Latest Posts by melrambles - Page 10

USA people! Buy NOTHING Feb 28 2025. Not anything. 24 hours. No spending. Buy the day before or after but nothing. NOTHING. February 28 2025. Not gas. Not milk. Not something on a gaming app. Not a penny spent. (Only option in a crisis is local small mom and pop. Nothing. Else.) Promise me. Commit. 1 day. 1 day to scare the shit out of them that they don't get to follow the bullshit executive orders. They don't get to be cowards. If they do, it costs. It costs.

Then, if you can join me for Phase 2. March 7 2025 thtough March 14 2025? No Amazon. None. 1 week. No orders. Not a single item. Not one ebook. Nothing. 1 week. Just 1.

If you live outside the USA boycott US products on February 28 2025 and stand in solidarity with us and also join us for the week of no Amazon.

Are you with me?

Spread the word.

hey mel! 💞

if i could tell you how fucking it jarring it was to see not only one of my favorite songs on a jschlatt fic, but also that it was x male reader— but not just any male reader, a trans male reader, and childhood/pre-transition friend schlatt, you wouldn't believe me.

as a fellow trans male! (us brothers must unite) ✊ to see representation is like... wowza. but to see representation for MLM TRANS READER??? non-existent. blip. zilch. nada.

only you and chappell roan are two people i've seen describe the absolute yearning and horror (and i really think the military should recognize being a trans guy liking a cis guy as a type of fighting the war because there's a) do they see me as a man b) do they like men c) would they like a man like me if they do or d) would they like me better if i was still a girl— it's a whirlwind, i don't know your sexuality, but based on that beautiful fic you wrote you've probably felt it. unless you pulled that out your ass. then good for you! i'm scared.)

it was just wow! and i keep saying that but it was actually just like... GOBSMACKING. ugh!!! it described literally like everything i've ever felt. because it would be weird if one of the bros tried to cockblock another bro but it's like no guys i'm actually in love with him haha #homiesexual

i'm getting off topic, but i just wanted to say, i loved your fic. i could possibly write an analytical essay on it. i won't (i do enough of those), but keep the praise in mind! i LOVED it. i can't wait to see what you have next. please don't be afraid of posting, your stuff is amazing 💗

if mel has one fan i'm one, if mel has 100 fans i'm one, if mel has no fans then i am dead ✊

It's 3 am for me and I am literally crying??? I also, sadly, have experienced points a and d (I have d every fucking day) so yeah, unfortunately I know what it's like but WE GOTTA UNITE ❗❗

Also I'm omnisexual (heavily leaning towards men, I know, I know, it's bad guys it's bad but it's only for men on my screen)

I just wanted to say that I haven't been writing for quite a long time and diwk is the first thing I've writen in a while, so the positive response I've gotten on it is literally mind-blowing. I appreciate all of you for even reading it, but leaving your thoughts?? Come here and lemme give you a smooch.

I am very very very glad that you've enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it, I have another idea I have to get around for (spoiler: sillymas related 🤯) but it WILL be out this week!!

👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

🤝

.. / .-.. --- ...- . / -- -.-- / .-- .. ..-. . / - . -.. / -. .. ...- .. ... --- -.

.. -- -- .- / --. --- / .--. . --. / .... .. -- / -... .-. -... <3

//••//•-/•-••/•••/---//•-••/---/•••-/•//••-/•-•//•--/••/••-•//-/•/-••//-•/••/•••-/••/•••/---/-•//

(years of scouting paid of for this very moment)

.. / .-.. --- ...- . / -- -.-- / .-- .. ..-. . / - . -.. / -. .. ...- .. ... --- -.

.. -- -- .- / --. --- / .--. . --. / .... .. -- / -... .-. -... <3

YOU'RE LITERALLY SO GORGEOUS WTH (please step on me /plat) 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

Didnt mean to take this picture earlier but i kinda love it now

YEAH YOU ARE 🙄🙄 WE'RE ALL PERFECTLY SANE AND NOT OBSESSIVELY SIMPING OVER PIXELATED YOUTUBER MEN 🙄🙄🙄🙄

By how many dick jokes he makes, i wouldnt be surprised if all of them turned out to be true.

Nurse they're out again

By how many dick jokes he makes, i wouldnt be surprised if all of them turned out to be true.

It made a lot of sense dw!! (At least for me 😭😭)

Hi Star!! It's my first time in your inbox buttttt anyway! You made a post about people using characteristics from cai bots when writing Schlatt and Ted and could you say what those tells are? Like, I'm trying to get back into writing after months of not doing it and I don't want it to be bad 😭😭 ALSO I love what if it's all a romcom and I PROMISE I will get to reading the rest of it this weekend 🙏🙏

-Much love,

Mel 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

Hey! Thanks for enjoying All A RomCom! I never get tired of hearing people talk about how much they enjoy it, it's genuinely the best feeling ever lmao.

Ok! So for the c.ai thing, it's a little hard to explain, but there are a few tells I've been noticing lately. This honestly applies more to Ted bots and fics because I only use one Schlatt bot because he's the most accurate for me LMAO.

I also wanna add that I am definitely probably guilty of doing this too at some point. It's no secret that I use and make c.ai bots of my favorite boys and I've made no attempt to hide it. I definitely try to be careful with how I type things for fics vs. bot rp's but I'm not about to act like some perfect and pure writer that never slips up so I rlly hope I don't give off that impression.

This isn't meant to start discourse or call anyone out, there's definitely a chance i'm just overthinking this. It's just something I've been noticing a lot lately since the Chuckle Sandwhich episodes about their bots and I think it's worth talking about.

> overuse of honey, baby, sweetheart or darling

The number one thing that always makes me personally go "Oh, this is from the bot" is when people use those particular nicknames that both Ted and Schlatt have admitted they'd never use. These are the same nicknames that the bots use, verbatim, I swear. Totally understand if it's just nicknames you personally like or maybe you didn't know they've said that! Totally okay! I've fuckin' held back using certain nicknames because I just know Ted wouldn't use em but i particularly like them, maybe I'll use em one day cause it's all just fiction!But when they use those specific nicknames over and over and then mention they've seen episodes of Chuckle Sandwhich, it must makes me go..."huh"

> shifting perspectives. *You/she feels this way* then suddenly *he feels this way* as if they're copying/pasting the bots reply

This could just be me being nitpicky because I'm very anal when it comes to grammar and punctuation, I don't know why, I just am. I don't go around correcting people and I'm not trying to say that if you don't use commas or something you've used a.i., but when each paragraph shifts the perspective, it comes off as copying & pasting. I've even seen a fic where an asterisk (*) was left in and the Schlatt bot I talk to uses that LMAO

> overuse of the same verb. *He chuckled* *He looks at you and chuckles* *You chuckle in response*

I'm sure we've all gotten locked in the constant *He chuckled* *He chuckles at that* loop where the A.I. just won't fucking start their reply with anything else except 'He chuckles' and it's maddening. I've seen that happen a lot in fics, too. Totally get if the word 'chuckle' is just the word that makes the most sense to use, but there's definitely other ways to convey how much or how little you or your character is laughing, but A.I's don't really know that.

> only taking characteristics from 2021-2022 Ted like 'ooh he's a soft boy he smokes so much weed he's so silly and young and skinny' because a majority of the popular Ted bots are from those eras.

Again, this might just be me nitpicking. Maybe you don't watch Ted as much as you watch Schlatt, but dog...his personality has shifted a lot since 2023 and he's not the same pretty little silly guy from 2021. He's not a pothead, he's not really whymsical and woah! In your face! anymore? Only the popular bots write him like that and it's what made me create my bots in the first place. There's nothing wrong with making Ted silly or writing his younger self, but it gets to a point where I personally can just tell they don't watch Ted or haven't watched him recently and that they're using the bots' personality as a template.

