BPD Culture Is Life Always Being Too Much. Your Old Friends Want You Dead Because You Had The Fucking

you should not blame someone for needing constant reassurance, some of us have been treated so poorly in the past that we forget people can actually love us. Reassurance costs you nothing but your time

BPD culture is feeling too sad to eat :(

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questioning borderline culture is wanting to tell everyone online that you killed yourself, then create a fake online alias, and join the same circles to see what they said and how much they care and what they really thought about me and if they're sad and if I ruined their life and-

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suspected bpd culture is genuinely believing your cause of death will be suicide because you are aware that this disorder is slowly eating away your hope and energy to continue living, making it impossible to live normally.

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me and my undying urge to be someone’s favorite

the DSM-5 defines narcissism as being characterized in part by a "need for admiration." while this is true for most of us, i think it's a bit of an oversimplification to identify every narcissist's supply needs as just "admiration."

many narcissists just want acknowledgement. supply may not just mean praise and reverence, but also simple care. not a need to be worshiped and treated as godlike, but to be spoken to and treated as an important human being.

others may not just get supply from positive attention, but also negative attention. i've heard others talk about reveling in the thought of being the subject of someone else's resentment or hatred, just because it makes them an important figure in their life.

some narcissists seek out any attention, regardless of whether it contributes to an idolizing reputation; narcissists who become self-destructive because they know it'll get people's attention.

i think most narcissists appreciate admiration, but narcissistic supply isn't just that. what all narcissists have in common is that we need more attention than most people, be it because we were deprived of it when we needed it most or because we never learned how to live without it.

regardless, none of us really have the innate ability to feel important and appreciated unless we're given as much attention we can get.

tw sui ideations + jealousy + a lotta self hate

Why does it hurt why does it hurt why does it hurt Why does it hurt so much when i find out my fp has a partner fuck fuck fuck this is so stupid i literally am dating someone romantically and my relationship with my fp is strictly platonic so why does it hurtso much when i found out xe's dating someone Am i that scared of abandonment fuck this is so stupid fuck i hate this i hate myself im so scared i might lose xyr fuck i made a mistake getting too comfortable fuck xyrd be suspicious if i just started distancing myself from xyr and our friend group but god it hurts so much god i hate relationships so much i wish i could just bury myself alive god god i dont know what to do i really wished i just killed myself i wished one of my two attempts succeeded it hurts So much to be alive knowing this i wish i didnt have bpd i wish i didnt have to deal with this i wished i was alone but i have to stay strong i guess i have to Stay alive just for everyone i love and i fucking hate it i hate being loved please stop loving me it isnt worth it please please let me die alone crying myself to sleep

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Can you explain more about delusions and npd? I don't remember if you've talked about it before

Of course! NPD is actually primarily definable by the delusions commonly associated with the disorder. These are commonly described in general as 'delusions of grandeur'' but there’s a lot more to them than that. 

In general, there are several different variants of delusions, including but not necessarily limited to: Erotomanic, grandiose, bizarre grandiose, jealous/infidelity, persecutory, referential, negation/nihilistic, and somatic. 

Within NPD, as far as I know, the most common types are erotomanic, (bizarre) grandiose, persecutory, and negation/nihilistic can also show up mixing with grandiose. I suspect somatic could also show up based on what I know about the disorder, but I don't see it commonly spoken about.

Specifics about what each type of delusion means under the cut!

Erotomanic - Delusions regarding someone being in love with them. According to most sources, erotomanic delusions are commonly targeted toward a person of great importance or fame. This type of delusion can often involve reading into the world as giving one 'signs', things like thinking certain gestures are a beckoning or things such as that. May have overlap with grandiose ("Everyone in the world is in love with me").

Grandiose - Delusions regarding being special or having extraordinary talents ("I know how to do everything", "If I were to try to do that I would do it perfectly", "If I were in a position of power the world would be fixed"). These are most the delusions most commonly associated with NPD or ASPD.

   Bizarre Grandiose - These are a subtype of grandiose. These often focus around spiritual or religious beliefs ("I am God", "God chose me") but can also focus upon supernatural ability ("I have powers nobody else has"). Again, these are most commonly associated with NPD and ASPD.

Jealous/Infidelity - Delusions regarding the loyalty of those around you/that you may just be being lead along by those in your life, also commonly associated with fear of incoming abandonment, and they must be for little to no reason ("My partner is cheating on me", "My best friend doesn’t actually like me", "I saw my partner with someone, they’re going to leave me"). Commonly seen in disorders like BPD or PPD. 

Persecutory - Delusions regarding people in the world intending on harming you ("I'm being watched", "People are tracking me"). Most commonly associated with psychotic disorders or PPD. Can show up in NPD by mixing with grandiose ("People want to hurt me because I’m special").

Referential/Delusions of Reference - Delusions regarding ordinary, everyday experiences having hidden meanings ("I believe this song has a message specifically for me", "the clouds are telling me something"). Most commonly associated with schizo-spec disorders.

Negation/Nihilistic - Delusions rendering life/the world meaningless ("No matter what I try, I cannot affect the world", "nothing is real"). Delusions suffered in this type typically fall under the realm of Cotard’s delusion (delusions regarding being nonexistent or dead). Can have commonalities with bizarre grandiose ("I'm the only person in the world", "Nobody is real except me"). 

Somatic - Delusions that someone suffers from a disorder or medical issue. Associated with hypochondria. 

Unspecific - Delusions not fitting into any particular category. 

Mixed - Showing delusions of two or more different types. 

Hope this helps!