Expressing Our Feelings? Nah I’m Just Gonna Eat Them Instead And Then Puke Everywhere Bc I Shouldn’t

me: gets pulled over

officer: license and registration?

me: hands it to them

officer: here’s ur ticket

me: but officer, isn’t there anything i can do to make u forget about this?

officer: pulls out handcuffs

me: oh okay

officer: ur under arrest for bribing a law enforcement officer

i am so thirsty someone get me a refreshing glass of ice cold sparkling piss

you ever just wake up so fucking horny for food you’re like mmmmmmm toasty beans and soup

have decided this account is gonna be for not only shit posts but also Private Romance Things™️ i cannot post in front of actual people

thinking about baked bean

pov ur dating ur best friend and they mean the fucking world to u and u don’t know how to tell them so u just repeatedly say “i love u” and hope they get the message

words from we hug now by sydney rose

me: i love u

me thirty seconds later: hey idk if u know this but uhhh. i love u

me three minutes later: oh fuck u think he knows i love him? gotta make sure.

the only reason my favourite animal is the dunkleosteus is because of the game hungry shark where they called it “big daddy”

me staring at the “please don’t take anything” text knowing i already took something