Kevin Day - Blog Posts
andreil and goodbye kisses (pt. 5) ft. dan
part 1, 2, 3, 4 besties || part 6, 7, 8
dan has never claimed to understand andrew. or neil. especially not andrew and neil together
but she likes to have an eye on any changing behaviors on her team
because she's captain. not at all because she likes the gossip. dan's better than that
(she's really not)
so when matt starts acting jumpy around andrew and neil, she makes it a point to ask him if something's wrong
"i mean... i want to talk to neil about something i saw but there's like a 50/50 chance of murder"
"matt—"
needless to say, dan doesn't want to let neil or andrew out of her sight for a while
but she's dealing with a lot of stress: her last year of college, captaining the Foxes, dealing with rookie freshman, training neil on how to be captain, being a good girlfriend, all while job scouting and looking for housing for next year
so she has to trust that neil and andrew like matt enough to let him live
one fall night, dan is up late figuring out some plays, but there's something about the offensive line that just isn't working out
she quietly steps out of her dorm, noticing that the light is still on in kevin's room, and she heads over there to see if he has any ideas
binders in her hands, dan kicks at the door until kevin yanks it open with a grumble
she walks in and blinks when she realizes that kevin is dressed to go outside, and she realizes he must have been getting ready to go for a night practice
dan asks kevin for a confirmation, to which he lets out a loud groan and collapses on the couch
"we were supposed to go an HOUR ago but someone — ahem NEIL” he shoots a pointed glare to the bedrooms “keeps making out with his boyfriend. what do they even do for that long?! i guess when he's finally done, we'll go”
dan blinks. of course the one thing that could distract neil from exy was andrew
kevin quiets for a moment, and as dan strains her ears, she hears neil’s giggles — giggles! — coming through the door
(dan decides to ignore the more... explicit sounds)
she gives a consoling pat to the top of kevin’s head and drops her binders next to him
kevin rolls over reluctantly and starts flipping through dan's notes, and the two of them immerse themselves in plays and stats
about 30 minutes later, dan gets up for a stretch break and notices that she can't hear any noises coming from the bedroom anymore
she takes a few cautious steps in that direction, but when she's a few feet away, the door slams open and neil stumbles out, dragging andrew forward with a very wet laughing kiss
truly, they look like two lovestruck teenagers. it's very cute. also a little gross
dan coughs
the two of them leap apart (well, neil leaps. andrew steps back calmly, fixing his hair, but dan doesn't miss the glare he sends her)
"uh, neil. kevin's been waiting for you for night practice"
"oh shit. how long's it been?"
"i've been here for 30 minutes. kevin says he'd been waiting for an hour before i showed up"
"... oops"
dan steps back and opens her mouth to call for kevin when neil leans in towards andrew again
she lets out an exasperated sigh. "neil— "
neil cups andrew's face in his palms and presses a peck to his nose, giving him a fleeting, but bright, smile before noisily pushing past dan and yelling at kevin to hurry up, he's so behind schedule, what's been keeping him up for so long?
dan decides to ignore the crash and screech behind her as kevin shoves neil out the dorm
instead, she focuses on andrew
he gives her a cool, impassive glance, completely at odds with the bright red tips his ears were sporting and his blown-out pupils
"hey"
"..."
"so uh. you're not going to night practice with them?"
"paper"
"ah i see, i see"
they were silent for a moment
"why are you still here?"
"yep good point, going right now"
"wilds." dan turns around to see andrew's glare. "if you mention this to anyone i'll kill you"
ah. so this was the murder that matt was talking about
nevertheless, dan rolls her eyes at that. "andrew. i just saw neil kiss you on the nose. your threats are no longer effective on me"
"... fucking josten"
"yes, i imagine that's what you were doing— "
"wilds."
"leaving leaving, BYE ANDREW!"
i had an idea i would love to see from your perspective (you're so good at andreil oh my god) if you wanted to write some stuff about it? i always wondered how andrew reacted when he first found neil missing after the binghampton game (starts pg 235 in the king's men). thoughts? (-- the ttyl blog <3)
omg i literally finished re-reading that scene before seeing your ask skjflsj ~ i hope you like this ! (i'm just realizing that i barely followed ur request and just rambled a lot but that's FINE 😬)
read it on ao3 here :)
«««———»»»
Andrew walked in line to the bus with the rest of the Foxes, mind going a million miles an hour behind his impassive expression.
