Stahp

Humans are Scary (humans are weird)

Ok, so just imagine that one day the crew lands on an new planet. And the usual scout and research team goes out to explore the planet. (So this team is made out of highly skilled aliens, and two humans. One a protector and one a medic.) So they’re going around this planet exploring things and all is good. That is, until the healer wanders off because he found a whole field of a rare herb. Awhile later the protector see’s that the medic is not with the rest of the group any more, so he starts yelling out his name. The aliens catch on and they start to yell their name too, one even tried to read his heat signature. But then they hear him yell “Im over here guys, don’t worry” proceeded by a scream. And the aliens freak out because “oh my gosh I’ve never seen a human run that fast” The aliens catch up to them to see a huge sabertooth like creature across the field from the medic. The protector instantly yells out the medics name and runs in between the sabertooth and the medic. The sabertooth backs up, confused. But then it starts to growl at the pair, showing its sharp teeth in the process. The protector haunches his back and snarls at him. He moves his lips back to show off his canine teeth, then let out a deep, primal sound. The sabertooth growled again and swiped at the human, who dodged and took a step foreword, letting out another deep snarl towards the creature. The protector lunged foreword and grabbed onto one of the massive fangs using as leverage before he plunged a dagger into the sabers eye. The creature flailed around and ran back into the bush. The human got up ad stared into the bush waiting for it to come back. The aliens just stare at the human in terror because, “humans aren’t suppose to be like that.” The protector finally let his defensive stance go after staring into the bush. He knelt down to the medic and hugged him whispering little things into the others ear and rubbing his back. The aliens learned something new about humans that day: Never mess with a humans mate.

“Humans are weird” idea

It seems to always be the case that aliens have names that are “unpronounceable by the human tongue.”  But, y’know, humans are actually really good mimics.  We can do impressions of anything, and some of us are really good at it.  What if that was a special skill of ours that was constantly surprising the aliens?

Alien talks about human like s/he’s not there, only to be shocked when its own language comes out of that strange little mouth.

Alien can’t figure out WHAT that noise onboard is, only to find human crewmate pranking it.  (“As soon as he leaves, I’m gonna do the sound of a failing hover engine, okay?  Just see where he looks first!”)

Alien hears a different noise and a thud, then “Sorry, I tripped.”  (”But you squeaked.”  “Yeah, didn’t mean to.  Sounded kinda dumb.”)

Alien is alarmed to hear the sound of two Dangerous Animals coming from the containment room.  Thinks the one has multiplied.  Runs in, find human yowling back at it.  (“It seemed lonely, so I was talking to it.  Reminds me of a cat I had once.”)

The away team is threatened by a Large Animal protecting its young.  Alien Captain knows what to do.  Shoves the human up front and points.  “Make the noises that the little ones are making.  This is your time to shine.”

In the spirit of Space Australia posts...

I like the idea of humans not being the only species with a need to unecessarily bond and form ‘packs’ and whatnot, or the only species to enjoy putting themselves in danger for the adrenaline rush, or the only species to recreationally poison themselves, or even the only species to have parties.

You know what I love, though?

Crowd psychology and the concept of group flow.

I love the idea that humans are the species that is in love with group flow. Sure, any alien can listen to music and enjoy it, maybe even go to concerts in large groups. But humans are the only non-telepathic species where going in a large group enhances the experience simply because you know that dozens or hundreds or even thousands of other people are all getting in the zone with you at the same time for the same reason. Any alien can go to a concert, but they marvel at the sight of hundreds of humans singing along to their favorite artist not because it makes the song objectively better, but because it enhances the experience.

I love the idea of aliens trying to figure out mob psychology, looking at sports fandoms and the riots that happen if a team fails to win a game, and asking themselves and other humans how it gets to that point. Because they can put the same human in front of the same game and get two entirely different results based on whether the human is alone or not. A lone human may break a bottle or curse, but they will likely not do more than that, unless they go online to rant. A human in a group that feels the same way can do much more damage.

I love the idea of aliens trying to figure out the aspect of performative grief for dead celebrities, not understanding that it is not only practice for when a death comes closer to home, but that it is a form of bonding, a call and an echo of “I feel this way too. This person mattered to me too,” across thousands or millions of people’s screens and faces and pens.

