital part of the Cullens' immortal story. Guided by Alice's visions and Jasper's wisdom, they face cosmic threats and navigate the complexities of supernatural existence. The story unfolds through eclipses of emotions and trials, culminating in a dawn where enduring bonds and love echo through the ages—a forever-bound journey in the supernatural realm.

Characters: The Cullen family

Pairing: Jasper x Reader x Alice

Warnings: No Warnings

Word Count: 624

Chapter 2 --- Chapter 3

The dense forest surrounding Forks seemed to come alive as Alice, Jasper, and Y/N ventured deeper into its depths. The towering trees, shrouded in mist, arched overhead, creating a natural cathedral that resonated with a profound sense of ancient wisdom. The forest floor, adorned with ferns and moss, cradled their steps in a carpet of nature's embrace.

Alice, her every movement a dance with the unseen, turned to Y/N. "Our family is not what it seems, and the secrets of our existence are written in the language of the forest."

Jasper, walking with a quiet confidence, added, "We've lived through centuries, seen civilizations rise and fall. The forest harbors the echoes of our immortal journey."

As they meandered through the verdant sanctuary, Alice occasionally paused to pick a wildflower or share a snippet of the future she glimpsed. The air was thick with the earthy scent of pine, and the distant murmur of a hidden stream added a melodic undertone to the symphony of nature that surrounded them.

Y/N, caught in the enchantment of their surroundings, couldn't help but feel a growing sense of curiosity. "What are you trying to show me?" they asked, their voice a mere whisper in the vastness of the ancient woods.

Alice turned to Y/N, her golden eyes reflecting the dappled sunlight filtering through the leaves. "A place where we can truly be ourselves. A place away from prying eyes."

Soon, the trio reached a secluded meadow bathed in the soft glow of sunlight filtering through the trees. It was a place untouched by the passage of time, a sanctuary hidden from the curious gazes of the mortal world. As they settled into the natural tranquility, Edward and Bella emerged from the shadows, their presence adding another layer to the unfolding tale.

Edward, with his tousled bronze hair and a gaze that seemed to pierce through the veil of reality, greeted Y/N with a nod. "Welcome to our secret haven."

Bella, her warmth a contrast to Edward's intensity, added, "You're in for quite a journey, Y/N. The Cullen family has its fair share of surprises."

As they sat in the meadow, the Cullens began to share snippets of their immortal lives. Carlisle, with his sage-like wisdom, and Esme, the epitome of maternal grace, joined the group, each member contributing to the mosaic of stories that made up their shared history.

Emmett, with his infectious enthusiasm, regaled Y/N with tales of epic encounters with formidable foes. "You've got a front-row seat to the best supernatural show in town," he boomed, flashing a grin that could rival the sun.

Rosalie, elegant and enigmatic, offered Y/N a nod of acknowledgment. "You've entered a world of legends, dear. Choose your path wisely."

As the afternoon unfolded, Y/N found themselves immersed in the vibrant tapestry of the Cullen family. Laughter, shared memories, and the unspoken bonds of kinship filled the air. Amidst the tales of their supernatural existence, Y/N sensed a palpable harmony, a melody of souls that resonated within the heart of this extraordinary family.

Alice, ever attuned to the nuances of the future, turned to Y/N. "You're a part of this now, Y/N. Embrace the melody, for your presence has added a unique note to our eternal composition."

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting hues of orange and pink across the meadow, the Cullen family stood together. In the quietude of the twilight, Y/N felt a sense of belonging that transcended the boundaries of mortality. Little did they know that the journey had only just begun, and the melody of their intertwined destinies would echo through the ages, creating a symphony of immortal love and timeless connections.

Eternal Harmony: {~Fateful Encounter~}

Summary: Y/N's ordinary life takes a supernatural twist when they encounter the mysterious Cullen family in Forks. Immersed in a world of eternal love and trials, Y/N becomes a vital part of the Cullens' immortal story. Guided by Alice's visions and Jasper's wisdom, they face cosmic threats and navigate the complexities of supernatural existence. The story unfolds through eclipses of emotions and trials, culminating in a dawn where enduring bonds and love echo through the ages—a forever-bound journey in the supernatural realm.

Characters: The Cullen family

Pairing: Jasper x Reader x Alice

Warnings: No Warnings

Word Count: 563

Chapter 1 --- Chapter 2

The rain-soaked streets of Forks glistened under the diffused light filtering through the low-hanging clouds. Y/N, a newcomer to this seemingly ordinary town, meandered through the wet thoroughfares with an air of contemplation. The scent of damp earth mingled with the piney aroma of the surrounding forest, creating an atmosphere that felt both serene and mysterious.

