Feeling So Sick Of Myself And Everyone Around Me These Days, I Can't Wait For This Stupid Fucking Exam

that's the first ever time I felt bad for thinking how much I want to die. I still want to die, I don't wanna live. I don't think anyone would miss me or be that wounded nor do I care. but this woman...

Am I gonna feel lonely for the rest of my life... It's the one feeling I think I am familiar with since the beginning of my life

im gonna fucking kill myself. im so fucking serious

i don't see a happy life ahead of me. I wish for a peaceful one but I don't see that either. it probably should be concerning how suicidal I'm being everyday. why should I try when ik my path is only going to be full of despair? why can't I end it earlier, I wanna put a stop to this. too late to apologise, too late to ask for help, don't think too late to be saved but no one will. maybe that's my tragedy that everyone could use to feel bad after I'm long gone

when bts said "i dont have a dream, dreaming is sometimes scary, to live like this, to survive like this, is a small dream to me" in paradise

i don't think i can ever explain the type of feeling the astronaut invokes in me

man i hate myself

been feeling like a shit and now i can't handle it anymore, im back to being me ig, hello

NO other show in existence understands sister dynamics better than fleabag. especially from the perspective of older sisters i believe. having the same character yell "...you're fine! you'll always be fine. you'll always be interesting, with your quirky cafe and your dead best friend. you just make me feel like i've failed," AND "the only person i'd run through an airport for is you" !!!!!!!!! it's insane and it's exactly how i feel

the thing with fleabag is how she has no one. like I get she might have her sister or something like that but when she wants to, like at times weirdly she reaches out, she tries and even then. just. she's let down. there's no one who would choose her, even the guy she loved, truly. didn't choose her. he loved her, yes but he didn't choose her. her loneliness hit me so much. these days I feel so lonely. awfully lonely. i am so so alone. i think i speak with a bunch of people on a normal basis, everyday, here n there but none of them, idk how to say this but none of them are ANYONE. im not anyone to them either. i feel bad I do have friends, but i don't either. i actually don't. i have people but I don't. i am in so much trouble rn, everytime I think about it I want to take a knife and stab myself, right there in my throat. at least back then i think when I had shit going on, after months of crying alone I finally had someone to speak with but these days i dont. who will I even go to. literally who? people around me and yet absolutely no one. i have never felt this alone in my entire life than I do at this moment. i am so scared of a lot of things, I don't have hope I don't have people. the loneliness is suffocating me. if i don't stab myself in my throat, the loneliness will grab me by the neck and choke me until I'm grasping for breath and stop breathing. it's so devastating that even in death im gonna die alone and by myself. idk if Tumblr will report this n take it down