Latest Posts by oracleofthepast - Page 10

It was during French class, at the end of a standardized testing day.  We were playing a game of chaud et froid, or hot and cold.  A student is looking for a rock.  There are twenty other students chanting décontracté (it means casual) while we are waiting for the first student to get the idea to go through a kid’s hair.

My mom, who doesn’t hear excellently, calls out “WHAT?” every time I’m on the phone in another room, but never hears me when I yell to her from that same room

Moms can hear you mumble something under your breath from 20 ft away but suddenly can’t hear you yelling “WHAT?” from the next room over.

Everything is in pi.  Every nuclear launch code, every phone number, every possible combination of numbers is somewhere inside that magnificent irrational beauty.

Considering how pi goes on forever with no pattern, somewhere in there is the binary code for Half-Life 3

Person A: *Calmly reading in the corner*

Person B: *Storms in, sees Person A, and throws nearest object at them*

Everyone: What was that for??

Person B: I was dared to flirt, and that is how I flirt. *storms back out*

THE CHILD IS INNOCENT 

I figured Icarus out

Icarus is a moth.  “No, he wasn’t, the myth says that he was Daedalus’ son and Daedalus was human”  But wait!  I’ve thought this out a bit more than that

Daedalus could have adopted him

He (Daedalus, not Icarus) seemed to be eccentric enough to adopt a moth

He (Icarus this time) flew

He went after the sun (the brightest lamp of them all)

He died when he got too close to the lamp

Both Icarus and moths scare me when they get too close

He’d probably manage to figure it out, but it would be cuter if he repeatedly bumped his heads into each other, I think

Can Cerberus’s left head look right without bumping into the middle one?

I disagree with the premise that any child of Athena has only a singular brain cell, but Percy and Grover definitely share one, and I feel that Annabeth takes it away from them when they have overused it so it can recharge. 

the entirety of the lightning thief really is just Percy, Annabeth, and Grover fighting over the use of one (1) singular brain cell isn’t it

You mean J.D. from Heathers?

“I will destroy you, and everything you have ever cared for.”

“You do realize that includes you, right?”

“I’m counting on it.”

You died. 

Everytime someone you know dies, you start to cry. The better you know the person, the harder you cry.

You wake up one night racking with sobs, but you can’t figure out who died.

Man, why would you bother?  If Satan is chill, just stay in Hell with all the cool people.  Besides, there are too many straight people in Heaven.  Plus the paperwork is the actual torture of Hell.

All your life, you’ve considered yourself a fairly good person, but after a freak accident, you wind up in hell. Satan turns out to be a pretty chill guy and says there’s been a mistake, and you’re supposed to be in heaven. Now you must suffer through the long and complex paperwork to be moved to where you properly belong.

It’s strange getting over suicidal thoughts because your mind is like “hey if you do this, you could easily kill yourself” and then you’re like “oh cool...wait, I don’t want to die!”

As I (someone who is pretty nearsighted), that would for me, be until the gun is touching the other person.  I think.  I’m not entirely sure how long a gun is. 

“Don’t fire until you see the whites of their eyes” probably fucked over a lot of nearsighted people

I thought all Denny’s were like that?

Your local Denny’s is a hotspot for the mysterious things of all existence. Cryptids manifest, realities warp, and unfathomable, unexplainable phenomena occur on the property. Describe your time working there.

At first, all seems normal.  But then, just as you were about to leave the classroom, you and all of your classmates noticed that the door was gone.

“Who did it‽  Who divided by zero‽”  your teacher yells, clawing at the walls. 

You slowly raise your hand with your feeble excuse of “I just wanted to see what would happen.”

The teacher tries to explain why you should never have done that, but alas, it is too late.  The floor opens up, as well as the walls.  The end is upon us, you realize, before you are sucked into the black hole that formed.

Your math teacher has always warned you to “NEVER EVER divide by 0.” One day, you decide to see what happens when you divide by zero.

Then just don’t say it and be different.  It’s not a requirement. 

It’s actually really fucking weird that we were expected to stand up every day and pledge our allegiance to a flag as kids.