Dnd Shenanigans - Blog Posts
i try to make a wholesome, playable, funny joke character and it evolves into a pathetic lump of a man who puts everything before himself and would do anything to protect those he loves
My dnd character has to now argue against her wife who joined a cult that murder is, get this, *bad*
Let me tell you about the one time a nat one nature check led to an action packed adventure that included white water rafting in a tropical storm
The one kind of dragon no bard will fuck.
Use tax dollars to feed children/students who, by law, have to attend schools.
An actual transcript from last night's dnd session:
A: Can you add Divine Smite to Soup?
B: Tasty sou- SMITE
Me: SMOUP
Beginning of session:
Hand out these leaflets, we're doing some campaigning
End of session:
Local robotic crusader fights 2 wendigos, a vampire and possessed friend
Does necromancy work on dead plants? Also do the bones have to be reconfigured In the way it was when it had flesh or can i make a machine out of them using necromancy. Could you make a flying sword using necromancy because something’s holding those bones together and it’s not flesh
We're chaotic when playing DND. <3
today's session was wild
Dnd Update! Again!
I have been abandoned, I live alone in the woods now, there’s no one but me, a sandwich, and the murderous farmer that my character couldn’t tell was actually just a regular scare crow.
DND update!
It’s been a while! Giant ants and got to scream “Pedophiles” and shadows. Also, 8 year old has become a bludgeoning necromancer on a war path. So fun!
Dnd update!
There was an unfortunate TPK ending my reign as dm. A new campaign has started and now my friends remember why I’m not allowed to be a player.
Kenkus are fun.
Another dnd update!
One of my players has to explain in character how they killed their ex and how said ex not knowing that they were killed BY them and coming to find them because they believe they’re still dating is awkward because they are currently dating someone else.
Campaign update!
One of my players finally figured out he’s half parasite half demigod. Now he keeps asking me if he needs to be fantasy Jesus. Still doesn’t know his girlfriend friend is trying to eat his son.
Got another campaign update!
The drug addicted tabaxi and mushroom obsessed wizard are now trying to hide their newly formed drug empire from the “father” of the group. Also! One of the players realized that he could become his adopted daughters brother thanks to some weird gene stuff!
Update on my campaign!
Just watched 4 people argue about puberty and what age half-elves go through puberty. Came to the conclusion that tax evasion is necessary when raising children. Still don’t know how they got there.
So uh…. I made a campaign where everyone is lying to each other (except the cat that’s getting high all time) and the chaos that’s ensuing is WONDERFUL. They literally had a 1 hour fight about wether one person has green eyes or not because of this.
Ok I just need to let this out but like
I'm in a Curse of Strahd campaign, custom system, my character is this sentient mannequin filled with flesh who's currently going through an identity crisis, and we just finished the 3rd session, we make it to Barovia, and we started to bury Ismark and Ireena's dad, and Strahd shows up and helps us bury said dad, and as Strahd starts to leave, I do the stupid thing of hiding on the back of his carriage.
Nat 20 stealth check and now I'm separated from the rest of the party trapped in the castle and I am level 2.
I asked the DM what level we're supposed to get into the castle and he says level 10 and GOOD LORD I AM FUCKED.
Anyways here's Ireena with a keyblade because one of the party members said she should be holding a keyblade
DEATH BY RABID SQUIRREL
Okay, okay, okay. So I’m at my D&D club at my local library with 11 fellow PCs and our DM. So our wizard is sort of a loose cannon and plays chaotic neutral and sort of tries to do the randomest acts of stupidity. So this session we are in this city and we’ve split the party ( I know, I know) My sorcerer is off awaiting the arrival of the king, our bard is at a magic shop, and the rest of our party is at a circus that we’ve been requested to act as guards for. Except our wizard.
Our wizard, he’s trying to rob someone. Our wizard decides to try and rob this middle class old man, so he goes up to him and our DM has him roll for slight of hand and insight. He succeeds his slight of hand, but fails his insight role. He starts searching through the old man’s pocket and in said pocket is a rabid squirrel that attacks him. The old man discovers he’s being pick pocketed and screams in the most insane-old-man-with-rabies fashion “ARE YOU TRYING TO STEAL MY SQUIRRELS!” Both the rabid squirrel and old man proceed to Attack our wizard... The squirrel gets a critical, the squirrel then deals near max damage to our wizard and he’s knocked into critical with one failed death saving throws. He fails another, succeeds one, fails his third.
