What Is It About You That I Love So Much

I'm scared i won't be me after this. I'm scared I'll lose myself. my sanity is hanging by a thread for real

i miss reading

you are not here to prove. you are here to take, then run away. don't care. never mind. never fucking mind. just take and go. just go forward. stop thinking for fucks sake. stop arguing. there's no point. this not the place to fight for, you have other places that you have to, but not here. be a fake ass you dumb fuck

badumtuss

there’s a special kind of grief you feel towards yourself when you’ve been mentally ill for as long as you remember. you see ppl saying they long to return to their old self but you don’t have an old self, or if there was, you can’t remember it. ur “old self” was a child. this self is all you’ve ever known. then there’s the fear that comes with trying to find out who you are without your mental illnesses, it’s all new to you and you don’t know if you’ll like who you’ll be

not sure if there's anything as getting better in my book

Feeling so sick of myself and everyone around me these days, I can't wait for this stupid fucking exam to end so I can get lost in the void. And thank God almost everyone's going home after the exam. I hope they don't give much work so I can just have Sunday for myself. I really want it. I want to just exist. I want to cry, I want to sleep, I want to just be.

learning the art of shutting up.

i don't see a happy life ahead of me. I wish for a peaceful one but I don't see that either. it probably should be concerning how suicidal I'm being everyday. why should I try when ik my path is only going to be full of despair? why can't I end it earlier, I wanna put a stop to this. too late to apologise, too late to ask for help, don't think too late to be saved but no one will. maybe that's my tragedy that everyone could use to feel bad after I'm long gone

that's the first ever time I felt bad for thinking how much I want to die. I still want to die, I don't wanna live. I don't think anyone would miss me or be that wounded nor do I care. but this woman...