Forks High School loomed ahead, its brick facade appearing almost foreboding against the backdrop of the verdant landscape. Y/N couldn't shake the feeling that this journey wasn't just a relocation but a shift in the very fabric of their existence.

As they entered the bustling corridors, the air hummed with subdued conversations and the shuffling of students. Y/N felt the weight of curious gazes, the subtle scrutiny of a town where everyone seemed to know everyone else. Yet, amidst the familiar faces, one group stood out—the enigmatic Cullen siblings.

Alice, with her ethereal grace, moved through the crowd like a dancer in a world of mere mortals. Her short, spiky hair seemed to defy the norm, and her golden eyes held an otherworldly sparkle. Beside her, Jasper exuded a quiet strength that hinted at experiences beyond the scope of high school dramas.

The Cullens' eyes met Y/N's, and for a brief moment, the world seemed to pause. Alice, her voice carrying a musical cadence, was the first to break the silence. "You must be Y/N! I saw you coming." Her words, though cryptic, were delivered with a warmth that melted away any apprehension.

Jasper, standing beside Alice, offered a polite nod. "Pleasure to meet you, Y/N," he greeted with a subtle Southern drawl, the formality of the words belying the enigmatic aura that surrounded him.

The introduction seamlessly transitioned into an invitation to join them for lunch. Y/N found themselves at the epicenter of the diverse Cullen clan—Edward, Bella, Emmett, and Rosalie—each with a presence that hinted at a shared history beyond the confines of high school hierarchies.

The cafeteria buzzed with the energy of animated conversations and laughter. Alice, with her infectious enthusiasm, occasionally paused the discussion to share glimpses of the future she saw in her mind's eye. "Look at this, everyone! Y/N's going to make our lives even more interesting," she proclaimed, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

Edward, the mind-reader, chuckled. "It seems Alice has foreseen a lively addition to our family dynamic."

Jasper, the empathetic one, added, "There's something different about your emotions. It's refreshing," his words resonating with a depth that hinted at untold stories.

The day unfolded with shared classes, stolen glances, and the palpable sense of an unspoken connection. Bella, observant as always, leaned in. "Looks like you've caught the attention of the fascinating duo."

As the final bell rang, Alice took Y/N under her wing. "Come with us. There's something we'd like to show you."

Jasper, with a rare smile, added, "It's a part of our world, Y/N. A world that you're now a part of."

As they led Y/N toward the woods surrounding Forks, a sense of both trepidation and excitement filled the air. The trees stood sentinel, their ancient branches whispering secrets to those who dared to listen. Little did Y/N know that this fateful encounter was the prelude to a journey where love, immortality, and destiny intertwined in ways they could never have imagined.

Effervescent ✨✨🐌🐌

I saw this sweater on an instagram ad and I knew it was absolutely perfect for our Eddie

Bonus:

Rosalie!!!

because today’s my birthday and I can do what I want ❤️❤️❤️

some pretty princess cullens 💕✨💖👑

(Emmett in a dress finally I know I know)

support my art :)

Esme wip ✨💛🧚🏼‍♀️😌 i love her

Rose and bebe 😢😢😢😢 it’s what she deserves

bells 💗💘✨❤️🥰

support my art!

The Cullens but if they used tiktok lol

-Alice would absolutely use Tiktok frequently and force the other cullens to make accounts

-That being said, Alice would post lots, LOTS, of tiktoks and participate in fun little trends. At first bitch baby Edward was like “Don’t you’ll expose us” but then realized that they can explain any suspicion away with filters.

-She also very actively plays Roblox horror games and gets accused of hacking. 

-Edward makes emo Simpsons edits+edgy povs. you wanna pretend this skinny illinois whiteboy wouldnt sHE beLIEveD every fucking caption? 

-Edward’s pov character is a wizard named Flame of war. He is a mob boss/patriot/single father looking for love in a dark, unaccepting world. 

-Rosalie has tons of followers, she posts short videos of her lipsyncing or just fit checks for funsies. Otherwise, she wouldn’t really have any interest in social media. 

-Bella doesn’t post, but her fyp is the funniest, edward keeps trying to get her to duet his povs.

-Emmett most definetly makes gym vids and bf pov/thirst traps. all of the comments are either asking if he does steroids or about his massive mommy milkerz

-Carlisle doesn’t post, but he follows all the doctors of tiktok in solidarity and comments things like “nice!” or “awesome info!” or “this is not correct. delete.”