So our wizard is now dead and his player is now notably upset considering that none of our characters have ever died since our current DM has only started DMing for us this session, and our previous DM had never DMed before, and never really wanted us to die since most of us were brand new to D&D. So our current DM is feeling really bad about killing our wizard and upsetting our player, but our necromancer, and previous DM, had a solution. She cast animate dead on our wizard and our DM allowed it and our necromancer now has the ability to command our undead, chaotic neutral, zombie wizard to do anything she wishes once per session. So, yeah, that’s the story of how our wizard robbed an old man, got killed by a rabid squirrel, and was resurrected from the dead by our necromancer.
Tumblrs of a few of my fellow PCs: @emo-little-shit-like-yeah @basementdregon101
Why NOT To Mess With The DM: Some Feywild Shenanigans That Happened.
DM throws us into the feywild while on our journey to find a rampaging necromancer after stumbling upon a strange tree that twisted into a portal.
While going through the trees, we find a gateway that leads to a road that we need to go down to continue.
A fey man stops us and tells us one of us needs to make a deal with him to continue on. The deal being that we need to give him our firstborn child in exchange for passage. (A classic really. Adds character development to a player's character.)
The rest of the group chatters amongst themselves as I, the Aasimar cleric, stay silent and look down at the token for the fey man. Smoking hot. I know what I have to do...
Fighter: Alright, so who should make the deal?
Monk: Perhaps me? I never planned on having children.
Rogue: Yeah, but what if you do later–
Me: I'll do it.
Fighter: Wha–
Fey: Are you sure... bird?
Me: Quite sure. I only have one question to ask you, Mr. Fey... *Leans closer towards the fey man, who in reality is just the DM* Do you prefer your eggs fried, scrambled, or... fertilized~?
The table is alive with quiet murmurs of noise. The paladin is making incomprehensible noises of disappointment. The fighter is astonished. The wizard keeps looking between me and the DM as I stayed leaned over the table towards the DM.
However... A smirk comes onto the DM's face as he turns the tables on me.
Fey: Careful what you wish for, birdie... I always take them fertilized.
The table now erupts. The bard is laughing his ass off. The rogue is making loud, "ooooohhhhh!!!" sounds as she watches this all go down. The monk is silently resigned as he stares off into space. I'm sitting there, wide-eyed in shock (and probably beet red) as I was not expecting him to flirt back in character since I was so used to just flirting and teasing and could not handle it being thrown back at me.
Lesson learned. You fuck around, you find out. Especially when it's with the DM.
You know, I never really thought about it before, but my dynamic with the paladin of my dnd group is rather ironic.
The paladin, sworn to his God and embarking on his never-ending crusade in their name... Vowing to never let anything stray them from their devotion and path, breaking all emotional ties from everyone from his old life...
..Gets constantly bombarded and pestered by the Aasimar of the group, (Practically just a dnd angel) who also, just so happens, to be the cleric of the group. Not only meaning I'm also worshipping and am devoted to a God despite my carefree nature, but I'm also worshipping the. Exact. Same. God.
Imagine you're going to church and devoted your whole life to make sure you do not sin in the slightest to try and please God to make it to heaven and then suddenly an angel drops down from the sky, throws bird puns in your face after ruthlessly flirting with the preacher, offering to spend the night with the nuns as well, and then still receiving divine blessings as if they weren't one of the biggest sinners alive.
Realized I Haven't Posted Any Of My Dnd Shenanigans, So Here's Something.
I never knew that playing as an Aasimar would be so. Damn. Fun.
Like, not just game play wise, but just the shit I can do with my character in the role play part of the game.
Because I can make so many egg/bird jokes and it pisses off the paladin every stinkin' time.
The party stops for a rest, setting up camp and staying the night out in the woods. I, the Aasimar cleric, wake up before the other party members and make breakfast before they all wake up.
Fighter: Thanks for the breakfast, this is really good. But where did find the eggs?
Me: *A devious smirk spreads across my face slowly*
Paladin: You. Did. NOT.
Me: Relax, I'm just messing with you. I found a bird's nest near camp. :3
All that crazy, and this guy still uses a bow better than me!🤣
🎊Happy Birthday Garren!!🥳
In the campaign recently we had a fun birthday session for our favourite Paladin where the party threw this grand magic tavern feast and invited the entire village they stopped in after completing a recent side quest!! I just had to draw Garren in his birthday fit and recieving some of his gifts from the party cause it was so wholesome fr fr. Happy Birthday Garren, congrats on somehow living to be both 31 and 281 at the same time (yeah I don't get it either lolol) 😂👀💧
Some close ups:
