Dnd Memes - Blog Posts
Darya stood staring at her mother who she had looked up to her entire life.
This wasn’t right.
But she knew it was the truth.
And so…
She said to her
You’re no captain.
And I should have seen it long ago.
-
My dnd character last session and something close enough to what was said :D
In the dnd game I’m in yesterday we discovered something amazing
My friend sent me this after saying something without context and I felt like I needed to share it
The characters
Dm: dungeon master
Darya (Rogue Fighter (Pirate) Tabaxi): my character
Salsa/Salvera (Bard bird): my friend that did this
Makoto/Mak/Mac n Cheese/Freddy Faz Bear (Chaotic ass barbarian dragonborne)
The player/friend that’s been gone so he’s turned into Freddy from security breach
God/Caius (unarmed fighter): NPC we dragged along
So we stepped into basically a boss arena in these super cold icy mountains
Darya rolled stupid high on history and investigation a 31 and nat 20 with a total of 34
She finds a symbol of Tiamat in the floor
(And some other things but what matters is the symbol)
(We have dealt with Tiamat and Asmodeus before when Mak accidentally released hell)
AND OUT OF NO WHERE
MY GOOD PAL
THE PC OF SALSA AKA SALVERA
“Tiamat is Cotten eye joe”
We all started dying
And I was sent this
Why did I spend three days working on this
This isn’t even something that I put a lot of effort in
But at the same time I put a lot of effort in it
Why
Decided to do something fun with my copy of Heroes’ Feast to mark the occasion!
Are teiflings just extreme version of red heads don’t have souls?
In honor ofthe second session of the campaign
here I present a meme based on a scene that happend in session 1
The one kind of dragon no bard will fuck.
Use tax dollars to feed children/students who, by law, have to attend schools.
An actual transcript from last night's dnd session:
A: Can you add Divine Smite to Soup?
B: Tasty sou- SMITE
Me: SMOUP
Beginning of session:
Hand out these leaflets, we're doing some campaigning
End of session:
Local robotic crusader fights 2 wendigos, a vampire and possessed friend
Remember, every time you cast fireball, you throw a frog wizard at your target - comment from Cara
I just had a converation with Jezza McLeod on Cara about this and imagine a wizard that has an army of tiny frog minions that he just chucks at people and they are all wearing tiny wizard outfits.
You hear him shout: "GET HIM BOIS" and suddenly you are overwhelmed by a tsunami of of tiny frog wizards on fire charging towards you, all screaching like chipmunks
for context, I was been sick for a few session's, in which we joked that my character needed a spa break from the party. and in response, I made this
Very excited for my taco cosplay. Did a twig and makeup run with my shirt ears. Not finished yet but everything's coming in and I'm very excited about it!
Today we fought a harpy
Dm:your close to the harpy what do you want to do
Me under its siren like spell:can I climb it
Dm: roll
Me:(rolls a 6)
Dm:you bring it down a little but end up falling
Me: aw I wanted to kiss it have a little make out session
Part:WHAT
stopping at that funky little truck stop on my way back from college to buy myself another metal as fuck mug with a dragon for a handle
look at this shit
istg i absolutely guzzle orange juice like my bard drowning himself in ‘the best beer in town’ during a long rest after five hours of combat stumbling out of a tavern after he lost his banjo ready to collapse.
How my second ever orc, COULD end a campaign, a pure hypothetical.
I made a orc character, Named Grutok, who after a bad vaction, is now only able to see all creatures, that INCLUDES Dragons, As orcs. And he constanly attempts to recruit them into his tribe. So theoretically, if i made him a bard or a rouge, and put all my points into charisma, I could THEORETICALLY, Recruit a dragon into my tribe and have a dragon companion, and possibly name it.
*Dragon noises in the background*
"QUIET DRAGON MCBEAKFACE!"
*Angry dragon noises in the background*
"OH CRAP HE BEAT THE ROLL, OH CRAP!"
Nobody asks, but here it is
Poor Dwight
Magic Item Idea
Paper Knife
Description: A piece of paper with a drawing of a knife. The piece of paper can’t be burned or destroyed as long as it has charges. Per each charges used, the knife drawn gets more and more covered in blood. Recharges every day.
Functionality: 23/day you can touch the piece of paper and point at an enemy that immediately suffer 1d4 piercing damage, or 1d6 if outside of combat (this action starts combat)
Inspiration: @trilliath’s mom
I was explaining to my mom about how tumblr is excited for the ides of march tomorrow, and celebrating the assassination of a corrupt politician etc. etc. and she goes, "Oh! So what do we wear!"
And I said, "IDK a knife?"
And she said, "Ohh, I don't think I can get away with that at the conference. But I know, I'll draw a picture of a knife and carry it around in my pocket and get a giggle out of it whenever I look in my pocket!"
Anyway my mom's brilliant and I think we should all carry paper knives tomorrow.
Weapon Idea
Dagger of Betrayal
Description: an old looking dagger, clearly made by someone very experienced in the craft, a red unidentified gemstone in its handle emits an ominous dim light
Functionality: A dagger that deals 2d12 additional damage to those who see the wielder as an ally and charmed enemies.
