simpthatneedshelp

Latest Posts by simpthatneedshelp

We’ll have to do dinner Thursday night instead.

Coward

Guys I deleted that post because I didn't have the fucking guts to post the follow-up

Puki will you leave tumblr because everyone’s acting like it’s dead now :(

oh yeah its SO dead.

1000 notes this post. Now

reblog if your name isn't Ashley.

2,121,566 people are not Ashley and counting!

We’ll find you Ashley.

The brothers and the Human Realm

a/n: so ik ‘jealous much’ won the poll but it’s still not done yet so have this instead!

context: a part of me still finds lessons 40-43 funny because the brothers have never really been to the human world that much, and they don’t really know how certain things work. Take the slow cooker and ice cream truck for example. So these are little headcanons I have for when all of y’all are together in the beginning of their stay in the human realm.

enjoy <3 , also these are in no specific order

you all are hopeless…

Solomon and MC would so fuck with the brothers while being in the human realm.

For example they’d take Lucifer to the shadiest mexican restaurant possible then after they finished eating they would tell the waiters it was Lucifer’s birthday and watch the Avatar of Pride sit there with a big ass sombrero on his head as they sang happy birthday to him.

MC later took a picture and sent it to Diavolo who then made it his lock screen.

Satan and Belphie tried to electrocute Lucifer by throwing a toaster in the bathroom while he was in the middle of a shower. This happened after the fact you told them not to put water on the toaster because it could electrocute someone. 

Beel ate an entire bottle of ibuprofen liquid gels because he thought they were hard gummies.

Beel also ate the food and cake shaped wax candle melts you had bought for Asmo as a gift

Beel lastly ate your whole brand new container of melatonin and it knocked him out for 15 hours straight. Needless to say Lucifer was very concerned for his wellbeing, and Belphie soon questioned if you had anymore.

Belphie and his brothers were never taught stranger danger, because who in their right mind would be a danger to them in the Devildom?

So after you had explained to him what an ice cream truck was he vowed to go to one with you.

However when a creepy old man in a white van offers him candy he believes it to be the same as the ice cream truck so he gets in the van.

When the brothers relay this information to you, you begin to lose your shit explaining how that was not in fact an ice cream truck he got into but instead a kidnapper van.

The brothers don’t know how to eat certain human world foods.

Such as a banana, watermelon, mango, pineapple, kiwi, avocado, cherry, dragon fruit, papaya, onion, etc.

So when you first buy one from the grocery store and leave it out before cutting it they automatically think it’s some weird shaped human food and bite into it eating the skin or seeds and all.

After they tell you about the weird but delicious taste of it you ask if they cut it or spit out the seeds before eating it, and when they reply with a puzzled look and a no your heart drops.

Thank god they’re demons. You then proceed to buy the same thing again this time cutting it up in front of them so they know what parts to eat of certain things.

Expanding on the cherry part, did y’all’s parents ever tell you not to swallow watermelon or cherry seeds because if you did a cherry tree or whole watermelon would then grow in your stomach??

I know mine and some of my friends parents would tell us that when I was younger to make sure we didn’t swallow any seeds.

If they didn’t then oh well, anyway…

Continuing with Solomon being an ass, he would so tell something like that to the brothers. If he happened to see Beel swallow a cherry whole he would then proceeded to tell Lucifer not to let him do that.

And when the oldest asks why Solomon would then go onto explain that if he swallows cherry pit then a cherry tree will then grow inside his stomach.

Of course this freaked out Lucifer so for the next hour he tried getting Beel to spit out all the cherries he ate.

You would have to organize their fridge and pantry in the new house because they don’t know which human world foods need to be refrigerated or not.

After you arrive at the house you spent a good three hours explaining to them not everything can go in the pantry because some of it will spoil after you open it.

Then you proceed to gag when you pulled out an expired chunky milk container from the pantry.