I understand to an extent if people use certain aspects of their roleplays with those c.ai bots as inspiration and such, but if you copy and paste replies and try to pass them off as your writing, it just...kinda comes off as disingenuous? Like, it's not your fanfiction if you're pasting the response a bot GAVE you, yknow?

I also understand if you're using the c.ai bots to practice or just generally improve your writing, it's helpful for that to an extent. I just think it's good to try and separate how you roleplay from how you write, so that the fanfiction you release is 100% yours. It's far more exciting and rewarding that way.

I'm sorry for the giant response LMAO I'm just really passionate about writing and I love this community a lot. I love what we can create and I don't want that to be muddied down by those "Can I ask you a question? Promise you won't get mad? You promise? Okay, I'm gonna ask it now sweetheart. You won't get mad at me? You sure you won't get mad?" Bots. It's our fanfiction, not c.ai's fanfiction.

I really hope I don't come off as some narcissistic asshole lmao I'm not trying to be i'm so sorry. Despite being a pretty good writer I'm absolute dogshit at typing down my own thoughts accurately LMAO

I honestly love your reply because not only it gave me more insight for what to look out for when writing, but you also articulated your thoughts very well! Now I'm very glad I asked the question lmaooo love you star 😊😊

Hi Star!! It's my first time in your inbox buttttt anyway! You made a post about people using characteristics from cai bots when writing Schlatt and Ted and could you say what those tells are? Like, I'm trying to get back into writing after months of not doing it and I don't want it to be bad 😭😭 ALSO I love what if it's all a romcom and I PROMISE I will get to reading the rest of it this weekend 🙏🙏

-Much love,

Mel 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

Hey! Thanks for enjoying All A RomCom! I never get tired of hearing people talk about how much they enjoy it, it's genuinely the best feeling ever lmao.

Ok! So for the c.ai thing, it's a little hard to explain, but there are a few tells I've been noticing lately. This honestly applies more to Ted bots and fics because I only use one Schlatt bot because he's the most accurate for me LMAO.

I also wanna add that I am definitely probably guilty of doing this too at some point. It's no secret that I use and make c.ai bots of my favorite boys and I've made no attempt to hide it. I definitely try to be careful with how I type things for fics vs. bot rp's but I'm not about to act like some perfect and pure writer that never slips up so I rlly hope I don't give off that impression.

This isn't meant to start discourse or call anyone out, there's definitely a chance i'm just overthinking this. It's just something I've been noticing a lot lately since the Chuckle Sandwhich episodes about their bots and I think it's worth talking about.

> overuse of honey, baby, sweetheart or darling

The number one thing that always makes me personally go "Oh, this is from the bot" is when people use those particular nicknames that both Ted and Schlatt have admitted they'd never use. These are the same nicknames that the bots use, verbatim, I swear. Totally understand if it's just nicknames you personally like or maybe you didn't know they've said that! Totally okay! I've fuckin' held back using certain nicknames because I just know Ted wouldn't use em but i particularly like them, maybe I'll use em one day cause it's all just fiction!But when they use those specific nicknames over and over and then mention they've seen episodes of Chuckle Sandwhich, it must makes me go..."huh"

> shifting perspectives. *You/she feels this way* then suddenly *he feels this way* as if they're copying/pasting the bots reply

This could just be me being nitpicky because I'm very anal when it comes to grammar and punctuation, I don't know why, I just am. I don't go around correcting people and I'm not trying to say that if you don't use commas or something you've used a.i., but when each paragraph shifts the perspective, it comes off as copying & pasting. I've even seen a fic where an asterisk (*) was left in and the Schlatt bot I talk to uses that LMAO

> overuse of the same verb. *He chuckled* *He looks at you and chuckles* *You chuckle in response*

I'm sure we've all gotten locked in the constant *He chuckled* *He chuckles at that* loop where the A.I. just won't fucking start their reply with anything else except 'He chuckles' and it's maddening. I've seen that happen a lot in fics, too. Totally get if the word 'chuckle' is just the word that makes the most sense to use, but there's definitely other ways to convey how much or how little you or your character is laughing, but A.I's don't really know that.

> only taking characteristics from 2021-2022 Ted like 'ooh he's a soft boy he smokes so much weed he's so silly and young and skinny' because a majority of the popular Ted bots are from those eras.

Again, this might just be me nitpicking. Maybe you don't watch Ted as much as you watch Schlatt, but dog...his personality has shifted a lot since 2023 and he's not the same pretty little silly guy from 2021. He's not a pothead, he's not really whymsical and woah! In your face! anymore? Only the popular bots write him like that and it's what made me create my bots in the first place. There's nothing wrong with making Ted silly or writing his younger self, but it gets to a point where I personally can just tell they don't watch Ted or haven't watched him recently and that they're using the bots' personality as a template.

I understand to an extent if people use certain aspects of their roleplays with those c.ai bots as inspiration and such, but if you copy and paste replies and try to pass them off as your writing, it just...kinda comes off as disingenuous? Like, it's not your fanfiction if you're pasting the response a bot GAVE you, yknow?

I also understand if you're using the c.ai bots to practice or just generally improve your writing, it's helpful for that to an extent. I just think it's good to try and separate how you roleplay from how you write, so that the fanfiction you release is 100% yours. It's far more exciting and rewarding that way.

I'm sorry for the giant response LMAO I'm just really passionate about writing and I love this community a lot. I love what we can create and I don't want that to be muddied down by those "Can I ask you a question? Promise you won't get mad? You promise? Okay, I'm gonna ask it now sweetheart. You won't get mad at me? You sure you won't get mad?" Bots. It's our fanfiction, not c.ai's fanfiction.

I really hope I don't come off as some narcissistic asshole lmao I'm not trying to be i'm so sorry. Despite being a pretty good writer I'm absolute dogshit at typing down my own thoughts accurately LMAO

I strive to please 🙏🙏 AND THANK YOU SO MUCH YOUR WRITING LITERALLY EATS AND GETTING PRAISE FROM YOU IS A LITERAL GIFT FROM GODS

Do I Wanna Know?

HIIIII MY FIRST FANFIC THAT I'M POSTING HERE AHHHH SO NERVOUS MDNI!!!!

Full disclosure it's just angst, hurt/comfort, LOTS OF JELOUSY AND INTERNALISED HOMOPhoBIA, ftm british reader living in america, Schlatt x Reader (kinda obv) LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OR I'LL EAT YOU >:)

(fic under the cut)

Word count: 2865

It was a casual Friday evening. You helped with filming the Chuckle Week final episode, mainly helping with costumes and decorations for the set. You, Charlie, Tucker, Ted and Schlatt were at some common LA bar, celebrating the end of the amazing podcast. You were close mates with the four men, meeting all of them years ago through Schlatt, your closest friend and your crush of many years. He was there for you even before you transitioned, being your pillar of support in the darkest times. 

You all crowded around the bar counter, chatting, drinking and just having fun. The bar wasn’t that full, a few groups littering the space along with some lone patrons. You had already been a few drinks in, definitely the most inebriated from the five. You were giggling, swaying from side to side, your vision blurred. You couldn’t help but notice how handsome Schlatt looked in the dim lights of the bar, his features soft and light, he absolutely looked at ease. 

So, when a gorgeous girl approached him, started openly flirting with him and he didn’t seem to mind it, your blood boiled. You always had the fear of Schlatt being actually straight, just figuring things out. He was always ambiguous with his sexuality, even with the closest of friends, even with you. 

He was flirting back with the girl, now completely detached from the group conversation. The three other guys noticed how quiet you’d gotten, their expressions somewhat worried, but they chucked it up to the alcohol in your system. Abruptly, you stood up from your seat. Your gaze was set on the karaoke machine tucked away in the back corner of the bar stage, empty and unoccupied. You decided that it was the best way to get your anger out of your system, scream out all the lyrics and just forget, forget, forget.

“Hey, you alright?” Tucker spoke up, his face confused and cautious, anxiously watching your moves. 