I love the idea of aliens taking a look at frat parties and nightclubs and karaoke and being so confused, because they can understand that intoxication might be fun, sometimes, or that singing or dancing with strangers can be fun, but the sheer chaos of an out-of-control college party is terrifying to them. There is nothing here that people will enjoy come the morning, but somehow that doesn’t matter, because in that moment, with those people, the humans are connecting as they sing their drunken songs or eat their terrible food or dance the night away. There is a sense of belonging even in this awful mess, for those who know how to find it.

I love the idea of aliens looking at conventions and wondering how it is that there is such a difference in a person wearing a costume in the privacy of their home and wearing it to a large con, how the endorphin levels soar even when the human is not receiving compliments, just because the convention is an echo chamber of “I love this show, this character, this franchise, this life.”

I love the idea of aliens coming to earth and understanding the meaning of bonds and enjoying music and knowing fiction and surviving our weather and planets and everything and still not being able to understand how a room full of strangers with no telepathy can feel so connected and in-tune simply by sharing an experience. The feelings aren’t always positive ones, but they are there, and there is a comfort in sharing them with endless people you’ve never met.

Anyway, that’s my contribution for Space Australia.

I had a thought, what if sleeping together and sleeping together had to be explained and this popped out! Thanks to @space-australians for presenting the gif to provide the perfect face for Zorgk!

Aliens, like the Jarthinark, like to think that they are rapidly discovering all of the ‘human’ things to add to their manual, until they are yet again brought back to square one. Whether it’s the great differences between individual humans or their unabashed need to pet large ‘fluffy’ predators, foreign species never truly come full circle on what humans are. And it seems that the language is the hardest thing to learn.  ‘Read’ and ‘Lead’ rhyme and so do ‘Read’ and ‘Lead’; and they don’t all mean the same thing and it’s confusing and downright cruel at times. And it seems that Sol 652 was no different. 

Zorgk just could not understand why humans always disappeared at ‘night’. Between what they call ‘2200′ and ‘0600′,  the humans would just flock to their rooms without explanation. Whatever the cause, Human Judy was needed immediately and it was Zorgk’s duty to retrieve her.

Entering swiftly into her quarters, Zorgk took in the scene before him, Human Judy and Human Rick were laying close together, eyes closed blissfully.  “Human Judy, I apologize! I did not realize…“, the Jarthinark stated startled.

"Hmm?” Judy mumbles groggily, “Z?”

Zorgk shuffles backwards, trying to leave as they repeat their apologies. Humans had told them that when two humans are together in a bed it was called ‘sleeping together’ and when asked to elaborate on sleeping, Human Rob stated it was to procreate. “I did not realize you were procreating” Zorgk said hastily trying to avert their eyes.

A laugh rumbles through Rick who had awoken at the sound of Judy, “Procreating!? We’re sleeping! Zorgk, it’s okay!”

Zorgk looks as confused as they can with giant mandibles and five pitch black eyes. “But Human Rob told us that in Human vernacular, "sleeping” is procreating. Is this what humans do between"  Zorgk pauses, wanting to say it correctly, “2200 and 0600?”

Judy rolls into Rick’s chest trying to block out the second hand embarrassment  while Rick tries his best to explain why Rob is an ass and that humans need to shut down for 8 hours a day to recharge. Poor Zorgk looks like the fell down the hole to Wonderland.

Another humans are weird space orcs idea because I really like thinking about it. What if aliens have no idea how to hide their emotions? Like, they suck at poker because they can never keep a straight face or anything. or, on a darker note, their ship is hijacked and they can’t keep the fear out of their faces, but all the humans look cold and emotionless to them. Other aliens hating having to bargain with humans becase we can bluff and keep our emotions in check so well, but when they get frustrated it’s all over. Pirates threaten the space ship and they send the human to do negotiations, and the pirate talking is super confused because no matter what threat he makes, the human just doesn’t seem to be fazed one bit.

Someone please, feel free to add to this, I love to see what else people come up with!