Inspiration: I’m going to have so much fun today
Item Idea
Legendary Sponge
Description: a yellow square sponge, it looks like any other normal sponge except that it won’t suffer from any environmental effects, not even the loss of water or the rising of temperatures.
Functionality: Grants the holder with resistance to cold, lightning, thunder and fire damage. Does not stack with other spells or items.
Inspiration: Now there is @markrosewater
I would have GREATLY preferred the Spongebob creatures be original designs. As funny as Squidward being a "Horror" is it is absolutely disappointing to see Spongebob be a Human and not a Sponge
There are no legendary Sponges.
Cursed Item Idea
Hat of Gold (Cursed)
Desc- yes Sans, the name is a pun on “Heart of Gold” I’m a comedy genius what did you expect? 💅🏻 (I’m cringe)
Description: A hat that every time it is worn for the first time in a day by someone materialise 15 gp in their hands or in their vicinity. From that moment they will be cursed to talk in a strange way by pronouncing the words much longer than needed, marking the accents way more than correct and by also rising their pitch just a bit enough to sound different but not enough to sound like a mouse.
Functionality: Along with the 15 gp, it gives -3 Charisma to anyone who wears the hat, until the curse is lifted after 24 hours from when it was worn for the first time in the day.
Inspiration: the post above ⬆️ @graegrape
i am once again reminded of the fact that toby fox is a genius at comedic pacing
Item Idea
Shoulder Saddle
Description: a leather seat that is attached to the one of the pauldrons of a medium size or + character’s Armor. It can be used by small characters to short rest while the rest of the party moves, to comfortably sit while travelling, to pat your big companion or be patted by your big companion. The benefits for the characters will apply only if their size is the same as the model of the Saddle they bought intended:
5 sp) Medium X Small
2 sp) Medium X Tiny
10 sp) Large X Small
8 sp) Large X Tiny
Bonus! 23 sp) Large X Medium
Bonus! 2 sp) Small X Tiny
Functionality: (Along with the obvious ones like immunity to fall damage for the smaller character or the inability to move during their turns, etc etc)
The Shoulder Saddle gives +1 to the AC of the bigger character, +1 to the smaller character’s perception checks involving sight, +2 charisma to both. Disadvantage with short range attacks and advantage with long ranged attacks to the smaller character, inverted for the bigger character.
Their turns will fuse into one during fights (using the bigger characters DEX for initiative +1), if in a round the big character stays still while the small one attacks with a ranged attack/weapon and it hits, roll 1d6, add that to the total damage AFTER any deduction of any kind that will affect the damage.
To be clear, this additional damage can’t be halved, stopped or in any way modified except if the total damage is cancelled, then it will act accordingly, if the total damage is halved by resistance or modified in another manner, the result of the 1d6 won’t be affected and will be added AFTER these calculations.
Inspiration: The image and post above from @billfrancois ❤️ (check out their art, it’s very good)
Best part of playing a smaller race in DnD is that your party members can give you uppies :3c
Pet Idea
Gleep Glorp
Description: A small, tiny, mini octopus. It goes gleep glorp. It makes you slightly more squishy and bouncy and glorpy.
Functionality:
+5 ft to your max jump
Advantage on grappling enemies
Roll a d4 if you get hit by a bludgeoning weapon (3d6 damage = 3d4, 1d20 damage = 1d4) the result is the damage that the attacker receives as the weapon bounces back from your glorpious body.
You must feed Gleep Glorp.
A hungry Gleep Glorp can leave to find a better owner or threatening you by revoking your gleepy privileges.
Inspiration: Gleep Glorp @the-lumpfish-king
Puzzle Idea
Door of Dooring
Description: A heavy metal (❌🤘) door, without any inscription or mysterious entity guarding it, in a completely empty room. Oh and also without a handle or a key hole. The players can’t sense any sort of magic coming from it.
Functionality: It’s a one way door. The players must find a way to open it from the inside, like using daggers in the space between the door and the wall to pull it or with magic.
Inspiration: …I closed myself in a walk-in-freezer accidentally. For 30 minutes, which is probably less than how much time your players are gonna spend trying to understand what’s the deal with this door.
Serious Pet Idea
CeeCee
Description: Looks like a completely normal and ordinary cat
Functionality: Because it is a completely normal and ordinary cat
Inspiration: Cat
Spell Idea
Butterfingers
Description: The target loses the grip of all the things they have in their hands for 1 minute, making them constantly fall on the ground.
Functionality: The caster points with both hands at the target, on a Con fail the target will lose the grip on what they were holding. Every time the target tries to hold something, the object will slip from their hands. If the caster doesn’t use Concentration to maintain the spell it will last for a max of 60 secs during which the target will have one possibility to (with a Con ST) hold one object for one turn (6 secs). If the caster uses Concentration to maintain the spell the spell it will last for a max of 10 mins, without the possibility to hold something for even only one turn. While in this condition the target also can’t cast spells that uses somatic components
Inspiration: I dropped some butter and my mum made a horrible pun about it… thanks mum