“Yeah, yeah. I saw a karaoke machine when we walked in and just wanted to give the old junk a try” You faked a smile, trying to convince yourself more than anyone else. The guys knew you long enough to realise that your slurred words weren’t at all nonchalant, they noticed the hint of anger and jealousy in your speech. 

“Just don’t embarrass us, m’kay?” Ted spoke up, trying to cast some humour into the steadily growing tension around all of you. You nodded in return, casting another glance at Schlatt and the girl before swiftly moving to the stage.

As you approached the machine, you noticed that it was already on, covered in a thin layer of dust. You sweeped your hand over the screen, trying to dust off the device to the best of your ability with limited resources. Wiping off your now dirty hand on your sweatshirt your eyes raked over the collection of songs to choose from. You kept scrolling the list, not in the mood to sing Barbie Girl by Aqua. Your eyes caught a very familiar song, one that held a lot of significance in your current predicament. You briefly glanced at Schlatt again, the girl now had her hand on his bicep, charming him into oblivion as he swirled his whiskey with intent. Your thoughts burned with venom and you decided that this song would be the one to sing. 

You grabbed the microphone attached to the machine, clicking the song and closing your eyes as the intro began to play. All the patrons now turned towards you, even Schlatt and that fucking girl. Ted and Tucker gave you encouraging thumbs up, Charlie smirked knowingly and nodded in approval. Schlatt looked utterly confused and leaned in to the guys, trying to ask them what was that about. 

The alcohol in your body locked out any embarrassment or stage fright, the only emotion in your whole system being jealousy. You hadn’t started taking testosterone yet, so your voice was quite high still, but with years of voice training you got it to sound just the way you wanted even without the hormone replacement therapy. 

Have you got colour in your cheeks?

D’you ever get that fear that you can’t shift the type

That sticks around like summat in your teeth?

Are there some aces in your sleeve?

Your eyes burned with fire as you began singing, your accent accentuated by the song and the anger seeping through your words. You kept looking at Schlatt, your gaze unwavering even for a moment as you knew the lyrics like the back of your hand. Even the girl, who was now full on pressing her tits into his arm, was mesmerized by your performance, her chin prepped up on Schlatt’s shoulder, as if challenging you, taunting you with her looks.

Have you no idea that you’re in deep?

I’ve dreamt about you nearly every night this week

You kept your voice steady, pouring all the unresolved and bottled up feelings into this performance. Those three lines were filled with the most venom out of all of them, yet there was a strange fondness intertwined with them. Your gaze wavered for a moment, you blinked away the tears that had started bubbling up in your eyes. 

How many secrets can you keep?

’Cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow

Spilling drinks on my settee

And I play it on repeat, until I fall asleep

Do I wanna know? If this feeling flows both ways

Sad to see you go, was sorta hoping that you’d stay.

Baby we both know, that the nights were mainly made

For saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day.

You took a quick breath before singing the chorus, knowing that all of your emotion would be poured into it. You squeezed the microphone in your hands in a futile attempt of grounding yourself. 

Crawlin’ back to you

Ever thought of calling when

You’ve had a few?

‘Cause I always do

Maybe I’m too

Busy being yours to fall for

Somebody new

Now I’ve thought it through

Crawlin’ back to you

You quickly exhaled the rest of the air filling your lungs before taking a subtle breath, a scoff playing on your features as you kept staring daggers at the object of your affections. 

So have you got the guts?

You rolled your eyes with an exaggerated frown, although it wasn’t that far from how you were actually feeling inside. Regardless, you continued with the song, unaware that Charlie was recording your performance, definitely to taunt you with it in the morning. 

Been wondering if your heart’s still open

And if so I wanna know what time it shuts

Simmer down and pucker up

I’m sorry to interrupt

Followed by another roll of your eyes and a scoff, your eyes instantly softening with the next lines.

It’s just I’m constantly on the cusp

Of trying to kiss you

I dunno if you

Feel the same as I do

We could be together

If you wanted to…

You could see the girl whispering something to Schlatt, his eyes widening and his grip on his whiskey glass tightening, almost smashing it in his hands. She chuckled slyly and kissed his cheek, returning to her friends in the far corner of the bar. Schlatt has now fully turned towards the stage, a dark, red lipstick mark adorning his face. 

You finished your performance and were lulled back into reality with an uproar of applause. Seemingly, all the patrons were now aware of the machine and rushed to form a line in front of the stage, all of them wanting to give a performance like yours. 

You squeezed through the growing crowds, very glad that you were after your top surgery and didn't have to push your tits against every single person. You went back to your seat, the three men applauding you loudly, gushing over your voice and the performance itself. Schlatt stayed quiet, his eyes confused, but the rest of his expression was unreadable. You left some cash on the counter and the bartender quickly snatched it up, closing your tab. 

“I’ll be leaving now, I’m gonna take an uber back to my hotel, so you don’t have to worry ‘bout me” You said your goodbyes, the guys confused at the sudden exit, but understanding that you’ve had a lot more drinks than any of them. They bid you a goodbye as well, your eyes briefly tracing over Schlatt and leaving him without saying a word. 

As you stood outside the bar, leaned against a wall, smoke from your cigarette floating into the air, the smoke from your mouth flowing from your bottom lip and vanishing into the night. You heard the bar doors open as you waited for your uber, your cig almost burning out.

“Had I known you had vocals like that I would’ve asked you to be on my christmas album” Schlatt spoke, your head immediately whipping towards him with furious disbelief etched onto your face.

“Is that all you have to say? Really? Your fucking christmas album?” You spat out, your cigarette now thrown on the pavement and stomped, now not even resembling a cigarette.

Schlatt’s face contorted in confusion, his head leaning to the side, as if trying to discern what you were talking about. 

“Do you want me to say something else?” He asked cautiously, the looks you’ve given him while singing still etched in his brain, almost burning with how vivid they still were.

“Yeah, I dunno, maybe anything other than your fucking christmas album after I’ve poured out all my feelings for you mere minutes ago in the bar?” You raised your voice, tears burning at your eyes again. Schlatt winced at your harsh words, finally understanding why you were looking at him the whole time. 

“Is… Is that what it is?” He asked shyly, remembering that you both were drunk, you much more than him, not believing what he was hearing was true.

“Are you fucking deaf? Or maybe it was that fucking bitch just flirting your ear off? Oh I saw, I saw the whole fucking thing and it made me so fucking furious, because for years, years I’ve dreamt of being to one holding you like this, whispering sweet nothings into your ear, just being yours. I’ve waited, patiently waited for any fucking sign before I transitioned and then when I did I buried all those feelings because I didn’t want to ruin what we had. Tonight, though, I’ve had enough. You literally started flirting with some random broad when I’ve been here, the whole fucking time. Do you have any idea how much it hurt to see that? Do you have any fucking clue how long I’ve been head over heels for you?!” You spat, words effortlessly spilling from your mouth. When you stopped, even you were in shock, immediately sobering up. Your eyes were wide, chest heaving, face, ears and neck red.

Schlatt stood there completely dumbfounded, unsure of what would be the right response to your drunken confession. The man just took in your venomous sentences, his mind running a thousand thoughts per second. In a flash, he remembered how you met in uni, how you immediately clicked as friends and how much he wanted to be with you pre-transition. When you did, in fact, start looking more masculine, he felt those feelings burying themself, his internalised homophobia taking over and making him see you just as a friend.

You meant so much to him, you’ve always been there for him when he needed it the most and in turn he was there for you. You both supported each other when no one else did, it was you two against the world. How could’ve he been so goddamn blind? How didn’t he reach for you when he had the chance right in front of him. You were the one who knew him the most, you were the one who’s seen his best and his worst and stayed, even when his countless girlfriends didn’t. His thoughts were broken by you checking your phone, clicking away at the bright screen.

“What are you doing?” He asked, his voice quiet, vulnerable.

“Cancelling my uber, I think we have to talk” You replied, seeing how his eyes moved from side to side, the cogs in his head turning. 