They find the concept of drive thru or fast food places astonishing. The fact that you can just order wait in a line for a few minutes in your car then get your food is crazy. They do however all panic though when you get to the front and they don’t know what to order off the menu.

Car washes are also something they found themselves favoring. You would turn up the music as you slowly pulled in and joked by telling the brothers you were going on a ride of sorts.

Which in turn shocked you when they did believed you as the car wash stared. Each of them were staring out the windows with starry eyes as different colors of soap were thrown on your car.

You laughed to yourself as they all admired the way the soap blended together, Asmo and Mammon found themselves taking pictures of the whole thing. While Belphie was telling Beel how this looked like a starry sky.

And Levi went on to tell Satan how this reminded him of an anime scene. Lucifer also found himself sitting quietly in the passenger seat enjoying it too. (Lucifer is a certified passenger princess, fight me on that)

Each brother questioned you on how this was possible and you replied with smile. After the car wash was over and you drove through the dryers they all asked if you could do that again, to which you replied smiling “maybe some other time”.

Lucifer watered the fake succulents and plants you put around the house for two weeks straight until you said something.

They love watching true crime documentary’s to the point you’d have to physically pull them away from the tv.

It happened one afternoon while a few of them were relaxing in the living room and you were looking for a channel to watch.

Deciding there was nothing interesting on you put on an old true crime documentary and began watching it. As the brothers heard the story of the crime from the tv they each became immersed in it.

Telling you things such as “how could humans do that to each other?” or “wow humans are more brutal than we thought” or even adding in their own comments on how they could have made the crime worse.

It became a guessing game between all of them to figure out who killed who during each episode you watched.

Much to everyone dismayed Satan was the one who won every time.

Meanwhile while they were all immersed in the tv you noticed Lucifer standing behind you, arms crossed also watching tv. You told him to sit down and watch with all of you but he denied, claiming he wasn’t really interested in stuff like this anyway.

Yet he never moved from that same spot each episode.

Each of the brothers have made something explode in the microwave.

Lucifer stained it red when he went to reheat pasta, but he put it in for to long and it exploded. Mammon overfilled his ramen thus causing it to leak then explode.

Satan and Levi also happened to be reheating takeout at the same time, but both of the containers were styrofoam and exploded. Levi got annoyed and Satan threw the microwave at Lucifer.

Asmo put some skincare product in there because he found something online about a certain hack, and it exploded causing the microwave to smell like burnt strawberries.

Beel put too much food in the microwave causing it to all melt together then explode.

Belphie put a coffee in there to reheat and it exploded, but he was too lazy to clean it up so he just left it. Lucifer was then next to use the microwave and got coffee all over him.

You made all seven of them watch the entire twilight series as a joke but ironically they all actually enjoyed it.

Satan even went out and bought the books, and finished all of them in about 2 hours

Bonus

Solomon distracted Diavolo for 3 hours straight by making him watch 5 minute craft videos.

Diavolo then proceeded to break things to try these said crafts which caused Barbatos to have a meltdown.

Barbatos destroyed an entire sidewalk because he saw two rats run across it into the sewer.

Why do we as a society keep coming back to sex jokes?

Penis blast hilarious

Diavolo is kind of a shit ruler if actually you think of it from the demon populations perspective, just imagine

This fucking guy (who is essentially a millennial in demon years) comes around and starts spreading pro angel, pro human propaganda and forcing grown ass adults to go to school?

I'd be the first to try and organize a hostile takeover and get my ass ran by Lucifer and Barbatos

Also the devildom is like, so fucking dystopian and fucked up, like RAD is literally used to control the residents of hell in the most direct way possible, forcing them to wake up and attend "classes" and get punished if they take part in typical demon behavior? All in the name of their shitty rulers SON? Like wtf he's not even the king why can he do this

I'd be so mad if I was older than Diavolo and got the news that I was being forced to go to some cheap human school replica

I'd try to kill him honestly

"RAD student body" what a fucking joke those are tax payers, Diavolo

Do you guys remember that one scene between Diavolo and Barbatos?

