YES GOOD

Why do you do this? 390 shmo? WHY?

to contribute to the ‘humans are weird’ posts...

Okay, but what about marathons tho. Humans are built to follow animals on foot. Until the animal literally gives up and dies. That’s how we hunt. We’re not super fast or claw-y or bite-y. we just keep running. Forever.  Imagine aliens finding out about marathons. Aliens who are stealth predators or evolved from sedentary species learning that humans just straight up run their prey to death.  Alien Wimu: Human Nik, I have been watching this hologram for several ngu’la. What are these humans doing? Human Nik: Oh, wow, that’s the Olympics! It’s a competition where humans see who is the best at various physical tasks. This is the marathon, I think?  Alien Wiro: We have tests of physical prowess on Mngumu as well. But I have been watching for several ngu’la and these humans have been running the entire time. I am concerned. Are they well? Has something gone wrong with the event? Is something chasing them?  Human Nik: Nope, that’s the event! It’s actually really cool. A long time ago, this human ran – a bunch of kilometers? Something like 40, I think – because he was carrying a message to a place called Marathon from … someplace in Greece because of a war or something. He died I think. Anyway, now a lot of people do it! I actually ran a half-marathon for charity once. It was pretty grueling but it felt really good. Alien Wiro: …I’m sorry, but I believe you said 40 kilometers. That is equivalent to roughly 349 shmo!  Human Nik: Yeah, that sounds about right.  Alien Wiro: And you said the original person died? Human Nik: Well, I think. But like I said we train for it now. It’s not so bad, really.  Alien Wiro: …  Human Nik: Anyway, thanks for showing me! It’s really easy to lose track of time up here, wow. Had no idea the Olympics were happening.  Alien Wiro: … @space-australians

Aliens but they take shit too seriously

Human: the day i run a marathon is the day i die.

Alien: *makes note to keep human away from marathons*

Weeks later

Human: Just got back from a marathon!

Alien: *SCREECH*

Thought about “Humans are space orcs/space fae”. There was a line talking about how theres a human working on a ship but no-ones entirely sure if they’re meant to be there, but they didn’t want to like offend the terrifying space orc.

What if the “drifter” archetype continues into space? Like maybe we negotiated for free travel with one of our allies, but because humans come from a death world and are terrfiying, and because humans can be oblivious, we just assume we can board on any ship going anywhere, nbd?

like not as stowaways. we’re not hiding. Like those wolves and wild dogs in russia that use the railways. Are YOU going to tell a wolf they shouldn’t be riding the train?!? Thought not.

Humanity is so beautiful

So I learned two cool things about humans:  Humans have stripes! Human skin is overlaid with what dermatologists call Blaschko’s Lines, a pattern of stripes covering the body from head to toe. The stripes run up and down your arms and legs and hug your torso. You cannot see them without special equipment as the difference between the stripe cells and the non-stripes are too subtle for human eyes to pick up. You will also notice them at if something irritates the skin, as rashes and moles can form along these invisible lines.

Humans are bio-luminescent! We glow in the dark. Natural chemical reactions in our cells let out some energy in the form of visible light. Unfortunately this light is very weak, about 1000 times weaker than the eye can see. Scientists still don’t know if there are animals capable of seeing this light in humans. 

So, it gave me an idea, and I will be writing something on it, but I’m also eager to see where others would go with the idea: what if humans met a race that could see our stripes, or our glow, or both!  My take on the idea will involve the aliens adoring these glowing stripy creatures. Humans, meanwhile, are really confused about why these aliens find us so much more attractive than the more colourful creatures out there. Their compliments would confuse us. We literally cannot see what makes us beautiful to them. 

Anyone who wants to write this, feel free to go other places; love, hate, disgust, confusion. Any reaction from the humans, or aliens, can make a good story. 

Why do you insist on doing the most irrational things, and how has it led to you being the dominant species on the planet?

those “monkey brain/human brain” posts except the monkey brain is presented as the rational one

This seems important to you humans.