“Yeah, yeah, we uh… we should, yeah” He replied, his shoulders lunking in an attempt to make himself as small as possible, despite him towering over you by almost a whole foot. You would’ve found the action endearing if it wasn’t for the unresolved tension between you two.

You wordlessly grabbed his hand, the touch burning both of you, as you started walking, sending Ted a quick text that you and Schlatt went for a walk and would meet the rest of the group in the morning. You shoved your phone back in the pocket of your trousers and focused on finding a place to sit and comfortably talk. 

After about 15 minutes of walking in silence you saw the beach in the distance, hearing the calming crashing of the ocean against the sand. You followed the sound and approached a beautiful clearing, the moonlight hitting the water in such a breathtaking way. You glanced at Schlatt who was now staring at the view as well, your hands still intertwined together. He looked so ethereal with the moon shining on his face, the light breeze messing up the loose strands of hair that peaked from under his cap. 

You tugged on his hand and walked further into the beach, finding a nice rock to sit on without sitting on the sand. You pulled your hand away from his as he sat down and you had the impression that he chased it, but ultimately decided against grabbing it again. 

“Listen I… uhm. I’m sorry, I really am, for everything” He began, his eyes looking ahead at the horizon, trying to sort out his thoughts into cohesive sentences. Your head turned towards him, already prepared for the awkwardness that would follow his rejection.

“I’ve also liked you for years, toots, it’s just…” He broke his sentence, your eyes widening with confusion as what he said wasn’t what you expected at all. You turned your whole body to face him, now. You sat criss crossed on the rock, your elbows digging into your thighs.

“I’ve liked you since we met, before you started transitioning. I was too scared to make a move, because you were so beautiful, you still are! I’ve had this feeling that you were out of my league and… fuck” He groaned in frustration, throwing his yankees cap to the sand and running his hand through his hair in a calming motion. You sat there quietly, listening to everything he had to say with patience, giving him all the space he needed.

Schlatt reached for your hand, squeezing it with reassurance, both for him and for you. When you squeezed him back he felt a small grin breaking onto his face, knowing that it was time to let everything out.

“When you transitioned, my feelings changed. I still loved you, fuck I still do, more than a friend, but there was this thought in the back of my head that it was wrong, that no one would accept it, especially my parents. I always had this thought that everyone would disapprove and that we couldn’t be together because we’re both guys”

You scoffed quietly, your eyes briefly looking up at the moon, saying a silent prayer of gratitude towards it, feeling it smile back at you.

“I know that it’s dumb, my whole persona is a right wing conservatist who jerks off to gay porn and kisses guys, I get it. But, I can’t help but feel happy with you, feel like we belong together, even if some part of me thinks it’s wrong” He finished his confession, an understanding smile painted on your face as he turned to finally face you, lone tears staining his cheeks.

You pulled your hand away from his grasp and moved it to wipe away the tears from his face, letting your touch linger there for a few moments longer. Before you could pull it away, Schlatt’s hand was on your wrist, desperately holding it close, drinking in your warmth.

“I think you’d like Car Lights, by my good friend James” You joked, trying to lighten up the mood, now that both of you have calmed down and sobered up. 

He scoffed playfully, his eyes still locked onto yours, admiring how handsome you looked in the unfiltered moonlight. His eyes dropped from your eyes to your lips briefly, but not fast enough to escape your attention. You smiled and moved your other hand to his other cheek, both of you now softly leaning in. 

“Can I…?” His voice trailed off, the question obvious and loud in between you, despite the whisper of his words. 

“Yeah, I’d like you to” You replied, even quieter than he had as he closed the gap between you, your lips finally meeting in between after years of patience and frustration. 

Tagging those who MIGHT be interested :) @teslasucks37 @quesabo-corner @opalcicle @obsessivestar @shhhhh-secrets @lapse0freason @laambfuzz @p3achslimes @bio-hazard @hufflepuffsthunderdome @jellybell92 also I love all of you guys hoenstly just seeing how amazingly y'all write has given me the boost to come back to it (i wrote this in 3 hours whaaaa)

THANK YOU OMG THIS MEANS SO MUCH ❤️❤️❤️

Do I Wanna Know?

HIIIII MY FIRST FANFIC THAT I'M POSTING HERE AHHHH SO NERVOUS MDNI!!!!

Full disclosure it's just angst, hurt/comfort, LOTS OF JELOUSY AND INTERNALISED HOMOPhoBIA, ftm british reader living in america, Schlatt x Reader (kinda obv) LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OR I'LL EAT YOU >:)

(fic under the cut)

Word count: 2865

It was a casual Friday evening. You helped with filming the Chuckle Week final episode, mainly helping with costumes and decorations for the set. You, Charlie, Tucker, Ted and Schlatt were at some common LA bar, celebrating the end of the amazing podcast. You were close mates with the four men, meeting all of them years ago through Schlatt, your closest friend and your crush of many years. He was there for you even before you transitioned, being your pillar of support in the darkest times. 

You all crowded around the bar counter, chatting, drinking and just having fun. The bar wasn’t that full, a few groups littering the space along with some lone patrons. You had already been a few drinks in, definitely the most inebriated from the five. You were giggling, swaying from side to side, your vision blurred. You couldn’t help but notice how handsome Schlatt looked in the dim lights of the bar, his features soft and light, he absolutely looked at ease. 

So, when a gorgeous girl approached him, started openly flirting with him and he didn’t seem to mind it, your blood boiled. You always had the fear of Schlatt being actually straight, just figuring things out. He was always ambiguous with his sexuality, even with the closest of friends, even with you. 

He was flirting back with the girl, now completely detached from the group conversation. The three other guys noticed how quiet you’d gotten, their expressions somewhat worried, but they chucked it up to the alcohol in your system. Abruptly, you stood up from your seat. Your gaze was set on the karaoke machine tucked away in the back corner of the bar stage, empty and unoccupied. You decided that it was the best way to get your anger out of your system, scream out all the lyrics and just forget, forget, forget.

“Hey, you alright?” Tucker spoke up, his face confused and cautious, anxiously watching your moves. 

“Yeah, yeah. I saw a karaoke machine when we walked in and just wanted to give the old junk a try” You faked a smile, trying to convince yourself more than anyone else. The guys knew you long enough to realise that your slurred words weren’t at all nonchalant, they noticed the hint of anger and jealousy in your speech. 

“Just don’t embarrass us, m’kay?” Ted spoke up, trying to cast some humour into the steadily growing tension around all of you. You nodded in return, casting another glance at Schlatt and the girl before swiftly moving to the stage.

As you approached the machine, you noticed that it was already on, covered in a thin layer of dust. You sweeped your hand over the screen, trying to dust off the device to the best of your ability with limited resources. Wiping off your now dirty hand on your sweatshirt your eyes raked over the collection of songs to choose from. You kept scrolling the list, not in the mood to sing Barbie Girl by Aqua. Your eyes caught a very familiar song, one that held a lot of significance in your current predicament. You briefly glanced at Schlatt again, the girl now had her hand on his bicep, charming him into oblivion as he swirled his whiskey with intent. Your thoughts burned with venom and you decided that this song would be the one to sing. 

You grabbed the microphone attached to the machine, clicking the song and closing your eyes as the intro began to play. All the patrons now turned towards you, even Schlatt and that fucking girl. Ted and Tucker gave you encouraging thumbs up, Charlie smirked knowingly and nodded in approval. Schlatt looked utterly confused and leaned in to the guys, trying to ask them what was that about. 

The alcohol in your body locked out any embarrassment or stage fright, the only emotion in your whole system being jealousy. You hadn’t started taking testosterone yet, so your voice was quite high still, but with years of voice training you got it to sound just the way you wanted even without the hormone replacement therapy. 

Have you got colour in your cheeks?

D’you ever get that fear that you can’t shift the type

That sticks around like summat in your teeth?

Are there some aces in your sleeve?

