"It's Just A Phase. You Just Haven't Got Enough Activities!"

I'm so sad about the fact that my knife can't cut me deep because it starts to hurt so much... I wish it didn't hurt, so I could cut myself to fat!!!

It's kinda interesting, how Tumblr randomly stopped recommending my posts. Kinda feel useless without likes, lol

Not accept by "a friend".

Few weeks ago, I was obsessed with idea of finding new friends to chat in discord with, so I started to try to find friends. And I found one. He was good, and funny, we liked talk together, so we kept chatting.

Yesterday, I did a coming out to him, and he started to mock me, but I didn't say anything. Then he started to say something like "Not think/associate yourself with any gender isn't normal", "There's only two genders", "I'll block you if you keep doing it" and etc.

In the end our friendship ended, cuz I don't wanna listen that I'm insane just because I'm being myself. I don't and won't understand people like him.

Maybe, my weight is a dream for someone, but I think that I'm fat. I weigh only 46, but I still think that I'm fat. I want to lose 6 kg, and I don't really care that these workouts are exhausting. I wanna be skinny, and I'll do it, and I don't care if it's unhealthy. I want to eat only 500 calories a day, or at least 800, because 1000 is too much. I wanna do 5 workouts today and I already did two. I want to be skinny – I will be skinny.

I guess that when I'll back to home, I'll cut myself... looks like it became a habit, haha

No. My epilepsy is NOT a disability. Why though? Because it doesn't prevent me from doing ANYTHING. It doesn't affect me all the time. Yeah, someone could say "B-but seizures are a disability!!!" Yeah, they could be. But, have you read the criteria to get disability with epilepsy? No? Okay, I'll list.

– Frequency of seizures. If they are too intense and happening too often (for example a few times per day.)

– Decrease in intelligence.

– Mental issues.

– Impaired ability to move.

– Developmental disorders.

So, that's why epilepsy doesn't make you automatically disabled, it just makes you ill. So, I prefer to use the term "sick, but able-bodied." Instead of disabled. Y'all should accept that disability is a status given by law. So, if you're getting money for your disability, and you have this status in your documents – you're disabled. Or at least if your disease is affecting you most of the time like POTS, fibromyalgia, arthritis etc. you're disabled.

But even if chronically ill means being disabled... I still prefer to be called able-bodied. I'm not disabled. So I don't deserve to be called disabled. Leave space for someone else, not me.

I'm waiting to be hated for my opinion. I don't mind anymore. I don't want to call myself disabled and bury myself in my illness. If I'd be hated for that, but I'd still be able bodied, I don't mind. You can call me like you want, and call yourself a disabled if you have epilepsy, because I'm talking about MY CASE not YOURS.

Thanks for reading. Stay healthy.

I can't, I wanna be comforted so much, I can't stop myself from imagining me to cling to someone who's a lot older and taller than me, just the thought of being hugged is already making me even more touch starved. Idk if it c.ai affected me, but still the imagination of my small, light body being hugged by someone who's tall, who's strong, who can protect me makes me clinging to my bed, as long as I didn't find that person

I hate tremor, just... why does my hand shaking without a reason for month? Plus people start to think that I'm nervous, and some of them don't care that it can be connected with another reason, and that it's an disease... Btw, I'm a bit scared of what might it be. It can be problems with nervous system, mental health or even brain! This makes me a bit sad, I guess I'll stop here:(

I was about to jump off the window right now, but remembered that I'm living on the 3rd floor, so even if I jump, I'll survive. But this window is almost telling me to commit su!c!de!!

To be honest, I feel kinda remorseful for making posts with hashtags like "disabled" and others. Why? Because thinking about my diseases constantly only worsens my mental health. I literally was about to go back to cutting or mutilating my body. Plus, I don't really think that I'm like... Disabled? Like my symptoms aren't enough to be called disabled or something... So, I think that I won't be making posts like this anymore... Or do them rarely. Hope y'all will understand. Thanks for being with me in those times. Take care of yourself.