The one where Dia, after cool epic fuckary, was like "be honest with me, what do you think of my behavior" and Barbatos, much like a robot gave the auto answer "I think your great" or like smth?

Idk where specifically it's from but it's one of my favorite moments between them because of all the relationship dynamic implications, like the way Diavolo looked after after the fact? The way Barbatos bairly hesitated to answer?

It makes me think about how many times they've had that exact exchange, how many times Diavolo could of came to Barbatos for some sort of reprimand or guidance for anything other than his public reputation and how many times he was probably shut down

Honestly, seeing things that way makes me understand more why Diavolo prefers Lucifer to Barbatos, like-

I feel like Barbatos is constantly lying to him? Like there's no way in hell Barbatos is always just.. on his side?

To date I think there's only been maybe 2 cases of Barbatos evenly slightly against Diavolo? And one of them doesn't even count cause he was just stonewalling him (the silent treatment but it's his job to respond)

So ya anyways, Barbatos is a bad mother sorry

(I'll make an actual headcannon post for my Diavolo Barbatos non-sexual/ parent-child relationship ideas uhh eventually if enough ppl care lol)

Why do we as a society keep coming back to sex jokes?

Penis blast hilarious

blood headcanons. a normal thing to think about

BABY LUKE GROWN UP AAAAAA THE ARTWORK IS AMAZING

(I believe by @ObAngye from twitter)

Everyone knows a supernatural high schooler needs a silly normal sidekick to go on adventures with them. But as the only “normal” kid in a school full of superheroes, wizards, vampires, etc. you’ve finally had enough being everyone’s comic relief.

WTF!?

Hate me all you want but I’m saying this!! Read all of this at your own risk

who ever the fuck starting incest between the demon brothers and also shipping luke with either mc or the older man (obey me) or fucking shipping the tweels together (twst)

It’s fucked up!

“But Luke is an angel so his not canonically ten, just search up baby faced adult”

ew fuck no! Yes perhaps he’s older than a few hundred years but for other angels and demons he is still young! He still have a child mindset! And also here i am seeing r*** shit about luke. And incest are nuts! Like what the fuck. It is strictly forbidden and considered immoral in most societies, and can lead to an increased risk of genetic disorders in children.

“But it’s between men” it’s still fucked up, just imagine you guys fucking your own siblings or family.

IF Y’ALL WEIRD SHIPPER STILL SO HARD HEADED ABOUT THIS THEN DO WHAT YOU WANT, I’VE REMINDED YOU ALL THAT ITS IMMORAL

thanks for actually reading my rant reblog if you agree with me and to spread awareness of how fucked up those ship are and also fucking unfollow me if you support the ship

BBG POSE!!! YIPPI

His little cloud 😞😝

I can’t believe I hid my art for all of these 😖😖he’s also in a dress in this one but I hate drawing legs.

Dildo Generator

Online 3D experiment by Ikaros Kappler which is described as a “Extrusion/Revolution Generator” ….

Created with three.js, you can alter the bezier curves and angle of the form, and is designed with 3D printing in mind (models can be exported and saved, as well as calculated weight in silicone).

Try it out for yourself (if you wish) here

pov you are a pink or otherwise cute pokemon i am about to catch

yeah turtlenecks are sexy too bad they’re also one of the worst sensory experiences fashion has ever developed

Lesson on Angels and Demons ⭐️

Going to repost some of my twt fanart from 2020/2021!

Isn't it almost 2024 already?

So like at least 50

How many weeks has it been 2023 already 

#Merry crisis

you fuckers thought i forgot about elf practice didn’t you?

It should 100% be illegal for companies to make you give them your payment information when you sign up for a free trial version of their product. It is not necessary and there is no good fucking reason for them to do it. It’s blatantly just so they can steal forgetful customers’ money.

You’ve left me no choice

(Also lmk if you want a gif version!)

...

Anyways.