Your eyes burned with fire as you began singing, your accent accentuated by the song and the anger seeping through your words. You kept looking at Schlatt, your gaze unwavering even for a moment as you knew the lyrics like the back of your hand. Even the girl, who was now full on pressing her tits into his arm, was mesmerized by your performance, her chin prepped up on Schlatt’s shoulder, as if challenging you, taunting you with her looks.

Have you no idea that you’re in deep?

I’ve dreamt about you nearly every night this week

You kept your voice steady, pouring all the unresolved and bottled up feelings into this performance. Those three lines were filled with the most venom out of all of them, yet there was a strange fondness intertwined with them. Your gaze wavered for a moment, you blinked away the tears that had started bubbling up in your eyes. 

How many secrets can you keep?

’Cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow

Spilling drinks on my settee

And I play it on repeat, until I fall asleep

Do I wanna know? If this feeling flows both ways

Sad to see you go, was sorta hoping that you’d stay.

Baby we both know, that the nights were mainly made

For saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day.

You took a quick breath before singing the chorus, knowing that all of your emotion would be poured into it. You squeezed the microphone in your hands in a futile attempt of grounding yourself. 

Crawlin’ back to you

Ever thought of calling when

You’ve had a few?

‘Cause I always do

Maybe I’m too

Busy being yours to fall for

Somebody new

Now I’ve thought it through

Crawlin’ back to you

You quickly exhaled the rest of the air filling your lungs before taking a subtle breath, a scoff playing on your features as you kept staring daggers at the object of your affections. 

So have you got the guts?

You rolled your eyes with an exaggerated frown, although it wasn’t that far from how you were actually feeling inside. Regardless, you continued with the song, unaware that Charlie was recording your performance, definitely to taunt you with it in the morning. 

Been wondering if your heart’s still open

And if so I wanna know what time it shuts

Simmer down and pucker up

I’m sorry to interrupt

Followed by another roll of your eyes and a scoff, your eyes instantly softening with the next lines.

It’s just I’m constantly on the cusp

Of trying to kiss you

I dunno if you

Feel the same as I do

We could be together

If you wanted to…

You could see the girl whispering something to Schlatt, his eyes widening and his grip on his whiskey glass tightening, almost smashing it in his hands. She chuckled slyly and kissed his cheek, returning to her friends in the far corner of the bar. Schlatt has now fully turned towards the stage, a dark, red lipstick mark adorning his face. 

You finished your performance and were lulled back into reality with an uproar of applause. Seemingly, all the patrons were now aware of the machine and rushed to form a line in front of the stage, all of them wanting to give a performance like yours. 

You squeezed through the growing crowds, very glad that you were after your top surgery and didn't have to push your tits against every single person. You went back to your seat, the three men applauding you loudly, gushing over your voice and the performance itself. Schlatt stayed quiet, his eyes confused, but the rest of his expression was unreadable. You left some cash on the counter and the bartender quickly snatched it up, closing your tab. 

“I’ll be leaving now, I’m gonna take an uber back to my hotel, so you don’t have to worry ‘bout me” You said your goodbyes, the guys confused at the sudden exit, but understanding that you’ve had a lot more drinks than any of them. They bid you a goodbye as well, your eyes briefly tracing over Schlatt and leaving him without saying a word. 

As you stood outside the bar, leaned against a wall, smoke from your cigarette floating into the air, the smoke from your mouth flowing from your bottom lip and vanishing into the night. You heard the bar doors open as you waited for your uber, your cig almost burning out.

“Had I known you had vocals like that I would’ve asked you to be on my christmas album” Schlatt spoke, your head immediately whipping towards him with furious disbelief etched onto your face.

“Is that all you have to say? Really? Your fucking christmas album?” You spat out, your cigarette now thrown on the pavement and stomped, now not even resembling a cigarette.

Schlatt’s face contorted in confusion, his head leaning to the side, as if trying to discern what you were talking about. 

“Do you want me to say something else?” He asked cautiously, the looks you’ve given him while singing still etched in his brain, almost burning with how vivid they still were.

“Yeah, I dunno, maybe anything other than your fucking christmas album after I’ve poured out all my feelings for you mere minutes ago in the bar?” You raised your voice, tears burning at your eyes again. Schlatt winced at your harsh words, finally understanding why you were looking at him the whole time. 

“Is… Is that what it is?” He asked shyly, remembering that you both were drunk, you much more than him, not believing what he was hearing was true.

“Are you fucking deaf? Or maybe it was that fucking bitch just flirting your ear off? Oh I saw, I saw the whole fucking thing and it made me so fucking furious, because for years, years I’ve dreamt of being to one holding you like this, whispering sweet nothings into your ear, just being yours. I’ve waited, patiently waited for any fucking sign before I transitioned and then when I did I buried all those feelings because I didn’t want to ruin what we had. Tonight, though, I’ve had enough. You literally started flirting with some random broad when I’ve been here, the whole fucking time. Do you have any idea how much it hurt to see that? Do you have any fucking clue how long I’ve been head over heels for you?!” You spat, words effortlessly spilling from your mouth. When you stopped, even you were in shock, immediately sobering up. Your eyes were wide, chest heaving, face, ears and neck red.

Schlatt stood there completely dumbfounded, unsure of what would be the right response to your drunken confession. The man just took in your venomous sentences, his mind running a thousand thoughts per second. In a flash, he remembered how you met in uni, how you immediately clicked as friends and how much he wanted to be with you pre-transition. When you did, in fact, start looking more masculine, he felt those feelings burying themself, his internalised homophobia taking over and making him see you just as a friend.

You meant so much to him, you’ve always been there for him when he needed it the most and in turn he was there for you. You both supported each other when no one else did, it was you two against the world. How could’ve he been so goddamn blind? How didn’t he reach for you when he had the chance right in front of him. You were the one who knew him the most, you were the one who’s seen his best and his worst and stayed, even when his countless girlfriends didn’t. His thoughts were broken by you checking your phone, clicking away at the bright screen.

“What are you doing?” He asked, his voice quiet, vulnerable.

“Cancelling my uber, I think we have to talk” You replied, seeing how his eyes moved from side to side, the cogs in his head turning. 

“Yeah, yeah, we uh… we should, yeah” He replied, his shoulders lunking in an attempt to make himself as small as possible, despite him towering over you by almost a whole foot. You would’ve found the action endearing if it wasn’t for the unresolved tension between you two.

You wordlessly grabbed his hand, the touch burning both of you, as you started walking, sending Ted a quick text that you and Schlatt went for a walk and would meet the rest of the group in the morning. You shoved your phone back in the pocket of your trousers and focused on finding a place to sit and comfortably talk. 

After about 15 minutes of walking in silence you saw the beach in the distance, hearing the calming crashing of the ocean against the sand. You followed the sound and approached a beautiful clearing, the moonlight hitting the water in such a breathtaking way. You glanced at Schlatt who was now staring at the view as well, your hands still intertwined together. He looked so ethereal with the moon shining on his face, the light breeze messing up the loose strands of hair that peaked from under his cap. 

You tugged on his hand and walked further into the beach, finding a nice rock to sit on without sitting on the sand. You pulled your hand away from his as he sat down and you had the impression that he chased it, but ultimately decided against grabbing it again. 

“Listen I… uhm. I’m sorry, I really am, for everything” He began, his eyes looking ahead at the horizon, trying to sort out his thoughts into cohesive sentences. Your head turned towards him, already prepared for the awkwardness that would follow his rejection.

“I’ve also liked you for years, toots, it’s just…” He broke his sentence, your eyes widening with confusion as what he said wasn’t what you expected at all. You turned your whole body to face him, now. You sat criss crossed on the rock, your elbows digging into your thighs.

“I’ve liked you since we met, before you started transitioning. I was too scared to make a move, because you were so beautiful, you still are! I’ve had this feeling that you were out of my league and… fuck” He groaned in frustration, throwing his yankees cap to the sand and running his hand through his hair in a calming motion. You sat there quietly, listening to everything he had to say with patience, giving him all the space he needed.