URGENT ALL AUSSIES!!!

i know!!! the stupid liberal government has decided on the plebiscite and even tho it’s a waste of money….. please vote!! IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE 18 BEFORE NOVEMBER 25 ENROLL TO VOTE!!! PLEASE DO NOT THROW YOUR VOTE AWAY THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME AND SO MANY OTHERS!!!!!!! PLEASE VOTE YES ON MARRIAGE EQUALITY!!!!!! WE CAN DO THIS!!!!

Filthy Habit

To add my voice to the humans are space orcs headcanon…

Nail-biting.

Considered a “filthy habit” by humans, it *horrifies* aliens who are all like OH MY GOD the human is EATING ITSELF ALIVE OMG OMG RUUUUUUN BEFORE IT EATS US NEXT!!!!

And when the crewmembers report this no one believes it at first but after a while the ship captain and CMO fearfully approach their human crewmember and catch her in the act.

CMO: Human Theresa… are the rations you are allocated insufficient for your needs?

Theresa: Um… no? I mean yes. I mean er… I eat enough yeah. Why? *chews cuticles absentmindedly*

CMO: *cringes in horror*

Captain: THEN WHY ARE YOU EATING YOURSELF!??!

Theresa: *blushes and takes hands out of mouth* I know, I know, it’s a filthy habit. I can’t stop though, I never even notice I’m doing it till someone points it out.

Captain: *horrified* You… you don’t NOTICE that you are self-cannibalizing. O.O

CMO: We have to put you on suicide watch. This attempt at self-destruction must be halted. Don’t worry, Human Theresa. We will help you. Thank the stars we caught this problem before you gnawed off a limb!

Theresa: Umm… O.o *absentmindedly chewing on pinky nail*

Emphasis

Imagine aliens coming to Earth and having translators that work perfectly. Except they don’t pick up on tone.

Tone has a HUGE impact on a message. Consider the following sentence:

“You look nice today.”

Now repeat it stressing each word one by one.

“YOU look nice today”, implying someone else that you are probably indicating with your body or to whom you’d previously referred does not.

“You LOOK nice today”, implying that you don’t smell/sound it.

“You look NICE today”, thus turning what would otherwise have been a casual remark into a compliment. You don’t just look nice. You look damn fine.

“You look nice, TODAY”, which is clearly an insult purpoiting that you usually look like crap. Damning by faint praise, as they say.

And all of these are possible - and wildly differing - meanings to a simple four word sentence.

In this scenario, super secret plans could be discussed in front of the aliens with them being none the wiser simply by saying it à la Mean Girls. Should war between the two factions emerge, humans would win by the power of passive-aggressive bitching

Humans are weird

So everyone has that friend who you love to pieces but don’t trust at all right? Like they’ll get you food or something’s and you won’t  touch it because WHAT DID YOU DO TO IT. DONT LIE TO ME. I KNOW YOU MESSED WITH IT.  And whenever it has to do with your siblings that reaction is amplified. Imagine that with aliens

*alien brings drink to new human recruits in attempt to build a friendship* 

Alien:Hello human Lila! I have broughht you a refreshment of your species life substance water!

Lila: err, what did you do to it. 

Alien: Nothing, why would I tamper with it?

Lila: alright thanks but, who put you up to this. It wasn’t Dan wasn’t it. Well you can go tell him to buzz off.

*alien walk so away in confusion to go consult with Human Mary*

Mary: don’t worry about it, we refer to it a short our survival instinct 

Okay,,, but think about aliens finding put about how babies are made. Like us humans feed them the stereotypical ‘stork delivers it’ as jokes but they actually belive us. Then a mated human on one of the ships belly starts growing and the aliens are super confused because their technology isn’t built to detect life inside of other life forms and the aliens start stressing. Like 'Human Frankie! You vomited this morning you clearly need rest’ and the human is just like 'Nah it’s morning sickness I can still work hand me a tool’. And it keeps going on like this until the girl has a big belly and the aliens are just like 'omg omg omg our human is dYING’. Until 9 months in and the girl starts actually having contractions. One human calmly start telling the girl to take deep breath while others start prepping the medical room. Hours later a baby is on board and the aliens freak out like 'THE HATCHLING WAS ALIVE WHEN IT CAME’ and 'IT CAME OUT OF WHAT?! And just,,,