"Thank you," Neil had said, eyes truer than Andrew had ever seen them. "You were amazing."
Andrew wasn't such a fool for Neil Josten that he couldn't figure out there was something more happening under the surface, something bigger than just an Exy shutout, that he wasn't telling anyone. Something forcing truth out of him.
Neil looked scared.
Apparently, no one else received the memo, because behind him, Matt Boyd kept kicking at Andrew's heels and Andrew could nearly see the nosy smile on Reynold's face. Boyd's voice was drowned out by the cacophony of both jeers and shouts of approval coming from all around them, but he had no doubts that Boyd was fishing for information surrounding his and Neil's "not this" to settle a bet of some sort.
Andrew didn't really care. He was more focused on leaving Binghamton, getting some answers out of Neil, and then kissing him senseless.
Of course, Andrew had no plans to tell Neil of that last item on the list, but he was sure he (and everyone else, apparently) knew anyway.
Maybe not Nicky, though. For all his cousin boasted about having an "incredible gaydar," he tended to be a bit clueless about Andrew.
Andrew's eyes were unfocused, gazing at the bounce of Neil's red curls while his thoughts wandered around nothing at all.
Nothing? his mind mused unhelpfully. Or Neil? Or is that one in the same now?
Shut up, he huffed internally. I hate him.
Lost in his head, it was only until he heard a pained curse from Aaron that he jerked straight and saw the world burning around him.
«««———»»»
Andrew's vision went red.
He nearly would have broken out of line and straight into the tidal wave of rioters had he not noticed the police trying to push back the crowd. He had never trusted the pigs, but Andrew supposed he could let them handle the mess until he'd gotten a chance to check on Aaron at the bus.
He had nearly fooled himself with that thought when an ice cooler sailed through the air and missed Danielle's face by an inch. An enraged shout came from Andrew's right, and he could feel the familiar heat of adrenaline in his stomach that always came when he and Renee sparred.
There was going to be a fight.
No sooner than he had that thought, the crowd around him exploded into madness, nearly running the Foxes over. Andrew may have been ready to throw some punches, but he was not at all prepared for the onslaught of unfamiliar bodies piling on him. Moving around him. Touching him.
Andrew couldn't breathe.
He lost sight of Neil's head in the mess, hoping one of the security guards would bring Neil to safety while Andrew tried to ground himself. What had Bee taught him?
What is your name? Andrew Minyard.
How old are you? 20 years old.
What is upsetting you? Hands. Everywhere.
Can you do something about it? Yes. I can move now.
He felt the glancing blow of someone's elbow on his face, nearly hitting his eye. It was sure to bruise later, but for now, the sharp pain mixed with Bee's words were enough to shake Andrew out of his stupor.
He ducked to the left, neatly missing a thrown shoe and was grateful to his limited stature for once. He kept an eye out for a flash of red, the glint of blue eyes, but seeing that Neil was nearly as short as Andrew himself, the effort was futile.
He'll be fine, Andrew thought. Find Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin, and get to the bus.
To his surprise (or maybe not), Andrew found Reynolds trading fierce blows with someone twice her size, Renee at her back. He caught Renee's glance and she gave him a firm nod of reassurance.
He nodded back, already swiveling to find the rest of his group.
After a few minutes, he spotted Nicky and Kevin huddled together, slowly moving to the edge of the crowd. He caught up and grabbed Nicky's wrist, who jerked away and reared his hand back for a punch before realizing it was Andrew.
Despite it all, Andrew felt a thrum of satisfaction. A few years ago, Nicky had let people beat him down over and over again. At least now he was learning to fight back.
"Oh thank god," Nicky cried, catching Kevin's attention, before his eyes widened. He reached out, remembering himself at the last second. "Andrew... your face, what happened?"