Schlatt reached for your hand, squeezing it with reassurance, both for him and for you. When you squeezed him back he felt a small grin breaking onto his face, knowing that it was time to let everything out.

“When you transitioned, my feelings changed. I still loved you, fuck I still do, more than a friend, but there was this thought in the back of my head that it was wrong, that no one would accept it, especially my parents. I always had this thought that everyone would disapprove and that we couldn’t be together because we’re both guys”

You scoffed quietly, your eyes briefly looking up at the moon, saying a silent prayer of gratitude towards it, feeling it smile back at you.

“I know that it’s dumb, my whole persona is a right wing conservatist who jerks off to gay porn and kisses guys, I get it. But, I can’t help but feel happy with you, feel like we belong together, even if some part of me thinks it’s wrong” He finished his confession, an understanding smile painted on your face as he turned to finally face you, lone tears staining his cheeks.

You pulled your hand away from his grasp and moved it to wipe away the tears from his face, letting your touch linger there for a few moments longer. Before you could pull it away, Schlatt’s hand was on your wrist, desperately holding it close, drinking in your warmth.

“I think you’d like Car Lights, by my good friend James” You joked, trying to lighten up the mood, now that both of you have calmed down and sobered up. 

He scoffed playfully, his eyes still locked onto yours, admiring how handsome you looked in the unfiltered moonlight. His eyes dropped from your eyes to your lips briefly, but not fast enough to escape your attention. You smiled and moved your other hand to his other cheek, both of you now softly leaning in. 

“Can I…?” His voice trailed off, the question obvious and loud in between you, despite the whisper of his words. 

“Yeah, I’d like you to” You replied, even quieter than he had as he closed the gap between you, your lips finally meeting in between after years of patience and frustration. 

Tagging those who MIGHT be interested :) @teslasucks37 @quesabo-corner @opalcicle @obsessivestar @shhhhh-secrets @lapse0freason @laambfuzz @p3achslimes @bio-hazard @hufflepuffsthunderdome @jellybell92 also I love all of you guys hoenstly just seeing how amazingly y'all write has given me the boost to come back to it (i wrote this in 3 hours whaaaa)

Do I Wanna Know?

HIIIII MY FIRST FANFIC THAT I'M POSTING HERE AHHHH SO NERVOUS MDNI!!!!

Full disclosure it's just angst, hurt/comfort, LOTS OF JELOUSY AND INTERNALISED HOMOPhoBIA, ftm british reader living in america, Schlatt x Reader (kinda obv) LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OR I'LL EAT YOU >:)

(fic under the cut)

Word count: 2865

It was a casual Friday evening. You helped with filming the Chuckle Week final episode, mainly helping with costumes and decorations for the set. You, Charlie, Tucker, Ted and Schlatt were at some common LA bar, celebrating the end of the amazing podcast. You were close mates with the four men, meeting all of them years ago through Schlatt, your closest friend and your crush of many years. He was there for you even before you transitioned, being your pillar of support in the darkest times. 

You all crowded around the bar counter, chatting, drinking and just having fun. The bar wasn’t that full, a few groups littering the space along with some lone patrons. You had already been a few drinks in, definitely the most inebriated from the five. You were giggling, swaying from side to side, your vision blurred. You couldn’t help but notice how handsome Schlatt looked in the dim lights of the bar, his features soft and light, he absolutely looked at ease. 

So, when a gorgeous girl approached him, started openly flirting with him and he didn’t seem to mind it, your blood boiled. You always had the fear of Schlatt being actually straight, just figuring things out. He was always ambiguous with his sexuality, even with the closest of friends, even with you. 

He was flirting back with the girl, now completely detached from the group conversation. The three other guys noticed how quiet you’d gotten, their expressions somewhat worried, but they chucked it up to the alcohol in your system. Abruptly, you stood up from your seat. Your gaze was set on the karaoke machine tucked away in the back corner of the bar stage, empty and unoccupied. You decided that it was the best way to get your anger out of your system, scream out all the lyrics and just forget, forget, forget.

“Hey, you alright?” Tucker spoke up, his face confused and cautious, anxiously watching your moves. 

“Yeah, yeah. I saw a karaoke machine when we walked in and just wanted to give the old junk a try” You faked a smile, trying to convince yourself more than anyone else. The guys knew you long enough to realise that your slurred words weren’t at all nonchalant, they noticed the hint of anger and jealousy in your speech. 

“Just don’t embarrass us, m’kay?” Ted spoke up, trying to cast some humour into the steadily growing tension around all of you. You nodded in return, casting another glance at Schlatt and the girl before swiftly moving to the stage.

As you approached the machine, you noticed that it was already on, covered in a thin layer of dust. You sweeped your hand over the screen, trying to dust off the device to the best of your ability with limited resources. Wiping off your now dirty hand on your sweatshirt your eyes raked over the collection of songs to choose from. You kept scrolling the list, not in the mood to sing Barbie Girl by Aqua. Your eyes caught a very familiar song, one that held a lot of significance in your current predicament. You briefly glanced at Schlatt again, the girl now had her hand on his bicep, charming him into oblivion as he swirled his whiskey with intent. Your thoughts burned with venom and you decided that this song would be the one to sing. 

You grabbed the microphone attached to the machine, clicking the song and closing your eyes as the intro began to play. All the patrons now turned towards you, even Schlatt and that fucking girl. Ted and Tucker gave you encouraging thumbs up, Charlie smirked knowingly and nodded in approval. Schlatt looked utterly confused and leaned in to the guys, trying to ask them what was that about. 

The alcohol in your body locked out any embarrassment or stage fright, the only emotion in your whole system being jealousy. You hadn’t started taking testosterone yet, so your voice was quite high still, but with years of voice training you got it to sound just the way you wanted even without the hormone replacement therapy. 

Have you got colour in your cheeks?

D’you ever get that fear that you can’t shift the type

That sticks around like summat in your teeth?

Are there some aces in your sleeve?

Your eyes burned with fire as you began singing, your accent accentuated by the song and the anger seeping through your words. You kept looking at Schlatt, your gaze unwavering even for a moment as you knew the lyrics like the back of your hand. Even the girl, who was now full on pressing her tits into his arm, was mesmerized by your performance, her chin prepped up on Schlatt’s shoulder, as if challenging you, taunting you with her looks.

Have you no idea that you’re in deep?

I’ve dreamt about you nearly every night this week

You kept your voice steady, pouring all the unresolved and bottled up feelings into this performance. Those three lines were filled with the most venom out of all of them, yet there was a strange fondness intertwined with them. Your gaze wavered for a moment, you blinked away the tears that had started bubbling up in your eyes. 

How many secrets can you keep?

’Cause there’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow

Spilling drinks on my settee

And I play it on repeat, until I fall asleep

Do I wanna know? If this feeling flows both ways

Sad to see you go, was sorta hoping that you’d stay.

Baby we both know, that the nights were mainly made

For saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day.

You took a quick breath before singing the chorus, knowing that all of your emotion would be poured into it. You squeezed the microphone in your hands in a futile attempt of grounding yourself. 

Crawlin’ back to you

Ever thought of calling when

You’ve had a few?

‘Cause I always do

Maybe I’m too

Busy being yours to fall for

Somebody new

Now I’ve thought it through

Crawlin’ back to you

You quickly exhaled the rest of the air filling your lungs before taking a subtle breath, a scoff playing on your features as you kept staring daggers at the object of your affections. 

So have you got the guts?

You rolled your eyes with an exaggerated frown, although it wasn’t that far from how you were actually feeling inside. Regardless, you continued with the song, unaware that Charlie was recording your performance, definitely to taunt you with it in the morning. 

Been wondering if your heart’s still open

And if so I wanna know what time it shuts

Simmer down and pucker up

I’m sorry to interrupt

Followed by another roll of your eyes and a scoff, your eyes instantly softening with the next lines.