-Jasper only likes and comments on Alice’s videos, but his comments are just like the thumbs up emoji or a smiley face, he once tried to post but the vid got taken down for the confederate flag in the back. 

-Esme doesnt have tiktok because i love her too much and dont want that for her. Neither does Renesmee bc she’s a dumb fucking baby and I hate her.

-Jacob got banned from social media for being a literal child predator.

Vampire the Masquerade: Twilight

I'm going to do one sinful thing and do a VTM/Twilight crossover, but after Cookie Run and Winx Club, I don't find it that surprising anymore. Sorry for my bad English in advance.

In fact, I'm surprised that only few people have noticed the similarities between the two at all – and as someone who has obsessed over Twilight since childhood and developed an obsession with VTM a year ago, I can say that there are literally entire tropes in Twilight that leave the impression that Stephenie Meyer directly copied them from Revised rulebook.

Or, perhaps, she just didn’t like looking for the sarcophagus, which is... valid (Twilight came out in October 5, 2005 and VTMB in November 16, 2004).

But all jokes aside, I think adapting Twilight into a TTRPG would be really interesting because I would die to read a fanfic with that crossover (or maybe I'll just have to write it myself 🥲). But before I start assigning characters to clans, I need to address a few things:

⏳ The setting of Twilight is those same weird times of Thin Blood that the Camarilla Elders were so afraid of (and, as it turns out, for a good reason 💀), where Kindred aren't afraid of the sun or at least aren't as affected by it, and the power over the world of vampires was seized by the Italian mafia. It would be funny to simply assign the Volturi to the Giovanni clan, but all the characters from there would fit perfectly into other clans, so let’s take it that in this universe the concepts of «clan» and «sect» have merged together.

👑 Speaking of which: the Volturi are clearly the local equivalent of the Camarilla. I joked above that Meyer’s inspirational guide to her world of vampires was the Revised rulebook, but I am quite seriously convinced that at least she must have heard the word «Masquerade» somewhere – otherwise, I don’t see where else this similarity came from. An elitist, corrupt ruling community of old vampire farts who are (literally) petrified with time, where not everyone can get, and who make a living by imposing immutable laws (Traditions) and enforcing strict punishments for non-compliance. Or maybe I'm just delusional...

🏴 All the other «clans» (in Twilight that's a group of vampires who, for whatever reasons, decide to stick together and have a more or less publicly open life, but a more appropriate term would be coterie), such as the Cullens or Denali, are, firstly, doomed to nomadism, since they cannot afford permanent protection as in Volterra, and, secondly, they are local Anarchs. But not the kind of Anarch Kindred of Downtown LA (Nines would be disappointed in them), but rather as an Oligarchy of Anarch Barons, like in Hollywood. They don't have the balls to openly tell the Volturilla and their laws to hell, but they preserve the Masquerade strictly, even to the point of organized combat campaigns, as it was in the end of Eclipse.

🩸 Now, packs like James's clan are obvious remnants of the Sabbat. Unlike the local Anarchs, they wander constantly without settling anywhere, even for a short time, and don't even care about the Masquerade, taking people away from them only in cases of extreme necessity. They are absolutely not concerned about the secrecy of their crimes, their level of humanity is much below average, which they, however, don't worry about, since they completely devote themselves to the Beast.

Also! There's a thing about the soul. In Twilight, the general consensus among vampires is that they don't have one. All those who somehow spoke out on this matter (Aro, Edward, Carlisle) claimed that they were soulless monsters, doomed to Hell, driven only by bloodthirsty instincts. I've heard something similar before... only in VTM it is called the Beast.

So, let's begin.

I. We'll start with the most obvious example, that not only fits perfectly with the description of one entire clan in VTM, but also helps define other characters within the Cullen family. Edward is an obvious Toreador.

And when I say obvious, I mean not only his personality (the archetype of the self-righteous tragic hero-lover with a penchant for art and beautiful suffering, is, in general, the whole essence of the Toreador clan), but also the Disciplines that he showed in books and films, as well as his motives for behaving and acting as he did.

For starters, the fact that Edward is just about the fastest vampire we know of in Twilight is the most direct demonstration of Celerity. His token ability – mind reading – is nothing more than an Auspex (I can't guess the dots with certainty, but he clearly has about 4-5), and in the first film, in the scene where Bella was being harassed by a group of thugs (but to be fair, in the book he just beat them), he actually used what is very clearly depicted as Presence: spreading his aura of menace over a group of people, making them afraid.