Andrew shrugged. He'd been through worse.
Nicky looked like he wanted to say something, but Kevin cursed loudly and began pushing out of the sea of bodies with renowned vigor.
"It's getting more violent and more people are joining," Kevin said, voice strained. "We need to get out and regroup at the bus."
"Aaron?" Andrew asked. Nicky glanced around a few moments before pointing to his right.
"There!" he exclaimed, and motioned to Kevin to go in that direction. Kevin nodded and they made their way over to Aaron, who was ducking under beer bottles and was nearly smacked in the face by a PSU banner.
"Aaron!" Kevin called, and Aaron's shoulders dropped with relief as he swerved a growing fight and made his way over to them.
Andrew scanned his brother quickly and, after seeing no visible injuries, motioned to start back towards the parking lot. They made their way over to the bus and found Boyd and Danielle standing, the former looking like he'd just lost a fight with a mountain lion.
Danielle was gripping his arm as Abby tended to his wounds, but Andrew heard her say he might need to go to the hospital for the more serious injuries. Boyd looked pained at the thought, but when he glanced up and caught Andrew's eye, he smiled and waved them over.
"Andrew, here," Abby said, noticing his injury. He took an ice pack from her and glanced around.
"Where's Neil?" he asked, choosing to ignore the suggestive look between Boyd and Danielle. Abby shrugged and opened her mouth before her eyes caught on something behind Andrew and she waved.
Andrew turned around to find Renee and Reynolds walking proudly towards them. Reynolds had a mosaic of bruises all over her, and Renee was holding her wrist precariously.
Abby sighed and began treating them as Wymack rounded the front of the bus and finally found his team.
Not the whole team, a ringing voice said in Andrew's head. Neil isn't here yet.
Which was odd, no? He had a security guard in front of him, surely he would have made it here first? Perhaps Wymack had seen him and taken him somewhere. Maybe he was already safe in the bus and Abby hadn’t noticed him.
Andrew pushed past Danielle and boarded the bus, walking the length of it but not finding a loudmouthed striker in its shadows. His stomach became knotted with a curious feeling he slowly identified as dread.
Andrew was at the door of the bus again. He looked at Wymack.
"Where. Is. Neil." he demanded. He saw Wymack's confused expression and before he even said anything, Andrew felt his heart stop.
"I don't know. I thought he was with you."
Reynold's knowing smirk gave way to uncertainty as the rest of the Foxes quieted. There was silence for a moment. Two.
Then Andrew threw his ice pack on the floor and raced back into the heart of the riot.
«««———»»»
He ignored the shouts coming from behind him, his mind an endless loop of Neil, Neil, Neil, is he safe, has he been hurt, he was supposed to be nothing, NEIL
After a few minutes of searching and more than a few near punches, the police finally regained some control over the situation and Andrew was able to scour the grounds for any hint of where Neil might be.
He saw the racquet first. The duffle bag was a few meters away from it.
Numbly, Andrew picked up both items, grabbing Neil's phone as it fell from the netted side pocket.
0, it said.
Andrew felt a piercing emptiness when he saw Neil's things without their rightful owner beside them.
He slowly walked back to the Foxes' bus, head pounding but unable to really register the dwindling fight behind him. And when the Foxes finally came in view, he saw the confusion on their faces when they saw no Neil walking with him.
Andrew mentally ran through everything that he knew. Neil was scared. He was running from someone, someone Kevin knew about? A zero on his phone from an unnamed number — a countdown, perhaps. He would never leave his things unattended, so maybe he wanted to tell Andrew he had been taken unwillingly, knowing that Andrew would never leave without him.
There was something he was missing, some vital piece of information that Neil hadn't told him that was causing this mess.
The guilty look on Kevin's face told Andrew everything he needed to know. He knew something.
He dumped Neil's things on the ground by Wymack's feet, mentally assessing himself. His cheek throbbed, each breath he took was sticky with sweat, his heart was pounding.
Neil was gone.
Andrew felt such a blind hot rage at that, the likes of which he hadn't felt in so long, the type where he felt like laughing at how cruel the world could be.