@space-australians

more "aliens being surprised by humans" stuff

our ability to belt out one entire three to five minute long song if we’re familiar with it like. suvi starts singing “hallelujah” to fill the quiet and is answered by liam all across the room in a p decent harmony. cora walks past and starts humming it enthusiastically even tho she can’t stay very long. gil joins in for the third refrain. ryder finishes it off with a passionate solo.

when they look around every alien is staring at them. vetra blinks and knocks her hands together. “that’s what you’re supposed to do when humans make those sounds right?” she asks kallo beside her, who mirrors her. everyone is a little stunned at the coordination and emotion in the performance and they all look equally moved. jaal might be crying. none of them know what a ‘hallelujah’ is, but they feel like they’ve come to understand it through this melody

they’re all extremely confused when all of the humans still continue on on their tasks without pause

edit; other songs include but are not limited to: bohemian rhapsody, mr. brightside, single ladies, no scrubs, and i will always love you

So I was thinking about music earlier in a Earth is Space Austraila/Humans Are Space Orcs kind of way

Humans have a way of singing that if you are not careful can permanently damage your vocal cords 

Humans are incredible mimics 

Whenever we hear “This song can’t be sung by humans” we Immediately go “lol” and do it anyway

Humans have a wide variety in which they can pitch their voices naturally, Freddie Mercury being a shining example of this (even though he is an outlier)

Likewise some people’s voices are naturally super high pitched or super fucking deep, there’s a lot of factors in human vocals 

Which got me thinking about how varied music would be in some Galactic Federation type of thing. How interpersonal relationships may be affected by a human hearing a song that is from a species that maybe descended from birds and a human is dancing and singing in the breakroom to some Avian Boy Band just nailing the lyrics. 

A alien crewmate walking in to find that one of their human crewmates are trying extremely hard to sing this song that, as far as anyone could tell, isn’t possible for them to do but What would you Know they’re getting better and better and might just be able to Do It

People who are singers have to have amazing breath control because of famously long notes in various songs and are able hold them and keep on going where as a human who doesn’t have that same kind of practice or an alien that just might not be able to do it it would be really impressed at this. 

idk man just, intergalactic music 

yES GOOD

i will sell my soul for amputee, half blind angry kid vriska. 

she lost her arm in an escalating LARPing conflict that ended in fireworks and the hospital and a few mangled friends.

vriska serket, 12 years old and missing an arm, trying to claw out a group of friends and companions. 

vriska who was raised by a grandmother who doesnt care and who lives in her mothers diaries  

vriska who is a shell of spikes and anger and a gruff temper because without that there would be nothing left of her 

Quite a few have been saying:”But what about laughing?”, in the comments of my ‘Weird Human Reactions to Fear: the Singing Edition’ post. My question is: do you know why humans laugh when shit gets real?

Laughter is our brain’s Blue Screen of Death.

Where a computer would throw up an error and possibly crash, our brains go:”well, shit”, and hit the big red button labelled: ‘LAUGHTER (and possibly applause, but probably not applause)’. Since we need our brains 24/7, we don’t have the luxury of error messages. So our brains buy some time to figure out what’s going on by making us laugh in the weirdest situations.

Imminent doom? Laugh.

Absolutely livid? Laugh.

Distraught? Laugh.

Pretty sure you’re gonna die? Laugh.

I mean, we can’t be sure the aliens don’t have brains that work the same way, but seeing as other animals on Planet Earth don’t really have that either… that’d probably freak them the fuck out too.

Not only do the gangly bipeds sing when they’re scared, they could just as easily start laughing.

This is amusing.

Aliens watching out for their humans

So most of the stories I’ve seen in the Humans-Are-Weird/Space-Australia/Space-Orcs have had aliens being completely accepting and mostly one human explaining things.

So what would happen when the alien crew who loved their human and easily accepted that their brain didn’t always work right encountered as absolute asshole?

“Human Katyleen, I do not understand why you are upset about Human Sarah traveling with our crew?”

“Because psychos like her should be locked up Galthor! God first it’s rude to call them nutjobs when they are now they get to take the spots that people like me deserve!”

“Do you have the ability to lift a Bilibithor above your head?”

“No but-”

“Ah! You must be able to out-talk a Fiffifin then!”

“They use so many alliterations it makes no sense!”

“Are you able to correctly change speeds to prevent a hyper speed collision that is, the earth term is inches correct?”

“She is still a psycho! She could snap at any time and kill you all!”

“I believe Human Sarah told us about your kind.”

“What did she say?”

“I believe the terms used is cunt.”