Humans Are Odd

Why do you insist on doing the most irrational things, and how has it led to you being the dominant species on the planet?

those “monkey brain/human brain” posts except the monkey brain is presented as the rational one

What if we are both the Space Orcs and the Space Hippies of the Galaxy?

I absolutely love the idea that humanity will turn out to be the Space Orcs of the universe with our innate violence and toughness but what if we turn out to be the space hippies as well?

Like every other species that has reached Space fairing status has slaughtered every predator, every dangerous insect, every poisonous plant ….even viruses  and bacteria have been exterminated. Basically everything that can be a threat to them on their planet has been removed and it’s functions in the cycle of the planet have been replicated through scientific means. Sanitizing your Homeworld  like this is considered a mark of progress and civilization. Only barbaric species have natural dangers on their world. In advanced societies only lifeforms which are useful are allowed on your planet

And then we appear on the scene and although we are intimidating and and violent the other species welcome us. And then on our first meeting the alien ambassador notices a beautiful painting of a jellyfish on the Captain’s wall

“What an intriguing creature. Is it native to your planet? What is it function?” asked X’thio of the Kril

“Oh this? Yeah. The Box Jellyfish. Nasty piece of work. It’s poison targets your pain center and you literally spend weeks in excruciating pain. You can die very easily if you don’t get help quickly. My third cousin got stung by one. She said it was so painful it made child birth look like a fun day at the park“ “These things still exist on your world!? How horrifying. We would gladly help you exterminate them if you don’t have the capability” “Exterminate them!? Mate we are trying to save them. They are severely endangering due all the pollution in the ocean!”

“What!? Why?”

“Well we used to throw out a lot of garbage  in the ocean and….”

“I understand how pollution works. Why would you want to save such a horrid creature?” “Well  isn’t it obvious? It’s because it’s endangered. Besides they barely killed any people. Now snakes..let me tell you about snakes. There this snake that climbed through toilet and bit my uncle right in the…….”

And that’s when the Ambassador knew that they wouldn’t be leaving their Embassy on Earth

Y-you utilize explosives. FOR ENTERTAINMENT? I will have to report this to my supervisor...

Fireworks are Weird

With the approach of the 4th of July, and my own town’s weekend fireworks display occurring in view of my window as I write this, I got to thinking.  

Fireworks would be BAFFLING to an alien races.

I’m not sure which would be worse.  Being taken by surprise by the bright flashes and loud cracks and pops in the sky, panicking because those could only be the first signs of a deadly attack, complete with shells whistling through the air, or seeing people buying the things by the truckload, not just for professional use, but to simply light off in their back yard.

—-

“Human-Steve, what are "Fireworks”?  I see places of business opening out of nowhere with no information or advertisements beyond the single word.“

"Well, they’re.. Hmm.. I guess you’d call them toys, or maybe single-use decorations?  They make bright lights in a bunch of different colors, and loud noises, and we use them to celebrate important events.”

The alien nodded, a gesture it had learned meant understanding.  "Ah, I see.  Digitally projected entertainment.  We have similar devices on our world, though-“

Steve held up a hand, shaking his head.  "Digital?  No, no, no,” he chuckled.  "They’re little explosives.  Gunpowder packed with different kinds of material to burn in different colors when we launch them.“

"Ex- explosives?”  The alien wringed two of its three pairs of hands, putting the other pair on the sides of its head.  "Surely you jest!  I saw families, children purchasing these fireworks!“

"Nah, they’re harmless.  I mean, every year there’s an idiot or two that blows his hand off or sets his hair on fire, but I mean, they’re usually doing something stupid to begin with.”

The alien has no reply to this.  What reply could there possibly be?

Stahp

Reblog of you want my friend to stop hurting herself

I’m trying to prove to her that people still care and although the temptation for self harm is strong, she can fight it and she is not alone. Please don’t scroll past, please show her you care. ~Mod Aaron

more humans are weird...