And before he could tell his body to stop, Andrew's hands were around Kevin's throat.
«««———»»»
"Shit Andrew! You're hurting— " "Andrew, stop— " "Get off of— "
«««———»»»
Andrew couldn't remember what happened after that, not immediately at least. It was a bit disorienting, going from a perfect recollection to being so overrun by anger that his mind went blank. Was this how everyone else felt all the time? He felt like someone just took out a Jenga piece from his mind, like it was close to collapsing.
Distantly, he recalled being yanked off of Kevin as he gasped some explanation about a mob boss, Kengo's right hand man, Nathaniel Wesninski. But none of it mattered. Andrew had broken his promise. He had hurt the person he had vowed to protect, just like so many had done to him.
And he still didn't have Neil.
«««———»»»
Neil used to make the emptiness a bit fuller, a bit easier to manage, Andrew thought. It felt so impossible to navigate himself now without Neil by Andrew's side.
«««———»»»
There was a hospital. A hotel. There were FBI agents. The news turned on. Off. On. There was another hotel. Handcuffs. Taken away.
«««———»»»
There was Nathaniel Neil. Standing in front of him. Blue eyes, wild hair, bandages unable to hide how irresistible he was, unable to stop the jolt in Andrew's heart.
There was Neil. And everything felt right again.
andreil and goodbye kisses (pt. 4) ft. renee
part 1, part 2, part 3 ~ this is your daily reminder to go drink some water ~ part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8
renee tends to be perceptive about any changes with any of her foxes
but she's especially known for having the insider information on andrew (and by extent, his relationship with neil)
she doesn't do anything too special though. she just treats andrew with kindness and recognizes that they are both hurt people trying to heal, even if that healing looks different on both of them
but one of the best methods they can agree on is sparring
renee knows she's strategically a better fighter than andrew, considering her training and specific past
andrew is more... emotions-based — he acts with his heart rather than his head (although she's sure everyone would laugh in disbelief if she told them that)
andrew's aggression and ferocity is largely dependent on his current state of mind, which makes him a rather formidable opponent
he has a lot of pent-up anger. renee knows this. so imagine her surprise when after getting off his drugs, andrew starts throwing slightly weaker punches, moving just a hair slower than usual
(she thought it was the apathy. of course, it later came out that this was the work of one neil josten and his many kisses)
renee is certainly getting used to this newer, calmer andrew
and she's immensely happy that her friend is becoming more comfortable in his skin
but it still takes her by surprise to see how much he lets his guard down around neil, how much softer he is
andrew's certainly no romantic chick-flick lead, but renee sees how his eyes constantly flick over to neil, how andrew seems to lean into him, how it's not "andrew" and "neil" but rather "andrew and neil"
(or as nicky calls them, "andreil." renee would never tell andrew, but she thinks the ship name is extremely cute)
no matter what, though, renee can count on andrew not stopping their sparring sessions
it's less of an outlet for him now, but she likes to think that he enjoys her company, even if he would never admit it
so. it's a Wednesday evening, when andrew and renee usually spar
she's at the door of the gym, texting allison on her phone as she waits for andrew
(no allison, i don't think the twins would appreciate Prada sunglasses for their birthdays. and do you really want to spend hundreds of dollars on a gag gift?)
a few minutes later, the maserati pulls up, with neil in the driver's seat
andrew gets out of the car, walking around the hood to reach renee
but as he passes the driver's seat, renee sees the door open and neil gets out, grabbing andrew's fingers lightly as he pulls him around so andrew's back is touching the car
renee knows she should look away. really, she does
but what kind of a fox would she be if she didn't have something to tease her friend about?