He just fits perfectly with the Toreador in terms of abilities, and his personality only confirms this. As I said, Edward is a typical representative of the clan (and I’m not very happy about it since I myself play for the Toreadors and this is my fave clan... 😬), simply because... well, I assume everybody remembers how he behaved? This craving for suffering, idiotic sacrifices in the name of love, manipulation of the feelings of people who depend on him (and resisting the charm of a vampire, especially a Toreador, is a task where any human NPC almost automatically has a losing roll), and, consciously or not, creating conditions for even more drama and complication of everything around. This man is a nightmare to live with, honestly – especially when you realize that he usually manages to get everything his way because of his supernatural charisma, while we, the readers, are well aware that he actually thinks like every other teenage incel you may encounter at your school. He concentrates very heavily on the feelings and specifically love, while at the same time remaining incredibly vain: at first Bella attracted him only because he wanted to rip her throat with his teeth couldn't get through her thoughts, so this allowed him to imagine that she was all so mysterious and «not like other girls» (as he was sincerely repelled by the horny thoughts of his classmates; little did he know that Bella was no different from them). Let's not forget the concerns for his own virtue and mourning for his lost soul and humanity – very strong words for someone who had no problem putting Bella and the people around her in danger many times and then pretending he didn't see it coming (to be fair for the sake of it, if his actions fully correlate with a 17-year-old boy, then his mental development must be as well; he's selfish as one, too). And last but not least – his pretentiousness, which sometimes made me feel cringe: his every compliment to Bella, the language that he uses (no, he's not that old of a vampire and he's very much aware of young people slang) and notorious teary pauses in sentences. If Robert Pattinson was given the task of playing a textbook Toreador, then he did it 100%

II. In VTM the clan is passed down from Sire to Childe: if a Sire belongs to a clan, then his Childer will automatically inherit it. The opposite is also true – if the Childe's clan is reliably known, then so is the Sire's. What I mean is that Carlisle is also a Toreador, and one that fits those same stereotypes too.

We don't know anything about the level of his Disciplines – I'll just assume that he wasn't as focused on developing them as Edward – and he doesn't have a special gift. He has what was described in the books as «supernatural compassion» that allowed him to more easily tolerate a diet of animal blood, but this doesn't really indicate anything other than that he just has a large Willpower pool. We do, however, know why Carlisle sticks to his principles, teaches them to other vampires, and his personality as such.

For starters: his aura of holiness is nothing more than dust in the eyes from Stephenie Meyer; for example, he had no moral concerns about his constant presence in Forks attracting vampires to the area, causing the local Tribe to suffer a rapidly growing numbers of shape-shifters. He has done many things – from financial fraud to intervention in the lives of entire communities, human and otherwise – that are questionable at best, but what does he feel the most remorse for? Ah yes – for the fact that once three hundred years ago he used to feed on human blood. Why? Because it makes him feel bad about himself and ruins his holier-than-thou image. Remember all these talks about «going to hell» and «being damned»? It was Carlisle who put this idea into Edward's mind. Nevertheless, the entire family considers their patriarch to be the epitome of humility and a role model... for just being self-aware. Do you really think he doesn't know about it? Even Bella told him this directly in New Moon.

I'm not trying to say here that Carlisle is a terrible person. I'm trying to say that he clearly can tell right from wrong, while also really believing that he and his family – in which no one really cares as much about morality or values human life as he thinks he does – are really good guys, by turning a blind eye on everything inconvenient. Very Toreador to me.

Also he's fascinated by the classic art even more than Edward, but this may be just the influence of Volturi, idk.

III. Esme is another Carlisle's Childe, and therefore is also automatically a Toreador.

Like Carlisle, she doesn't actually have any special powers – but she does have what was described in the books as «extreme passion» and «ability to warmly and passionately love the people around her» (you get this). The interesting thing is that she and Carlisle were the original Bella and Edward: Carlisle turned the dying Esme into a vampire for the sake of eternal love. I swear, with the way Sires were banned from having relationships with their Childer in V5, the Toreador clan will just leave the Camarilla in a minute.

IV. Let's take a short break from the Toreadors and identify everyone's favorite manic pixie dream girl – Alice.

She is an obvious Malkavian with her gift of seeing the future and general eccentricity, there is no question about it. Interestingly enough, her Sire was an unknown vampire psychiatrist from the mental hospital where Alice was placed by her parents, and who turned her after she had a vision of encountering James (Mr Grout?..)