Okay, so we’ve talked about inanimate objects like Stabby the space roomba. Fair enough, the aliens think, after adjusting their mental frameworks a little. It moves around, it’s got some intelligence, humans just aren’t very good at distinguishing ‘animate’ and 'inanimate’ and will pack-bond with anything that moves. Weird, but okay.

But then:

Human Sashi: What are you doing??!

Alien fusid: …Eating the first meal of the day? I believe you call it 'breakfast’?

Human Sashi: No, I mean… you’re using my cup!

Alien fusid: Dishes were provided by the space station.

Human Sashi: Well, some of us brought our own – my friend doesn’t like them; too standardized. But that’s not what I was talking about. That’s my cup!

Alien fusid: I apologize, but it looks exactly like the other cups.

Human Sashi: No it doesn’t.

Alien fusid: …What?

Human Sashi: It’s got a chip in the corner, see?? I mean, it’s fine, but just… don’t do it again, okay.

Alien fusid: I had the strangest interaction with a human today.

Alien Wimu: The humans are quite odd. What occurred?

Alien fusid: It had pack bonded to a cup.

Alien Wimu: …a cup?

Alien fusid: Yes. It is a regulation cup, but it has a chip. Apparently, we are not to touch it.

Alien Wimu: …

Alien fusid: …

Alien Wimu, meditatively: The humans are certainly very, very odd.

“Humans are weird” idea

It seems to always be the case that aliens have names that are “unpronounceable by the human tongue.”  But, y’know, humans are actually really good mimics.  We can do impressions of anything, and some of us are really good at it.  What if that was a special skill of ours that was constantly surprising the aliens?

Alien talks about human like s/he’s not there, only to be shocked when its own language comes out of that strange little mouth.

Alien can’t figure out WHAT that noise onboard is, only to find human crewmate pranking it.  (“As soon as he leaves, I’m gonna do the sound of a failing hover engine, okay?  Just see where he looks first!”)

Alien hears a different noise and a thud, then “Sorry, I tripped.”  (”But you squeaked.”  “Yeah, didn’t mean to.  Sounded kinda dumb.”)

Alien is alarmed to hear the sound of two Dangerous Animals coming from the containment room.  Thinks the one has multiplied.  Runs in, find human yowling back at it.  (“It seemed lonely, so I was talking to it.  Reminds me of a cat I had once.”)

The away team is threatened by a Large Animal protecting its young.  Alien Captain knows what to do.  Shoves the human up front and points.  “Make the noises that the little ones are making.  This is your time to shine.”

I absolutely love all the space australia/ humans are weird/space orcs things going around, so I haven’t been able to stop thinking about stuff like metaphors and idioms and figurative speech. Like, what if those had been purely human concepts?

Human: “He really broke Omar’s heart”

Alien: “What?? Is Omar still alive? Can he be healed? Is it culturally appropriate to seek out revenge?”

Human: “No, no, like… He hurt him badly.”

Alien: “Yes I understand that your cardiovascular system is important.”

- - -

Human: “She’s a real wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

Alien: “What is a wolf?”

Human: “It’s a predator - you know, the one dogs descent from?”

Alien: “… She looks human. How do you know the value of her clothes?”

- - -

Human: “That dickhead stabbed me in the back”

Alien: “MEDIC!!!!”

- - -

Human 1: “Wish me luck!”

Human 2: “Break a leg!”

*Horrified aliens in the background*

More “wtf are humans, please leave the rest of us be” stuff:

Human reactions to fear!

No, I’m not talking about screaming or freezing in one spot and pissing yourself. I’m talking about the weirder, more specific-to-only-humans fear reactions.

Like singing.

Idk how many of you have watched people play horror video games, but a surprising amount of people start narrating what’s going on in a sing-song voice.

Imagine being an alien, walking in a horrific, dark tunnel with these weird gangly creatures, you’re all scared out of your wits and then one of them starts fucking singing.

In a dark cave. While everyone’s terrified.

“ ♫ ~We are all gonna fucking die, this is terrible and I wanna go hooooome~ ♬ ”