(and besides, she justifies, it happened so quick she didn't even get a chance to look away)
neil and andrew have their eyes on each other and neil gently brings up his hands to caress andrew's check
he leans down and kisses him on the nose, and renee doesn't miss the way andrew's shoulders relax
nor does she miss the faint blush on andrew's cheek that he seems to be desperately keeping at bay
a few moments later, neil gets in the car and drives off as andrew walks to renee, a fake nonchalance in his step
she just smiles at him
andrew scowls
later that evening, nicky unexpectedly opens a new bet, stating that he thinks andreil are "totally the type to give each other cute kisses"
surprisingly, matt and kevin join in on that bet
after a moment of consideration, renee quietly adds that she's betting on nicky's side
there's a moment of surprised silence, before allison scoffs
"when have you turned into such an optimist? i won't ever believe that those two are anything but two tiny assholes"
renee wants to believe there's some affection lacing her words
"okay," nicky claps. "if they do a cute kiss in front of 3 or more of us in the next 2 months, we win the bet"
allison narrows her eyes. "deal"
they shake on it. renee can't wait to win some money
andreil and goodbye kisses (pt 3) ft. nicky
part 1, part 2 <3 ||| part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8
contrary to popular belief, nicky is actually a relatively observant guy, especially when it comes to his cousins
andrew is a bit more closed off than aaron, but even before nicky found out about andrew and neil, he noticed that andrew was a bit... lighter. happier, almost
so it comes as no surprise that he would be the next one to catch neil and andrew
the cousins, kevin, and neil all head over to Columbia one weekend after a stressful few weeks at school
and it's nice. relaxing. minimal chaos occurs
(ok sure, nicky realized that he forgot about a Marketing project and maybe kevin kept muttering about a "PDA draft" of some sort and yes, aaron nearly flushed his anatomy flashcards down the toilet but that's beside the point)
the five of them had originally planned to come back to PSU on sunday morning so everyone could catch up on their work
but kevin and aaron had gotten weirdly competitive over dance dance revolution the previous night
so everyone was severely lacking in the sleep department
(there was a collective decision to forget about school and instead stay in bed until 1 pm)
nicky ends up waking up around noon though, feeling more rested than usual
and of course, being the oldest person there, nicky decides to check in on everyone, make sure all his "children" were doing okay
he peeps into aaron's room. he finds aaron half off the bed and goes in to quietly fix his cousin's blanket
he peeps into kevin's room. he finds kevin sleeping perfectly straight and wrinkles his nose at the sheer strangeness of sleeping like a literal rod
he peeps into andreil's room. he find them... not there?
now, for all of nicky's good qualities, it cannot be said that he's always the most rational person
so he races over to aaron's room, ready to break down the door screaming that his favorite couple has gone missing
just as he's about to fling open the bedroom door, he hears a quiet laugh coming from downstairs
he freezes
"right. there's another half to the house. i remembered that"
nicky quietly drops his hand and moves away from aaron's room, tiptoeing down the stairs
he moves around the house, unable to find the source of the laugh until he finally reaches the kitchen
there, he finds andrew sitting atop the counter, his legs wrapped around neil, their noses nearly touching
nicky can't see neil's face, but he does notice neil playing with his and andrew's hands, occasionally bringing them up to press a kiss to andrew's knuckles in the middle of conversation
andrew says something quietly to neil, causing him to laugh again and lean up to kiss andrew
(it does not escape nicky's notice that this is the first time andrew has been taller than neil, but really, the adorableness of his two stabby children takes greater precedence over that)
nicky wants to keep looking, wants the reassurance that his cousin is safe and happy and loved
but he also knows that andrew is a private person and nicky should respect his wishes
nicky trusts his cousin. really, he does. it's just— andrew has been through so much, and getting like 5 more seconds of confirmation that andrew's doing okay wouldn't hurt anyone, right?
the beeping of the coffee pot jerks nicky out from his thoughts
he decides to leave, that andreil will be going fine and strong even without his intervention
but in the few seconds it takes to make his decision, something so adorable happens that nicky's poor heart stops functioning for a moment
andrew pouts — pouts! — and tightens his grip on neil, not uncrossing his legs
neil rolls his eyes and brings his hands up to andrew’s face, caressing his cheeks
neil kisses andrew on the nose
andrew hums and begrudgingly lets go of neil
nicky is internally hyperventilating
he’s frozen to the spot as neil pours the coffee into mugs and brings them back to the counter
andrew takes his mug and promptly wraps his legs around neil’s waist again, burying a hand in neil’s hair
he runs a hand through it slowly, bringing it down until his hand is resting on the back of neil’s neck, their foreheads nearly touching
nicky suddenly turns away, feeling raw and surprised by the amount of intimacy he just saw
he lets out a breath. they’ll be okay. andrew’s going to be okay.