V. Now back to hell – Rosalie, another's Carlisle's Childe, is also a Toreador (I mean, come on, even her name is a hint to «the Clan of the Rose»).

There is an interesting detail in her story (which is perhaps one of the most tragic in the family) that none of the Cullens can boast of. She had never tasted human blood, never. Even Bella tried it, although when she was still human; Rosalie never drank it, even when she killed her rapists. She does this with back-breaking work, and perhaps her level of humanity is one of the highest in the family, but what is interesting here is how her Toreadorism manifests itself in her particular case.

She doesn't drink human blood not because she values human life, but because it's her way of showing her superior humanity in the family – over Carlisle and over Edward, the ones who claim to care the most. Rosalie, on the contrary, doesn’t care about people at all – she multiple times stated it, and even directly told Bella about this in Eclipse. Well, at least she's honest about it.

Rosalie, like all the other Cullens, only pretends that human lives are important to her, and even then, she does it reluctantly – which is why Edward doesn't think highly of her. Maybe it only seemed to me, but I noticed that Edward has some kind of envy towards her on the basis of «humanity points», because she has an advantage over him and she knows about it; however, I can’t even say with certainty whether Edward likes anyone in his family at all, except Carlisle.

Rosalie, following the good tradition of the Toreador clan, puts love at the forefront, and her main unfulfilled dream is a real family, including children, grandchildren and aging. Vampire life, however, dictates other conditions: it's easier to survive in clans, especially in those where there are gifted vampires (even if they're not her closest friends). It was for this reason that she agreed to take care of Bella when she became pregnant – not because Rosalie suddenly warmed up to her, but because it would give her the opportunity to nurse the baby she herself had longed for.

Again, the things Rosalie does to stay morally pure – refusing to drink human blood and relying on her moral superiority over this – don't make her truly merciful and compassionate, as Carlisle might want her to be: even if Rosalie didn't Embrace Emmett herself, she was selfish enough to carry him miles to Carlisle and beg to turn him so she could have forever love with him. Putting her wishes first, even knowing the hellish pain that transformation brings, and so deciding to pass the responsibility onto someone else... yes, that is a true Kindred.

VI. We're done with simple examples, and now let's move on to those where I hesitated about a clear answer. Emmett Cullen, being the Childe of Carlisle, should also naturally be a Toreador, but he obviously doesn't feel like one, unlike everyone else (with the exception of Alice).

I understand that, at least externally, the Brujah clan would suit him better than anyone else, but the fact that Toreadors cannot be strong warriors is nothing more than a stereotype. No, of course, the most often played out Toreador archetype is a dude who's hobbies consist of hanging late Baroque paintings in the house with records of Italian operetta in the background, but this is not all that art is limited to. Someone once said that a Toreador martial artist is more to be feared than a Gangrel or even a Banu Haqim. Emmett, as he was shown in books and films, always votes for a fight; this could have passed for Brujah clan compulsion if not for his competitive streak. I understand, it’s very far-fetched, but I think it fits. Also the closest example of the power that a Toreador admiring the art of fighting can possess would be Sheriff Qadir al-Asmai from CoNY and SoNY.

VII. An even more confusing example is Jasper Hale. Initially, I thought of adding him to the Toreadors, like all the rest, since the Internet agreed with me: he was Embraced because of his appearance and he possess special talent that clearly resembles Presence, but my personal guess would be Brujah. Yeah, him – not Emmett.

As a soldier, he was chosen by his Sire, Maria, specifically as a fighting unit that would train newborns like himself, and then kill them when they were no longer needed. His whole life was consisting of fightings – and not to say for a just cause (during his lifetime he was a Confederate💀)

But okay, a vampire’s backstory can be anything and it doesn’t depend or correlate with the clan, so what made me think that he is a Brujah? Firstly, they also have Presence. Secondly: his strength and skill in battle can, debatable, but be justified by Potence. And thirdly: the way he behaves. The way I see it, Jasper can't help but constantly fail his Franzy checks, because... this is just a Brujah clan curse.

Over time, of course, he gains more and more Willpower and adapts to an animal diet, but he finally calms down, it seems, only when Bella herself becomes a vampire: that is, the source of provocation (her exceptionally fragrant blood + debilitating vegetarian diet) stops looming before his nose.

VIII. So, the last member of the clan. Bella's case touches on a lot of themes, such as generation and the level of humanity of the Cullens, and when vacillating between a regular Toreador like Edward and a Thinblood, I chose Thinblood because Ratatouille's birth helped me with that.