It’s just I’m constantly on the cusp

Of trying to kiss you

I dunno if you

Feel the same as I do

We could be together

If you wanted to…

You could see the girl whispering something to Schlatt, his eyes widening and his grip on his whiskey glass tightening, almost smashing it in his hands. She chuckled slyly and kissed his cheek, returning to her friends in the far corner of the bar. Schlatt has now fully turned towards the stage, a dark, red lipstick mark adorning his face. 

You finished your performance and were lulled back into reality with an uproar of applause. Seemingly, all the patrons were now aware of the machine and rushed to form a line in front of the stage, all of them wanting to give a performance like yours. 

You squeezed through the growing crowds, very glad that you were after your top surgery and didn't have to push your tits against every single person. You went back to your seat, the three men applauding you loudly, gushing over your voice and the performance itself. Schlatt stayed quiet, his eyes confused, but the rest of his expression was unreadable. You left some cash on the counter and the bartender quickly snatched it up, closing your tab. 

“I’ll be leaving now, I’m gonna take an uber back to my hotel, so you don’t have to worry ‘bout me” You said your goodbyes, the guys confused at the sudden exit, but understanding that you’ve had a lot more drinks than any of them. They bid you a goodbye as well, your eyes briefly tracing over Schlatt and leaving him without saying a word. 

As you stood outside the bar, leaned against a wall, smoke from your cigarette floating into the air, the smoke from your mouth flowing from your bottom lip and vanishing into the night. You heard the bar doors open as you waited for your uber, your cig almost burning out.

“Had I known you had vocals like that I would’ve asked you to be on my christmas album” Schlatt spoke, your head immediately whipping towards him with furious disbelief etched onto your face.

“Is that all you have to say? Really? Your fucking christmas album?” You spat out, your cigarette now thrown on the pavement and stomped, now not even resembling a cigarette.

Schlatt’s face contorted in confusion, his head leaning to the side, as if trying to discern what you were talking about. 

“Do you want me to say something else?” He asked cautiously, the looks you’ve given him while singing still etched in his brain, almost burning with how vivid they still were.

“Yeah, I dunno, maybe anything other than your fucking christmas album after I’ve poured out all my feelings for you mere minutes ago in the bar?” You raised your voice, tears burning at your eyes again. Schlatt winced at your harsh words, finally understanding why you were looking at him the whole time. 

“Is… Is that what it is?” He asked shyly, remembering that you both were drunk, you much more than him, not believing what he was hearing was true.

“Are you fucking deaf? Or maybe it was that fucking bitch just flirting your ear off? Oh I saw, I saw the whole fucking thing and it made me so fucking furious, because for years, years I’ve dreamt of being to one holding you like this, whispering sweet nothings into your ear, just being yours. I’ve waited, patiently waited for any fucking sign before I transitioned and then when I did I buried all those feelings because I didn’t want to ruin what we had. Tonight, though, I’ve had enough. You literally started flirting with some random broad when I’ve been here, the whole fucking time. Do you have any idea how much it hurt to see that? Do you have any fucking clue how long I’ve been head over heels for you?!” You spat, words effortlessly spilling from your mouth. When you stopped, even you were in shock, immediately sobering up. Your eyes were wide, chest heaving, face, ears and neck red.

Schlatt stood there completely dumbfounded, unsure of what would be the right response to your drunken confession. The man just took in your venomous sentences, his mind running a thousand thoughts per second. In a flash, he remembered how you met in uni, how you immediately clicked as friends and how much he wanted to be with you pre-transition. When you did, in fact, start looking more masculine, he felt those feelings burying themself, his internalised homophobia taking over and making him see you just as a friend.

You meant so much to him, you’ve always been there for him when he needed it the most and in turn he was there for you. You both supported each other when no one else did, it was you two against the world. How could’ve he been so goddamn blind? How didn’t he reach for you when he had the chance right in front of him. You were the one who knew him the most, you were the one who’s seen his best and his worst and stayed, even when his countless girlfriends didn’t. His thoughts were broken by you checking your phone, clicking away at the bright screen.

“What are you doing?” He asked, his voice quiet, vulnerable.

“Cancelling my uber, I think we have to talk” You replied, seeing how his eyes moved from side to side, the cogs in his head turning. 

“Yeah, yeah, we uh… we should, yeah” He replied, his shoulders lunking in an attempt to make himself as small as possible, despite him towering over you by almost a whole foot. You would’ve found the action endearing if it wasn’t for the unresolved tension between you two.

You wordlessly grabbed his hand, the touch burning both of you, as you started walking, sending Ted a quick text that you and Schlatt went for a walk and would meet the rest of the group in the morning. You shoved your phone back in the pocket of your trousers and focused on finding a place to sit and comfortably talk. 

After about 15 minutes of walking in silence you saw the beach in the distance, hearing the calming crashing of the ocean against the sand. You followed the sound and approached a beautiful clearing, the moonlight hitting the water in such a breathtaking way. You glanced at Schlatt who was now staring at the view as well, your hands still intertwined together. He looked so ethereal with the moon shining on his face, the light breeze messing up the loose strands of hair that peaked from under his cap. 

You tugged on his hand and walked further into the beach, finding a nice rock to sit on without sitting on the sand. You pulled your hand away from his as he sat down and you had the impression that he chased it, but ultimately decided against grabbing it again. 

“Listen I… uhm. I’m sorry, I really am, for everything” He began, his eyes looking ahead at the horizon, trying to sort out his thoughts into cohesive sentences. Your head turned towards him, already prepared for the awkwardness that would follow his rejection.

“I’ve also liked you for years, toots, it’s just…” He broke his sentence, your eyes widening with confusion as what he said wasn’t what you expected at all. You turned your whole body to face him, now. You sat criss crossed on the rock, your elbows digging into your thighs.

“I’ve liked you since we met, before you started transitioning. I was too scared to make a move, because you were so beautiful, you still are! I’ve had this feeling that you were out of my league and… fuck” He groaned in frustration, throwing his yankees cap to the sand and running his hand through his hair in a calming motion. You sat there quietly, listening to everything he had to say with patience, giving him all the space he needed.

Schlatt reached for your hand, squeezing it with reassurance, both for him and for you. When you squeezed him back he felt a small grin breaking onto his face, knowing that it was time to let everything out.

“When you transitioned, my feelings changed. I still loved you, fuck I still do, more than a friend, but there was this thought in the back of my head that it was wrong, that no one would accept it, especially my parents. I always had this thought that everyone would disapprove and that we couldn’t be together because we’re both guys”

You scoffed quietly, your eyes briefly looking up at the moon, saying a silent prayer of gratitude towards it, feeling it smile back at you.

“I know that it’s dumb, my whole persona is a right wing conservatist who jerks off to gay porn and kisses guys, I get it. But, I can’t help but feel happy with you, feel like we belong together, even if some part of me thinks it’s wrong” He finished his confession, an understanding smile painted on your face as he turned to finally face you, lone tears staining his cheeks.

You pulled your hand away from his grasp and moved it to wipe away the tears from his face, letting your touch linger there for a few moments longer. Before you could pull it away, Schlatt’s hand was on your wrist, desperately holding it close, drinking in your warmth.

“I think you’d like Car Lights, by my good friend James” You joked, trying to lighten up the mood, now that both of you have calmed down and sobered up. 

He scoffed playfully, his eyes still locked onto yours, admiring how handsome you looked in the unfiltered moonlight. His eyes dropped from your eyes to your lips briefly, but not fast enough to escape your attention. You smiled and moved your other hand to his other cheek, both of you now softly leaning in. 

“Can I…?” His voice trailed off, the question obvious and loud in between you, despite the whisper of his words. 

“Yeah, I’d like you to” You replied, even quieter than he had as he closed the gap between you, your lips finally meeting in between after years of patience and frustration. 