he goes back up to his room and lies in his bed, mind running a million miles an hour
after a few seconds of staring up at the ceiling, he turns over, burying his face in his pillow, and screams a muffled proclamation that andreil is the cutest ship to have ever sailed
(a few hours later when they’re on the road back to PSU, aaron turns and asks nicky why he heard screaming coming from his room. nicky shrugs.
“i was just really hoping that the titanic situation doesn’t occur again. wouldn’t want my favorite ship to sink, you know?”)
andreil and goodbye kisses (pt 1)
pls this is so soft i cant 😭(also a lot longer than i anticipated but that's FINE 👀)
part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8
gang we got this ADORABLE art from @super-yellow-paris go give them aaaalll the love
so andrew and neil aren't too big on PDA, but after Baltimore, leaving the other is always followed by a lingering fear
neil notices how andrew always tenses a bit when neil leaves him, even if neil told him he was going somewhere beforehand
it could him going be to the mall, a restaurant, even just lectures
neil really doesn't like seeing andrew so tense but he can't figure out what's wrong
so one night on the roof, neil straight up asks "why do you always look so stressed whenever I go anywhere?"
andrew doesn't answer for a few moments, and neil assumes he's not going to get an answer but then—
"last time you left, you barely made it back. do you really expect me to trust you now?"
oh, neil realizes. oh, he's afraid i won't come back
andrew looks like he wants to drop the subject, so neil doesn't bring it up again, choosing to rant about his Intro to Stats teacher instead
but he doesn't forget. and he starts noticing how other couples leave one another
matt and dan kiss or hug, nicky and erik say "i love you," aaron and katelyn squeeze each other's hands and look into each other's eyes
it's all very... comforting. reassuring. and neil realizes that that's exactly what he needs to do. he needs to make sure that andrew doesn't forget that neil would never leave him again, not on purpose
so he thinks and thinks and thinks
(he quickly learns that paying attention in his Sports Medicine class is a lot less interesting than thinking about andrew)
neil knows that andrew wouldn't want showy affection with lingering kisses and they haven't really gotten to the "i love you" stage yet, so he needs to figure out a compromise
and then on a cloudy monday morning, the perfect solution hits him
he and matt study together almost every thursday, so 3 days later, they have a plan to head over the library to do some homework
so matt comes up to the monsters' room where neil and andrew are to tell neil that it's time to go
neil hops up from his place curled under andrew's arm on the sofa and goes around collecting his stuff — as usual
and andrew's shoulders begin coiling up with near-unnoticeable tension — as usual
this time though, instead of walking out the door directly, neil pauses in front of andrew and sets down his books on the coffee table near the sofa
and before andrew or matt can react, neil does it
he reaches over, gently cups andrew's face in his hands, and kisses him on the nose
it's feather-light and short, but andrew freezes, his face more expressive than he usually shows, eyes wide
neil gives him a small smile shit shit shit andrew's heart is beating so fast, come on andrew get a hold of yourself say something do something and then he picks up the books delicately and leaves with a gobsmacked matt
andrew doesn't really know what to do with himself and just sits there until kevin arrives 5 minutes later and asks why andrew is so red, if he's okay, does he has a fever, can he still play exy?
andrew shakes out of his stupor, stomps over to his room, and flops helplessly on his bed to be very gay
(this is how neil finds him 1.5 hours later. he tries (and fails) not to laugh. andrew gives him a bruising kiss to shut him up)
it becomes habit though. neil treating andrew like he's something precious, holding his face so reverently, kissing his nose softly
and andrew doesn't know what to do with himself. every single time
but it's okay, he thinks. because while goodbyes might sound permanent, kisses are a promise that the other will come back
i would give money to learn how andrew and kevin would react to finding out that neil's first thought upon being told that andrew was gay was that those two were dating. i just-
andrew: what a preposterous idea. i would never date someone who enjoys eating celery
kevin: and i would never date someone that tiny
andrew: day i swear to god-
Be careful that Riko isn't looking...