First of all: Rodimus for sure is a Dhampir (but Stephenie Meyer avoided the word for some reason, preferring «hybrid» instead 🤨). The existence of these half-bloods in VTM is an existing fact as well as in the Twilight canon. They appear when one of the parents is specifically a Thinblood and the other is human, and have some unique traits that Kindred have (a blood pool or the ability to learn some Disciplines), but aren't immortal and can't Embrace or create ghouls.

With all that said, if Edward could impregnate Bella, why didn't I assign him to Thinbloods, but to a regular Toreador? Because, let's be clear once again: the world of Twilight as a whole is the Time of Thin Blood, because it's the only possibility for Kindred to adapt to being under the sun and at the same time retain vampiric traits, such as immortality and some superpowers. This can explain why not everyone here masters the Disciplines, but only specific lucky individuals who retain the ability to develop them – it may be, or may be not, due to the phenomenon of Blood thickening, that lowers one's generation (and doesn't happen to everyone).

Would it be interesting if I simply wrote down absolutely all the vampires from Twilight as Thinbloods? No – for exactly this reason, I'm going to make a second part about the Volturi, where I'll sort them into clans, instead of just slapping the Giovanni label on them all.

So how did it happen then that Edward is not a Thinblood, but Bella is? Well, perhaps his blood is still in the process of thickening, which will lower his generation eventually: Carlisle, as I understand it, is a 13th generation Kindred, which makes all of his Childer 14th. In previous editions of VTM, the 14th generation was considered Thin-Blooded, who still had the ability to Embrace, but 15th didn't. Interesting that in the Dark Ages the 13th generation was also considered Thin-Blooded, and they also couldn't reproduce and create blood bonds, however, over time, their blood thickened and now they're considered absolutely normal Kindred that can do all those things. The same thing happened around 2010-s in the VTM timeline: now the 14th generation are full-fledged Kindred. The problem with the 15th generation is that there's more of them appearing than the blood has time to thicken.

For this reason, I see Edward as a vampire who, during Twilight, was in a period of life where his generation was gradually lowering, which allowed him to have a child with Bella in the moment, but is unlikely to allow him with any other human woman in another 100 years or so.

There is no definite answer as to why the blood thickens or weakens in the first place, other than the ghostly vague narrative tool that is Gehenna. I can only assume that, just as the increasing number of bloodsuckers in the werewolf territory triggers a gene in some of them, forcing more and more of them to shape-shift, some other processes help the Twilight vampires become stronger every day (Bella's gift, which I sincerely can't tie to any Discipline, except for some transcendental level of Presence, could develop so quickly precisely because her blood thickens very quickly and her generation from 15th is already shifting to 14th).

She was Embraced, however, as a Thinblood – just like Edward, with the only difference that he was Embraced at a time when the 14th generation was still considered Thinbloods.

(I use the word «blood» here because it's still a crossover with VTM, and also because the «venom is the only substance in a vampire’s stone body» thing still annoys me)

The only exceptions to this are Jasper and Alice, since they were not embraced by Carlisle: we don't know their generations.

Just like we don't know the level of humanity of each of the Cullens: I would argue that Bella currently has the highest if measured from an objective point of view (just because she's the youngest), but in V5 we no longer have a concept of «humanity» as something definitive. Now it's rather the Kindred’s assessment of their actions with their internal moral code – which is why Edward, with all his feigned self-flagellation about his murders in the past, actually remains a vampire with a fairly high humanity and passes perfectly as a regular normal human, albeit pale.

Same thing with the rest of the Cullens.

***

With all that being said, I believe that the crossover with VTM is a kind of filter – an opportunity to expose all of Twilight's flaws and use them as something interesting, an addition to the universe, make them something that can be used as part of a story about monsters, rather than something to shy away from and choose to turn a blind eye to.

Be you a monster who has renounced everything human and decided to give yourself to the Beast wholeheartedly, like James's clan, or a Kindred who has hopped on the path of enlightenment, deciding to reject all worldliness and find a greater meaning in your existence, beyond the simple blood-sucking curse and everything around you, like Volturi, or decide to delude yourself so much that at some point you really believe that you're still pretty much like humans and even try to adhere to all the virtues that are only available to you in conditions of constant moral compromises, like Cullens – none of you really are good guys. There's no such thing in VTM, and that's why I love it so much.

But of course, Stephenie Meyer just couldn't acknowledge the fact that her precious sparkly creations aren't actually good people – otherwise that would made Twilight something more than a teenage romance, god forbid.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.