Tagging those who MIGHT be interested :) @teslasucks37 @quesabo-corner @opalcicle @obsessivestar @shhhhh-secrets @lapse0freason @laambfuzz @p3achslimes @bio-hazard @hufflepuffsthunderdome @jellybell92 also I love all of you guys hoenstly just seeing how amazingly y'all write has given me the boost to come back to it (i wrote this in 3 hours whaaaa)

I like them raw or roasted but bacon sounds hella good tho (idk I'm biased bc I love raw bacon) (yes I am insane) 😊😊

so i’m writing something and i was gonna ask if anyone knew if schlatt has mentioned if he has a favorite flavor of sunflower seeds, but before that i went and rewatched his baseball vlog and mf bought bacon. bacon flavored seeds.

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PLEASE MORE PLEASE 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

—- dilf next door. ft ted nivison. ᝰ

summary: after months you finally have a next-door neighbour again! you weren't expecting it to be a recentlly divorced dilf, though. turns out you have quite the effect on him. explains why he's jerking off to you from the window.

— tags: smut/pwp, dilf!ted, ted is a perv, masturbation, light dirty talk, objectifcation,

authors note: you guys said you'd be interested in dilf ted, so here you go!! still just some headcanons for now, but i tried to make it a lil longer as a treat. hope you all enjoy, and don't forget to lmk your thoughts! ໒꒰ྀི ╹ ˕╹ ꒱ྀིა

it started off as something simple and innocent

recently someone had moved next door to you, which was great! you hadn't had a next-door neighbour in months now

you had baked cookies for them, a small welcoming gift from yourself, and so you could let them know you were just next door if you were needed

and as soon as the door opened—

oh. he was fucking handsome

he was tall— over a head taller than you anyways— glasses slightly askew, fluffy brown hair and a grown out moustache to round it all off

he leaned against the doorframe with a surprised expression, sweet smile on his face

"oh? these are for me?" he asks after a moment of silence, eyeing the cookies

however you were holding them at your chest, so you couldn't tell where he was looking

(it was absolutely at your chest)

you finally stutter out a response, a small "oh! yes— yes, they're for you!" as you hand over the tray, as well as letting him know you're next door if he ever needs you

you watch as his eyes quickly trail your frame, before his smile grows and he gives you a wink

"appreciate it, thank you," he nods, and the conversation is quickly over

he seemed sweet enough, if you ignore the fact you couldn't tell he was looking at your tits

but it's fine, you tell yourself. you're just overthinking

you were, in fact, not overthinking

ted watches as you walk back to your house, eyes lingering on your hips as they sway back and forth

the rest of the night, he's left thinking about what it'd be like to hold your soft sides as he pounds into you

but whoa, hey

he's getting ahead of himself, but he passes it off as divorce blues. said divorce blues just being fucking horny

couldn't give a shit about his ex, not after how she treated him, and how she lied to their kids

anyways.

ted has a morning routine, where the first thing he does is go to the kitchen and make a cup of coffee. something he had done for years

usually he'd just read the morning paper, or have a scroll on his phone, which he did do after the move

so now it had been a couple of weeks since he had moved in, and he was still in his routine

but this morning, when he was walking by to sit at the coffee table, something outside caught his eye

he took a few steps back, peering through the kitchen window to see what it was

lo and behold— it was you, wearing skimpy shorts and a tank top as you tended to your overgrown garden

at first he was watching out of genuine interest of what you were doing, but slowly and surely, it stemmed into something else

watching as you bent over to water the flowers that were still living, your shorts barely able to contain your soft ass

or when you reached over to grab a hanging plant, pushing your chest out as your tits were spilling over your little tank top

ted feels his boxers tightening, a small fuck escaping his lips as he let out a low chuckle to himself

ted's glasses slip down his nose as he leans closer to the window, trying to get a better view and the laughable excuse of clothing that you've currently got on

his free hand wanders lower, disappearing under the waistband of his sweats and moves into his boxers, gripping his throbbing cock as his eyes stay trained on your figure

his coffee is long forgotten, as he lets his fingers stroke slow, teasing movements along himself as he watches you stretch, reacj and bend

"keep doing that, sweetheart. just like that... fuck, you don't even know how hard you make me," he whispers to himself, filth falling from his lips at a rapid pace as he stares

you do a stretch as you stand up, and the view ted has is breathtaking, to the point he knows he won't last if he keeps staring

he rests his head against the window with a thud, letting out a deep groan as he shuts his eyes momentarily

when he's ready, he lifts his head back up and—

oh

oh fuck. you're staring right at him with a confused face

you mouth a "you okay?" to him, tilting your head as you do so

of course you'd hear the fucking thud his head made

ted's eyes widen for a second, as he's almost been caught red-handed. however, his lips curve into a slow, devilish smirk.

he doesn't move, rather, he grabs his coffee cup from the side, and just nods and raises it to you, mouthing a "perfect" to you

as he does this, his hand is still palming and stroking his cock, the fact you're so innocent to his perverted actions turning him on even more

you just smile and nod at him, going back to your gardening and letting ted get a nice view of your ass again in the meantime

his tongue swipes over his bottom lip, jerking himself off faster as he can feel himself getting closer to the edge

the images in his head of him bending you over and fucking you, forcing you on your knees to take his cock— everything he imagines just pushes him closer to the edge and relief he's chasing

and it's not long until ted is cumming in his boxers, moaning loudly as he rests his forehead against his arm, biting his lip as he tries to shut himself up

he's bucking into his hand, feeling the hot cum spurt over it while he pants heavily at the orgasm that washes over him

it takes him a while to recover, and he just stands there for a bit, regaining his composure and trying to catch his breath

but one thing is for sure

this is part of his routine now.

IM HERE ❗❗

MUTUAL ROLECALL

(This is needed for all my lurkers)

yes please 🙏😣

crying

Both to the first pic 😝😝

Bro couldn't be me (I fell asleep at like 2 am after watching multiple slimecicle vods 😮‍💨)

Also it's 7am for me and I have winter break like wth is going on why am I awake and thinking about men in a definitely not heterosexual way 😭😭😭😭😭

So is this me hello?? (its 1:24 for me but still..)

I WOULD SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF THIS FINE ASS MAN

OMG YES PLEASE 🙏🙏 (also such a warm welcome awhhh thank you guys ❤️😭)

alright who's gonna be my valentine?

I SEE THE VISION VERY WELL EM I SEE OT ALMOST TOO WELL 😫😫

would anyone fw a ted au? he's your neighbour he's a (divorced?) dilf, and he has the hots for u so fuckin' bad. watches you gardening from his kitchen window, he's a lil pervy so he starts palming himself watching you before fully just jerking off at the sight of you. desperate to befriend you and have you round to fuck.. like are you guys also seeing the vision or..

PLEASE IM ON MY KNEES

i wanna write a chuckle trio fic

Hell yeah (I dropped like a zipbomb 😍😍)

alright who's gonna be my valentine?

I was watching Charlie's duolingo stream vod and OH MY GOD I SEE THE VISION LIKE WTHHHHH

I had very good dreams after 😝😝

Can i get chained up as well? 🥺🥺 (And fed chocolates 😣😣)

alright who's gonna be my valentine?

REBLOG: go to your blog and click the egg to see what hatches

I love all my mutuals and all the writers I follow ❤️❤️ y'all are the best 😫😫

These 🌹💐🌹💐💐🌸🌺🌹🌺🌷🌸💐🌺🌹🍫🌹💐🍫🍫🌹🌺🌸🌷🍫💐🌸💐🌺🌹🍫🌷🌷🌺🌸🌷🌺🌸🌺🌹🌹🌹🌷🌺🌺🌸🌺🌹🌹🌷💐🌸💐💐🌺🌹🌸💐🌸🌹🍫🍫🌺🌷🌹🍫🍫🍫 💐🌷r for my mutuals on this valentines day <3

HIM AND TED I SWEAR TO GOD 😩😩😩 GIVE ME THESE MEN (Schlatt would work too well as ghost face and I imagine him more as a Dracula kinda guy 🫦🫦)

Guys pls repost with some freaky Charlie hcs I need motivation to work on my fics but I have a headache