Kevin’s pov? 👀👀👀👀
>>> the perfect court the foxhole court the raven king the king's men the sunshine court the golden raven the broken cage >>> the queen's game
kevin day as this painting of lucifer
they have pretty similar look in their eyes so why not
little doodle of my baby kevin
my favourite thing about the perfect court is how they are all parallels of each other - each person could have ended up like one of the others, but they didn’t.
neil could’ve ended up like jean, if his mother hadn’t taken him and run. neil could’ve ended up like riko, if he’d internalised his father’s abuse and tried to earn his affection instead of fearing it. if he’d tried to become someone his father would be proud of - like riko does - he would’ve become heartlessly violent. but he doesn’t.
jean could’ve been like neil, if he’d had just one family member care about him enough to run. he could’ve ended up like kevin, if he’d gone with him when kevin ran. he could’ve been like riko, if he’d taken everything that had been done to him and inflicted it on the world/people around him, but he doesn’t.
kevin could’ve ended up like riko, if he’d twisted tetsuji’s abuse enough to believe that the things he deserved were taken from him. he could’ve ended up like jean, if he’d refused to run after his hand was broken.
riko could’ve ended up like any of them. if an adult had cared about him enough to save him, he could’ve ended up like neil. if he’d hated his father instead of fighting for his attention, or if he internalised the abuse he faced instead of inflicting the same abuse on others, he’d have been more like jean or neil. if he’d accepted his place and decided to fight for the things he did have - exy, kevin - he’d have been more like kevin. but he doesn’t.
yes, their situations are largely shaped by the people around them - riko, jean, and kevin (until he learns about wymack) do not have an adult in their lives that cares about them enough to change their situation. but it’s also their individual responses to their abuse that shapes how they act. i’m not trying to say that people get to choose their trauma response, but it’s important that riko and neil parallel each other because we’re shown the could have beens. it shows you that it really only takes one person to change everything - mary taking neil and running is so so so important for how neil’s character and personality and trauma response turns out.
neil could’ve ended up like riko, but he doesn’t. riko could’ve ended up like neil, but he doesn’t.
Look me in the eyes and tell me Neil 'not if it means losing you' Josten isn't Wall-E.
Look me in the eyes and tell me Andrew 'stand down and let me deal with it' Minyard isn't Eve.
Look in my eyes and tell me Kevin 'he can't exist without exy' Day isn't M-O.
Do y’all ever wonder if Kevin wore spray tan for press and stuff while he was in the nest so that it didn’t look like he spent all his time underground??
Happy birthday Kevin!!
I wonder sometimes if you had a mantra like Jean’s “I will endure…” or were you in the nest so long that you convinced yourself it was normal.
I’m begging you, someone please edit Kevin using the “but Peter your going to die doing this … in the stupid costume” telling Neil to run when he finds out who he is, literally begging him to run (and Kevin giving up on his own dream and life because if he does run they will be disqualified for having too few players and Kevin cannot survive without exy. But Neil’s life is more important in that moment) arrggghhhhh someone. I will give u my soul and my kidneys.
The lack of all for the game x criminal minds crossovers is blasphemous
Kevin to Jean or Neil
Andrew is medusa,
Renee is Athena.
Kevin is Icarus,
Riko is his sun.
Do you ever think about the fact, that if Riko had actually killed Kevin instead of just breaking his hand that Neil would never have met Andrew. and that Neil would fade from the world without a soul to remember him, and Andrew would forever be a monster to everyone who knew him. Or are you normal??
Kevin, leaning over Seth’s coffin: how could you do this to us, we’re so short staffed.
I can’t get over my obsession with Aftg, Neil, or Andrew
I still think about the fact that according to Nora, the man Neil and Kevin watched the Butcher murder in the East tower when they were kids was an assassin who came to murder Riko. And Riko MADE Kevin and Neil watch to send them a message. Especially Neil (you're dad works for ME and I can make him kill you too).
Then at the end of TKM Neil watches with satisfaction as Riko is murdered by his own brother who Neil manipulated into killing him. In the same east tower.
Also Tetsuji who tried to force Neil to bow was forced to bow his own head while his protégé was killed beside him and his exy career and legacy forever diminished.
Neil didn't just beat these guys at Exy is what I'm saying. Then he goes back to his team with a big grin on his face
When Jean thinks this about Neil RIGHT before the game where this all goes down:
"The smile that curved Nathaniel’s mouth was slow and hungry and hateful. It twitched a bit as Nathaniel tried to force it away, but he finally had to use the side of his hand to smooth it off his face. The look he turned on Jean was almost serene, but Jean still saw the madness in his eyes.”
I mean the layers to this are so good, I'm obsessed with the Neil/Nathaniel dynamic that goes on inside Neil
I made a community where we can maybe discuss our theories if anyone wants to join 🥹
An interesting scene in tkm to me is when Neil dismisses Kevin on the bus to Binghamton.
It's the middle of the bus ride, and he's trying to decide where to sit after their rest stop as Kevin talks to them all about the stats of the team they're on their way to play. As he's making that decision it says he "felt trapped, stuck between what he wanted and what he needed, what he'd never have or be and what he had but couldn't keep."
The former of both oscillations, in my opinion, is referring to Andrew and what he feels with and for him and the team in general, and the latter are referring to exy and what Kevin could bring him to in this season and in the future as a pro.
Ultimately, he chooses Andrew, but in doing so Kevin reacts by telling him to stay and listen and "Remember that you gave me your game." Neil responds to this by saying that Kevin has given up on the team and "I'm taking my game back. I don't owe you anything."
This is Neil ending his deal with Kevin to keep playing despite knowing what is coming for him, right before he goes to do the same with Andrew.
The differences between these cutting of deals is compelling to me.
With Kevin it is more implicit in the "I'm taking my game back." In Kevin's anger and exasperation at Neil's "spoiled child" act, I don't think he recognizes what Neil is doing and meaning by ending their deal. It's not just 'Kevin gave up, so I don't owe him anything', it's Neil letting go of his ties as he prepares for what the "0" on his phone will bring.
Andrew, I believe, does recognize this. Neil ending their deal, framing it as "Let me learn to fight for myself." It is him once again cutting ties, but also releasing any blame for what is about to happen to him, especially since Andrew is very serious about his promises and so needs to be explicitly released from them if ever. Andrew doesn't know that the countdown has ended, or that there was one to begin with, but he can see that something has shifted for Neil in him asking for this. Just as he sees after their game from "the strain in Neil's mask." and the "Thank you. You were amazing."
Neil knew something was coming that day, what and when he wasn't certain, but the "0" was demonstrative enough. I think the way he ended those two deals displays a lot of his emotions towards those two things he valued.
He needed exy, but had already released the idea of keeping it. So he dismissed Kevin and anything he owed him in relation to their gameplay, still ending their deal but in a way that speaks of having understood when he started that it wasn't something that would last. He wanted safety and comfort and love, but didn't believe he'd ever have that life or be that person. So he asks Andrew to let him go, showing that he understands how Andrew works with deals, that he values him enough to end it before it's ended for them, and that their 'this' isn't something he expected to happen or knows how to want or be. Both are endings of deals, both are releases of blame, and both display to the recipients that something has changed for Neil, whether or not they recognize it.
But he chose to go to the back of the bus and to ask, he chose Andrew, even if it was only for whatever time he had left before the result of that "0".
i'm imagining kevin day on mythical kitchen's series "cheat meals" where they work out with a famous athlete and then indulge on the athlete's fav cheat meals......
like imagine kevin being so serious about teaching josh from mythical kitchen how to play exy and he'd be rlly dedicated in showing others how to play... AH
we cannot be using the word twink as a descriptor willy nilly...kevin day is most certainly NOT a twink, he's tall as hell and an athlete who's been training every day and night for his entire life probably eating the most meal prepped bland chicken and rice and then hitting the gym......